Stockings are hung, presents are wrapped, cookies are baked, floor is - well, passably clean. All is in readiness for the big day, or days in our case. The Barrow family is ready for Christmas.
Last week was a flurry of insanity, but since I was fueled by daily doses of a steroid to help me feel better - I literally took on the role of Energizer Bunny. Riley helped me mix up, roll out and shape dough for almost every cookie I baked. He was also a trooper helping me do mom's grocery shopping for our massive cookie party and switching out laundry and making beds. In the evenings when his patience had come to an end and he had some cranky or stubborn moments, I urged Scott to give him some leeway. He had earned leniency as far as I was concerned.
In the midst of our last week of school there was a holiday orchestra concert, basketball practice, two last swim lessons for the fall session and Scooter's Winter Party to attend. Teacher gifts started leaving our house on Tuesday for Tyler's REACH class and wrapped up on Friday with Tyler having to haul 4 gifts with him to school. The homemade options were a big hit with all the teachers, especially his male instructor. That had been a hard choice for us since we had never sent a teacher gift for a guy before, but I think we hit a home run. More on what we gave will come after Christmas - there are still aunts and uncles who haven't opened their precious homemade presents yet.
On Friday night, I left all my boys at home and drove to mom's house for party prep. Asheley and Perry had arrived from Austin with their dog, Kozmo, and my niece, Jocelyn, in tow. I hadn't seen Perry and Kozmo in almost 2 years except for an occasional glimpse on Asheley and my video chats. Kozmo attacked me immediately in all his small but furious furriness and then I got to hug Perry which was long overdue! We ordered pizza and chatted and laughed and prepped food, tables and dessert platters for the next morning. I called it quits sometime before ten and headed home to my sleeping family.
Scott had to work on Saturday so I was on my own with all 3 boys for the cookie party, but we managed to get up and ready and out the door on time. We swooped in and started setting up the rest of the decorating tables and putting out the food that was baking for our guests. The cookie party keeps growing and at one point that day I looked up and realized there was more than one person this year that I didn't know in attendance. That's fine - the more the merrier. It was a little tight for walking around this year, prompting a friend to recommend renting a hall for the gig next year. Santa made a second appearance this year and all the kids took a break from slathering cookies with frosting and sprinkles to sit on his lap and get a goodie bag. Last year Scooter sat and Riley wouldn't, this year it was reversed. Tyler spent the entire party playing with one of my friend's sons (the family we got Brewer from), Jacob, and asked for a goodie bag later.
Conveniently, I took my last steroid Saturday morning which got me through the chaos of the party and the major clean up we were left with, but once it was all over and I didn't have another boost to keep me going I started to experience the very expected crash. All the prep and work caught up with me. Mom and I found spots in recliners and put on a favorite movie, 'Little Women', to chill out to and sob to because, as mom said, 'we deserve it'. Tyler kept popping in and wondering why in the world we would want to watch a movie just to cry to it, but dad and Perry just told him it was a girl thing and to go with it. Scott arrived after work to find me laying in a chair under a blanket with Jocelyn snoozing in my lap and me crying happily to a sappy chick flick.
After dinner, we had a small Christmas with Perry, Asheley and Tara. The boys were excited about opening a few gifts from Austin and a couple from Grandma and Grandpa. The early gifting worked out so well and has kept the kids from going too crazy this week. Grandma and Grandpa gave all my kids the Star Wars full series on Blue Ray so Riley has watched a minimum of one Star Wars movie per day since then. Not like we didn't have the movies, but the DVD's were in rough shape and I have to admit the quality viewed on my big tv is pretty impressive. The boys are also enjoying their new spy gear binoculars and walkie-talkies. Tyler got his own cribbage board and is learning to play with all of us. Tyler spent the night at Grandma's house and laughed so hard he cried at his Uncle Perry's jokes. It was so nice they got a good chunk of time to reconnect. Scott and I took the little ones home to crash and get ready for church the next morning.
Sunday afternoon found me napping on the couch. This was a welcome respite since I had barely slept the week before, finding myself writing the PTA newsletter at 3 a.m. or washing dishes at the witching hour. Crazy Prednisone. Late in the afternoon we piled in the van and headed to Rowlett to spend some time with Uncle Greg & his family. We had a really fun evening eating pizza and cookies and playing a new movie trivia game that Greg had bought. Tyler and Valya wanted to keep playing, but after 3 rounds (a win each by mom, Greg & I) it was time to move on. We exchanged a few small gifts and really just enjoyed being together. I told Greg we would have to have another game night soon, but even he said we might have to work on how competitive we can be (Greg & I, that is!).
I was extremely surprised on Monday morning when my husband took a sick day from work. In six years of marriage, I think he has only taken one other day off because he wasn't feeling well. He had a stomach bug and I kept him isolated from everyone else while he healed and then disinfected the whole house. The last thing I need is everyone else sick this week, but so far we seem to have escaped the bug. Monday afternoon I attacked the play room with a vengeance. I cleaned, purged, organized and scrubbed. I was not only looking to have things neat and trimmed down before Santa arrives, but also to prepare for the eventual work that will be done in this room. After the holidays I will be back to work on the house and once my mantle is painted and base boards are in the living room I will begin the process of turning the play room into a pre-teen/teen room for Tyler. He has been very patient, sharing the massive front room with his brothers this year, but it is time for him to have his own special space - hopefully in time for him to start Junior High next fall.
Our Austin visitors headed back home on Sunday, but they left our precious Jocelyn here for a visit. How fun has it been to have her to ourselves! She stayed with Grandma and Grandpa, totally wearing them out, but I went out to help dad with her care on Tuesday and Wednesday. She is so sweet! She takes time to warm up, like my Scooter, but this week I really got to bond with her more. It's kind of freaky to me sometimes when she gives me a look just like her daddy, but I totally love it. Every once in a while she will run into your arms and when you pick her up she will snuggle into your neck and reach around to pat your shoulder. Her parents got in from Austin last night and Tyler chose to spend the night at Grandma's again - this time to have alone time with Uncle Matthew.
This week has been busy, but much more subdued than last week. I am thoroughly enjoying sleeping through the night again and I really love not having an alarm clock waking me up. Scott is off today since he worked on Saturday and as of now is still asleep, but that will change as soon as I finish writing. I have to do the regular grocery shopping today as well as grabbing the things we need to contribute to meals and get-togethers for the weekend. Then, we'll head to Rowlett on the just-opened-yesterday Tollway! I think this is going to cut a good ten minutes from my commute to mom's house and I am super pumped up about it! We'll hang out with family today and then Scott has to work again tomorrow.
The Christmas plan for us is chaotic as usual, but I think it should work out okay. We are attending Christmas Eve candle light services a night early at our church so as to leave room in the sanctuary for visitors on the actual day and also to give us more room for our schedule on Saturday. Scott's sister will drive in from Austin on Friday as well and I am sure we will see her that night at some point. On Christmas Eve we will have Christmas at my mom's house mid day with Matthew, Tara and the baby and then in the evening we will head to Scott's aunt's house for the annual Hensel party. On Sunday, we will send Tyler off mid-day to his dad and his other family for their Christmas together and a full week with his little brother and sister. Brian has the whole week off and is looking forward to time with all 3 kids together. We will spend the afternoon and evening with Scott's family for dinner and gifts and just plain fun.
One of my bestest friends is due to have her baby soon and if she doesn't deliver by next Thursday, she will be induced. Can't wait to hold the new little one. Another dear friend is coming in on Wednesday from New Mexico to spend a day with me. I haven't seen her since she moved in June and I can't wait to hug her neck and spend a day just loving on her. A third friend just returned from a 2 week Hawaii vacation that included the Pearl Harbor anniversary celebrations and we'll have lunch one day so I can hear all about it. And all the while there will be no alarm clock! Woohoo!
Technically, I still have to prep my stocking stuffers for something close to 30 kids at Scott's family's massive Christmas Eve celebration and there is another tin of cookies to frost, but the cookies can be done next week - we have plenty to eat for now. Still, we are ready. The kids are playing well together this week and they aren't driving us too crazy waiting for gifts. They are enjoying the culmination of our Jesse tree stories as we move into the Nativity stories and now will happily announce Jesus' birthday as the reason for Christmas.
All this chaos is so worth it. I am so grateful for the season and for it's reason - Jesus. I hope you are all ready to enjoy your families and your Christmas celebrations, whatever they are.
God Bless you all and Merry Christmas!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
A little Christmas Joy . . .
I haven't been feeling very well since Thanksgiving so it's been tough for me to keep up the Christmas-hectic pace that I am used to. I am having to let a lot of stuff go, but it hasn't bothered me too much as it just means the season is more simple.
In the midst of sinus headaches and a Texas Trash mini-disaster when I started my baking, I have had a lot of moments of pure joy with my kids. They are warming to the Jesse tree and our short devotional time together. We have to double up a lot when our schedules get the best of us, but the whole experience is making me want to find some other family devotional guide to do throughout the year. It's too much to think about an every night kind of a thing, but maybe we could commit to three times per week. It's something to consider.
Last week, I noticed that Scooter had suddenly stopped asking me to sing certain Christmas carols over and over and was singing them himself. I love listening to him and I finally got him to stand still so I could record this:
It's kind of repetitive and he misses a bunch of words, but I love it. After I stopped taping he said 'wait, I forgot a part' and had me record this:
Okay, the embed didn't work so try this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ERlZRPiS4A&feature=g-upl
It's basically just him adding the 'making a list' part for 11 seconds then he's done.
Is there anything sweeter than that? By the way, the red blob on his face is a 'bear' that he got at school. I was kind of confused when he came out the door with red all over him, especially when I didn't see anyone else with a painted face in his class. Turns out it was a reward and he received the privilege of getting his face painted in the cafeteria by some high school kids with other children throughout the school who had been on their best behavior that day. 'I got to go do it because I was quiet and was working hard.' He told me they wanted to make his whole face a bear, but he only wanted one side done. I was shocked that he let a stranger into his personal space and a brush with paint near his face. That certainly has never happened before. I told him I was super proud of his effort to be more brave. He said it just tickled, it didn't hurt.
Since I haven't been feeling good, my sweet Tyler has stepped up quite a bit to help me. He keeps telling me to lay down and get some rest and he'll watch 'the kids'. It's so sweet, but it's usually around the time I need to be doing something for dinner. On Sunday afternoon, he saved me by manning the cookie press machine and squirting out the dough shapes for our favorite spritz cookies. Scooter did the sprinkles and I only had to rotate pans in and out of the oven and cookies to the cooling racks. Last night he offered to make me tea and brought me a steaming cup while I chilled out on the couch. He can be so thoughtful, and I am so grateful for his big, gentle heart. We are enjoying listening to him practice Christmas songs on his violin also in preparation for the winter concert this week. Aunt Asheley got to hear him through the phone the other night and was overwhelmed with his progress. She's anxious to hear it in person this week.
Riley surprised me today too. I sneezed on our way to MC and I suddenly heard 'Bless You Mama' from the backseat. I am pretty sure that was the first time he exhibited that kind of spontaneous concern despite being pretty good about pleases and thank you's on a normal basis. He is super loving and caring, but this is the first real evidence of a thoughtfulness without prompting, at least that I can think of. Anyway, it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. He's very pleased that his daddy finally figured out our tree topper issue last night and there is a lighted star on the tree. He had asked me about it every single day. And now that cookies are in the house, he has been asking me for a 'cookie break'.
Each boy (including Daddy) received a personalized video message from Santa on Friday. They were so cute to watch as they were surprised by Santa's knowledge of their lives. Riley nodded along with everything Santa said and even Tyler's eyes lit up at some of the details Santa knew. That was a fun day! Luckily, everyone was on the 'nice' list so far. Shew! What a relief!
I sure love these guys. I finally got our Christmas card together and printed yesterday so hopefully most of you will get to see their smiling faces in your mailboxes pretty soon and if you don't it's because I don't have your address. We are looking forward to our big annual cookie decorating party this weekend and thanks to some powerful meds, I might just find some energy and get the cookies made in time. I might even be done with everything but wrapping by the time the kids are out of school for their break next week, or at least by Monday or Tuesday. I hope so. I would love to just have a few days to lay around and watch movies with them and play some games. You know, while we munch on cookies and trash!
Hope your holiday preparations are going well and that you are finding time to enjoy those that are most precious in your life!
God Bless!
In the midst of sinus headaches and a Texas Trash mini-disaster when I started my baking, I have had a lot of moments of pure joy with my kids. They are warming to the Jesse tree and our short devotional time together. We have to double up a lot when our schedules get the best of us, but the whole experience is making me want to find some other family devotional guide to do throughout the year. It's too much to think about an every night kind of a thing, but maybe we could commit to three times per week. It's something to consider.
Last week, I noticed that Scooter had suddenly stopped asking me to sing certain Christmas carols over and over and was singing them himself. I love listening to him and I finally got him to stand still so I could record this:
It's kind of repetitive and he misses a bunch of words, but I love it. After I stopped taping he said 'wait, I forgot a part' and had me record this:
Okay, the embed didn't work so try this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6ERlZRPiS4A&feature=g-upl
It's basically just him adding the 'making a list' part for 11 seconds then he's done.
Is there anything sweeter than that? By the way, the red blob on his face is a 'bear' that he got at school. I was kind of confused when he came out the door with red all over him, especially when I didn't see anyone else with a painted face in his class. Turns out it was a reward and he received the privilege of getting his face painted in the cafeteria by some high school kids with other children throughout the school who had been on their best behavior that day. 'I got to go do it because I was quiet and was working hard.' He told me they wanted to make his whole face a bear, but he only wanted one side done. I was shocked that he let a stranger into his personal space and a brush with paint near his face. That certainly has never happened before. I told him I was super proud of his effort to be more brave. He said it just tickled, it didn't hurt.
Since I haven't been feeling good, my sweet Tyler has stepped up quite a bit to help me. He keeps telling me to lay down and get some rest and he'll watch 'the kids'. It's so sweet, but it's usually around the time I need to be doing something for dinner. On Sunday afternoon, he saved me by manning the cookie press machine and squirting out the dough shapes for our favorite spritz cookies. Scooter did the sprinkles and I only had to rotate pans in and out of the oven and cookies to the cooling racks. Last night he offered to make me tea and brought me a steaming cup while I chilled out on the couch. He can be so thoughtful, and I am so grateful for his big, gentle heart. We are enjoying listening to him practice Christmas songs on his violin also in preparation for the winter concert this week. Aunt Asheley got to hear him through the phone the other night and was overwhelmed with his progress. She's anxious to hear it in person this week.
Riley surprised me today too. I sneezed on our way to MC and I suddenly heard 'Bless You Mama' from the backseat. I am pretty sure that was the first time he exhibited that kind of spontaneous concern despite being pretty good about pleases and thank you's on a normal basis. He is super loving and caring, but this is the first real evidence of a thoughtfulness without prompting, at least that I can think of. Anyway, it made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. He's very pleased that his daddy finally figured out our tree topper issue last night and there is a lighted star on the tree. He had asked me about it every single day. And now that cookies are in the house, he has been asking me for a 'cookie break'.
Each boy (including Daddy) received a personalized video message from Santa on Friday. They were so cute to watch as they were surprised by Santa's knowledge of their lives. Riley nodded along with everything Santa said and even Tyler's eyes lit up at some of the details Santa knew. That was a fun day! Luckily, everyone was on the 'nice' list so far. Shew! What a relief!
I sure love these guys. I finally got our Christmas card together and printed yesterday so hopefully most of you will get to see their smiling faces in your mailboxes pretty soon and if you don't it's because I don't have your address. We are looking forward to our big annual cookie decorating party this weekend and thanks to some powerful meds, I might just find some energy and get the cookies made in time. I might even be done with everything but wrapping by the time the kids are out of school for their break next week, or at least by Monday or Tuesday. I hope so. I would love to just have a few days to lay around and watch movies with them and play some games. You know, while we munch on cookies and trash!
Hope your holiday preparations are going well and that you are finding time to enjoy those that are most precious in your life!
God Bless!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
A few random funnies . . .
After MOPS and work yesterday, Riley cheerfully informed me on the way home that 'Jesus was a Baby'. Two seconds later he asked me WHY Jesus was a baby. I briefly explained in a simple way why Jesus had to be born like everyone else. Riley kept talking and doing quite a bit of free association. Basically he came up with the firm facts that even though his dad and I had been a baby once, we weren't babies when he was a baby because someone had to take care of him and that was our job. That's when the conversation took a turn to the hysterical.
It went something like this:
Riley - Momma, I was borned in your tummy.
Me - Yeah, you grew in my tummy and then you were born.
Riley - I grew in your tummy?
Me - Yes, and you didn't have much room so you kicked me a lot.
Riley - I did??
Me - Yep
Riley - Then I came out. That's becuzzzz I made a hole in your tummy and got out.
Me - Silence, because what exactly do you say to that?
Riley - I made a hole in your tummy to get out and then God fixed it.
Me - Okay
Riley - That's becuzzzzz God can do that.
Me - Yep, God can do just about anything
Riley - Yeah, I made a hole and God fixed it becuzzz he really, really can do that.
Me - Pause to order our lunch
Riley - Momma - I didn't make a whole in your tummy. I really didn't.
Me - No?
Riley - No, that's becuzzz I got out of your tummy from the door.
Me - The door? There's a door to my tummy?
Riley - Yesssss, that's becuzzz all tummies have a door.
Me - And that's how you got out? Through the door?
Riley - Yeah, cuz all tummies have a door, but I had to follow the path.
Me - The path? There was a path? (pause to keep myself from laughing too hard)
Riley - Momma, I follow the path to get out the door.
Me - Were you worried about taking a wrong turn? (Don't think he got that I was smiling and trying not to laugh here)
Riley - Yessss, that's becuzzz I saw all the signs that said Riley and I went that way on the path. The food doesn't go that way.
Me - It doesn't?
Riley - No, the food has a path and I saw all the Riley stuff to go on the path and get out the door.
Me - Ooooohhhhh, so that's how it works.
Riley - Yes. Momma, were you in my tummy too?
Me - No, I was in Grandma's tummy.
Riley - Oh, so you went out Grandma's door.
Me - Uh, yeah.
Riley - That's becuzzzz all the people are babies and go through the door.
Me - Yes, everyone starts out as a baby.
Riley - Like Jesus. He was a baby too. And SANTA!!!! Santa was a baby. (he's watched 'Santa Claus is coming to Town' about 20 times already) And Jesus was a baby.
Me - Everyone was once a baby.
Riley - Yes. That's becuzzzz Jesus is my friend. MOMMA - Jesus is my BEST FRIEND!
Me - That's wonderful Riley, he's my best friend too.
Last night, at bedtime, Scooter decided that playing the 'copy' game was the funniest thing ever. Especially because Riley kept telling him to be quiet and saying 'it's not me, it's him!' which made it sound like Scooter was saying those same things to Riley. The copy game is one of my least favorite and I don't know where Scooter learned it from. I keep trying to explain to Riley that the only way he can stop it is to not say anything at all, but Riley doesn't know how to do that. Scooter tried again this morning on the way to school and the 'Scooter stop saying what I'm saying!' and 'Stop That' comments were escalating pretty quickly. I am kinda hoping that ignoring Scooter will make this go away, but it's doubtful.
We are currently having 2 swim lessons per week to make up for some sick days and we had a lesson yesterday afternoon. The teacher, Ms. Paige, didn't let my kids even think about trying goggles for a long time since they were so apprehensive about going under. She wants to get them over that and also wants them to know that they can swim without in case they were to fall in somewhere. The last two weeks she has let Riley try goggles and even though he often opens his eyes without under water, he kept clenching his eyes closed with the goggles on. He finally got it and thought it was totally 'AWESUMMMMM!' that he could see the ring on the step he was going under to find. We tried with Scooter, but he was apprehensive about something new on his face. Ms. Paige asked for my permission to push him and after I said yes, she calmly worked with him for a while, insisting he look at her eyes while she soothed his fears and stayed firm. She kept telling him that she knew new things made him nervous but they were going to work through it. Five minutes later he wore the goggles a few times, but didn't open his eyes with them. He did seem to like not wiping his eyes off, but would immediately pull the goggles off of his face. He'll get it eventually, he now thinks it's fun to go under whenever he wants, without being prompted. I love Ms. Paige and how much she loves my kids, especially Scooter. Last week she had a young helper who Scooter wouldn't even look at (since he had never seen her before). When she tried to take Scooter for a dip, he refused and Ms. Paige came and got him. She told the assistant 'Scooter is just Scooter, it'll take him a few times before he will want to go to you.' I love that she gets him like so many people don't. When he gets stressed because she pushes him, she then lets him ride on her back through the pool while she works with the other kids and she keeps up a steady calm conversation with him the whole time. He doesn't have time to get shy with her or clam up because she totally gets what makes him tick and keeps working with him.
St. Nick visited our house in the night and Riley and Scooter were pretty excited to find stockings full of candy and 2 toys each this morning. Tyler knew the day was coming and was slightly disappointed with his toy items. I pulled him aside and let him know that St. Nick was having a hard time finding small, inexpensive items for an almost 12 year old that would fit in a stocking. Could he please show some enthusiasm for his brothers sake and remember that this particular event is more about the little kids than pre-teens? He agreed and then actually got super motivated when he opened his CARS themed Pez machine and discovered that the car actually worked. He then helped Scooter and Riley break into theirs and have a couple races to the Christmas tree before we piled into the car for school. I guess there's still a little bit of little boy hiding in there after all.
Riley watches Scooter struggle to go in the door for school every morning. He often asks me about it and says 'Well, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna go in!' This morning when we made the last turn onto the street for school, I heard something wonderful. Riley said 'Scooter, you just gotta say 'I CAN DO IT!' At first I thought they were still talking about the cars on their Pez dispensers, but then he said 'You just gotta walk right in.' How awesome is that? My littlest guy learning how to encourage his brother? Scooter tried to change the subject or didn't hear him and I said, 'Scooter - Riley is trying to encourage you.' Riley said 'Yes! You just say 'I CAN DO IT' like Miss Paige says.' It didn't actually work and I had to push him through the door like usual, but maybe it'll sink in eventually.
Decorating is done, except there is still no topper on the tree and I have to glue-gun some stuff back on to two of my wreaths. All the groceries are bought for baking and projects. Dad lent me 3 of my favorite Christmas albums so that I can sing through all my prep. The Jesse tree is going smoothly and we are starting to get pretty pumped about the holiday. It is just going so fast already. I wanted to sit and think for a second about my kids and who they are before I get bogged down with the rest of this month again!
Hope your holiday prep is moving along smoothly!
Thanks and God Bless!
It went something like this:
Riley - Momma, I was borned in your tummy.
Me - Yeah, you grew in my tummy and then you were born.
Riley - I grew in your tummy?
Me - Yes, and you didn't have much room so you kicked me a lot.
Riley - I did??
Me - Yep
Riley - Then I came out. That's becuzzzz I made a hole in your tummy and got out.
Me - Silence, because what exactly do you say to that?
Riley - I made a hole in your tummy to get out and then God fixed it.
Me - Okay
Riley - That's becuzzzzz God can do that.
Me - Yep, God can do just about anything
Riley - Yeah, I made a hole and God fixed it becuzzz he really, really can do that.
Me - Pause to order our lunch
Riley - Momma - I didn't make a whole in your tummy. I really didn't.
Me - No?
Riley - No, that's becuzzz I got out of your tummy from the door.
Me - The door? There's a door to my tummy?
Riley - Yesssss, that's becuzzz all tummies have a door.
Me - And that's how you got out? Through the door?
Riley - Yeah, cuz all tummies have a door, but I had to follow the path.
Me - The path? There was a path? (pause to keep myself from laughing too hard)
Riley - Momma, I follow the path to get out the door.
Me - Were you worried about taking a wrong turn? (Don't think he got that I was smiling and trying not to laugh here)
Riley - Yessss, that's becuzzz I saw all the signs that said Riley and I went that way on the path. The food doesn't go that way.
Me - It doesn't?
Riley - No, the food has a path and I saw all the Riley stuff to go on the path and get out the door.
Me - Ooooohhhhh, so that's how it works.
Riley - Yes. Momma, were you in my tummy too?
Me - No, I was in Grandma's tummy.
Riley - Oh, so you went out Grandma's door.
Me - Uh, yeah.
Riley - That's becuzzzz all the people are babies and go through the door.
Me - Yes, everyone starts out as a baby.
Riley - Like Jesus. He was a baby too. And SANTA!!!! Santa was a baby. (he's watched 'Santa Claus is coming to Town' about 20 times already) And Jesus was a baby.
Me - Everyone was once a baby.
Riley - Yes. That's becuzzzz Jesus is my friend. MOMMA - Jesus is my BEST FRIEND!
Me - That's wonderful Riley, he's my best friend too.
Last night, at bedtime, Scooter decided that playing the 'copy' game was the funniest thing ever. Especially because Riley kept telling him to be quiet and saying 'it's not me, it's him!' which made it sound like Scooter was saying those same things to Riley. The copy game is one of my least favorite and I don't know where Scooter learned it from. I keep trying to explain to Riley that the only way he can stop it is to not say anything at all, but Riley doesn't know how to do that. Scooter tried again this morning on the way to school and the 'Scooter stop saying what I'm saying!' and 'Stop That' comments were escalating pretty quickly. I am kinda hoping that ignoring Scooter will make this go away, but it's doubtful.
We are currently having 2 swim lessons per week to make up for some sick days and we had a lesson yesterday afternoon. The teacher, Ms. Paige, didn't let my kids even think about trying goggles for a long time since they were so apprehensive about going under. She wants to get them over that and also wants them to know that they can swim without in case they were to fall in somewhere. The last two weeks she has let Riley try goggles and even though he often opens his eyes without under water, he kept clenching his eyes closed with the goggles on. He finally got it and thought it was totally 'AWESUMMMMM!' that he could see the ring on the step he was going under to find. We tried with Scooter, but he was apprehensive about something new on his face. Ms. Paige asked for my permission to push him and after I said yes, she calmly worked with him for a while, insisting he look at her eyes while she soothed his fears and stayed firm. She kept telling him that she knew new things made him nervous but they were going to work through it. Five minutes later he wore the goggles a few times, but didn't open his eyes with them. He did seem to like not wiping his eyes off, but would immediately pull the goggles off of his face. He'll get it eventually, he now thinks it's fun to go under whenever he wants, without being prompted. I love Ms. Paige and how much she loves my kids, especially Scooter. Last week she had a young helper who Scooter wouldn't even look at (since he had never seen her before). When she tried to take Scooter for a dip, he refused and Ms. Paige came and got him. She told the assistant 'Scooter is just Scooter, it'll take him a few times before he will want to go to you.' I love that she gets him like so many people don't. When he gets stressed because she pushes him, she then lets him ride on her back through the pool while she works with the other kids and she keeps up a steady calm conversation with him the whole time. He doesn't have time to get shy with her or clam up because she totally gets what makes him tick and keeps working with him.
St. Nick visited our house in the night and Riley and Scooter were pretty excited to find stockings full of candy and 2 toys each this morning. Tyler knew the day was coming and was slightly disappointed with his toy items. I pulled him aside and let him know that St. Nick was having a hard time finding small, inexpensive items for an almost 12 year old that would fit in a stocking. Could he please show some enthusiasm for his brothers sake and remember that this particular event is more about the little kids than pre-teens? He agreed and then actually got super motivated when he opened his CARS themed Pez machine and discovered that the car actually worked. He then helped Scooter and Riley break into theirs and have a couple races to the Christmas tree before we piled into the car for school. I guess there's still a little bit of little boy hiding in there after all.
Riley watches Scooter struggle to go in the door for school every morning. He often asks me about it and says 'Well, I'm not gonna do that. I'm gonna go in!' This morning when we made the last turn onto the street for school, I heard something wonderful. Riley said 'Scooter, you just gotta say 'I CAN DO IT!' At first I thought they were still talking about the cars on their Pez dispensers, but then he said 'You just gotta walk right in.' How awesome is that? My littlest guy learning how to encourage his brother? Scooter tried to change the subject or didn't hear him and I said, 'Scooter - Riley is trying to encourage you.' Riley said 'Yes! You just say 'I CAN DO IT' like Miss Paige says.' It didn't actually work and I had to push him through the door like usual, but maybe it'll sink in eventually.
Decorating is done, except there is still no topper on the tree and I have to glue-gun some stuff back on to two of my wreaths. All the groceries are bought for baking and projects. Dad lent me 3 of my favorite Christmas albums so that I can sing through all my prep. The Jesse tree is going smoothly and we are starting to get pretty pumped about the holiday. It is just going so fast already. I wanted to sit and think for a second about my kids and who they are before I get bogged down with the rest of this month again!
Hope your holiday prep is moving along smoothly!
Thanks and God Bless!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Where are you Christmas?
Have you seen the new Target commercial? The one where this nice couple is saying goodbye to her parents after Thanksgiving dinner with pumpkin pie still out on the table and then the woman turns around and her entire house is suddenly decorated for Christmas? The lights are on the house before her parents drive off and her husband is offering her some eggnog. That's how the chaos feels, that's how I feel, but I am not managing it well so far this year.
I was sick most of Thanksgiving week and weekend which made it hard to get started on Christmas. I wasn't really ready to start thinking about it, but I immediately had to start planning for how we are going to make all the family gatherings work with Tyler's schedule so we can figure out all the logistics and see everyone. We somehow got all the kids and their cousins in coordinating outfits and my sister-in-law took pictures in front of a tree. They weren't perfect, but they are so cute. Everyone was looking at the camera at the same time more than once which was pretty darn good. Once I get my disc of the sitting I can start doing Cards and get them out. The turkey leftovers were barely in the fridge before we shifted to Christmas preparations.
It's already chaotic. Normally, I thrive on the chaos. Usually I am more than ready to take it all on and get it all done and make Christmas happen. It takes the whole month, but the celebration for us goes on for days and it's so worth it. So what's wrong with me this year?
We did somehow get the tree up and decorated on Sunday, which is the only part of decorating I really get (or want) help with, but until last night that is as far as I got. After cleaning up my living areas again yesterday, I figured it was time to start doing the rest of it. I didn't get very far because of some decoration malfunctions.
The tree topper we used for years (and I never really LOVED) had to be replaced last year, but Garden Ridge had been so picked over I settled on a star that was okay, but not fabulous. The stand it props on the tree with was kind of short and the star wobbled and never really stood up straight all last season. However, I was prepared to use it for a couple years until I found just the right topper. I dug it out last night - no stand. I'm sure I will find it at the bottom of all my other decorations, but right now it's MIA.
As I started pulling out other decorations I realized that I wasn't going to be happy putting nails into my recently painted walls and I drove to CVS while dinner was in the oven to get those removable hangers. While there I saw an Angel tree topper that looked pretty cool and it was on sale so I picked it up too. When I got home I tried to put it on the tree and feed the cord through the center of the already decorated branches (yes, I know we did it backwards but it's been kind of weird so far this year). I ran into a couple of problems.
First, the stand thingy is way too long to make the Angel stable so if I use it, the topper falls over even worse than the star did last year. Second, the cord is too short to reach the plug beneath it. My tree has the outlet between top and middle layers firmly attached to the core and it isn't movable. I tried propping the Angel without using the stand which is possible, but strange looking and the cord isn't long enough anyway. When three ornaments fell off one after another I called it quits and served dinner.
Still no topper. I do have an angel one that doesn't light up, but it's really too big for our tree and I just place it somewhere on it's own for a decoration. I pulled it out to see if it would work anyway and the wings fell off of the back. As I started getting pretty Christmas things out of boxes I found that this was a familiar theme. Evidently, my boxes of decorations did not fare well in the 70+ days of over 100 degree heat this summer. Almost every single thing I got out had one or more pieces fall off. I am really dreading getting out my pretty wreaths and finding out that I am going to have to buy a hot-glue gun to salvage everything.
Determined, I started lining my counter tops with knick-knacks and attacked them with the only glue I had on hand - wood glue. I figured it wouldn't work, but I wasn't driving to CVS for super glue again that evening and it was worth a shot. So far, everything is holding which is a good thing for my sanity because the other problem I am running into is that half of the things that are supposed to light up aren't lighting up.
Every year there are one or two things that just don't make it to the next year and every year I try to add to our family decorations with one or two items, hoping to build our collection to something sustainable for future years. I just can never seem to really get 'ahead' and this year it looks like I am going to fall way behind. I don't want to spend a fortune on decorations in any one year, but my slow and steady building plan isn't working either. I might have to attack the after Christmas sales with a vengeance this year to try and prepare for next year.
Funny thing, some of my favorite and charming decorations are having problems. Do you know what isn't having a problem? The singing Frosty the Snowman. I talked my mom into buying this over 10 years ago at Walmart because it made me giggle. You press his hand and his head starts bobbing and he sings a couple lines of Frosty. It's really cute, until it's not. I love to see Frosty come out of the box every year and I am still happy to see him sing and bob, for the first 10 or 15 times. Then it starts to get annoying. The kids love him and I have only had to replace his batteries once in the last decade. I wouldn't cry to never hear him sing again, but the bobbing head is pretty cool. If he dies someday, it will be okay but he sure is withstanding the test of time. I wish my fiber optic Christmas trains that cost 3 times as much were that hardy!
Ironically, one of my problems has resulted by solving an older problem. I haven't had a mantle to decorate in 3 years which has kept one of my favorite nativity scenes in it's box so that no small child would harm it when it was on too low of a shelf. Their stockings have hung on my sofa table instead of the fireplace. Now, my kids are older and won't break everything in their path and, miracle of miracles, Dad and I got a mantle built!!!! We worked for a couple of days and created this:
(Sorry the pics are kinda blurry) I had wanted to sand and paint this before we decorated, but I have let go of that project for the time being. I am just so grateful that I have a mantle to decorate and will leave it as rough pine until the new year. I want to put my nativity up there and hang the stockings, but my stocking 'hangers' are kind of big and decorative because of what we've done the last couple of years. I am going to have to invest in some low profile stocking hooks so that you can still see Baby Jesus behind them.
There have been a few other road blocks to getting me in the swing of things. Namely, I can't seem to be home long enough to keep everything picked up and I cannot find my Christmas CD's. This is crucial. I really love putting on my favorite CD's and singing through decorating, wrapping and baking. I truly love Amy Grant's first 2 Christmas albums and I will play them over and over, belting out 'Grown Up Christmas Wish' and 'Emmanuel' like I am in concert with her to my children's dismay. I get super emotional and almost cry through the song about Mary because every time I hear it I am overwhelmed with her plight and her strength and how she carried through with what God asked of her. I am sure that all the CD's are together in one place so that I could find them easily this year, but I haven't remembered where that place is yet. The only CD I found was a kids Christmas CD I used as room parent for a gift exchange game when Tyler was in 3rd grade. It's 'jolly', but not really inspiring. I either need to find those CD's or break down and buy them on iTunes for Tyler's iPod and figure out how I can blare that through the house while I am working.
I have to get the decorating done or I am never going to get anything else done. When my house looks like Christmas, I can prepare for Christmas. It makes my whole outlook on the serious amount of shopping and baking I need to do better. How can I roll out 4 batches of cookies if my house doesn't look like the holiday is approaching? For that matter, why do I want to spend money on 6 lbs of sugar and 10 lbs of flour and all the different types of chex cereal for Texas Trash if I can't see the holiday in front of me?
My Black Friday shopping was okay this year, but as far as the kids presents go it wasn't overwhelmingly successful. I had picked up a few things this summer and once I inventory what I actually have for them, the little ones are probably close to being 'done' already. Tyler is a whole other story, but it's really hard to buy for an almost 12 year old. He's not little, but he's also not big and figuring out what he might like is virtually impossible. He's no help either, he keeps looking through catalogs and saying he can't really think of anything.
I know I will feel better about everything if I can complete my shopping and start wrapping presents, but I just don't feel like shopping this year. I am caught between a place of wanting to see the joy on their faces with a mound of gifts to open and knowing that they already have so much and they don't really need a lot. I don't want them to lose sight of what's important about the season and I seem to be more excited about those aspects. That's all good for our souls, but my 4 & 5 year old are still little and are dreaming of what Santa will bring for them underneath the tree.
We are going to be making a lot of gifts ourselves this year so that my kids can participate more and truly get the feeling of GIVING from their hearts with presents that they made with their own little hands. Instead of some of the other charitable things we usually do, we are going to fill 3 shoe boxes with presents to go to needy children in Mexico. They are excited about all of the projects and I hope that everything goes well so they can really experience the joy of giving.
I stretched my creative skills last week and did something that was out of my normal baliwick also. I cut out 28 card stock circles and coordinating symbols that I printed out and even drew and cut out a poster board Christmas tree to hang on my wall. This non-Heather crafting event was an effort for our family to do a 'Jesse Tree' advent calendar this year. So far, we are enjoying it. Each night I read a scheduled verse and tell my kids in a '4-5 year old' version the corresponding Bible story. Each night we talk about how God always had a plan and how each of these stories was part of His plan to bring Jesus to us which is why we celebrate Christmas.
Every night, I get Riley's attention for a whopping 10 seconds unless it's his turn to tape the ornament on the tree. Every night, Scooter asks when we are getting to Jesus. Every night, Tyler either tries to get more from the story or says 'I know how this one ends' and tunes out a little. It's a toss up! The kids take turns taping that night's 'symbol' ornament on the tree. I am not really worried about how much they are absorbing, I just make the effort and hope a teeny bit is seeping in.
We had to double up on stories last night since I had been gone Wednesday evening. Both stories happened to be about Abraham. The first was when God told him to look at the stars and know that his descendents would be just as numerous, the second was when God asked him to sacrifice his son and then stayed his hand after his willingness to obey. Tyler was very interested and so was Scooter, until he heard the name Abraham. When I read the verses, Abram was still used, but when I told the stories I said Abraham. Scooter could not get passed the 'ham' part and had a serious case of the giggles because someone was named 'ham'. It drove Tyler crazy, but it really was silly. I don't think he got the gist of both stories, but he probably will never forget the name Abraham.
I have been really good about setting the DVR to record all of the kids Christmas shows and then sit and watch them with them so far. My favorite one was on last night, 'Santa Claus is coming to Town'. Technology might be awesome, but I still like listening to Fred Astaire narrate that story and Burl Ives narrate Rudolph. My kids don't seem to mind the less than spectacular animation either. I will be watching 'It's A Wonderful Life' and 'The Bishop's Wife' soon too, even if I have to go plant myself at my mom's for an evening to do it. I still love Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant and they just 'speak' Christmas to me in these two old favorites.
I really, really love Christmas and if I could just have my sister here for one night to watch 'White Christmas' with me I would be set. There is nothing like Bing Crosby singing White Christmas to you in that low, sultry voice. There is also nothing like dancing around with the best sister in the world while you both sing 'Sister's' to each other and wish you had those matching blue dresses and fans yourself. I'm so glad she'll be here this year to celebrate with us - we'll definitely have to find time to watch the movie together before she heads back to Austin. It's tradition and we haven't been able to do it together in a few years.
It's all going to work out. I'll get the house decorated somehow and in some way. I'll definitely get some baking done by Christmas. I know if I can find my Christmas music, all will be good. I need to be singing 'Tender Tennessee Christmas' and secretly replace the word Tennessee with 'Texas-y' while I make the Texas Trash. Then I will have something to snack on while I get the rest done, singing all the way. I know that if I can get started, momentum will kick in and I will actually get a lot done in a short time because that's what always happens. Christmas will happen one way or another, even if I have to cut out some of my projects and limit the baking. Christmas will arrive and be celebrated over several days with lots of joy and family and celebration. I know you are out there Christmas - I can't see you clearly yet, but you are in my heart and I know I'll see you soon!
God Bless!
I was sick most of Thanksgiving week and weekend which made it hard to get started on Christmas. I wasn't really ready to start thinking about it, but I immediately had to start planning for how we are going to make all the family gatherings work with Tyler's schedule so we can figure out all the logistics and see everyone. We somehow got all the kids and their cousins in coordinating outfits and my sister-in-law took pictures in front of a tree. They weren't perfect, but they are so cute. Everyone was looking at the camera at the same time more than once which was pretty darn good. Once I get my disc of the sitting I can start doing Cards and get them out. The turkey leftovers were barely in the fridge before we shifted to Christmas preparations.
It's already chaotic. Normally, I thrive on the chaos. Usually I am more than ready to take it all on and get it all done and make Christmas happen. It takes the whole month, but the celebration for us goes on for days and it's so worth it. So what's wrong with me this year?
We did somehow get the tree up and decorated on Sunday, which is the only part of decorating I really get (or want) help with, but until last night that is as far as I got. After cleaning up my living areas again yesterday, I figured it was time to start doing the rest of it. I didn't get very far because of some decoration malfunctions.
The tree topper we used for years (and I never really LOVED) had to be replaced last year, but Garden Ridge had been so picked over I settled on a star that was okay, but not fabulous. The stand it props on the tree with was kind of short and the star wobbled and never really stood up straight all last season. However, I was prepared to use it for a couple years until I found just the right topper. I dug it out last night - no stand. I'm sure I will find it at the bottom of all my other decorations, but right now it's MIA.
As I started pulling out other decorations I realized that I wasn't going to be happy putting nails into my recently painted walls and I drove to CVS while dinner was in the oven to get those removable hangers. While there I saw an Angel tree topper that looked pretty cool and it was on sale so I picked it up too. When I got home I tried to put it on the tree and feed the cord through the center of the already decorated branches (yes, I know we did it backwards but it's been kind of weird so far this year). I ran into a couple of problems.
First, the stand thingy is way too long to make the Angel stable so if I use it, the topper falls over even worse than the star did last year. Second, the cord is too short to reach the plug beneath it. My tree has the outlet between top and middle layers firmly attached to the core and it isn't movable. I tried propping the Angel without using the stand which is possible, but strange looking and the cord isn't long enough anyway. When three ornaments fell off one after another I called it quits and served dinner.
Still no topper. I do have an angel one that doesn't light up, but it's really too big for our tree and I just place it somewhere on it's own for a decoration. I pulled it out to see if it would work anyway and the wings fell off of the back. As I started getting pretty Christmas things out of boxes I found that this was a familiar theme. Evidently, my boxes of decorations did not fare well in the 70+ days of over 100 degree heat this summer. Almost every single thing I got out had one or more pieces fall off. I am really dreading getting out my pretty wreaths and finding out that I am going to have to buy a hot-glue gun to salvage everything.
Determined, I started lining my counter tops with knick-knacks and attacked them with the only glue I had on hand - wood glue. I figured it wouldn't work, but I wasn't driving to CVS for super glue again that evening and it was worth a shot. So far, everything is holding which is a good thing for my sanity because the other problem I am running into is that half of the things that are supposed to light up aren't lighting up.
Every year there are one or two things that just don't make it to the next year and every year I try to add to our family decorations with one or two items, hoping to build our collection to something sustainable for future years. I just can never seem to really get 'ahead' and this year it looks like I am going to fall way behind. I don't want to spend a fortune on decorations in any one year, but my slow and steady building plan isn't working either. I might have to attack the after Christmas sales with a vengeance this year to try and prepare for next year.
Funny thing, some of my favorite and charming decorations are having problems. Do you know what isn't having a problem? The singing Frosty the Snowman. I talked my mom into buying this over 10 years ago at Walmart because it made me giggle. You press his hand and his head starts bobbing and he sings a couple lines of Frosty. It's really cute, until it's not. I love to see Frosty come out of the box every year and I am still happy to see him sing and bob, for the first 10 or 15 times. Then it starts to get annoying. The kids love him and I have only had to replace his batteries once in the last decade. I wouldn't cry to never hear him sing again, but the bobbing head is pretty cool. If he dies someday, it will be okay but he sure is withstanding the test of time. I wish my fiber optic Christmas trains that cost 3 times as much were that hardy!
Ironically, one of my problems has resulted by solving an older problem. I haven't had a mantle to decorate in 3 years which has kept one of my favorite nativity scenes in it's box so that no small child would harm it when it was on too low of a shelf. Their stockings have hung on my sofa table instead of the fireplace. Now, my kids are older and won't break everything in their path and, miracle of miracles, Dad and I got a mantle built!!!! We worked for a couple of days and created this:
(Sorry the pics are kinda blurry) I had wanted to sand and paint this before we decorated, but I have let go of that project for the time being. I am just so grateful that I have a mantle to decorate and will leave it as rough pine until the new year. I want to put my nativity up there and hang the stockings, but my stocking 'hangers' are kind of big and decorative because of what we've done the last couple of years. I am going to have to invest in some low profile stocking hooks so that you can still see Baby Jesus behind them.
There have been a few other road blocks to getting me in the swing of things. Namely, I can't seem to be home long enough to keep everything picked up and I cannot find my Christmas CD's. This is crucial. I really love putting on my favorite CD's and singing through decorating, wrapping and baking. I truly love Amy Grant's first 2 Christmas albums and I will play them over and over, belting out 'Grown Up Christmas Wish' and 'Emmanuel' like I am in concert with her to my children's dismay. I get super emotional and almost cry through the song about Mary because every time I hear it I am overwhelmed with her plight and her strength and how she carried through with what God asked of her. I am sure that all the CD's are together in one place so that I could find them easily this year, but I haven't remembered where that place is yet. The only CD I found was a kids Christmas CD I used as room parent for a gift exchange game when Tyler was in 3rd grade. It's 'jolly', but not really inspiring. I either need to find those CD's or break down and buy them on iTunes for Tyler's iPod and figure out how I can blare that through the house while I am working.
I have to get the decorating done or I am never going to get anything else done. When my house looks like Christmas, I can prepare for Christmas. It makes my whole outlook on the serious amount of shopping and baking I need to do better. How can I roll out 4 batches of cookies if my house doesn't look like the holiday is approaching? For that matter, why do I want to spend money on 6 lbs of sugar and 10 lbs of flour and all the different types of chex cereal for Texas Trash if I can't see the holiday in front of me?
My Black Friday shopping was okay this year, but as far as the kids presents go it wasn't overwhelmingly successful. I had picked up a few things this summer and once I inventory what I actually have for them, the little ones are probably close to being 'done' already. Tyler is a whole other story, but it's really hard to buy for an almost 12 year old. He's not little, but he's also not big and figuring out what he might like is virtually impossible. He's no help either, he keeps looking through catalogs and saying he can't really think of anything.
I know I will feel better about everything if I can complete my shopping and start wrapping presents, but I just don't feel like shopping this year. I am caught between a place of wanting to see the joy on their faces with a mound of gifts to open and knowing that they already have so much and they don't really need a lot. I don't want them to lose sight of what's important about the season and I seem to be more excited about those aspects. That's all good for our souls, but my 4 & 5 year old are still little and are dreaming of what Santa will bring for them underneath the tree.
We are going to be making a lot of gifts ourselves this year so that my kids can participate more and truly get the feeling of GIVING from their hearts with presents that they made with their own little hands. Instead of some of the other charitable things we usually do, we are going to fill 3 shoe boxes with presents to go to needy children in Mexico. They are excited about all of the projects and I hope that everything goes well so they can really experience the joy of giving.
I stretched my creative skills last week and did something that was out of my normal baliwick also. I cut out 28 card stock circles and coordinating symbols that I printed out and even drew and cut out a poster board Christmas tree to hang on my wall. This non-Heather crafting event was an effort for our family to do a 'Jesse Tree' advent calendar this year. So far, we are enjoying it. Each night I read a scheduled verse and tell my kids in a '4-5 year old' version the corresponding Bible story. Each night we talk about how God always had a plan and how each of these stories was part of His plan to bring Jesus to us which is why we celebrate Christmas.
Every night, I get Riley's attention for a whopping 10 seconds unless it's his turn to tape the ornament on the tree. Every night, Scooter asks when we are getting to Jesus. Every night, Tyler either tries to get more from the story or says 'I know how this one ends' and tunes out a little. It's a toss up! The kids take turns taping that night's 'symbol' ornament on the tree. I am not really worried about how much they are absorbing, I just make the effort and hope a teeny bit is seeping in.
We had to double up on stories last night since I had been gone Wednesday evening. Both stories happened to be about Abraham. The first was when God told him to look at the stars and know that his descendents would be just as numerous, the second was when God asked him to sacrifice his son and then stayed his hand after his willingness to obey. Tyler was very interested and so was Scooter, until he heard the name Abraham. When I read the verses, Abram was still used, but when I told the stories I said Abraham. Scooter could not get passed the 'ham' part and had a serious case of the giggles because someone was named 'ham'. It drove Tyler crazy, but it really was silly. I don't think he got the gist of both stories, but he probably will never forget the name Abraham.
I have been really good about setting the DVR to record all of the kids Christmas shows and then sit and watch them with them so far. My favorite one was on last night, 'Santa Claus is coming to Town'. Technology might be awesome, but I still like listening to Fred Astaire narrate that story and Burl Ives narrate Rudolph. My kids don't seem to mind the less than spectacular animation either. I will be watching 'It's A Wonderful Life' and 'The Bishop's Wife' soon too, even if I have to go plant myself at my mom's for an evening to do it. I still love Jimmy Stewart and Cary Grant and they just 'speak' Christmas to me in these two old favorites.
I really, really love Christmas and if I could just have my sister here for one night to watch 'White Christmas' with me I would be set. There is nothing like Bing Crosby singing White Christmas to you in that low, sultry voice. There is also nothing like dancing around with the best sister in the world while you both sing 'Sister's' to each other and wish you had those matching blue dresses and fans yourself. I'm so glad she'll be here this year to celebrate with us - we'll definitely have to find time to watch the movie together before she heads back to Austin. It's tradition and we haven't been able to do it together in a few years.
It's all going to work out. I'll get the house decorated somehow and in some way. I'll definitely get some baking done by Christmas. I know if I can find my Christmas music, all will be good. I need to be singing 'Tender Tennessee Christmas' and secretly replace the word Tennessee with 'Texas-y' while I make the Texas Trash. Then I will have something to snack on while I get the rest done, singing all the way. I know that if I can get started, momentum will kick in and I will actually get a lot done in a short time because that's what always happens. Christmas will happen one way or another, even if I have to cut out some of my projects and limit the baking. Christmas will arrive and be celebrated over several days with lots of joy and family and celebration. I know you are out there Christmas - I can't see you clearly yet, but you are in my heart and I know I'll see you soon!
God Bless!
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
Chocolate Flavored Toothpaste . . .
I had warned Scotty that my impending trip to the dentist with both Scooter and Riley was bound to put me in the running for Mother of the Year. So, when he got home last night and asked if I had by chance thought to pick up dog food I think I gave him one of those 'Are you friggin' insane?' looks.
The day was just crazy to begin with. I was really thinking of not attending my Moms Connection meeting since the way November's days fell meant that instead of having my fun Mom days on alternating weeks, I had two meetings two days in a row. We had gone to MOPS on Monday, had a quick lunch and a laundry switch out, gone to the eye doctor for me, raced home to meet the foundation repair guy to see if our problems were under warranty (thanks Dad for helping me with my scheduling nightmare), picked up the boys from school, whipped up dinner and then I pushed Scotty & Tyler out the door for Basketball evaluations. Shew! So yesterday morning I wasn't too thrilled to have another place to go first thing after school drop-offs. I was going to bail until Riley came up to me at my computer and said 'I thought we were going to MOPS! Please, please, please can we go to MOPS?' They are all MOPS meetings to him. I hopped in the shower and off we ran again.
I was really glad I decided to go. It turned out it's our only meeting this month and they were doing 'My Favorite Things'. It's a spin on Oprah's famous shows that we started years ago when I was on steering committee for their old MOPS group. All the steering members get up and talk about something that is one of their favorite things and why and then they draw names to give away some of those items. I came home with some Spry gum (pediatric dentist favorite because it actually helps fight cavities), a packet of the new Tide washing machine cleaner and a gift card for free dessert at Uncle Julio's. I would have loved a lotion, pretty smelling hand sanitizer for my purse or one of the cool planners that fit in your purse, but I was grateful not to win a can of black beans that was one strange girl's favorite thing. I swung by to pick up Riley and then we went to school to pull Scooter out early.
After a quick hour and a half at the Ranch for work, it was time to head to Rockwall for our double dental appointment. Riley had x-rays done at this office last spring when he busted his two front teeth falling off the outside of the trampoline. It was a Friday and neither our normal pedi-dentist or my dentist had been open. I liked their staff so we decided to try doing our cleanings there. Scooter was ready, but apprehensive. He didn't want his teeth 'painted' again since that was the part that made him cry the last time. Therefore, Riley didn't want it either. That's the flouride. I was assured this office didn't 'paint', they used a foam that was faster and tasted better.
I spent the entire visit being a human chair. Scooter was fairly compliant as long as he was glued to my body, so guess what? Riley wanted to do it that way too. We did the x-rays and everyone did okay. Scooter couldn't do the bite-wings because his gag reflex is just too strong. This happened last spring too, they ended up waiting to do it when he was chilled out on valium before his horrific procedure. After another brief wait we were escorted to the Monkey room for cleanings and exams.
This particular dentist doesn't use the typical dental chair. These things lay completely flat O-N-L-Y. There is a TV screen playing a movie (Tangled) on the ceiling. I lay flat on my back with a kid on top of me, head centered on my breast bone. My boys have really hard heads. Riley went first and chose blueberry toothpaste. This was his first cleaning and he did extremely well, right up until they put that foam in his mouth. He cried, begged for a drink and then cried some more. His crying put Scooter into a panic. I opted for no flouride for Scooter. The girl called it 'vitamins for your teeth' and Scooter was so worried about those vitamins that he was not sure he wanted them to do anything at all. I kept telling him it wasn't the vitamins, but it was tough.
He actually did well for about the first 30 seconds. And then, the chocolate flavored toothpaste he had chosen must have not tasted like a Hershey bar after all. He fought, raised up, pushed hands away and then started gagging. To avoid choking he turned his head to the side and puked chocolate flavored toothpaste all over his chair. Oh wait - I was the chair, remember? Wow. I've been covered in a lot of nasty stuff in my years as a mom, but this one took the prize for the most disgusting ever. Luckily, it wasn't a huge amount and after wiping myself down I didn't look too bad. The smell though? Not so much.
The hygienist rapidly finished with a normal toothbrush instead of the 'tickler' so it would be over quickly. I think she was 'done' too. She flossed him and hightailed it out of that room. When the dentist came in, I resumed my role as a piece of furniture. I was panicked about Scooter because I don't think I am ready to undergo another filling with him after last spring. However, the brushing hadn't been going well either. I have had a really hard time transitioning Scooter off of Toddler toothpaste despite 2 years of trying. He just couldn't get used to the stronger taste of even the kid-friendly versions. I would only get one or two little strokes in before he would be gagging, spitting and running away. So, I would go back to the toddler version just so we could brush at all, but they aren't really strong enough for a kid his age and there is no flouride in them. Of course, Riley followed suit as usual and said he didn't like the stuff either. He was still in the 'either-way' age zone on toothpaste though.
I explained all of this and also told the dentist how I finally put my foot down and didn't replace the Thomas the Train tube last time, bought 4 different kinds of the next stage stuff (letting the kids pick out the character versions they wanted) and told the boys they absolutely had to find one they liked. It was a long month with barely any actual brushing going on. Riley was just stubborn until he finally decided he liked 'blue' toothpaste and each day let me brush longer and more thoroughly then the day before. Scooter had to learn to tolerate the new stuff in stages and settled on one he could handle. It's only been in the last week that we have actually gotten some decent tooth time in without him gagging over everything. The boys also finally managed to master spitting the toothpaste out instead of gulping water to remove the taste and swallowing it all. Scooter has also figured out how to swish, rinse and spit which is helping him with his gag reflex.
I know I didn't have anywhere near this kind of trouble with Tyler. He is a diligent brusher/flosser/flouride rinser. I also know I wouldn't have so many issues with Riley if Scooter wasn't setting a finicky example. Luckily, Scooter has no new cavities, just one area to watch. Riley has one spot between 2 molars that might be a cavity forming, but because he's so young they only advised extra diligence in that area for the next 6 months so we don't have to put him under to fill a cavity. I was ready to start Scooter on a flouride rinse since he can now swish and spit, but she said with his sensory issues I should try dipping a toothbrush in the stuff and doing a quick brush over which would minimize swallowing and do enough of the trick. She said I could start that with Riley too since he's four now.
The biggest thing was flossing. I have tried this with Scooter with minimal success thanks to his sensitivities. I hadn't even broached it with Riley yet, but his teeth are super duper close together and they want him flossing twice a day. I hope he isn't inheriting my orthodontia issues, I had a retainer at 8 to make room in my mouth for my teeth. Scooter needs to floss too of course and his teeth are tight, just not as tight as Riley's are.
So, I didn't win any points for my kids check-ups being perfect or for that matter their behavior being perfect, but we survived the experience and don't have to relive it for 6 more months. Last night and this morning the kids were great about brushing, spitting and even flossing! New toothbrushes always help, but Scooter understands that if he does the work now he won't have to go through another nightmare strapped to a huggie-board. He took over his own flossing right away, but I am having trouble with Riley's back teeth. I don't want to hurt him by going to far in and I can't see what I am doing back there. Scooter hasn't gagged on his own toothpaste once in two brushings (a record) and uses the little timer they gave him to make sure he is brushing long enough. I guess after the chocolate toothpaste, the stuff he is using at home probably seems like nothing.
The kids picked identical 'sticky hands' from the treasure box which are these rubbery things that stretch and stick to walls. I made their next appointments and decided to separate them out. I'd rather drive out there twice. That way Riley will behave better and I can focus completely on Scooter alone for his experience. Five minutes from home Riley's treasure toy broke and he cried and yelled about it for an hour, begging to go back to the dentist. (Can you say 'Time Change Sucks!'?) After we recovered I started dinner and 5 minutes before Scott walked in the door Scooter's treasure toy broke and the drama started all over again. It kinda sounded like the same kid. (Can you repeat 'Time Change Sucks!'?)
Scott came in the door to a small amount of chaos and after discovering that Scooter was inconsolable, he took my cue and left him to his tantrum. Then he asked me about the dog food and I gave him the 'look'. I said 'Honey, No - I didn't think to get dog food because I was a little busy trying to get home as fast as possible to remove my shirt that smelled like puke and chocolate flavored toothpaste.' He laughed, said 'Oh Yeah!' and then listened to me for 15 minutes while I related the day. I might have said that he could do it next time. He hugged me and said 'Mom of the Year'.
Thanks and God Bless!
The day was just crazy to begin with. I was really thinking of not attending my Moms Connection meeting since the way November's days fell meant that instead of having my fun Mom days on alternating weeks, I had two meetings two days in a row. We had gone to MOPS on Monday, had a quick lunch and a laundry switch out, gone to the eye doctor for me, raced home to meet the foundation repair guy to see if our problems were under warranty (thanks Dad for helping me with my scheduling nightmare), picked up the boys from school, whipped up dinner and then I pushed Scotty & Tyler out the door for Basketball evaluations. Shew! So yesterday morning I wasn't too thrilled to have another place to go first thing after school drop-offs. I was going to bail until Riley came up to me at my computer and said 'I thought we were going to MOPS! Please, please, please can we go to MOPS?' They are all MOPS meetings to him. I hopped in the shower and off we ran again.
I was really glad I decided to go. It turned out it's our only meeting this month and they were doing 'My Favorite Things'. It's a spin on Oprah's famous shows that we started years ago when I was on steering committee for their old MOPS group. All the steering members get up and talk about something that is one of their favorite things and why and then they draw names to give away some of those items. I came home with some Spry gum (pediatric dentist favorite because it actually helps fight cavities), a packet of the new Tide washing machine cleaner and a gift card for free dessert at Uncle Julio's. I would have loved a lotion, pretty smelling hand sanitizer for my purse or one of the cool planners that fit in your purse, but I was grateful not to win a can of black beans that was one strange girl's favorite thing. I swung by to pick up Riley and then we went to school to pull Scooter out early.
After a quick hour and a half at the Ranch for work, it was time to head to Rockwall for our double dental appointment. Riley had x-rays done at this office last spring when he busted his two front teeth falling off the outside of the trampoline. It was a Friday and neither our normal pedi-dentist or my dentist had been open. I liked their staff so we decided to try doing our cleanings there. Scooter was ready, but apprehensive. He didn't want his teeth 'painted' again since that was the part that made him cry the last time. Therefore, Riley didn't want it either. That's the flouride. I was assured this office didn't 'paint', they used a foam that was faster and tasted better.
I spent the entire visit being a human chair. Scooter was fairly compliant as long as he was glued to my body, so guess what? Riley wanted to do it that way too. We did the x-rays and everyone did okay. Scooter couldn't do the bite-wings because his gag reflex is just too strong. This happened last spring too, they ended up waiting to do it when he was chilled out on valium before his horrific procedure. After another brief wait we were escorted to the Monkey room for cleanings and exams.
This particular dentist doesn't use the typical dental chair. These things lay completely flat O-N-L-Y. There is a TV screen playing a movie (Tangled) on the ceiling. I lay flat on my back with a kid on top of me, head centered on my breast bone. My boys have really hard heads. Riley went first and chose blueberry toothpaste. This was his first cleaning and he did extremely well, right up until they put that foam in his mouth. He cried, begged for a drink and then cried some more. His crying put Scooter into a panic. I opted for no flouride for Scooter. The girl called it 'vitamins for your teeth' and Scooter was so worried about those vitamins that he was not sure he wanted them to do anything at all. I kept telling him it wasn't the vitamins, but it was tough.
He actually did well for about the first 30 seconds. And then, the chocolate flavored toothpaste he had chosen must have not tasted like a Hershey bar after all. He fought, raised up, pushed hands away and then started gagging. To avoid choking he turned his head to the side and puked chocolate flavored toothpaste all over his chair. Oh wait - I was the chair, remember? Wow. I've been covered in a lot of nasty stuff in my years as a mom, but this one took the prize for the most disgusting ever. Luckily, it wasn't a huge amount and after wiping myself down I didn't look too bad. The smell though? Not so much.
The hygienist rapidly finished with a normal toothbrush instead of the 'tickler' so it would be over quickly. I think she was 'done' too. She flossed him and hightailed it out of that room. When the dentist came in, I resumed my role as a piece of furniture. I was panicked about Scooter because I don't think I am ready to undergo another filling with him after last spring. However, the brushing hadn't been going well either. I have had a really hard time transitioning Scooter off of Toddler toothpaste despite 2 years of trying. He just couldn't get used to the stronger taste of even the kid-friendly versions. I would only get one or two little strokes in before he would be gagging, spitting and running away. So, I would go back to the toddler version just so we could brush at all, but they aren't really strong enough for a kid his age and there is no flouride in them. Of course, Riley followed suit as usual and said he didn't like the stuff either. He was still in the 'either-way' age zone on toothpaste though.
I explained all of this and also told the dentist how I finally put my foot down and didn't replace the Thomas the Train tube last time, bought 4 different kinds of the next stage stuff (letting the kids pick out the character versions they wanted) and told the boys they absolutely had to find one they liked. It was a long month with barely any actual brushing going on. Riley was just stubborn until he finally decided he liked 'blue' toothpaste and each day let me brush longer and more thoroughly then the day before. Scooter had to learn to tolerate the new stuff in stages and settled on one he could handle. It's only been in the last week that we have actually gotten some decent tooth time in without him gagging over everything. The boys also finally managed to master spitting the toothpaste out instead of gulping water to remove the taste and swallowing it all. Scooter has also figured out how to swish, rinse and spit which is helping him with his gag reflex.
I know I didn't have anywhere near this kind of trouble with Tyler. He is a diligent brusher/flosser/flouride rinser. I also know I wouldn't have so many issues with Riley if Scooter wasn't setting a finicky example. Luckily, Scooter has no new cavities, just one area to watch. Riley has one spot between 2 molars that might be a cavity forming, but because he's so young they only advised extra diligence in that area for the next 6 months so we don't have to put him under to fill a cavity. I was ready to start Scooter on a flouride rinse since he can now swish and spit, but she said with his sensory issues I should try dipping a toothbrush in the stuff and doing a quick brush over which would minimize swallowing and do enough of the trick. She said I could start that with Riley too since he's four now.
The biggest thing was flossing. I have tried this with Scooter with minimal success thanks to his sensitivities. I hadn't even broached it with Riley yet, but his teeth are super duper close together and they want him flossing twice a day. I hope he isn't inheriting my orthodontia issues, I had a retainer at 8 to make room in my mouth for my teeth. Scooter needs to floss too of course and his teeth are tight, just not as tight as Riley's are.
So, I didn't win any points for my kids check-ups being perfect or for that matter their behavior being perfect, but we survived the experience and don't have to relive it for 6 more months. Last night and this morning the kids were great about brushing, spitting and even flossing! New toothbrushes always help, but Scooter understands that if he does the work now he won't have to go through another nightmare strapped to a huggie-board. He took over his own flossing right away, but I am having trouble with Riley's back teeth. I don't want to hurt him by going to far in and I can't see what I am doing back there. Scooter hasn't gagged on his own toothpaste once in two brushings (a record) and uses the little timer they gave him to make sure he is brushing long enough. I guess after the chocolate toothpaste, the stuff he is using at home probably seems like nothing.
The kids picked identical 'sticky hands' from the treasure box which are these rubbery things that stretch and stick to walls. I made their next appointments and decided to separate them out. I'd rather drive out there twice. That way Riley will behave better and I can focus completely on Scooter alone for his experience. Five minutes from home Riley's treasure toy broke and he cried and yelled about it for an hour, begging to go back to the dentist. (Can you say 'Time Change Sucks!'?) After we recovered I started dinner and 5 minutes before Scott walked in the door Scooter's treasure toy broke and the drama started all over again. It kinda sounded like the same kid. (Can you repeat 'Time Change Sucks!'?)
Scott came in the door to a small amount of chaos and after discovering that Scooter was inconsolable, he took my cue and left him to his tantrum. Then he asked me about the dog food and I gave him the 'look'. I said 'Honey, No - I didn't think to get dog food because I was a little busy trying to get home as fast as possible to remove my shirt that smelled like puke and chocolate flavored toothpaste.' He laughed, said 'Oh Yeah!' and then listened to me for 15 minutes while I related the day. I might have said that he could do it next time. He hugged me and said 'Mom of the Year'.
Thanks and God Bless!
Friday, November 4, 2011
The Catch Up . . .
When I look at my calendar right now I actually start to feel sick to my stomach. I know I swore not to complain, I am not complaining. There are a lot of things on that page that I could remove if I absolutely needed to, but there isn't anything that I really want to remove right now. Except for maybe the kids dentists appointments. It's not just the dread of wondering how bad a report I might get about how the brushing is going, after Scooter's last experience I am having a panic attack about going back.
Speaking of panic attacks - I left my house the other morning to go do some work and make an appointment to find my neighborhood literally swarming with police cruisers. I counted seven with their lights on, no sirens and stopped counting the ones without. By the time I left the subdivision Riley and I had seen over a dozen slowly moving police cars. He thought it was great - I was alarmed. Since the activity seemed to be centered around the school where Scooter was busy learning Phonics & basic geometric shapes, I called the school. I was told the police were maintaining a presence because there was an event overnight in the neighborhood. I badgered the poor woman into telling me what the event was: a shooting. She assured me that they weren't on lock-down, but they also weren't letting the kids play outside that day.
Okay - I know a smoke screen when I see one. These police weren't maintaining a presence, they were looking for someone. The event might have happened overnight, but there was obviously still a concern. I circled back home and double checked that my house was securely locked down and then left again. When I picked the boys up that afternoon all police were gone. I talked to a friend who said she had seen several of the SUV cops on her street that morning and an officer manning the parking lot on the other side of the school. There was a letter in Scooter's backpack telling us there had been an 'altercation' in the neighborhood and they had kept all of the doors locked during the day (Don't they do that anyway?). Oh - and the suspect had been apprehended, unarmed, about 5 minutes after my drive through right on school property by the teachers parking lot.
I looked up the police report when I got home and found out that 3 19-20 year old boys/men had gotten into an argument at 3 a.m. so one of them had shot another multiple times. The victim had surgery and was in critical condition. As of right now, there isn't any indication of drugs or gang involvement. It's the kind of thing that could happen anywhere, but it happened 4 blocks from my home and I am seriously shaken. My neighbor and I looked at the picture of the shooter and recognized him immediately as one of several boys that wander the neighborhood aimlessly all the time. Don't these kids have jobs????? Urgh. Admittedly, I am more uneasy about it than my husband. First of all, he's less of a worry wart and keeps reminding me that domestic stuff happens everywhere. Second - I lived in a crappy apartment in Commerce when Tyler was little and while he was out with his dad one night and I was home alone, there was a shooting in the apartment 2 doors down from me. I shut down that semester, barely functioning in my fear. It was a low point. I am not going to be that low about this, but some of those old panicky feelings are trying to worm their way to the surface. How can we keep our kids safe in a world like this?
In other news, Halloween was great. We had our annual party with friends and family at 'The Ranch'. There was way too much food, crafts for the kids, a hay ride, a pinata, trunk-or-treat and even a metal horse/calf contraption for the kids to try and rope a calf. Our sweet friend, Emily, got up there towards the end of the night and completely wowed the older kids when she actually caught the calf with her rope. She said it had been 10 years, but she still had the knack. Tyler had a total blast trying to rope and I hear he was getting the hang of it, but I had taken Scooter home by then since it was a school night and I missed that part of the show. I wore my 'I'm the Good Witch' t-shirt and got my picture taken in the 'Witch's Photo Spot' with my good friend Claudia who was dressed up in full Witch ensemble. The little ones thought she looked great, but they weren't going to go near her, even though they knew it was Ms. Claudia in there. Tyler got plenty of pictures taken though, both with Witch Claudia and on his own. His costume was a big hit - a front load washing machine. It really turned out cute and gave everyone a smile & a laugh. Scooter & Riley ended up as The Green Lantern and Captain America respectively and Scott & I played the parts of parents to super heroes. Despite only trunk-or-treating to about 10 cars, the kids made the rounds until everyone was out of candy so we came home with 3 full pumpkins and no need to do further neighborhood rounds. I even managed to get us to a fall carnival on Sunday night at our church and then carve 3 pumpkins last minute and make pumpkin seeds on the 31st. Hectic, but everything got done!!!!
The next morning was rough on everyone, but we managed. I woke Riley up by softly singing 'Happy Birthday' to him with Tyler joining in half way through. Riley stretched his arms and said 'Nooooo, I want a nap before my birthday!!!!' Later though, he decided he was going to be 4 'All Day!' He was a little weirded out by birthday phone calls and only talked to my sister Asheley in the morning and then no one else. That night we had end of season soccer party and awards ceremony for which I brought cupcakes & candle. He wasn't sure he wanted to be sung to then either and every time Scooter and I tried he shut us down. When we got home and tried to sing one more time before he opened his present, he finally relented and told me it was because 'I'm over it mom'. Okay.
Yesterday I took Riley for his 4 year check up and wasn't too surprised to find out that he is still slipping off of his growth curve and is only in the 7th percentile for height. My doc doesn't care what the actual number is, but wants them to maintain a growth curve. This is something Riley has always struggled with. He sprang back after his adenoid surgery and the end of his sleep apnea, but has since fallen off at a slow, but steady pace. After having to endure 3 shots in his thighs, we had to go directly down the hall and have 2 vials of blood taken from his arm (this was a mommy first for me, despite 2 surgeries and countless other procedures). His arm looked so tiny there and he was so worn out afterwards. The doctor ordered a full panel, but he most specifically wants to look at Riley's thyroid since he eats non-stop and gets plenty of protein, but isn't growing. He expects the numbers to be fine, but he's checking anyway. Riley's a peanut, and it's fine if he's a peanut if nothing else is wrong. We just have to check. If blood work is okay then we go back in 6 months for another height/weight check and go from there. For the curious - he's 37.5" tall and 32.2 lbs. He is in the 20th percentile for weight (the highest he's ever hit), it's the height we are most worried about and it can't be fixed with adding whey protein and flax seed to his food - I asked. I know we were all shorties in our family and had growth spurts late, but Riley is actually smaller than we all were at this point.
The other thing that came from the appointment is that we are being referred to a speech therapist for evaluation. If you know Riley well, you can probably catch most of what he is saying to you, but it's hard to understand him on the phone and people who don't know him don't understand him well. Even I have a hard time sometimes, have to listen to him more than once to get it and have even resorted to asking Scooter to tell me what he said. Most of the problem is that he isn't using the back of his tongue to make hard sounds, only the tip and variations on that. It's still really adorable to most of us that Okay comes out Otay and a Kit Kat is a Tit Tat, etc., but it's probably because he's our baby and he was 3 until a couple days ago. However, it won't be cute when he's 10 and evidently this is actually kind of a difficult problem to retrain. So, looks like we are going to be starting a therapy process again. After he's evaluated and I know how extensive this will be I am going to look into the school district options. Riley is old enough to get services for 1/2 day at the same school Scooter attends and that would be free. We'll see how all this plays out over the next couple of months. I won't mention it to him yet, but if he got to go to school too he would be super duper excited, regardless of the reason.
Evaluations, galore. Scooter is being scheduled for a re-evaluation by the district as well. His teachers aren't seeing any of the problems that were expected thanks to his evaluations last year. A lot of that has to do with dealing with the SI through occupational therapy and some of it has to do with maturity. Regardless, they are gathering information from a lot of other sources besides me right now and will monitor him in the classroom in February to hopefully have a more accurate idea of what Scooter does and does not need. He's really doing well in school, way better than we hoped for socially. He still has a problem going through the door in the morning and isn't quite ready to talk to his classmates outside of the school, but it gets better in teeny tiny baby steps.
So, that's the catch up - and it doesn't even touch anything that is on my calendar for this month!!! Ach! Soccer is done, we survived and thrived and it turns out I didn't even suck at the coaching thing. I am taking Tyler for Basketball evaluations on Monday. He starts practice next month, but games don't begin until mid-January. The little boys still swim on Wednesdays and they are doing really well. All three boys see the dentist this month and I am pretty sure that Tyler will be bringing home the dreaded Science Fair Project packet any day now. Tyler has a concert for violin at the end of the month and placed 2nd chair for his first chair try-out. The second one is today, but I don't think he practiced enough - we'll see.
I'm off to work today and then to clean mom's house for the birthday party. Tomorrow I get to attempt to make and decorate a birthday cake because Riley insisted I do it myself (baking part no problem, decorating ????). Next week looks downright scary, but I am determined to plow through and get it all done. Just keep the coffee brewing . . .
God Bless!
Speaking of panic attacks - I left my house the other morning to go do some work and make an appointment to find my neighborhood literally swarming with police cruisers. I counted seven with their lights on, no sirens and stopped counting the ones without. By the time I left the subdivision Riley and I had seen over a dozen slowly moving police cars. He thought it was great - I was alarmed. Since the activity seemed to be centered around the school where Scooter was busy learning Phonics & basic geometric shapes, I called the school. I was told the police were maintaining a presence because there was an event overnight in the neighborhood. I badgered the poor woman into telling me what the event was: a shooting. She assured me that they weren't on lock-down, but they also weren't letting the kids play outside that day.
Okay - I know a smoke screen when I see one. These police weren't maintaining a presence, they were looking for someone. The event might have happened overnight, but there was obviously still a concern. I circled back home and double checked that my house was securely locked down and then left again. When I picked the boys up that afternoon all police were gone. I talked to a friend who said she had seen several of the SUV cops on her street that morning and an officer manning the parking lot on the other side of the school. There was a letter in Scooter's backpack telling us there had been an 'altercation' in the neighborhood and they had kept all of the doors locked during the day (Don't they do that anyway?). Oh - and the suspect had been apprehended, unarmed, about 5 minutes after my drive through right on school property by the teachers parking lot.
I looked up the police report when I got home and found out that 3 19-20 year old boys/men had gotten into an argument at 3 a.m. so one of them had shot another multiple times. The victim had surgery and was in critical condition. As of right now, there isn't any indication of drugs or gang involvement. It's the kind of thing that could happen anywhere, but it happened 4 blocks from my home and I am seriously shaken. My neighbor and I looked at the picture of the shooter and recognized him immediately as one of several boys that wander the neighborhood aimlessly all the time. Don't these kids have jobs????? Urgh. Admittedly, I am more uneasy about it than my husband. First of all, he's less of a worry wart and keeps reminding me that domestic stuff happens everywhere. Second - I lived in a crappy apartment in Commerce when Tyler was little and while he was out with his dad one night and I was home alone, there was a shooting in the apartment 2 doors down from me. I shut down that semester, barely functioning in my fear. It was a low point. I am not going to be that low about this, but some of those old panicky feelings are trying to worm their way to the surface. How can we keep our kids safe in a world like this?
In other news, Halloween was great. We had our annual party with friends and family at 'The Ranch'. There was way too much food, crafts for the kids, a hay ride, a pinata, trunk-or-treat and even a metal horse/calf contraption for the kids to try and rope a calf. Our sweet friend, Emily, got up there towards the end of the night and completely wowed the older kids when she actually caught the calf with her rope. She said it had been 10 years, but she still had the knack. Tyler had a total blast trying to rope and I hear he was getting the hang of it, but I had taken Scooter home by then since it was a school night and I missed that part of the show. I wore my 'I'm the Good Witch' t-shirt and got my picture taken in the 'Witch's Photo Spot' with my good friend Claudia who was dressed up in full Witch ensemble. The little ones thought she looked great, but they weren't going to go near her, even though they knew it was Ms. Claudia in there. Tyler got plenty of pictures taken though, both with Witch Claudia and on his own. His costume was a big hit - a front load washing machine. It really turned out cute and gave everyone a smile & a laugh. Scooter & Riley ended up as The Green Lantern and Captain America respectively and Scott & I played the parts of parents to super heroes. Despite only trunk-or-treating to about 10 cars, the kids made the rounds until everyone was out of candy so we came home with 3 full pumpkins and no need to do further neighborhood rounds. I even managed to get us to a fall carnival on Sunday night at our church and then carve 3 pumpkins last minute and make pumpkin seeds on the 31st. Hectic, but everything got done!!!!
The next morning was rough on everyone, but we managed. I woke Riley up by softly singing 'Happy Birthday' to him with Tyler joining in half way through. Riley stretched his arms and said 'Nooooo, I want a nap before my birthday!!!!' Later though, he decided he was going to be 4 'All Day!' He was a little weirded out by birthday phone calls and only talked to my sister Asheley in the morning and then no one else. That night we had end of season soccer party and awards ceremony for which I brought cupcakes & candle. He wasn't sure he wanted to be sung to then either and every time Scooter and I tried he shut us down. When we got home and tried to sing one more time before he opened his present, he finally relented and told me it was because 'I'm over it mom'. Okay.
Yesterday I took Riley for his 4 year check up and wasn't too surprised to find out that he is still slipping off of his growth curve and is only in the 7th percentile for height. My doc doesn't care what the actual number is, but wants them to maintain a growth curve. This is something Riley has always struggled with. He sprang back after his adenoid surgery and the end of his sleep apnea, but has since fallen off at a slow, but steady pace. After having to endure 3 shots in his thighs, we had to go directly down the hall and have 2 vials of blood taken from his arm (this was a mommy first for me, despite 2 surgeries and countless other procedures). His arm looked so tiny there and he was so worn out afterwards. The doctor ordered a full panel, but he most specifically wants to look at Riley's thyroid since he eats non-stop and gets plenty of protein, but isn't growing. He expects the numbers to be fine, but he's checking anyway. Riley's a peanut, and it's fine if he's a peanut if nothing else is wrong. We just have to check. If blood work is okay then we go back in 6 months for another height/weight check and go from there. For the curious - he's 37.5" tall and 32.2 lbs. He is in the 20th percentile for weight (the highest he's ever hit), it's the height we are most worried about and it can't be fixed with adding whey protein and flax seed to his food - I asked. I know we were all shorties in our family and had growth spurts late, but Riley is actually smaller than we all were at this point.
The other thing that came from the appointment is that we are being referred to a speech therapist for evaluation. If you know Riley well, you can probably catch most of what he is saying to you, but it's hard to understand him on the phone and people who don't know him don't understand him well. Even I have a hard time sometimes, have to listen to him more than once to get it and have even resorted to asking Scooter to tell me what he said. Most of the problem is that he isn't using the back of his tongue to make hard sounds, only the tip and variations on that. It's still really adorable to most of us that Okay comes out Otay and a Kit Kat is a Tit Tat, etc., but it's probably because he's our baby and he was 3 until a couple days ago. However, it won't be cute when he's 10 and evidently this is actually kind of a difficult problem to retrain. So, looks like we are going to be starting a therapy process again. After he's evaluated and I know how extensive this will be I am going to look into the school district options. Riley is old enough to get services for 1/2 day at the same school Scooter attends and that would be free. We'll see how all this plays out over the next couple of months. I won't mention it to him yet, but if he got to go to school too he would be super duper excited, regardless of the reason.
Evaluations, galore. Scooter is being scheduled for a re-evaluation by the district as well. His teachers aren't seeing any of the problems that were expected thanks to his evaluations last year. A lot of that has to do with dealing with the SI through occupational therapy and some of it has to do with maturity. Regardless, they are gathering information from a lot of other sources besides me right now and will monitor him in the classroom in February to hopefully have a more accurate idea of what Scooter does and does not need. He's really doing well in school, way better than we hoped for socially. He still has a problem going through the door in the morning and isn't quite ready to talk to his classmates outside of the school, but it gets better in teeny tiny baby steps.
So, that's the catch up - and it doesn't even touch anything that is on my calendar for this month!!! Ach! Soccer is done, we survived and thrived and it turns out I didn't even suck at the coaching thing. I am taking Tyler for Basketball evaluations on Monday. He starts practice next month, but games don't begin until mid-January. The little boys still swim on Wednesdays and they are doing really well. All three boys see the dentist this month and I am pretty sure that Tyler will be bringing home the dreaded Science Fair Project packet any day now. Tyler has a concert for violin at the end of the month and placed 2nd chair for his first chair try-out. The second one is today, but I don't think he practiced enough - we'll see.
I'm off to work today and then to clean mom's house for the birthday party. Tomorrow I get to attempt to make and decorate a birthday cake because Riley insisted I do it myself (baking part no problem, decorating ????). Next week looks downright scary, but I am determined to plow through and get it all done. Just keep the coffee brewing . . .
God Bless!
Thursday, October 20, 2011
One little grumble before it all goes haywire . . .
I would estimate that 1 of 8 houses in my neighborhood have some kind of Halloween decoration adorning their yard or house. Every time Scooter notices another one, or any house in any neighborhood that we happen to be, he makes a comment like 'See, Mom, everyone is ready for Halloween, we need to decorate our house too.' When we rolled in from Austin on Sunday night after dark and could really tell who had done some prep work his voice turned kind of sad 'Mom, now EVERYONE else has Halloween decorations and we don't.'
The two younger boys are also hounding me daily for their costumes. I haven't bought them yet for several reasons, most of them revolving around the fact that they will change their minds another 10 times about what they want to be between now and the actual day. They also can't wait to wear them around the house to play which is against the rules until they have worn them for trick or treat. Afterwards, I know they will get all my money's worth out of the things until they are shredded and hanging off their little bodies while they play. That's when I sneak the decrepit costumes into the trash when no one is looking. I am trying to limit the number of times I have to say 'No, not until after Halloween' though.
I told Tyler this week that if he wants to trick or treat this year and next it's fine, but I am probably going to make a rule that age 12 is the max. I get annoyed with teenagers who don't even dress up properly coming to the door to beg for candy so I don't want my kids doing it. He knows he probably won't want to participate after that anyway, but speaking from experience, I know that even well behaved, almost prudish, teenagers can sometimes get a wild hair up their butt and think that running through the neighborhood to compete for candy with preschoolers sounds like a good idea. The good news is he seems to have lost the desire to dress up as a character or hero and doesn't need me to order some costume that will hang in his closet all year needling me. Instead, we are coming up with fun, DIY costumes that will be more on the funny or ironic side. Luckily, he isn't choosing anything that I have to sew so the crafts are staying within my completely achievable realm.
The little boys didn't really like my idea of ditching super hero costumes in favor of being a family of m&m's in a rainbow of colors. Well, Scooter said he liked the idea, but only to get to the party and show everyone, then he would still want to change and be a Red Power Ranger Samurai after people saw it. Right, cuz one costume idea per child isn't enough. He kind of wants to trick or treat, because he wants candy, but he wants me to do it for him. You know, hold the bucket, say the words, say the thank you. Shy guy. Riley didn't like my idea at all, even when I offered to switch it up to a family of Angry Birds (his favorite game) because he doesn't actually want to go to a party or trick or treat, he just wants a Batman costume. Because he wants one. His birthday is the next day - I could have gotten him one for a present, but he doesn't want to participate in anything else. Okaaaaaay.
This is probably a little bit my fault. I drag my feet for Halloween, especially since I had Riley. I like the holiday, I like the costumes, I even like to dress up on occasion. But, I put off getting ready for it more every year. Halloween is the kick off of the holiday season for me. As hectic as my life can be any other day of the year, once Halloween comes everything moves into even higher gear. Riley has a birthday the next day and I have to squeeze in a party while I am trying to get ready for Thanksgiving, figure out who is getting what for Christmas and how much I am going to spend, shop for multiple ingredients for various yummies and then fit everyone's everything in before the end of the year. Not to mention the actual baking and figuring out when Tyler will be with what family and the transport for all of that. I literally won't stop until January 1st. And seriously - we already have 4 different Christmas parties/events on our calendar for December. It's still October!
When we traveled to Austin for Jocelyn's first birthday this weekend, I left a fairly clean house with no dirty laundry lingering. There were a few bankers boxes stacked in a corner that held jeans and warm shirts for little boys since there was a cold front brewing. Now, my house looks like a tornado hit it. Those few boxes have multiplied to about 15. Each holds or held warm clothes for 5 family members that have to be washed, folded and put somewhere. I got a good start on it all, but since we still have fairly warm days as well - I don't have anywhere to put the stuff! My coffee table and fireplace are stacked with winter clothes while dressers and closets are still packed full of spring/summer/fall clothes (since it's basically one season here). The daunting task of switching, sorting and organizing is on the top of my to-do list.
I actually sat down last night and wrote out the list. Most of the time I keep an ongoing list in my head, mentally crossing things off, reorganizing and reprioritizing as needed. Sometimes, it's just too much and I need to see it in front of me, even if just for a second so I can get some perspective. The list took an entire page of my notebook and it was just things that needed to be done before Tuesday next week. Topping the list are the Evite for Riley's birthday party (which I am trying to keep small and simple), taking care of all the clothes and filing away the four tall stacks of papers and stuff that were lumped together little by little so I could deal with them later. It's later. The list is rounded out with cleaning the house . . . again.
I am working 3 days next week for another conference. The hours on this job are so long that they have offered me a room at the hotel where the conference is being held. At first I didn't think I would use it, but the alternative is coming home after kids are already in bed and getting up at 4:30 for 2 mornings to be back in time, well before the munchkins will be up for school. I am sure it would be worthwhile to kiss their sleeping heads, at least for me, but they wouldn't know I was there. I will be gone from my house for almost 3 full days. I won't come home to as clean of a house as I will leave, but if it starts cleaner it won't be quite as bad when I get back. I think. That's the plan anyway.
When I was compiling my list of the last wave of numbered boxes for Scott to pull for me last night, I noticed on my spreadsheet that I had 3 boxes listed for Halloween. I was pretty sure that was just the pumpkin buckets (that I didn't even have pulled last year - we used plastic bags for the first and last time), but since there were 3 of them I added them to my honey-do list. When I opened them up I found 5 different pumpkin candy buckets (don't ask) and then, you won't believe it . . DECORATIONS!
I called Scooter over and had him peek inside the boxes, he was so excited. There wasn't much, but I had a few things that I had accumulated back when Tyler was in this same stage, thinking we should decorate for every single holiday. Two fake jack o' lanterns with light bulbs inside now sit on shelves in my living room. There's a fall themed 'Welcome' sign hanging on the outside of my front door and a Halloween type felt banner hanging inside the door. And in the boys room is a plastic pumpkin with lights sitting inside their window. I carried Scooter outside to see how it looked - his smile was sooooo worth all the chaos we are about to find ourselves in.
I can't stop the holidays from descending, and I wouldn't really want to either. They are crazy because I make them that way. I love the season so much and want my kids to experience everything so I welcome the crazy in with open arms every single year. It doesn't matter if we have been watching baseball non-stop for the past few weeks. It doesn't matter that we had a case of Strep Throat invade our home this month. It doesn't even matter that I am taking on more responsibilities right now in some other areas of my life. It's coming again and this year will be just as crazy as it always is, even while I am trying to slow it all down.
So, this was the one time I am going to allow myself to complain to you about how crazy it's going to be. Not saying I won't tell you about the crazy, just that I am going to do my darndest to not complain about it. Because I know I could change it, but I don't want to. I want my kids to have traditions to build on, even if it makes our lives hectic. And on top of it all, I will be striving to bring even more of the real message of the Holidays into their little hearts than they soaked up last year.
I hope you are all enjoying our cooler weather and are getting ready for Halloween in your favorite fashion. I also hope that you have just the amount of crazy for your holidays that you ask for and can handle. I am just hoping I know when to say no this year and that I can keep a handle on everything I have committed to! I am going to try and stay focused on enjoying where each child is right now and how they observe and celebrate in their own ways. And maybe, one year, we'll get to be a family of m&m's for Halloween before they are too old to think it's fun.
The two younger boys are also hounding me daily for their costumes. I haven't bought them yet for several reasons, most of them revolving around the fact that they will change their minds another 10 times about what they want to be between now and the actual day. They also can't wait to wear them around the house to play which is against the rules until they have worn them for trick or treat. Afterwards, I know they will get all my money's worth out of the things until they are shredded and hanging off their little bodies while they play. That's when I sneak the decrepit costumes into the trash when no one is looking. I am trying to limit the number of times I have to say 'No, not until after Halloween' though.
I told Tyler this week that if he wants to trick or treat this year and next it's fine, but I am probably going to make a rule that age 12 is the max. I get annoyed with teenagers who don't even dress up properly coming to the door to beg for candy so I don't want my kids doing it. He knows he probably won't want to participate after that anyway, but speaking from experience, I know that even well behaved, almost prudish, teenagers can sometimes get a wild hair up their butt and think that running through the neighborhood to compete for candy with preschoolers sounds like a good idea. The good news is he seems to have lost the desire to dress up as a character or hero and doesn't need me to order some costume that will hang in his closet all year needling me. Instead, we are coming up with fun, DIY costumes that will be more on the funny or ironic side. Luckily, he isn't choosing anything that I have to sew so the crafts are staying within my completely achievable realm.
The little boys didn't really like my idea of ditching super hero costumes in favor of being a family of m&m's in a rainbow of colors. Well, Scooter said he liked the idea, but only to get to the party and show everyone, then he would still want to change and be a Red Power Ranger Samurai after people saw it. Right, cuz one costume idea per child isn't enough. He kind of wants to trick or treat, because he wants candy, but he wants me to do it for him. You know, hold the bucket, say the words, say the thank you. Shy guy. Riley didn't like my idea at all, even when I offered to switch it up to a family of Angry Birds (his favorite game) because he doesn't actually want to go to a party or trick or treat, he just wants a Batman costume. Because he wants one. His birthday is the next day - I could have gotten him one for a present, but he doesn't want to participate in anything else. Okaaaaaay.
This is probably a little bit my fault. I drag my feet for Halloween, especially since I had Riley. I like the holiday, I like the costumes, I even like to dress up on occasion. But, I put off getting ready for it more every year. Halloween is the kick off of the holiday season for me. As hectic as my life can be any other day of the year, once Halloween comes everything moves into even higher gear. Riley has a birthday the next day and I have to squeeze in a party while I am trying to get ready for Thanksgiving, figure out who is getting what for Christmas and how much I am going to spend, shop for multiple ingredients for various yummies and then fit everyone's everything in before the end of the year. Not to mention the actual baking and figuring out when Tyler will be with what family and the transport for all of that. I literally won't stop until January 1st. And seriously - we already have 4 different Christmas parties/events on our calendar for December. It's still October!
When we traveled to Austin for Jocelyn's first birthday this weekend, I left a fairly clean house with no dirty laundry lingering. There were a few bankers boxes stacked in a corner that held jeans and warm shirts for little boys since there was a cold front brewing. Now, my house looks like a tornado hit it. Those few boxes have multiplied to about 15. Each holds or held warm clothes for 5 family members that have to be washed, folded and put somewhere. I got a good start on it all, but since we still have fairly warm days as well - I don't have anywhere to put the stuff! My coffee table and fireplace are stacked with winter clothes while dressers and closets are still packed full of spring/summer/fall clothes (since it's basically one season here). The daunting task of switching, sorting and organizing is on the top of my to-do list.
I actually sat down last night and wrote out the list. Most of the time I keep an ongoing list in my head, mentally crossing things off, reorganizing and reprioritizing as needed. Sometimes, it's just too much and I need to see it in front of me, even if just for a second so I can get some perspective. The list took an entire page of my notebook and it was just things that needed to be done before Tuesday next week. Topping the list are the Evite for Riley's birthday party (which I am trying to keep small and simple), taking care of all the clothes and filing away the four tall stacks of papers and stuff that were lumped together little by little so I could deal with them later. It's later. The list is rounded out with cleaning the house . . . again.
I am working 3 days next week for another conference. The hours on this job are so long that they have offered me a room at the hotel where the conference is being held. At first I didn't think I would use it, but the alternative is coming home after kids are already in bed and getting up at 4:30 for 2 mornings to be back in time, well before the munchkins will be up for school. I am sure it would be worthwhile to kiss their sleeping heads, at least for me, but they wouldn't know I was there. I will be gone from my house for almost 3 full days. I won't come home to as clean of a house as I will leave, but if it starts cleaner it won't be quite as bad when I get back. I think. That's the plan anyway.
When I was compiling my list of the last wave of numbered boxes for Scott to pull for me last night, I noticed on my spreadsheet that I had 3 boxes listed for Halloween. I was pretty sure that was just the pumpkin buckets (that I didn't even have pulled last year - we used plastic bags for the first and last time), but since there were 3 of them I added them to my honey-do list. When I opened them up I found 5 different pumpkin candy buckets (don't ask) and then, you won't believe it . . DECORATIONS!
I called Scooter over and had him peek inside the boxes, he was so excited. There wasn't much, but I had a few things that I had accumulated back when Tyler was in this same stage, thinking we should decorate for every single holiday. Two fake jack o' lanterns with light bulbs inside now sit on shelves in my living room. There's a fall themed 'Welcome' sign hanging on the outside of my front door and a Halloween type felt banner hanging inside the door. And in the boys room is a plastic pumpkin with lights sitting inside their window. I carried Scooter outside to see how it looked - his smile was sooooo worth all the chaos we are about to find ourselves in.
I can't stop the holidays from descending, and I wouldn't really want to either. They are crazy because I make them that way. I love the season so much and want my kids to experience everything so I welcome the crazy in with open arms every single year. It doesn't matter if we have been watching baseball non-stop for the past few weeks. It doesn't matter that we had a case of Strep Throat invade our home this month. It doesn't even matter that I am taking on more responsibilities right now in some other areas of my life. It's coming again and this year will be just as crazy as it always is, even while I am trying to slow it all down.
So, this was the one time I am going to allow myself to complain to you about how crazy it's going to be. Not saying I won't tell you about the crazy, just that I am going to do my darndest to not complain about it. Because I know I could change it, but I don't want to. I want my kids to have traditions to build on, even if it makes our lives hectic. And on top of it all, I will be striving to bring even more of the real message of the Holidays into their little hearts than they soaked up last year.
I hope you are all enjoying our cooler weather and are getting ready for Halloween in your favorite fashion. I also hope that you have just the amount of crazy for your holidays that you ask for and can handle. I am just hoping I know when to say no this year and that I can keep a handle on everything I have committed to! I am going to try and stay focused on enjoying where each child is right now and how they observe and celebrate in their own ways. And maybe, one year, we'll get to be a family of m&m's for Halloween before they are too old to think it's fun.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
The Mom I am Learning to Be . . .
Wow, I am so glad I am not the kind of person who sets New Year Resolutions like 'I will blog at least twice per week'. I know people who have done that and it worked, but if I had made such a bold pronouncement I would be failing miserably in fulfilling the promise to myself. What I am trying to do is put more into the posts I do have time for and I have to say I really liked my last post. It's the kind of thing I envisioned when I started blogging and I rarely deliver. Hah! Anyway, I was very self-satisfied with my last post about the things I learned from my kids. Pretty good stuff, right? Except that I was so PROUD, I didn't follow up which kind of defeats the purpose. Sin of Pride, Pride cometh before the fall . . . yadda, yadda, yadda. Anyway, that post actually materialized out of nowhere, but it got me thinking a lot more about what I learn from my children. And at the end of the day, that's what blogging does for me. It helps me record where my children are and then reflect on how I parent and where I can make improvements. I want it to be a love letter to my children that they can read someday and see where I was coming from as I raised them with all my faults laid bare. Or - it'll be great fodder for their therapy sessions. We'll see.
You have heard, like me, that every child has a different set of parents, even if they are raised in the same house. I find this to be true in my life, no matter how fair or consistent I try to be in my parenting style. It doesn't matter what I do, Scooter gets a more relaxed me than Tyler had at the same age and Riley is allowed to do more at an earlier age because he is following his two older brothers. Also, even though our basic ideals and values never change, our vision and plan changes all the time. We know the kind of men we want to see in front of us in 15 years, but the plan to get there changes as our lives change and also as we see what does and does not work. So, we are individual to each child because of their birth order and our life focus and our circumstances and because we learn from our mistakes along the way and try to improve.
The factor that doesn't get as much play when people talk about this stuff is the kids themselves. Our kids have very different personalities from each other. Even though there are common threads that run through our family and similarities between brother and brother or mother and son, each one is unique. Each child is special in their own way. And what I am starting to realize is that the type of mom I am over all and individually to my children has formed in some ways in response to the personalities in my home. My core values don't change, but the way I implement the teaching of them shifts with the emerging individuals that I live with every day.
It's very easy to fall into the 'I would' or 'I wouldn't' trap when we see how others are parenting their children around us. It's also easy for us to look at other people's kids and wish that ours emulated a certain behavior. For example, I have often thought I was doing something wrong as a mom because I would see other kids greeting adults and talking freely to them and I couldn't get mine to do the same and I would WISH that they would or that I could figure out how to get them to do something like that. It's much more difficult to remember that you are not parenting that child over there. That child might respond differently than your munchkin to the same things you are doing at home. And that mom is looking at you and your kids and wishing that their child would do something you have accomplished without even thinking about it. It turns out Tyler and Scooter are just shy kids. Tyler has worked very hard to overcome his bashfulness and will greet people appropriately now, but he is still quiet about it and embarrasses easily. I have either gotten way better at this or Riley is just the most outgoing of my children - he will hug someone he just met with prompting from me when it's time to leave. I'm going to give the credit to Riley, he's just not shy.
What kind of parent has your child or your children made you? I've been mulling this over for a couple of weeks and I decided to try and think about what the big things are that my kids are teaching me about being a mom.
TYLER - Somehow, I have this kid fooled into thinking I am the bomb. He thinks I am the best at everything. I didn't consciously try and teach him this, it just sorta kinda happened. I don't know if it's a birth order thing or if it's just his personality, but Tyler expects the best of himself and everyone around him, even while being the most forgiving person of falling short of perfection. Forgiving of everyone, but me and himself that is. He's very hard on himself, despairing of his faults and shortcomings and sometimes hard to encourage because of his own high ideals. And the highest ideals he holds are for both who he wants to be and who he thinks I already am. Tyler just assumes that I am good, great or better than the rest. So, when I am not (which is pretty much daily), I disappoint him. Wow, I hate to disappoint him. I don't mean disappoint in the 'No, you can't have that candy before dinner' way, but in the 'Well, I know that I am teaching you to be honest and I try to be as honest as I can, but at the same time I found it necessary to tell this little white lie so I didn't hurt someone's feelings' way. The look on that kids face when he realizes that I am not perfect is just so very, very sad. I hate it! I don't want to see that face because of something I have done or said. I find with Tyler, honesty and respect go a very long way. He might be disappointed in me when I don't live up to his expectations, but when I take the time to admit to him I am wrong he is always ready to listen. I find myself explaining my actions, admitting my faults and talking about ways I am trying to be better way more than I ever thought I would as a parent. I am definitely not able to be a 'Do as I say, not as I do' parent with Tyler. He is watching too closely and he harbors almost impossible ideals for me as a mom. There are still a lot of times that I have to put my foot down and tell him to butt out (so to speak) or that I will explain something better when he's older and wiser. But for the most part . . .
Tyler makes me want to be a better person. He has ideals for me that I could never live up to, but make me raise the expectations I have for myself. He assumes that I will be perfect until I mess up which makes me want to strive for perfection more. He is not afraid to show me when he is disappointed in me which makes me want to both be better and be more willing to admit my failings. Tyler helps me to be a more honest parent, more communicative and more compassionate. He helps me realize how much grace there is in my life and teaches me to extend that grace to my children.
SCOOTER - I often have to remind myself to 'let Scooter be Scooter' and sometimes I have to remind others to do that too. I always found Tyler to be sensitive, shy, and gentle, but Scooter is even more sensitive, painfully shy and the gentlest of souls. He's my 'warm-up' kid and that is true in every, single facet of his life. Once he is finally ready for something, he will usually go all out, but he has to get there first. I kind of like to go full force and full speed on just about everything I tackle, but Scooter doesn't work that way. Everything takes longer with my little scooter-rooter-pooter. Tyler would and does often expect a detailed explanation of things so that he can grasp it logically, but I find myself spending even more time with Scooter helping him to understand things on an emotional level. He needs to take his time, forcing me to slow down. I admit that there are times the painful slowness of it all makes me want to cry in frustration, however . . .
Scooter makes me a more patient and understanding person. It's not a bad thing to slow down and take things one teensy weensy step at a time. It can be helpful to talk through the way things make you feel and why you like or don't like them. Scooter just can't function when things feel too far out of his control or are moving too fast for him to get a handle on. He is going to shut down if I don't take the time to prep him, let him adjust and be ready for what is coming. I cultivate patience every, single day being a mom to Scooter. Patience is something that I have never had in copious supply and will probably never have enough of, but I am working on it. Raising Scooter helps me be more patient with all of my kids and also helps me to develop more empathy. Trying to understand what makes him tick and how he is feeling helps me break things down with the other kids and in my relationships with my husband and family as well. Learning more understanding and patience through Scooter helps me be a better mom, daughter, sister and friend.
RILEY - This kid is going to give me more grey hairs than the other two combined. However, he's probably going to give me more laugh lines too. I've been joking lately that with his 4th birthday only a few weeks away, I won't be able to blame his behavior on being 3 anymore, we'll have to face it all head on. Challenging - that's Riley. He's got a stubborn streak a mile wide, he will hold a grudge for hours, days, weeks or months if it suits him. He doesn't forget a fault. He can be the most helpful, sweet and endearing child one minute and then the next put his foot down and refuse to do the most simple task, like throw a wrapper away. But Riley can put the absolute biggest smile on your face if you let him. He can be compliant and funny and loving. He is the biggest kisser/hugger/cuddler I have and he loves to tell a story. He'll explain everything that happened somewhere in excruciating detail, multiple times and he doesn't care if someone else is trying to talk at the same time or if he told it 50 times before. (Okay, I am dying here and you are laughing too if you knew my late father-in-law! Cut from the same cloth! How many times did YOU hear the 7-11 story?) He is extremely determined, insisting on trying something on his own over and over and over again until he gets it right. I've always been a fairly flexible parent, providing boundaries and letting them move as needed. Maybe you would call me lax or lazy, but it works for my two older kids. When I put my foot down and mean something, they get it - they know I mean business. They also know where the give is and where they have room to negotiate. Riley, not so much. Give Riley an inch and he'll take a mile. It's enough to make me crazy, but . . .
Riley teaches me to be more consistent and firm. Ooohhhh, all that patience I am learning from Scooter is going to come in handy with Riley, that's for sure. I am starting to get that with Riley the boundaries I set have to be a whole lot firmer. He is going to have to know where I stand at all times. And he's also forcing Scott and I to get on the same page a lot more. The flexible thing has worked well for us because we had some pretty hard and fast rules for the basics, but the rest was all movable based on circumstance. Not so much with this munchkin. We find ourselves communicating more about where the line has to be and what the consequences are for crossing it. Consistency is something we will all benefit from, but it sure isn't fun. It's harder for Scott and I to be consistent in everything we say and do, but it will provide a more solid foundation for all of our kids. We know we have to give Riley room to breathe, but we also know if we aren't careful he'll walk all over us when we are too flexible. All this consistency in rules and behavior bleeds over to the rest of our lives and helps us keep a better schedule, be more fair to all the kids and teach them to have higher standards of behavior (even at home when no one is looking). Over all, learning consistency will help me be more patient, understanding, firm and a better person all around.
Isn't the continuity beautiful? God doesn't make mistakes. He gave me my kids for a reason and he gave me as a mother to these souls for a reason too. The lessons are mostly hard for me to learn, but the benefits are amazing. I am a work in progress, which helps me to remember that my kids are too. God grants me grace, which helps me grant it to my children. I learn something new every day, and I get to learn it by spending time with these three amazing boys. How awesome.
Fast forward a couple dozen years and I can almost see my kids reaction to this post. Tyler will remember the teenage years he barreled through (that we haven't touched yet) and won't remember thinking I am this awesome when he was a kid. He'll wonder what crazy pill I took today, but as an adult he'll have figured out I wasn't that bad. Scooter will have worked through all his insecurities and shyness and like his dad won't remember ever having been so cautious or quiet. Riley might laugh and remember all the hell he put me through and then give me yet another hug and kiss and cuddle. At least, that's how I think it might go, or hope it does anyway.
Thanks and God Bless!
You have heard, like me, that every child has a different set of parents, even if they are raised in the same house. I find this to be true in my life, no matter how fair or consistent I try to be in my parenting style. It doesn't matter what I do, Scooter gets a more relaxed me than Tyler had at the same age and Riley is allowed to do more at an earlier age because he is following his two older brothers. Also, even though our basic ideals and values never change, our vision and plan changes all the time. We know the kind of men we want to see in front of us in 15 years, but the plan to get there changes as our lives change and also as we see what does and does not work. So, we are individual to each child because of their birth order and our life focus and our circumstances and because we learn from our mistakes along the way and try to improve.
The factor that doesn't get as much play when people talk about this stuff is the kids themselves. Our kids have very different personalities from each other. Even though there are common threads that run through our family and similarities between brother and brother or mother and son, each one is unique. Each child is special in their own way. And what I am starting to realize is that the type of mom I am over all and individually to my children has formed in some ways in response to the personalities in my home. My core values don't change, but the way I implement the teaching of them shifts with the emerging individuals that I live with every day.
It's very easy to fall into the 'I would' or 'I wouldn't' trap when we see how others are parenting their children around us. It's also easy for us to look at other people's kids and wish that ours emulated a certain behavior. For example, I have often thought I was doing something wrong as a mom because I would see other kids greeting adults and talking freely to them and I couldn't get mine to do the same and I would WISH that they would or that I could figure out how to get them to do something like that. It's much more difficult to remember that you are not parenting that child over there. That child might respond differently than your munchkin to the same things you are doing at home. And that mom is looking at you and your kids and wishing that their child would do something you have accomplished without even thinking about it. It turns out Tyler and Scooter are just shy kids. Tyler has worked very hard to overcome his bashfulness and will greet people appropriately now, but he is still quiet about it and embarrasses easily. I have either gotten way better at this or Riley is just the most outgoing of my children - he will hug someone he just met with prompting from me when it's time to leave. I'm going to give the credit to Riley, he's just not shy.
What kind of parent has your child or your children made you? I've been mulling this over for a couple of weeks and I decided to try and think about what the big things are that my kids are teaching me about being a mom.
TYLER - Somehow, I have this kid fooled into thinking I am the bomb. He thinks I am the best at everything. I didn't consciously try and teach him this, it just sorta kinda happened. I don't know if it's a birth order thing or if it's just his personality, but Tyler expects the best of himself and everyone around him, even while being the most forgiving person of falling short of perfection. Forgiving of everyone, but me and himself that is. He's very hard on himself, despairing of his faults and shortcomings and sometimes hard to encourage because of his own high ideals. And the highest ideals he holds are for both who he wants to be and who he thinks I already am. Tyler just assumes that I am good, great or better than the rest. So, when I am not (which is pretty much daily), I disappoint him. Wow, I hate to disappoint him. I don't mean disappoint in the 'No, you can't have that candy before dinner' way, but in the 'Well, I know that I am teaching you to be honest and I try to be as honest as I can, but at the same time I found it necessary to tell this little white lie so I didn't hurt someone's feelings' way. The look on that kids face when he realizes that I am not perfect is just so very, very sad. I hate it! I don't want to see that face because of something I have done or said. I find with Tyler, honesty and respect go a very long way. He might be disappointed in me when I don't live up to his expectations, but when I take the time to admit to him I am wrong he is always ready to listen. I find myself explaining my actions, admitting my faults and talking about ways I am trying to be better way more than I ever thought I would as a parent. I am definitely not able to be a 'Do as I say, not as I do' parent with Tyler. He is watching too closely and he harbors almost impossible ideals for me as a mom. There are still a lot of times that I have to put my foot down and tell him to butt out (so to speak) or that I will explain something better when he's older and wiser. But for the most part . . .
Tyler makes me want to be a better person. He has ideals for me that I could never live up to, but make me raise the expectations I have for myself. He assumes that I will be perfect until I mess up which makes me want to strive for perfection more. He is not afraid to show me when he is disappointed in me which makes me want to both be better and be more willing to admit my failings. Tyler helps me to be a more honest parent, more communicative and more compassionate. He helps me realize how much grace there is in my life and teaches me to extend that grace to my children.
SCOOTER - I often have to remind myself to 'let Scooter be Scooter' and sometimes I have to remind others to do that too. I always found Tyler to be sensitive, shy, and gentle, but Scooter is even more sensitive, painfully shy and the gentlest of souls. He's my 'warm-up' kid and that is true in every, single facet of his life. Once he is finally ready for something, he will usually go all out, but he has to get there first. I kind of like to go full force and full speed on just about everything I tackle, but Scooter doesn't work that way. Everything takes longer with my little scooter-rooter-pooter. Tyler would and does often expect a detailed explanation of things so that he can grasp it logically, but I find myself spending even more time with Scooter helping him to understand things on an emotional level. He needs to take his time, forcing me to slow down. I admit that there are times the painful slowness of it all makes me want to cry in frustration, however . . .
Scooter makes me a more patient and understanding person. It's not a bad thing to slow down and take things one teensy weensy step at a time. It can be helpful to talk through the way things make you feel and why you like or don't like them. Scooter just can't function when things feel too far out of his control or are moving too fast for him to get a handle on. He is going to shut down if I don't take the time to prep him, let him adjust and be ready for what is coming. I cultivate patience every, single day being a mom to Scooter. Patience is something that I have never had in copious supply and will probably never have enough of, but I am working on it. Raising Scooter helps me be more patient with all of my kids and also helps me to develop more empathy. Trying to understand what makes him tick and how he is feeling helps me break things down with the other kids and in my relationships with my husband and family as well. Learning more understanding and patience through Scooter helps me be a better mom, daughter, sister and friend.
RILEY - This kid is going to give me more grey hairs than the other two combined. However, he's probably going to give me more laugh lines too. I've been joking lately that with his 4th birthday only a few weeks away, I won't be able to blame his behavior on being 3 anymore, we'll have to face it all head on. Challenging - that's Riley. He's got a stubborn streak a mile wide, he will hold a grudge for hours, days, weeks or months if it suits him. He doesn't forget a fault. He can be the most helpful, sweet and endearing child one minute and then the next put his foot down and refuse to do the most simple task, like throw a wrapper away. But Riley can put the absolute biggest smile on your face if you let him. He can be compliant and funny and loving. He is the biggest kisser/hugger/cuddler I have and he loves to tell a story. He'll explain everything that happened somewhere in excruciating detail, multiple times and he doesn't care if someone else is trying to talk at the same time or if he told it 50 times before. (Okay, I am dying here and you are laughing too if you knew my late father-in-law! Cut from the same cloth! How many times did YOU hear the 7-11 story?) He is extremely determined, insisting on trying something on his own over and over and over again until he gets it right. I've always been a fairly flexible parent, providing boundaries and letting them move as needed. Maybe you would call me lax or lazy, but it works for my two older kids. When I put my foot down and mean something, they get it - they know I mean business. They also know where the give is and where they have room to negotiate. Riley, not so much. Give Riley an inch and he'll take a mile. It's enough to make me crazy, but . . .
Riley teaches me to be more consistent and firm. Ooohhhh, all that patience I am learning from Scooter is going to come in handy with Riley, that's for sure. I am starting to get that with Riley the boundaries I set have to be a whole lot firmer. He is going to have to know where I stand at all times. And he's also forcing Scott and I to get on the same page a lot more. The flexible thing has worked well for us because we had some pretty hard and fast rules for the basics, but the rest was all movable based on circumstance. Not so much with this munchkin. We find ourselves communicating more about where the line has to be and what the consequences are for crossing it. Consistency is something we will all benefit from, but it sure isn't fun. It's harder for Scott and I to be consistent in everything we say and do, but it will provide a more solid foundation for all of our kids. We know we have to give Riley room to breathe, but we also know if we aren't careful he'll walk all over us when we are too flexible. All this consistency in rules and behavior bleeds over to the rest of our lives and helps us keep a better schedule, be more fair to all the kids and teach them to have higher standards of behavior (even at home when no one is looking). Over all, learning consistency will help me be more patient, understanding, firm and a better person all around.
Isn't the continuity beautiful? God doesn't make mistakes. He gave me my kids for a reason and he gave me as a mother to these souls for a reason too. The lessons are mostly hard for me to learn, but the benefits are amazing. I am a work in progress, which helps me to remember that my kids are too. God grants me grace, which helps me grant it to my children. I learn something new every day, and I get to learn it by spending time with these three amazing boys. How awesome.
Fast forward a couple dozen years and I can almost see my kids reaction to this post. Tyler will remember the teenage years he barreled through (that we haven't touched yet) and won't remember thinking I am this awesome when he was a kid. He'll wonder what crazy pill I took today, but as an adult he'll have figured out I wasn't that bad. Scooter will have worked through all his insecurities and shyness and like his dad won't remember ever having been so cautious or quiet. Riley might laugh and remember all the hell he put me through and then give me yet another hug and kiss and cuddle. At least, that's how I think it might go, or hope it does anyway.
Thanks and God Bless!
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Ten Little Lessons . . .
It's amazing some weeks what I learn from my kids. Sometimes it's just things about their personalities or relationships. Sometimes I learn things about boys that are just different than girls, ideas that probably never occurred to me as a child because they are so innately divergent from the way girls tend to think. Other moments I realize that the very basics of what they teach me are applicable to me in very big ways in my own life and I might have needed to be reminded of the simple truths in life, evident in their play. I've had a lot of these moments this week.
So, here are ten things I learned from my kids this week:
1 - Teams are important. It's very important to be on a team, to know who else is on your team and to set the ground rules for who your team is, i.e. good guys or bad guys and what you can and cannot do. Sometimes teams are not quite even in number or size of member, but a good dog with special force field capabilities and energy boosting powers can tip the odds in your teams favor by at least one member, if not two.
2 - It's no fun to be the bad guy. Everyone wants to be the hero, the good guys. When you are playing teams, it's important to identify the bad guys and if no one wants to play the bad guy then two teams can join together to fight an imaginary enemy, even while maintaining your own individual base. Sometimes though, we have to be tough, play the bad guy and 'fall on our sword' so that our little brother gets to be the hero for once.
3 - Weapons are crucial. Knowing what tools, weapons and powers you have and stating them out loud, reminding your teammates and enemies alike, can make the difference in a hard fought battle. It is essential that you have some kind of weapon though, even if it is just an imaginary sword, laser or super-duper-human strength.
4 - Always know where your base is. Home base is inviolate. No one else can hurt you there or invade uninvited. It's safe there and powers are restored there. Know where your own is and know where everyone else has their base as well.
5 - Do-Overs are great for everyone. Whether you are a 3 year old who didn't like how a pirate battle turned out or an 11 year old who discovered that every year at school can be a fresh start, it's always okay to go back to square one. Starting over with a clean slate and erasing all the rules and bad that went before is possible and refreshing for all involved.
6 - Baking is fun, even when you don't like what comes out of the oven. Sometimes, the process is more important than the result. It's okay to like all of the ingredients individually and still not like what they become when they are mixed together. It's okay to know that you love bananas and bread, but you don't like banana bread. It's also okay to have fun mixing up a concoction, even though the end result is not the Christmas cookie you were hoping for.
7 - The person telling you NO makes a difference. The entity that refuses your requests and disciplines you repeatedly sometimes will lose their effectiveness. Hearing NO from a new and different source can make a huge impact. Especially if that person is your Grandpa, who doesn't usually use the word.
8 - Staying on Green is awesome. When you follow the rules and do everything you are supposed to do, you don't get a 'color change'. The authority keeping watch over you notices that you are obeying and keeps track of it by not moving you off 'green' to something like 'orange' or 'red'. Better yet, if you stay on green for a whole week you get to dig in a treasure box and fish out something awesome and rewarding like a plastic spider ring. And even if you mess up, you get to start all over the next week.
9 - Changing your mind sometimes takes courage. It's not always easy to admit to the ones that you love you might have made a mistake. Your decision might not have been a wise one. You thought you had considered all the ramifications and benefits of a choice, only to find out that you were mistaken and now have doubts. Finding the strength to admit it and ask for help to change your mind is extremely challenging and sometimes comes just a tad too late. Luckily, if you have an awesome mom backing you up who is willing to look like a fool for you and jump through a lot of hoops on your behalf and who admires you for your courage, all might not be lost. Yet. We'll see. (Violin? Clarinet? Aaaagh!)
And 10 - Having Brothers is the best thing ever. Brothers (or sisters) are your best friends and your most trustworthy confidants. When no one else cares about the little stuff or wants to play the same game for the zillionth time, at least one of your brothers will. Having your brother next to you can give you confidence and support and love when you need it most. Just knowing you have a brother on your team, backing you up at home, can be enough to get you through the day. Two brothers is even better. Family makes the world go 'round.
So that's it - lessons from my kids for the week. Here's what I know: I am on Team Barrow. We fight together with other teams on Team God. Sometimes I am the Coach, sometimes I am just a player. I have lots of talents and weapons at my disposal and it would help me a lot to remind myself of that out loud once in a while so I don't forget. My home base is the Word of God. I do my best to stay on Green all the time, and even though I am not always successful, when I am my God rewards me with small and special treasures that take the form of encouragement and peace. Sometimes I have to fall on my sword, and remember to kill my pride for the benefit of my kids and husband. I do my best to mix up and build something wonderful with the gifts God gave me, but I don't always like the end result - even if it was what He was planning all along. Sometimes He tells me No, and it means a whole lot more than when the world tells me No over and over again. Sometimes I mess up, sometimes I have to change my mind and I have to confess my mistakes, sometimes it hurts to do all of those things. Jesus gives me a fresh start by His very gift and his grace, every single time I need one which is pretty much every time I take a breath. In the end, I am just trying to be one of the good guys everyday and when it gets tough I am grateful for both my siblings (and parents) by birth and all my brothers and sisters in Christ and in Life that support me along the way. Oh - and it never hurts to have a good dog on your side either.
What did you learn this week?
God Bless You and Keep You.
So, here are ten things I learned from my kids this week:
1 - Teams are important. It's very important to be on a team, to know who else is on your team and to set the ground rules for who your team is, i.e. good guys or bad guys and what you can and cannot do. Sometimes teams are not quite even in number or size of member, but a good dog with special force field capabilities and energy boosting powers can tip the odds in your teams favor by at least one member, if not two.
2 - It's no fun to be the bad guy. Everyone wants to be the hero, the good guys. When you are playing teams, it's important to identify the bad guys and if no one wants to play the bad guy then two teams can join together to fight an imaginary enemy, even while maintaining your own individual base. Sometimes though, we have to be tough, play the bad guy and 'fall on our sword' so that our little brother gets to be the hero for once.
3 - Weapons are crucial. Knowing what tools, weapons and powers you have and stating them out loud, reminding your teammates and enemies alike, can make the difference in a hard fought battle. It is essential that you have some kind of weapon though, even if it is just an imaginary sword, laser or super-duper-human strength.
4 - Always know where your base is. Home base is inviolate. No one else can hurt you there or invade uninvited. It's safe there and powers are restored there. Know where your own is and know where everyone else has their base as well.
5 - Do-Overs are great for everyone. Whether you are a 3 year old who didn't like how a pirate battle turned out or an 11 year old who discovered that every year at school can be a fresh start, it's always okay to go back to square one. Starting over with a clean slate and erasing all the rules and bad that went before is possible and refreshing for all involved.
6 - Baking is fun, even when you don't like what comes out of the oven. Sometimes, the process is more important than the result. It's okay to like all of the ingredients individually and still not like what they become when they are mixed together. It's okay to know that you love bananas and bread, but you don't like banana bread. It's also okay to have fun mixing up a concoction, even though the end result is not the Christmas cookie you were hoping for.
7 - The person telling you NO makes a difference. The entity that refuses your requests and disciplines you repeatedly sometimes will lose their effectiveness. Hearing NO from a new and different source can make a huge impact. Especially if that person is your Grandpa, who doesn't usually use the word.
8 - Staying on Green is awesome. When you follow the rules and do everything you are supposed to do, you don't get a 'color change'. The authority keeping watch over you notices that you are obeying and keeps track of it by not moving you off 'green' to something like 'orange' or 'red'. Better yet, if you stay on green for a whole week you get to dig in a treasure box and fish out something awesome and rewarding like a plastic spider ring. And even if you mess up, you get to start all over the next week.
9 - Changing your mind sometimes takes courage. It's not always easy to admit to the ones that you love you might have made a mistake. Your decision might not have been a wise one. You thought you had considered all the ramifications and benefits of a choice, only to find out that you were mistaken and now have doubts. Finding the strength to admit it and ask for help to change your mind is extremely challenging and sometimes comes just a tad too late. Luckily, if you have an awesome mom backing you up who is willing to look like a fool for you and jump through a lot of hoops on your behalf and who admires you for your courage, all might not be lost. Yet. We'll see. (Violin? Clarinet? Aaaagh!)
And 10 - Having Brothers is the best thing ever. Brothers (or sisters) are your best friends and your most trustworthy confidants. When no one else cares about the little stuff or wants to play the same game for the zillionth time, at least one of your brothers will. Having your brother next to you can give you confidence and support and love when you need it most. Just knowing you have a brother on your team, backing you up at home, can be enough to get you through the day. Two brothers is even better. Family makes the world go 'round.
So that's it - lessons from my kids for the week. Here's what I know: I am on Team Barrow. We fight together with other teams on Team God. Sometimes I am the Coach, sometimes I am just a player. I have lots of talents and weapons at my disposal and it would help me a lot to remind myself of that out loud once in a while so I don't forget. My home base is the Word of God. I do my best to stay on Green all the time, and even though I am not always successful, when I am my God rewards me with small and special treasures that take the form of encouragement and peace. Sometimes I have to fall on my sword, and remember to kill my pride for the benefit of my kids and husband. I do my best to mix up and build something wonderful with the gifts God gave me, but I don't always like the end result - even if it was what He was planning all along. Sometimes He tells me No, and it means a whole lot more than when the world tells me No over and over again. Sometimes I mess up, sometimes I have to change my mind and I have to confess my mistakes, sometimes it hurts to do all of those things. Jesus gives me a fresh start by His very gift and his grace, every single time I need one which is pretty much every time I take a breath. In the end, I am just trying to be one of the good guys everyday and when it gets tough I am grateful for both my siblings (and parents) by birth and all my brothers and sisters in Christ and in Life that support me along the way. Oh - and it never hurts to have a good dog on your side either.
What did you learn this week?
God Bless You and Keep You.
Friday, September 9, 2011
The In-Between Places . . .
I'm having one of those days. One that requires more patience and understanding than I am ready to dole out fueled by only the first cup of coffee in the morning. A morning filled with what appears to be a typical rough time getting kids up and out the door, but is really masking some shifts in the mother-son paradigm of our little world. Either the road is getting bumpier or we're just heading for a curve and my view of what is to come is hidden from view. More likely it's just another bridge, one covered in clouds and fog and we're lost in the middle, are we going backwards or forward?
On the surface, what it looked like was that no one really wanted to get up this morning and my oldest lost track of time and we walked out the door 8 minutes late. That doesn't sound like much, but making two different school drop-offs on two different ends of town so that I can make it back home in time to relieve Scott of Riley-duty and he can leave for work means a pretty tight schedule in the morning. I wasn't pleasant as I encouraged Tyler to grab everything that was supposed to be in his bag and his shoes to put it all together in the car. Especially when I had told him it was time to go while he was still finishing his cheerios and he made no move to get out of his chair and rush. I didn't yell or anything, but I was definitely insistent.
I dug two dollars of change out of my purse and told Tyler to stick it in his pocket so he could buy his lunch since he hadn't made his yet. He wanted me to check the lunch calendar to see what they were having, a fact I tried to explain was moot since he absolutely had no time to make a lunch now, and then argued with me that the items I listed used to always be Thursday lunches, not Fridays. I think I remember how to read a lunch calendar, but judging by my kids attitude this week you would think I had barely managed to graduate high school. By the time I walked out the door with the last 'COME ON TYLER, I MEAN IT' and got Scooter in the car, we were both completely out of sorts. When he walked up to the car it was with some serious, above age level, sarcasm and a comment like 'You don't think I'm being serious?' or something close to it. Whatever he said, I was ticked.
Generally, I give all the kids a little leeway as far as respect and grumbling and complaining goes the first couple of weeks of school. Even if they aren't one of the kids that has to get used to a full day of work and learning, our schedules change pretty drastically from summer hours to school schedule. I try not to correct too harshly, too quickly when I know that I am still not used to getting up with the alarm clock again and all the running and schedule demands so they must not be either. Maybe I'm a little too lax during these weeks, but usually by the third week of school we are getting back into the groove and moving along pretty well. Everyone had a great holiday weekend and a little too much fun so this week was pretty tough too and even though I got a tad more diligent, I still let some stuff go that I normally would have nipped in the bud pretty quickly.
The clock is running out on back-to-school indulgence though and my kids know it. Each day they are asked to do more, be more and complain less. Bad attitudes and less respect are getting way less tolerance from Mom and for the most part, they are snapping back into normal behaviors. Sort of. I do have a pre-teen in the house. Or a tween. Or whatever they are calling it these days. What I have is a son on the cusp of adolescence who is in many ways wise and mature beyond his years and in others is still the little boy who needs reassurance and cuddling and boundaries. It's uncharted territory for both of us and there are days we struggle. I feel bad for him sometimes because, as all first children are, he is my guinea pig. Tyler is the kid I figure everything out on and then I'm better prepared to handle the next child when they get to this stage.
There are wonderful things about Tyler getting older. Our conversations are amazing, watching him figure out who he actually is as a person is enlightening and seeing him blossom into someone with presence and integrity is overwhelmingly gratifying. Some of this getting older stuff is pretty easy, like buying face soap so I can teach him to add a face wash to both morning and evening routine in order to avoid as many pimples as possible while his body begins to change. Some of it is awkward, like talking about 'bodily' response to girls bodies even when his brain isn't ready to acknowledge anything remotely interesting about the opposite sex and the resulting normal behaviors about those responses for every single boy in the world, things that he WILL do eventually. (I think we might have hit the wall on Mom having those conversations though - Scott and Brian are going to have to take them over soon.) I think it's great that Tyler can be left on his own for an hour or more now while I run to the store or soccer practice. I love that he volunteers to watch the boys ride their bikes out front while I make dinner and that I can trust him to be attentive.
And then there is the trickier stuff. Responsibility, self control, confidence without cockiness, truthfulness without rudeness. There are a lot of intangibles that Tyler is in the midst of learning or beginning to discover and teaching those things to him is completely new ground for me too. There are moments that I feel bad about asking him to be so much more than he has been in the past and then there are times that I am not giving him enough chance to show me how much more he can be. With two younger brothers in the house, Tyler often feels I am not being fair when I ask him to do something that I don't ask them for. Like all children, he has forgotten what went before.
The first day of school brought indignation and disbelief that I was making Scooter's lunch for him since Tyler has to make his own. He doesn't remember that he didn't make his own until 2nd grade. Just like Tyler was, Scooter is capable of packing about 80% of his own lunch and sometimes he helps me, but I have to monitor what goes in there or he won't have enough of the protein and carbs that he needs to get through the day with his head on straight. If I don't watch it or make it, Scooter will have a lunch filled with extra juice boxes and dessert and nothing tangible or healthy. He's learning what goes into a proper school lunch and eventually he will handle it himself, just like his big brother. There's a lot of that, complaining about what's fair and unfair, going on and I am constantly reminding Tyler that things were once the same for him but he is older now and can do more, handle more.
Tyler's had a lot on his plate this year, emotionally. There have been so many changes in his world and he has been faced with realities and situations that I would have been content to not have intrude on him until he was much, much older. Isn't that what we all want? To protect our children as long as we can from the harshness of life while we prepare them to handle it all? Sometimes life doesn't work that way though and Tyler has definitely had to start handling things this year that I would have hoped he never would or at least not until he was an adult. We've asked him to accept a lot and deal with it on terms like a much older person than his short 11 years. He can come home and fall apart and cry if he needs to and he sometimes does, but he often chooses to muscle through and find the best in every situation.
One minute I am asking Tyler to be more adult and the next I expect him to just be a child, a little boy. One minute Tyler expects to be treated as someone already half grown and others he still wants me to take care of everything like he was only 5 years old. This morning, after his sarcastic outburst, I told him my patience was running out and the attitude needed to improve - quickly. Being disappointed that we are out of waffles is one thing, being mad and complaining about it like the whole world let him down is another, for example. And then I found myself having a conversation with him that I was sure was at least 4 years away. Or at least, I was having a version of the conversation.
It went something like this: "Tyler, you are in kind of one of those in-between places of life right now. In some ways you are ready to be more grown-up and in others you still want to be a little boy and have things taken care of for you. You don't want me to remind you to do everything and keep you on schedule, but you also don't want to take full responsibility for your own schedule and commitments either. If I don't ask you to make sure your backpack is ready to go and then you forget, you get mad at me because it's not done, I didn't tell you and you forgot and it's not your fault. If I do remind you and try to keep you on task, you act like I am nagging you and not taking you seriously or respecting that you know what needs to be done. You are going to have to decide which way it's going to be. You know what time we leave every day and you know what needs to be done before we walk out the door. Most days you have all of that down and are ready to go. Today, you were sitting right in front of a clock while you dawdled over your breakfast. You knew that you hadn't packed your lunch yet, didn't have shoes & socks on, and hadn't packed your backpack last night like I asked you to - you knew all that and could easily look at the clock and see that you were out of time. Instead, when I told you for the fourth time that we needed to be in the car and on the way, you complained about a solution I gave you to the lunch issue, grumbled while you scrambled to pick up backpack items that were laying all around your floor and then told me you hadn't heard me the first time that it was time to go so you stayed at the table to finish your breakfast. Which way do you want it? Do you want to be fully responsible for all of it and I won't say a word to you and then you take all the consequences for what is or is not done? Or do you want me to remind you of the time and keep you on schedule and then you WILL lose ALL the attitude and sarcasm while I am doing it? You are going to have to make the decision."
It was vaguely reminiscent of the 'If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like an adult' conversations I had with my parents during my teenage years. I felt kind of bad about it when he wouldn't speak to me and got out of the car pouting. I am a firm believer in natural consequences and letting my kids figure stuff out on their own, even if I don't always know how to implement that kind of discipline. I mean, should the natural consequence of the lunch thing have been no lunch at all instead of a bought lunch? Probably, but I also know that Tyler would have tried to 'rush' a lunch packing and made us more late and it's also important to me that they eat a decent lunch during the day, regardless. He wasn't happy about buying today though, so I think he got the point.
I've heard and read that the way this is supposed to work is that when kids are small, parents make all the rules and kids get almost no freedom or choices. As they get older, the responsibility increases and the rules decrease. That's very generalized and actually not really the truth. The rules just change. We don't have rules anymore like 'You can't go out in the front yard without a parent', but in it's place we add three new, less definable rules like "Yes, you need to be honest at all times, but that doesn't mean we say everything we think when we think it. You don't come right out and tell someone that they are stupid or fat or clueless, even if they are." (Okay, the crossing guard told me off on Wednesday, I am still kind of mad and I think my attitude might be bleeding through.)
Tyler is a super responsible kid and really, the times that he forgets something are a lot less than with other kids. So, am I pushing him too hard? I sometimes think we ask a lot of our children too early. For example, I am trying to teach Scooter and Riley proper guest/host/friend etiquette (and by example a couple of his friends). "No, honey, you can't go knock on his door and tell him you want to play IN his house. You can invite him to play and then y'all can figure it out together where you are going to do that. If he invites you in, then let me know you will be there and that is fine." But why are we in a hurry to teach our kids those lessons? Isn't the brutal honesty of 'I'm done playing, you can go home now' a tad more healthy for all of us than teaching our kids to be so polite that they are hiding what they truly are?
The flip side, of course, is that we don't ask as much of our children as in generations past. We coddle our kids and become helicopter moms (because we 'hover', love that term) and work very hard at building their self-esteem and self-confidence and self-awareness in ways that were never even considered 2 generations ago. It could be said that we don't do enough to let our kids fall, fail and flounder in a safe place so that they are better prepared to handle real life. I know I am guilty of this in a lot of ways, especially with Scooter. I tend to ask more of Tyler, but give Scooter more space because of his personality. And honestly, I think I am the hardest on Riley, but he also tests and pushes me more than the other two combined.
Wow. It's a conundrum. It's a big question. How much do I push and when? How much can they handle and when should I give? Tyler is definitely in an in-between place, figuring out if he's ready to grow up or he still wants to be a kid. But, I am in an in-between place too. I'm trying to figure out what he's ready for and what he needs as well and it isn't always clear cut or easy going. It's one of those cloudy places and I can't see the other side of the bridge we're crossing until I get through. Are we already half way across and risking turning around and going backwards? Are we almost to the end of it and we'll see clearly again with just one or two more steps? Or have we just barely started, taking only one uncertain step towards more confusion?
Hmmm. I have no answers. If you have some, send them my way - I am always listening!
Thanks and God Bless
On the surface, what it looked like was that no one really wanted to get up this morning and my oldest lost track of time and we walked out the door 8 minutes late. That doesn't sound like much, but making two different school drop-offs on two different ends of town so that I can make it back home in time to relieve Scott of Riley-duty and he can leave for work means a pretty tight schedule in the morning. I wasn't pleasant as I encouraged Tyler to grab everything that was supposed to be in his bag and his shoes to put it all together in the car. Especially when I had told him it was time to go while he was still finishing his cheerios and he made no move to get out of his chair and rush. I didn't yell or anything, but I was definitely insistent.
I dug two dollars of change out of my purse and told Tyler to stick it in his pocket so he could buy his lunch since he hadn't made his yet. He wanted me to check the lunch calendar to see what they were having, a fact I tried to explain was moot since he absolutely had no time to make a lunch now, and then argued with me that the items I listed used to always be Thursday lunches, not Fridays. I think I remember how to read a lunch calendar, but judging by my kids attitude this week you would think I had barely managed to graduate high school. By the time I walked out the door with the last 'COME ON TYLER, I MEAN IT' and got Scooter in the car, we were both completely out of sorts. When he walked up to the car it was with some serious, above age level, sarcasm and a comment like 'You don't think I'm being serious?' or something close to it. Whatever he said, I was ticked.
Generally, I give all the kids a little leeway as far as respect and grumbling and complaining goes the first couple of weeks of school. Even if they aren't one of the kids that has to get used to a full day of work and learning, our schedules change pretty drastically from summer hours to school schedule. I try not to correct too harshly, too quickly when I know that I am still not used to getting up with the alarm clock again and all the running and schedule demands so they must not be either. Maybe I'm a little too lax during these weeks, but usually by the third week of school we are getting back into the groove and moving along pretty well. Everyone had a great holiday weekend and a little too much fun so this week was pretty tough too and even though I got a tad more diligent, I still let some stuff go that I normally would have nipped in the bud pretty quickly.
The clock is running out on back-to-school indulgence though and my kids know it. Each day they are asked to do more, be more and complain less. Bad attitudes and less respect are getting way less tolerance from Mom and for the most part, they are snapping back into normal behaviors. Sort of. I do have a pre-teen in the house. Or a tween. Or whatever they are calling it these days. What I have is a son on the cusp of adolescence who is in many ways wise and mature beyond his years and in others is still the little boy who needs reassurance and cuddling and boundaries. It's uncharted territory for both of us and there are days we struggle. I feel bad for him sometimes because, as all first children are, he is my guinea pig. Tyler is the kid I figure everything out on and then I'm better prepared to handle the next child when they get to this stage.
There are wonderful things about Tyler getting older. Our conversations are amazing, watching him figure out who he actually is as a person is enlightening and seeing him blossom into someone with presence and integrity is overwhelmingly gratifying. Some of this getting older stuff is pretty easy, like buying face soap so I can teach him to add a face wash to both morning and evening routine in order to avoid as many pimples as possible while his body begins to change. Some of it is awkward, like talking about 'bodily' response to girls bodies even when his brain isn't ready to acknowledge anything remotely interesting about the opposite sex and the resulting normal behaviors about those responses for every single boy in the world, things that he WILL do eventually. (I think we might have hit the wall on Mom having those conversations though - Scott and Brian are going to have to take them over soon.) I think it's great that Tyler can be left on his own for an hour or more now while I run to the store or soccer practice. I love that he volunteers to watch the boys ride their bikes out front while I make dinner and that I can trust him to be attentive.
And then there is the trickier stuff. Responsibility, self control, confidence without cockiness, truthfulness without rudeness. There are a lot of intangibles that Tyler is in the midst of learning or beginning to discover and teaching those things to him is completely new ground for me too. There are moments that I feel bad about asking him to be so much more than he has been in the past and then there are times that I am not giving him enough chance to show me how much more he can be. With two younger brothers in the house, Tyler often feels I am not being fair when I ask him to do something that I don't ask them for. Like all children, he has forgotten what went before.
The first day of school brought indignation and disbelief that I was making Scooter's lunch for him since Tyler has to make his own. He doesn't remember that he didn't make his own until 2nd grade. Just like Tyler was, Scooter is capable of packing about 80% of his own lunch and sometimes he helps me, but I have to monitor what goes in there or he won't have enough of the protein and carbs that he needs to get through the day with his head on straight. If I don't watch it or make it, Scooter will have a lunch filled with extra juice boxes and dessert and nothing tangible or healthy. He's learning what goes into a proper school lunch and eventually he will handle it himself, just like his big brother. There's a lot of that, complaining about what's fair and unfair, going on and I am constantly reminding Tyler that things were once the same for him but he is older now and can do more, handle more.
Tyler's had a lot on his plate this year, emotionally. There have been so many changes in his world and he has been faced with realities and situations that I would have been content to not have intrude on him until he was much, much older. Isn't that what we all want? To protect our children as long as we can from the harshness of life while we prepare them to handle it all? Sometimes life doesn't work that way though and Tyler has definitely had to start handling things this year that I would have hoped he never would or at least not until he was an adult. We've asked him to accept a lot and deal with it on terms like a much older person than his short 11 years. He can come home and fall apart and cry if he needs to and he sometimes does, but he often chooses to muscle through and find the best in every situation.
One minute I am asking Tyler to be more adult and the next I expect him to just be a child, a little boy. One minute Tyler expects to be treated as someone already half grown and others he still wants me to take care of everything like he was only 5 years old. This morning, after his sarcastic outburst, I told him my patience was running out and the attitude needed to improve - quickly. Being disappointed that we are out of waffles is one thing, being mad and complaining about it like the whole world let him down is another, for example. And then I found myself having a conversation with him that I was sure was at least 4 years away. Or at least, I was having a version of the conversation.
It went something like this: "Tyler, you are in kind of one of those in-between places of life right now. In some ways you are ready to be more grown-up and in others you still want to be a little boy and have things taken care of for you. You don't want me to remind you to do everything and keep you on schedule, but you also don't want to take full responsibility for your own schedule and commitments either. If I don't ask you to make sure your backpack is ready to go and then you forget, you get mad at me because it's not done, I didn't tell you and you forgot and it's not your fault. If I do remind you and try to keep you on task, you act like I am nagging you and not taking you seriously or respecting that you know what needs to be done. You are going to have to decide which way it's going to be. You know what time we leave every day and you know what needs to be done before we walk out the door. Most days you have all of that down and are ready to go. Today, you were sitting right in front of a clock while you dawdled over your breakfast. You knew that you hadn't packed your lunch yet, didn't have shoes & socks on, and hadn't packed your backpack last night like I asked you to - you knew all that and could easily look at the clock and see that you were out of time. Instead, when I told you for the fourth time that we needed to be in the car and on the way, you complained about a solution I gave you to the lunch issue, grumbled while you scrambled to pick up backpack items that were laying all around your floor and then told me you hadn't heard me the first time that it was time to go so you stayed at the table to finish your breakfast. Which way do you want it? Do you want to be fully responsible for all of it and I won't say a word to you and then you take all the consequences for what is or is not done? Or do you want me to remind you of the time and keep you on schedule and then you WILL lose ALL the attitude and sarcasm while I am doing it? You are going to have to make the decision."
It was vaguely reminiscent of the 'If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like an adult' conversations I had with my parents during my teenage years. I felt kind of bad about it when he wouldn't speak to me and got out of the car pouting. I am a firm believer in natural consequences and letting my kids figure stuff out on their own, even if I don't always know how to implement that kind of discipline. I mean, should the natural consequence of the lunch thing have been no lunch at all instead of a bought lunch? Probably, but I also know that Tyler would have tried to 'rush' a lunch packing and made us more late and it's also important to me that they eat a decent lunch during the day, regardless. He wasn't happy about buying today though, so I think he got the point.
I've heard and read that the way this is supposed to work is that when kids are small, parents make all the rules and kids get almost no freedom or choices. As they get older, the responsibility increases and the rules decrease. That's very generalized and actually not really the truth. The rules just change. We don't have rules anymore like 'You can't go out in the front yard without a parent', but in it's place we add three new, less definable rules like "Yes, you need to be honest at all times, but that doesn't mean we say everything we think when we think it. You don't come right out and tell someone that they are stupid or fat or clueless, even if they are." (Okay, the crossing guard told me off on Wednesday, I am still kind of mad and I think my attitude might be bleeding through.)
Tyler is a super responsible kid and really, the times that he forgets something are a lot less than with other kids. So, am I pushing him too hard? I sometimes think we ask a lot of our children too early. For example, I am trying to teach Scooter and Riley proper guest/host/friend etiquette (and by example a couple of his friends). "No, honey, you can't go knock on his door and tell him you want to play IN his house. You can invite him to play and then y'all can figure it out together where you are going to do that. If he invites you in, then let me know you will be there and that is fine." But why are we in a hurry to teach our kids those lessons? Isn't the brutal honesty of 'I'm done playing, you can go home now' a tad more healthy for all of us than teaching our kids to be so polite that they are hiding what they truly are?
The flip side, of course, is that we don't ask as much of our children as in generations past. We coddle our kids and become helicopter moms (because we 'hover', love that term) and work very hard at building their self-esteem and self-confidence and self-awareness in ways that were never even considered 2 generations ago. It could be said that we don't do enough to let our kids fall, fail and flounder in a safe place so that they are better prepared to handle real life. I know I am guilty of this in a lot of ways, especially with Scooter. I tend to ask more of Tyler, but give Scooter more space because of his personality. And honestly, I think I am the hardest on Riley, but he also tests and pushes me more than the other two combined.
Wow. It's a conundrum. It's a big question. How much do I push and when? How much can they handle and when should I give? Tyler is definitely in an in-between place, figuring out if he's ready to grow up or he still wants to be a kid. But, I am in an in-between place too. I'm trying to figure out what he's ready for and what he needs as well and it isn't always clear cut or easy going. It's one of those cloudy places and I can't see the other side of the bridge we're crossing until I get through. Are we already half way across and risking turning around and going backwards? Are we almost to the end of it and we'll see clearly again with just one or two more steps? Or have we just barely started, taking only one uncertain step towards more confusion?
Hmmm. I have no answers. If you have some, send them my way - I am always listening!
Thanks and God Bless
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