Is there time to blog this morning? Probably not, but I am gonna try and cram a quick one in anyway.
Short version: Tyler reached a 'crisis' this week regarding his school work. He very responsibly chose not to go to his Pack meeting on Tuesday night because he had way too much homework. Turned out it was a lot of unfinshed work from daily assignments. We worked until 10 to get it all done. I asked him what was going on but all I got was how it was too much and he wasn't good at it. Looks like the material isn't too much for him, but organizing, multi-tasking and prioritizing is more than he can handle right now. I understand that these are learned skills and it will take time. I also know that his mom is a pro on these things and he will eventually be great at them.
He broke down crying. I prepped him for his really bad report card that is most assuredly arriving next week. He was so mad at himself. I told him the story of when I screwed up big time myself in 6th grade. I promised that if he asked for help I would be here to work with him, but he had to listen to what I was saying and try. He promised that next six weeks would be better. I believe him because I think he finally gets it.
But I am also starting to see that I might not be the best person to help him with his homework. Whenever I answer questions or try to help him, he seems to take it as criticism or revert to whining about how stuff is hard or not fair. It's very hard to stay calm. I have always been good at working with different kids and figuring out how they learn and explaining things to them (ask my sister, she'll tell ya!) but with Tyler I just screw up over and over again.
My thoughts drift forward a few years and I worry already about teaching him to drive. Honestly, I am so like my mother I am pretty sure that I am not going to be the best person for this. I took everything my mom said as criticism and impatience. I hated the way she hissed and slammed her foot into the floorboard every time I hit the brakes. My dad might have been freaking out on the inside too, but he was way better at hiding it and appearing to be patient and calm. I don't want to break down and yell at Tyler in frustration and end up causing an accident. I think I better start prepping Scotty for this duty now so there is no question who's handling it when Tyler starts to drive.
The good thing is all my kids drive those motorized cars around our yard like pros. I know you think that might not be anywhere near the same thing, but remember how difficult it was to learn how to back up by turning the wheel the opposite direction? It felt weird and uncomfortable so it was one of the trickiest things to learn. My 2 year old already does this like a pro. It's hysterical to see. He doesn't even think about it, just props one arm around the passenger seat like his dad, glances over his shoulder and steers backwards with one hand like a seasoned driver. My kids will all either be excellent drivers or extremely reckless.
The thing is, I am a good driver and a fairly decent teacher. Maybe personality traits in the other two kids will offer me the opportunity to be the driving instructor, but I am pretty sure that Tyler and I are too much alike to make that work successfully. Certainly with Tyler I am screwing up at the homework thing. I keep losing my temper when he doesn't listen or let me teach. He might think I can't teach him like his teachers, I am not sure.
But what do I do? It's not like he's struggling with the material and needs a tutor. I would gladly get him one if I thought that would work. He just needs an occasional question answered or a reminder of operations processes for long division. He needs prodding to keep working on the homework until it's done. I feel like I have lost my grip or my footing or whatever when I went back to work and let him do all his homework at daycare. I didn't have to face it and got out of practice or something.
I'm furiously flipping through ideas for how to help Tyler all day every day right now. It's hard because he's way too much like his mom. He has my temper, my stubborn streak, my tendency to procrastinate and my sarcastic sense of humor. Luckily, he also has my ability to adapt and adjust, a willingness to apologize and make amends when we screw up and a major capacity for forgiveness. I'm struck with the irony. I am very good at helping others but not always good at helping myself. Tyler is so much like me that I am sometimes stuck on how to help him too.
It's a good thing I am heading out for counseling this morning! I need it today, if only to calm myself and find my center again. Maybe in the peace I will find an answer!
Love and God Bless!
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