Biblical Discipline - Literally!

Discipline, Punishment, Consequences.  This is not a fun part of parenting.  In fact it's probably the least fun part of parenting there is.  And unfortunately it's only the most crucial, important, fundamental part of parenting.  It just sucks - ain't gonna lie.

You don't start out a pregnancy or mommyhood thinking too much about discipline.  It's not one of those things you sit down and plot out before you start your journey, but discipline starts early - even when you don't realize you are doing it.  I had a friend point out to me recently that we really start modeling our kids behavior as babies.  When your newborn bites you while nursing, you gently press their face into your skin so they have to unclench their jaw to take a breath.  When your ten month old throws cheerios on the floor or whacks you in the face with a spoon, you say 'No, No' and take the items of destruction away or remove them from their highchair.

When toddlerhood hits and the seedlings of real rebellion start to sprout we graduate to a more defined form of discipline.  Some people spank, others use time outs and still others start immediately with proportional consequences.  But even at that point, I don't think most of us think through what measures of discipline we will use for teaching our children right from wrong when they get older, taller and smarter.  Maybe I'm wrong and you and your hubby have a definite plan and set course of action, but I don't.  Some days I really don't have a clue and I am not ashamed to admit it.

First of all, I don't think that there is one form of discipline that works for all children.  Kids are so different from each other and so are their best forms of motivation.  Some kids do great with time outs because they hate missing anything that's going on and hate being separated from the action.  Others aren't fazed by the moments to themselves because they enjoy the quiet and the satisfaction from knowing they got to their parents a little bit.  Some kids do well with losing priveleges because they can't stand the thought of a toy or game or opportunity to slip away for even a moment, other kids just shrug and find something else to do without regretting the change in scenery.  The trick is finding the thing that works for your kid, and for me it's also figuring out how to change the methods as my children grow so that they are still effective.

Which brings me to Tyler.  Last night after school Tyler mentioned a website his art teacher had told him about and suggested he check out at home since her computer was down yesterday and they couldn't do it in class.  Fine, I said, but not until you finish your regular homework.  I know, he said, I knew you would say that but can I when I'm done?  Sure thing.  So off he went to his room to start the homework and I soon heard the refrains of classic rock playing on his radio while he worked.  I started prepping dinner and switching out laundry and a half hour later my son came out of the computer room, not his room, with a printed sheet from the computer (homework not done, mind you).  'Mom, I know you will be disappointed, but I wanted to see that website so I went ahead and checked it out.  See?'

Okay, I admit, I was dumbfounded.  Defiance is a normal thing in a house with three children.  It's constant.  My kids are continually trying to express their independence and do what they want, when they want.  I am constantly trying to keep them on track, teach them patience, routine and basic obedience.  Sometimes I swear I feel like all I am doing is herding cattle, trying to keep them all in line.  And I am used to my two year old yelling 'No' when I tell him to do something, because he's two.  I am used to my four year old hearing me and then just doing what he wants anyway.  These are things that are normal preschooler behavior.  I have dealt with them before and I will deal with them just about every day for a while.  But Tyler is really kind of past all of that.

Tyler is really a great kid.  He genuinely hates to disappoint people and tends to be harder on himself than we are on him.  Yes, we have problems occasionally.  We had an incident this spring where I learned he had been lying to me about finishing his homework for a short span so that he could go outside to play faster.  That was a doozie - lying.  Getting him to clean his room and keep it clean is a constant battle.  He can be a major procrastinator which bugs the crud out of me.  And every year when school starts we have a week or two of serious attitude adjustment as he settles in to the routine again.  Blatant disobedience is not his thing, though.  We might have had preschooler issues with that like any other family, but for years it hasn't been that way.  It's just not something I am used to.

I sat there for a good thirty seconds with what I am sure was a completely blank look on my face.  I know my mouth was hanging open.  I didn't yell though, which I thought was good.  When he tried to show me the paper and what he had done, I took it from him and told him I would look later.  I told him I couldn't believe he had just completely ignored what I had said and disobeyed me so directly and I sent him back to his room to do his work.  At dinner, he apologized, but I made it clear that disobedience was not okay.  I told him there would be a consequence.  'That's not fair, it was just a website my teacher told me to look at.  It wasn't any big deal.'  Oh yes it was.

Honestly, I don't remember being directly disobedient to my parents, although I am sure I was.  Maybe I had it all worked out of me by the time was a teenager or maybe my parents worked it out of me by then, but I was basically a pretty good kid, I think.  Mom would probably agree and also tell you that I had my share of defiance too.  But I wasn't the kind of kid who snuck out of the house or partied all the time or swiped the keys to the car and went cruising.  My disobedience was more along the lines of talking back to my parents and having serious attitude issues (don't all teenagers?) I think.  Anyway - it's hard to remember everything, but I don't really remember directly defying my parents too much, although there were definitely a couple of instances that are clear in my memory.  I was too afraid of the look of disappointment on their faces to do too much wrong and pretty much walked the line.  I guess my parents were excellent at the discipline thing.  Wish I was.

My hubby and I looked at each other and weren't sure where to start on this one.  What's a reasonable consequence?  On one hand, he's kind of right.  The website itself wasn't a big deal.  But the disobedience was.  Kind of like the lying last spring.  The actual act of skipping out on homework was bad (and managed by me checking all homework until the end of the year), but not as bad to me as the lying which is what I punished him for and made sure he knew that was what the punishment was for.

So what's appropriate for a ten year old in this instance - and for that matter, my ten year old?  I called a friend with five older children to ask what she thought.  'I need a consequence' I said.  'Give him a scissors and tell him to mow the lawn' she answered, without missing a beat.  She hadn't even heard the offense yet - I love her.  I think she knew that if I was calling to ask it was either something super serious or something I hadn't been faced with yet.  When I told her what had happened she asked if spanking was an option.  (You gotta love a friend like that, didn't tell me what I should or shouldn't do or how I should parent, just asked if one of the options was something I would consider.)

Here's the thing about spanking - I just don't like it.  I have spanked my children on occasion.  Usually it's just one well placed smack on the bottom when things are really spiraling out of control to bring them back to the present and give them a reminder that I am in charge and things are going to go my way.  But spanking isn't something I do often.  First of all, it was never super effective with Tyler.  There were a couple of times as a 3 year old that it kind of worked, but for the most part all it ever did with him was make him mad and make things worse.  It wasn't something that he ever really responded to.  I guess it's just that logical part of him that needs to process with his brain, not his rear end.  It works really well for Scooter, however.  When he's getting hysterical and really pushing the limits, I can give him one swat and he will cry for a second and then immediately calm down and be ready for an actual behavior intervention.  I haven't figured out Riley on this one yet, but I know the chance is looming.

My fear with spanking has so many levels, it's kind of ridiculous.  First of all, it doesn't feel good.  It makes me feel sick inside to do it usually, which I think is a big indicator that it's not a good form of discipline for ME to use - even if my kids would benefit from it.  I know there are people out there who think I should suck it up and do it, my kids could use a good whooping and there are others horrified that I would consider it ever.  I worry that if I do it I am teaching them aggression.  After all, spanking a child because he hit his brother isn't really teaching them a lesson, it's teaching them to hit again.  I worry that if I don't spank (spare the rod and all that) that they will be spoiled.  I worry that if I spank them out of anger, they aren't really learning the lesson I want to teach, they are just learning not to make mommy mad or she'll spank you.  There have been many moments in my parenting adventure that what I really wanted to do was beat my kid silly.  And that's truly frightening.  It's in those moments I can see where a lot of child abuse comes from.  It probably doesn't start out with 'I'm gonna have a kid and then I'm gonna punish and beat and hurt the living daylights out of them.'  It probably starts with frustration and anger and a loss of control. 

And control is the real reason that I don't use spanking as a regular form of discipline for my children.  I don't want to control my children, especially with force.  I don't want to show them that I am bigger and stronger and scarier than they are so they better behave.  What I want to do is control the situation, the environment they live in and most importantly what I am teaching them to be.  So finding alternative forms of discipline is paramount for me, even though I am not afraid of an occasional well aimed slap on the hiney.  My parents spanked me and I didn't suffer for it. I don't have any risidual anger or bitterness over it. I can't remember how it felt really or any particular instance of it, so it's not all bad and I know it in my bones.


And really, with Tyler, he's 10.  He's now less than ten inches shorter than I am and truthfully it's probably been four years since I even tried to spank him - and that time it didn't go well at all.  So would a spanking have worked?  Maybe if I got out a belt, I guess - but that's never been an option for me even though I know a multitude of men who swear that being belted as preteens and teenagers made them sit up and take notice and taught them lessons they never forgot.  (I think the belt is a predominantly southern thing by the way, no one I know from Wisconsin has ever told me one of those stories that had anything to do with normal discipline.)  But again, Tyler is so logical I usually have to fight with my brain, not my body, when dealing with him.

So next option - grounding.  We grounded Tyler after the lying episode and it was his first serious grounding.  I did it for 10 days (he's 10 - figured if the minute per age thing worked for time outs, a day per age would work for grounding) which a relative told me was excessive.  But the thing about it was, during that 10 days he was gone to his dad's for a weekend and had two Wednesday night visits with his dad.  Things I cannot deny him as part of his punishment, so I had to extend and I also had to realize it wasn't super effective if he was getting breaks in the middle.  Don't get me wrong - he learned his lesson and was ready to be off of restriction when it was over, but I didn't really like the extended time period of punishment.  It's kind of a punishment for the parent as well.  I mean, you've got a kid stuck in the house, no video games or computer as distraction, no playing outside with his brothers.  It's kind of painful for me too, and that's not how this whole thing is supposed to work.

Also, I don't think you can choose one form of punishment for a child and think it will work forever.  Grounding should be used, but not every single time.  I had a friend in school that got grounded constantly.  I mean, she got grounded for the littlest thing and the time period always started with a minimum of two weeks and it just kept getting longer and longer.  I would call her and she'd say 'I am not supposed to be on the phone, I'm grounded for a month (or two)'.  And it wasn't really effective.  Her parents both worked so she snuck out before they got home or snuck us in.  She gabbed on the phone while she knew her parents were in the car and couldn't call to check (pre-cell phone age).  When she got older, she snuck out at night after curfews.  This friend was grounded so much, she spent all her energy and time working out ways to get around it.  (Sweet friend, if you are reading this today, I know you are smiling as I am since I am fairly certain I helped you work around it a few times myself.)  Anyway, too much of one thing doesn't really work.  You gotta keep your kids on their toes!

So back to Tyler - what to do?  My friend made a joke during the conversation about making him copy out the book of Proverbs.  Wait - what?  Rewind.  She's a teacher and I am not, so for her the thought of making kids write as a consequence was completely natural wheras I hadn't even considered it for an at-home punishment.  What an idea!  She said she often will have the kids copy passages from the bible as their consequence because writing 'I will not disobey my parents' five hundred times might take time and cramp their hand, but remember what that was like in school?  You just wanted to get it done, you weren't really thinking about the reason for why you were doing it anymore by line twenty.  And, she said, anything will work - try Shakespeare for a teenager for example - because if it's not a repetitive line they have to pay attention to what they are writing and writing takes time.  She will use Bible passages with her own children since she can usually find one or more that relate to the particular offense which will really make them think.

Okay - Love it!  But is it wise to use the Bible as a form of punishment?  Maybe, maybe not.  I'll try not to go parochial shool on my kids, but this is a great idea!  Maybe not the entire book of Proverbs, but still a great idea.  So, while Tyler finished his homework I looked up a couple of things and when he came out I wrote down two passages I wanted him to copy.  Ephesians 6:1-3 "Children, obey your parents as the Lord wants, because this is the right thing to do. The command says 'Honor your father and mother.' This is the first command that has a promise with it-'Then everything will be well with you, and you, and you will have a long life on the earth.'"  And Proverbs 3:1-12 which ends with 11&12: "My child, do not reject the Lord's discipline, and don't get angry when he corrects you. The Lord corrects those he loves, just as parents correct the child they delight in."

Tyler sat down and spent about 40 minutes writing it all out while Scott and I put the little munchkins to bed.  What I wanted was to have him read it back to me and then have a talk about why obedience was important, etc. and possibly why he thought I had picked those verses.  However, such is life that Riley took forever to get to sleep last night and by the time I came out Tyler was very ready for bed too.  We did discuss obedience though, how God commands it and also how it is important because we are doing our jobs by providing for him and teaching him.  We have reasons for what we ask of him, even if he doesn't see them and it's important to always obey - even on the little stuff.  He had taken the two pages of verses and taped them to his door though and when I looked at it this morning, I noticed an additional page taped next to it.  I would like to share it with you:

Goals for today
- be a good student
- be a good friend
- be responsible
- follow all rules
- be a good son
- be a good brother
- be a good person to God!

Pretty lofty goals for one day, I think, but his heart is true which I love.  I didn't ask Tyler to do this and I didn't ask him to tape up the verses on his door.  But obviously they made some small impact and in this instance the consequence was fitting and effective which is what I am always looking for.  I want the discipline to fit the crime and I want to be a parent that teaches, not berates.  I think I did okay this time, thanks to some great suggestions from a dear friend.

But, I want you to know that when I sign off today, I will be doing a little writing of my own.  What's good for the kid, is good for the parent - right?  I will be copying out Ephesians 6:4 twenty times and taping it up in my kitchen: "Fathers, do not make your children angry, but raise them with the training and teaching of the Lord."

Thanks and God Bless!

Two dogs and a cat - craziness.

Last night one of my neighbors knocked on my door to let me know that she and another neighbor had just chased our dog, Brewer, back into our backyard and attempted to close the gate, but they were having trouble making sure it was tight and he was jumping all over it trying to get out again.  Sigh.  Embarrassed thank you's and appreciation, shoving the gate into proper position and vague comments about how we are working with him on 'Come' and 'Stay' quickly ensue before I shuffle back inside my crumbling sanctuary.

Parenting in my household isn't just about our three beautiful children.  It's also about our three pets.  Let me tell you a little about them.

Bella

Scott and I picked out Bella from a litter of puppies that a friend's mother's dog had surprised her with one day.  Literally.  She had come home from work and found her dog in labor without knowing she was pregnant at all.  She is a very slim Golden Retreiver and Betty had not suspected anything before she had half a dozen puppies in her back yard.  We had narrowed our choices to two or three of the fluffy little scamps and then brought Tyler back with us to make the final decision and bring one home.  Bella is half Golden, but the father was half Border Collie and half Blue Heeler.  She doesn't look like a Golden at all.  She actually looks like a Lab and that's what everyone thinks she is when they see her.  Her hair is white and as she ages, the tips of her very shaggy hair get more ginger every year.  She doesn't have the height of a Golden though, she inherited her short legs and stocky body style from the Blue Heeler part of her heritage so no matter what we do - Bella looks fat.  Granted, she could probably lose a few pounds, but our most recent vet was the first one in years to tell me that she's really not that overweight - probably only 5 or 7 pounds at most - and with her body type we'll probably just never have a slim, trim Bella.  I love this vet! :)  We've been feeding Bella weight control food forever, barely give her treats (since just a small one is like a bowl of ice cream) and try to keep her away from the kids food spillage.  We have recently given up on the extra effort.  Weight control food is expensive and Bella is ALWAYS still hungry.  We just decided it wasn't worth it.  I just changed her back to regular food and she is so happy.  And I think she's gotten some of her 'verve' back, running and playing more and more every day.

I recently did my very first doggy hair cut, experimenting on our very patient Bella.  Bella has allergies combined with a slightly nervous condition that results in her chewing her legs.  We've tried everything and spent thousands of dollars at the vet and on medicines.  She practically lives in one of those big e-collar things.  She'll do great for a while and the sores will start to heal and then she'll tear them all open again.  It's sad and frustrating, but the worst part about it is trying to get her groomed.  Most places take one look at her legs and either won't take her at all or want extensive medical records before they will bathe and clip her.  Luckily, Tyler's stepmother, Jenifer, is a fabulous groomer who works at a small privately owned pet spa and she has known Bella her whole life.  Jenifer always takes Bella and does a fabulous job.  In fact I think Jenifer might be her favorite person.  The problem is that Jenifer's shop is in north Lewisville, a 45 minute drive for me.  Which means that to take Bella for a haircut, I will spend a minimum of 3 hours in the car just to drop her off and pick her up.  And this doesn't include the mechanics of getting two large and exuberant dogs as well as two small children out of the van at one time, through a parking lot and into a place that to them must smell like a wonderland with all the previous pet smells.  My arms barely stay in their sockets and I am usually pretty frazzled by the time I get everyone home.

So with major time constraints lately, coupled with my ever present desire to trim the budget even more, I looked at Bella's thick overgrown hair and the excessive shedding of white hair landing on my carpet and made a command decision.  I wasn't really sure I could do this so at first I just bought an inexpensive human shears and started my experiment.  Bella is really patient and she's really big.  She would just lay in the floor and let me work, probably thinking this is the most attention Mom has given her in a really long time.  It literally took days and I was starting to think she was going to look ridiculous.  I would work for an hour or so and then take a break, leaving Bella with half a shaved back and a back end that had one long shaved streak in between two major tufts of shaggy hair.  She looked terrible!  But I decided it was worth the effort and went ahead and purchased a half-way decent doggy shears.  About the cost of one haircut for Bella.  What a difference.  We finished in one afternoon and that included going back over all previously trimmed areas to trim them shorter and make the whole thing more cohesive.  Overall, she looks pretty good.  There are a few places where there are tufts longer than the others, but these were mostly due to the way she was laying on the floor.  I don't have the cool tools the groomers have for keeping dogs on their feet and in position.  I just did the best I could.  And she looks pretty good, although I think she'll miss the pampering she gets from Jenifer.

Everyone loves Bella.  She's just one of those 'awesome' dogs that everyone likes, even with her leg eating habits.  She doesn't do any fun, fabulous tricks or anything - she's just a great dog.  She doesn't jump all over you when she sees you or bark like a maniac when you walk in the door.  She'll hang out in the front yard and never run off.  She lets the kids climb all over her and they adore her.  She loves every other animal she meets and has only showed aggression with one other dog that we had briefly when Scooter was a baby.  That particular dog tried to be alpha and Bella wasn't having it, plus she was only one.  Since then, she saves barking at other dogs mainly for those that try to encroach on our yard when the kids are in it, very protective but not aggressive.  She's also great at giving a really good mommy bark and growl to all the family puppies every once in a while to remind them who is boss and keep them in check.  We love to take her to the lake house in Texhoma where she presides like Queen Bee, never needing a leash.  She'll hang around the cabin without being tethered, go on walks and stay with us without a leash and just basically love on everyone.  No one ever minds watching her if we are out of town and I don't mind asking because I know she's never a bother.  I think often that my Grandma B would have liked her, that she is just the kind of pet she enjoyed: unobtrusive, sweet and she'll keep her tongue in her mouth and not on your skin when asked.  She's just the best family dog, period.  And poor thing, we keep trying to make her crazy by bringing other pets into our home.  Guess we were spoiled with Bella and thought one good pet deserves another.  Hmmm.

Brewer

Somewhere along the line, when Tyler had just turned nine, Scott and Tyler had a conversation that I wasn't a part of.  It ran along the lines of Scotty had gotten his dog Snowflake when he was ten and so therefore Tyler could maybe have a puppy of his own by the time he was ten.  I think it was probably one of those conversations that you have with your kid that you don't take very seriously, but they do.  Tyler never forgot or let us forget.  We talked about smaller dogs and waiting until Tyler actually was ten, but a friend emailed me pictures one morning last fall of the Boxer puppies that had just been born to her two registered dogs at home.  Man, they were cute.  A week or so later, I saw a woman at the pet store with her four month old Boxer puppy.  Oh my gosh cute - and sweet.  I did some research on Boxers and discovered that despite their size, they are great family pets.  They are loyal and have great dispositions and are generally fabulous with children.  Once again, we were in a position to have first pick of a litter, so off we went.  Brewer's mother is only 55 pounds and not huge, so I tried to steer the guys towards one of the smaller girl puppies, but no such luck.  Tyler loved them all and every one he held was 'the one'.  Finally, my friend's husband thrust Brewer into his arms and said 'This is the pick of the litter'.  Okay.  He was one of the smaller boy puppies and had great coloring so we brought him home.

Overall, Brewer has been a pretty good puppy.  He was really easy to house train and other than a few whimpers and whines in the night, adjusted well to our lives.  He is a Brindle Boxer, but since his father is solid white, he has great swathes of white markings making him a truly beautiful dog.  And he's huge.  I was really hoping that he was going to be an average size Boxer, but it doesn't look that way.  He's going on a year now and the last time I weighed him was about 4 months ago.  He was over 70 pounds already.  Boxers don't really reach full grown size until they are 3 or 4, kind of getting wider and bulkier as they grow.  He's tall though - really long legs.  We recently took him to see his doggy parents and he's about as tall as his father if not already taller.  It was hard to tell while they were playing.  And his paws are still pretty big and gangly, hinting that he hasn't fully grown into them yet.  After we had purchased Brewer and integrated him into our home, my friend mentioned that the mother's father was a beast - 130 pounds.  Oh boy.  Not exactly what I was looking for, but the vet thinks he'll easily be 110, probably more like 120 at full grown.  Geez.  It's a good thing he's so sweet.

And he is sweet.  He's just so huge, you forget sometimes that he's still a puppy.  My biggest problem with him right now is that he doesn't 'Come' and 'Stay'.  I work with him on it during the week, but he is very easily distracted and it's difficult.  So when he does get out in the front, he is gone.  He thinks the whole world is his back yard and when you call him he just looks at you like 'What do you want?  I'm really busy sniffing everyone else's yard.  Sorry.' and then he's off again.  I am not as patient as Scotty and I get ticked off, grab my keys and pile everyone in the van.  I cruise down the street until I find him, open the back door and tell him it's time to go for a ride.  He hops in and we head home.  Very annoying.  Luckily last night he thought my neighbors were trying to play with him and they were able to corral him in our yard.  They were both out of breath by the time I came outside.  And now that we have a new kitten, he's obsessed with getting her to come out and play.

I told Scotty last night that I didn't think Brewer was all that smart, which he denied.  And maybe he's right.  After all, Tyler had him trained to sit by the time he was 9 weeks old which is pretty impressive.  I think he probably is just still happily in puppyhood, enjoying all his explorations and not able to focus for long periods of time.  Of course, my parents German Shepherd puppy, Rebel, is only 2 months older and much better behaved.  Then again, Dad spends all day, every day with Rebel and has done extensive training classes with him.  I am trying to remind myself that Bella used to jump on people when they came in the door too and she didn't always come when called, but it's hard to remember that time when I am yelling at Brewer to get off my bed for umpteenth time.

He's a good dog though and really sweet tempered.  He lets the kids lay on him and use him as a pillow when they are watching tv and he listens to Riley sometimes better than anyone else.  He is slowly getting better about not chewing kid toys and we have begun to let him sleep outside of his kennel at night even though I am nowhere near ready to try that when I leave the house.  I think he's a pretty good fit for our family and if he can stop tormenting the new cat soon, we should be doing pretty good.

Kit Kat

I can't tell you too much about this little kitten yet, because she's still really new to our family.  Last year, when Scotty finally said I could have a cat, Scooter and I went immediately to Pet Smart and brought home Potter who was fiercly independent and adventurous.  All the family puppies didn't faze him one bit and he played with them roughly.  We couldn't keep him inside and eventually installed a kitty door for him, but most of the time he sat at the back door waiting to be let in and out like the dogs.  This eventually led to his untimely death when he failed to escape a neighbor dog he was teasing.  He died in April, on Tyler's birthday and we were all upset.  The kids have been asking constantly since then about when we were going to get another cat.  At first I didn't want one, but after several months, we were finally all ready to bring home another kitten.  Tyler and I found Kit Kat through Craig's List and brought her home.  She's calico and white with very pretty markings and is probably the sweetest natured kitten I've ever seen.  She's also very shy and since Brewer is over-exuberant about playing with her she has spent most of her first weeks here in hiding.  But, as she grows she is coming out more and more often and for longer periods.  She's really kind of funny so far, practicing pouncing with huge eyes, but gentle paws.  She jumps sideways alot when she's playing and it makes me laugh.  She's still settling in, but so far so good.

All of my kids love the pets in different ways.  Tyler is more like me, he loves that they are here and loves them, but he doesn't pay attention to them constantly.  Scooter takes a long time to warm up to a new pet and will seem mostly indifferent to them all.  Then, you'll come around a corner and find him hugging one of the pets or laying with them and playing and laughing at them.  He's definitely not afraid of any of them.  And Riley just loves all animals.  He's the one I have to watch around strange dogs because it wouldn't occur to him that a pet might bite him or anything.  He just wants to love on them all.  All three are good about helping us feed, walk and care for the pets.  And I think it's great that they are learning kindness through caring for animals as well as responsibility.  Heaven forbid I leave Brewer in his kennel more than two minutes after we get home, Scooter will let me know about it and ask me to let him out.  Riley patiently waits for the kitty to come out from hiding and into his arms so that he can love her and pet her and then he will bring her to me and tell me that she wants me, thrusting her into my arms.  Tyler works with both dogs, trying to train them to do tricks and reminding me they need to be fed or asking if they've had their flea and heartworm medicine this month yet.  The pets are an integral part of our family and we love them all - even if it makes us crazy for overfilling our house!

God Bless!

I worry about popcorn . . .

I am about to give you a glimpse into my internal psyche - be warned it's not pretty!

Yesterday afternoon, after Tyler made it safely home on his bike from his 4th day of school, I got in my minivan and headed to the day care to pick up my other two munchkins.  We have been working on letting Tyler stay home alone for short bursts while we are within 5-10 minutes from home and so far it's been great.  He does really well with our rules and doesn't seem to have any fears or problems being on his own.  I gave him the choice to come with me for the ride, but he decided to stay home and start his homework.  So I locked him in the house and off I went.

Half way to the day care, my phone rang and it was Tyler.  Uh oh.  'Mom, I know it's not really the healthiest homework snack, but can I make some popcorn while the kids aren't here so they don't eat it all?'  Hmmm.  Not my first choice for him either, but I don't really see the harm in it so I agree and hang up.

Then, the worry starts.  I know popcorn seems harmless enough, but it really gives me anxiety.  It's an absolutely wonderful snack food and I love it, but the choking hazards on popcorn are really and truly unreal.  Normally my worries about children eating popcorn are reserved for the littlest two, because they are so little, and generally I can avoid the worry by just being in the room with them when they are eating it.  But now, my mind is racing and I start worrying about Tyler choking on popcorn before I get home and I am suddenly in a rush to get back.

This is the truth of the matter, I am just an obsessive worrier.  And being an excessive worrier is a huge barrier to being a mom with any kind of healthy outlook.  I know, I know - worrying is normal.  It's practically an essential part of mothering, it's probably encoded within our DNA.  If we didn't worry about our kids safety and health and well being, we wouldn't be normal and they wouldn't grow up to be healthy, happy adults.  The problem for me is that if I don't keep it in check, worry can take over my whole life.  And on top of the worry I have an overactive, and often tragically mis-propotional imagination.  The combination of the two is sometimes overwhelming.

Part of this phenom for me is just the way I process life.  It seems like if I imagine as many worst-case scenarios as possible and the what-if's and the how-will-I's that can go with them, I will be prepared for whatever happens.  I've always done this.  I was always my mom's 'what-if' kid.  I asked her a million questions that started with 'What if . . .' for scenarios that were not very likely or probable, but in my mind I needed to know the answers just in case some kind of unforseeable situation arose - like a guy actually DID ask me out on a date before I turned eighteen (trust me, it was a close call) or if a friend really DID need me to ask my mom to buy condoms for them at thirteen.  My poor mom, I know I've made her a little crazy over the years with this stuff.  But, God Bless her, she has always answered the best she could, mostly with a great dose of patience, and even thrown a few surprises my way (like pulling a box of condoms out and showing them to me when I posed that particular query before school one morning) to keep me on my toes.  The thing is - my mind just never stops, the motor is always running and keeping it from running away is a challenge.  Silence within my mind is just a pipe dream.  :)

I think, like most moms, I worry the most about losing my kids.  I pray almost constantly for their safety, even when they are warm and cozy in their beds.  I have very dear friends who have lost babies, young children and adult children and I don't know how they function every day.  I can barely function for the thought of it.  But God has granted them grace to keep living and moving and breathing.  And God has granted me a small measure of grace too just by letting me voice every single one of my tiny little and huge monstrous worries to Him.  But, on top of this most basic fear, is the even bigger nightmare for me - what if I lost them and it was because of something I could have done to prevent it?  Could I live with myself?  And I fear that I could not.

Because I worry about preventing everything, I worry more when my kids are away from me.  Tyler's gone every other weekend and every Wednesday night with his dad and even though I trust Brian implicitly, I worry just because he isn't with ME.  For some reason, even though my kids are in the car with me more than anyone else (to a considerable degree), I still worry about them being in an accident more when they are with others - even my dear hubby.  There's some kind of self-delusional extra bubble of safety when they are with me (if only within the confines of my mind) that makes me think if something is going to happen - it won't be on my watch.  Right.  Like I have any control over that at all.  I know that control is an illusion, but that doesn't stop me from trying to maintain control.

So the worry continues and intensifies and threatens to over take my life every single day that I am a mother.  And I already know that it's never, ever going away.  Hopefully, it will lessen and dissapate over the years as my children grow older (probably not until well after they survive being teenagers), but it's not leaving me until I leave this world.  So for the time being I obsessively worry about everything from kidnapping and child predators to infectious diseases and cancers.  From falling off of playground equipment to car accidents.  From choking hazards to spider bites.  From hot pans burning to emotional scarring.  My biggest concerns usually have to do with head injuries and kids near water.  And the truth is, all this worry is exhausting and draining.  If I let it get the best of me, I don't get to enjoy my kids just being kids.  If I let it take over, I won't ever let my kids leave their beds, much less the house, without being properly wrapped in 8 layers of some kind of non-plastic, breathable, cotton bubble wrap. They'll wear helmets on their heads to play outside and I won't let them eat anything but soft baby food for the rest of their lives.  It's a constant battle to keep the worry in check.  To keep it at a safe level that doesn't threaten to take over our lives.  After all, for every 10 things I can think of to worry about, I know there are 100 more that I haven't even dared to think of yet.  What kind of life would I have if I let myself go that far?

I realize that at this moment you are probably thinking - this chick needs some serious therapy.  Never fear - I get it, both from paid professionals and dear, sweet, understanding friends and family.  My husband, for example, is constantly saying to me 'Don't worry, it will be fine'.  I, of course, don't think he worries enough and he thinks I worry too much.  We generally balance each other out which gives the kids some kind of chance of growing up without being severly injured physically and also not suffering the consequences of having a completely neurotic mother.  I know - jury is still out on that one.

And there are some good parts of this psychosis too.  No, wait - bear with me.  This major serious 'what-if' tendency and ability to over-imaginate can be a good thing.  I can get a pretty detailed day dream going on thinking about stuff like winning the lottery, my kids curing cancer or becoming world leaders, retirement homes in Italy, and seeing my Heavenly Father someday.  It's a great tool for killing time in waiting rooms, trying to fall asleep at night and most of all - replacing the worries.  So when I'm driving home from the day care, worrying about a ten year old choking on popcorn, just because I am not there next to him, I don't hit the gas and speed the whole way, putting my life and the two other lives I'm responsible for in danger.  I take a deep breath, let the worry wash over me, through me and out of me.  And I think of some other what-if, like 'What if Tyler decided to surprise me while I was gone and cleaned the bathroom?'  Now there's a good thought.  'What if . . .'

Have a great day - God Bless!

No sick days for super mom! But, maybe an hour?

Every mother knows that there is no such thing as a sick day for mommys.  I mean, if you are down and out - who's going to do everything that needs to be done?  And sometimes the everything is as simple as giving a baby a bottle, but that can seem like a huge ordeal if you have to run to the bathroom to throw up every 5 minutes.  Luckily, the longer we mother and the more sicknesses that we nurture our kids through, the less times we get sick.  And most of us seem to have some kind of super-mommy immunity gene that kicks in and keeps us from catching every single bug that passes through our homes.  Or maybe it's just that we have to be so much to so many little people that the little virus bugs take one look at our obviously incredibly super-armor and just run away crying, thinking we aren't worth the bother.

Even though we generally don't get sick as often or as seriously as we did pre-children, at some point every mom is going to get sick.  It's just the way of the world.  Natural Selection making it's yearly, monthly or daily run is eventually going to get a small hit on your immune system or a sucker punch to your gut.  The fact is we are not truly invincible and we will have some down days.  The problem is, our kids don't stop needing us and we can't phone in and spend the day curled into a ball on the couch watching old movies while we wait to feel better.  We are the nurturers now, and we have to keep nurturing.

When I was in my early twenties, I got sick a lot.  I mean a lot.  I'm surprised I didn't get fired from jobs for the amount of sick days I took.  And I never got to be one of those people that could call in sick just to goof off (No one really does that, right?) because I really was sick all of the time.  I had hugely terrible sinus infections twice a year, like clockwork.  I caught every stomach bug that flew within 2 miles of my house and I had occasional migraines that would wipe me out for a couple of days.  At 24, I found out that the exceedingly increasing amount of digestive problems I was having had to do with the fact that my gall bladder was functioning at less than 20% and I had my first surgery.  Although it was a day procedure, I missed almost 2 weeks of work from a job I had only had for 2 months.  And through it all, I still needed my mother.  I was an adult, working for a living and alternating between living out of state and on my own or crashing at my parents again.  But I still wanted my mom every time I didn't feel good.  Usually just calling and complaining to her was enough, but if I was anywhere near her I was happy to have her pamper me and take care of me again.  Who wouldn't?

Having kids changed everything.  Especially for me, being an unwed mother.  There were many times that Tyler and I lived with my parents and that definitely helped when I wasn't feeling good.  But, we were also on our own a lot, including living an hour from mom at school.  And being sick with a 2 year old to take care of with no one around to help out pretty much sucks.  We aren't alone now, with Scotty & two more little ones, and having a husband to take up some slack is great - when he's home.  When Scooter was just a few months old, Scott went away for a weekend to Houston and I stayed home alone with the baby.  And then suffered all weekend with either a really bad stomach virus or food poisoning - I never figured out which.  I was trying to nurse Scooter, quickly dehydrating which was making it harder and harder, and having to put him down every couple of minutes to lose some more fluids.  I went through every spare milk bag in my freezer that weekend and eventually had to supplement with formula - which made me cry.  On Sunday morning, my dad came and picked us up.  I tried to be tough about it, but my mom put her foot down and sent him and honestly at that point, I needed a break.  I needed someone to hold the baby and let me sleep and feed me dry toast and gatorade.  This was, of course, a more extreme situation, but even Scott being at work while I am home sick with the kids can be torture.

Kids, at least my kids, just don't understand when you are sick.  They still need everything that they need and as a mom, it's my job to provide those things.  They still need to eat and they need attention.  They need you to kiss their boo-boos and sing with them and listen to their stories and watch them do exciting things like run real fast on their tippy-toes, because they just figured out that they could.  And it breaks my heart to say things like 'Honey, momma can't do that puzzle with you right now, I just don't feel good.  Can you do it with your brother?'.  Their little faces fall and it's so sad.  You are supposed to be their rock and if you've done your job right, they don't really get that you aren't super-woman and capable of just about anything.

This week I have just felt crappy.  Not super bad sick, just not good.  One of those nameless bugs that don't have any definite symptoms and don't really knock you out, but make it hard to do just about anything.  I've done my best to keep on moving all week, but by yesterday afternoon, I was just done.  Exhausted.  I was ready to curl up in a little ball and not move for about a week.  I've only done what I had to do to get by and let things like the laundry sit by the way side.  I just wanted Scott to come home from work and take over.  I was just itching for this morning to get here so that all 3 kids would be in school and I could sleep all day and then catch up later.  I didn't want to make dinner, but stuck it in the oven anyway.  I didn't want to check Tyler's homework, but smiled and did it anyway.  I didn't want to watch The Empire Strikes Back for the 5th time this week (HGTV sounded much more appealing), but I put in the tape and read the opener to Scooter one more time.  I was doing my best to get the job done even though I felt like creating a cocoon and sleeping away the rest of the week.  And I felt like a loser, because I know I wasn't giving my kids everything they really needed from me.

When my kids are sick, I think I am pretty awesome at taking care of them.  After all, I learned how from the best mom on the planet.  When they are sick they just want their mom, like I always have and like I am sure that deep down - you always do too.  When I'm sick, sometimes I feel like no one even notices.  Part of that comes from just doing my job and not complaining so they don't have to notice.  The other part just comes from the fact that kids are by nature just self-involved and it takes more than a sneeze to get their attention.  But by late yesterday, I didn't care anymore if they didn't get it.  I was taking a break.  I sat down on the couch and refused to move for a while.  I changed the tv station to one I wanted to watch, made myself some tea and asked the kids to find something quiet to play in another room.  A part of me hated to be that selfish, but the bigger part was screaming 'You need to sit and recover.  You can't be everything, every minute.  They are fine!!!!'

And the most amazing thing happened - My kids realized something wasn't right with me.  But instead of whining about it or freaking out that things were not going according to a normal pattern or schedule, they actually tried to help.  Tyler was the first to catch on, being older and more intuitive and also the most sensitive of the three.  He brought me my favorite pillow and a glass of water and went to his room to do his homework without whining about it.  Riley crawled up and laid down next to me and said 'Momma you don't feel good?  Your tummy hurt?' and proceeded to inch my tshirt up from my belly button so he could rub my tummy and make it feel better because that's what he likes when he doesn't feel good.  Scooter instinctively lowered his noise level by several notches and then came over to me and said 'I'm sorry you don't feel good momma.  I love you.' and kissed my forehead.  And then they all went off to play in other rooms and left me to rest for an hour.  Wow!  How wonderful was that?  A whole hour to just rest with no one harping at me and asking me for a million different little things.

I was so proud of my little guys.  And really, so grateful too.  Not just for their compassion and tolerance, but for their patience.  I must be doing something right some of the time if they can understand that everyone needs a break once in a while, even their mom.  Of course, it didn't last long.  At right about an hour, Scooter wandered over to me and said 'Do you feel better yet mom?' and the next thing I knew I was negotiating a truce for a fight over a toy that everyone wanted while helping Riley get a banana for a snack and explaining to Tyler why it didn't matter if he and his friend Jerry were riding their bikes to the same school in the mornings, I was absolutely never, ever, ever going to say yes to a sleepover at a friend's house on a school night.  And it did make me feel better, to have that break.  I was able to get up and get dinner on the table, organize bath and bed time and actually have a conversation with my husband before I crashed into bed.

So today they are all at school and my house is quiet.  There are a million things I need to do around here and I have a friend who wants to come by and have lunch.  I feel a little better this morning, but overall I still want to lay down and rest.  And I think that's what I am going to do.  I don't think I am going to do anything all day, but recuperate and enjoy the quiet.  So that when they all come home this afternoon, I will be ready to be super-mom again.

Thanks and God Bless!

The kids way is making Tyler crazy!

Last night at dinner, we all had to pause 3 bites into our meal because Scooter insisted that we all have a napkin and that we all have it in our laps before we proceeded with our nourishment.  I am not sure if he picked this up from watching Olivia on Nick Jr. or if it's something he learned at school, but it's a good manners thing - so we'll go with it.  I thought Tyler was going to blow a gasket.  Now, to be fair to Tyler, dinner was really late.  With Soccer practice from 6-7 on Mondays and that ordeal requiring all of our attendance - me to run around practicing with Scooter and Scotty to try and keep Riley from kicking his ball right into the middle of practice - dinner is just late.  So we were starving.  I, however, gave in & got up to get everyone a napkin.  Then, heaven forbid you didn't have the napkin IN your lap, Scooter would just keep harping at you until you did.  Once Tyler figured out he could eat faster if he complied, he rolled his eyes, did what he was asked and picked his fork up.  Once Scooter was happy with the napkin situation, he began a conversation by asking who at the table could swim by themselves and could we please raise our hands.  This wouldn't have been so bad, but he had asked the same question the night before to start our dinner conversation.  Poor Tyler just didn't get it.  Couldn't understand why Scooter was so particular and why we were letting him get away with it.

Tyler thinks we let the little ones have their way too much and can't understand the why of any of it.  And being the logical little monster he is, doesn't get why we should bother.  Tyler just doesn't realize how much of this accomodation happened for him at that age and still happens for him today.

My thinking on this, and therefore my parenting style, is pretty simple.  It's also got 2 main parts.  First - pick your battles.  It's more important to me that my family sit down together every evening to eat and be together than what they eat, how they eat it or what plate they are eating it on.  The battle I fight is getting them all there and keeping them there each evening.  Even if a kid isn't hungry, I want them to sit there for the meal while the rest of us eat.  So, when Riley decides he needs a spoon instead of a fork or that he wants water instead of milk - I am probably going to get up and comply.  Because he's sitting at the table and eating with us. 

I also want to foster in this meal time a sense of family connection which includes praying together before the meal and having a conversation that we can all be a part of.  The focus changes from night to night and person to person, but the feel of it should be the same.  We usually rotate the prayer around the table, each person praying in their own way that's comfortable for them.  Lately, Riley has taken such an interest that he usually wants to do his and Scooters 'God Our Father' (pronounced 'God r Baadr' by Riley) singing prayer every night.  We were so excited he wasn't just holding our hands and looking at us, but singing along - we just went with it.  Now Scooter has decided it should be other peoples turns and he will pick the person, but what he means is that we will still do the singing prayer, but that person will 'start' the prayer or start singing first.  All little battles that are not worth fighting.  Because we are sitting there together, praying, having our meal together.  And if Scooter wants to join in the dinner conversation with the same question every night, that's fine with me too.  Even if Tyler doesn't get it, he just wants to eat.

I pick my battles all day long and give in a lot, which is why I am sitting here this morning wearing my sneakers with no socks on.  I wanted to wear my flip flops but for whatever reason, Scooter needed me to wear these shoes today and since the bigger battle was getting him into the car and off to school without tears or arguing, I wore the tennis shoes.  No tears.  No arguing.  I've gotten a lot better at this over the last couple of years too, having Scooter and Riley so close together.  With two preschoolers running around, I need most things to be as simple as possible, so I just fight the big fights and let the little stuff go.

Which brings me to the second part of my theory on this - kids need to express themselves.  Let's face it, when you are little - you don't get to make very many decisions.  I mean we dress babies in what we want, feed them what we want, take them where we want to go when we want to go there.  And when those babies grow into toddlers and then preschoolers, we are still in the habit of making all those decisions for them, but they are trying to express themselves every hour of every day and want to make some decisions for themselves.  When they get absolutely no say - they tend to throw tantrums and have meltdowns.  This is another one of those things that I get better at all the time, just from practice and necessity.  So I let Scooter decide which underwear or shoes he wants to wear as long as he's wearing some and I don't stress if his shirts on backwards since he dressed himself.  I let Riley help me pour the milk, cleaning up his spills along the way as long as he's drinking milk and not soda.  I let the kids decide where they are going to lay down for their naps as long as they are laying down and resting.  You get the picture.  And really, what does it matter in the grand scheme of things if Scooter and Riley change our seating arrangement every night at the dinner table as long as they are sitting with us?  Or if my kids want to wear clothes that are totally uncoordinated as long as they are dressed in clean, weather appropriate clothes to leave the house?

I'm not a pushover, I don't think.  I draw a hard line where I need and want it to be.  I just don't see the worth in the stress that would encompass my life if I enforced a hard iron will on every little part of my kids days.  I also think if I did that I would be breeding little rebels instead of raising little men.  I hope I am giving my kids the opportunity to try and learn what works for them and what doesn't, what they like and what they don't.  Maybe some days this might seem more complicated than others as we let them be themselves, but they are learning lessons through it too.  Like when the Woody pajamas that Scooter wants to wear a second night in a row are dirty and I have to deal with his tears over it but I am not about to wash them right away.  Or when Riley is mad because I won't let him have apple juice before bed even though he was able to choose his drink all during the day and chose not to have juice until that moment.

And still, Tyler doesn't get it.  To him it's just annoying and he complains I let them get away with too much.  But, I was the same with him - although, like I said it's something I get better at all the time, so maybe on a smaller scale.  Even if he doesn't remember, I do.  I remember having to call every meat we ate at dinner 'chicken' and then he would eat it without complaint.  I remember him insisting on sharing cheerios with my mom instead of having his own bowl, but he was eating them so we let it go.  There was the stage he went through that he needed to know what kind of vacuum cleaner everyone had, so I patiently looked like a fool as I asked at each house we visited if we could see their vacuum.  I sat through him reading the same book to me over and over during first grade because he had to read to me and that was the book he wanted to read.  And even now, on movie night - Scotty and I will opt for a couple of choices and give Tyler the final vote.  I don't say a word when Tyler comes out of his room in the morning dressed in a striped shirt and plaid shorts.  And I let him choose his own haircut style, but I still say no to sideburns, because, really?  sideburns for children?  And even though I have always done breakfast first thing in the morning with PJ's for the kids - I don't stress about the fact that Tyler takes after his Grandpa B and prefers to hop in the shower first and get dressed before he makes his way out to the kitchen, even though deciding on and making/eating breakfast is the longest process for him in the mornings, always threatening to make us late.

So overall, sometimes we do things the kids way.  I guess I am just not a 'My Way or the Highway' kind of mom most of the time.  I see other moms being super patient with their kids (or sometimes not) and insisting that they do it moms way, and I am impressed they comply.  I know that some of them are looking at me and thinking that I let my kids get away with too much and probably thinking I am crazy.  Oh well, I do what I can.  I certainly draw a hard line when it comes to things like name-calling, fighting and being truthful, but I can let things like doing bedtime in a certain order or wearing completely clashing colors together go.  And if it makes Tyler a little crazy, so be it.  It'll be good for him to learn tolerance for other people's foibles, just like we tolerate his.

Thanks and God Bless!

First Day of School - Take 6

Well, it's the first day of school again.  I can't believe my baby is in 5th grade this year.  Preparation has changed a bit over the years.  Today Tyler went off to school with hair gel and deodarant applied.  Certainly not like years past.  Which gets me to thinking about how much things have changed for him, for our family and for me.  It also gets me to pondering what I hope my child does and does not get out of school.

I held it together on his first day of kindergarten until I left the building and then I cried like a baby.  Of course, I was 3 months pregnant, but I think I would have cried anyway.  I loved his teacher and I loved his school.  And what's not to love about kindergarten in general?  I mean, kids learn so much in one year - letters, reading, counting by fives.  It's great.  We learned together that it was okay to be apart.

First grade brought us a new school and a new teacher, but it was a fabulous change for us and Tyler did great.  We were nervous the first day, but all went well.  We did our first science project and we graduated from me reading to Tyler for his nightly assignment to him reading to his little brother.  We also learned that homework wasn't hard to do, just hard to want to do.

Second grade brought the first teacher that meant business.  She wasn't warm and fuzzy, but she was dedicated and brought out the best in Tyler by challenging him in great ways.  We weren't sure how much she liked us, but when I had my first parent-teacher conference in 3rd grade, Mrs. Patterson read me a letter from the 2nd grade teacher about what a special kid Tyler was and how she should challenge him as much as possible because he could take it, needed it and would be all the better for it.  2nd grade was also the beginning of REACH, a gifted program that Tyler was invited to join for a few hours a week where they focus on logic, creativity and thinking outside of the box.  That also meant a very intensive independent research project that took weeks of work and a level of research I hadn't done until middle school or early high school.  We learned that kids can do more, if we just ask them to.

Mrs. Patterson was by far his best teacher so far.  She had been teaching 3rd grade for 30 years and knew that age better than anyone I've met.  She taught Tyler responsibility for self while teaching me to let go a little bit at a time.  I also learned that it can be a great thing to be a room parent, but one time per kid is probably more than enough for this mom.

Fourth grade was the first time that Tyler went into the school by himself on the first day, without me walking him to his class.  And there was a lot about the year that left him to himself to figure out.  REACH became an all day event once per week, making him responsible for making up an entire days work from his regular class.  His REACH project was done almost completely without my help, making me very nervous.  But I got to watch him give his memorized presentation and he did as well as the 6th graders in his group.  His REACH teacher and I were both blown away by how much he exceeded our expectations.  His school was the first in district for 4th-6th graders to get assigned netbook computers so in the Spring I had a child coming home and playing on a computer that I didn't have complete control over and using Powerpoint to complete assignments just because he thought it was a good tool.  Neither one of us liked his 4th grade teacher.  Tyler learned that he wasn't top dog all the time as his math grade stumbled a bit and he had to learn to take his time and read directions carefully.  I learned that it really is OK to be the mom that calls the school to ask questions about curriculum and complain about a teacher's uncommunicative tendencies.

So now for Fifth Grade.  Everything is changing.  Tyler is literally growing like a weed right now both physically and emotionally.  He will rotate between 3 teachers this year which will hopefully teach him to be organized and responsible for his work and assignments because there won't be someone to remind him about every little thing.  He will be going on an overnight science field trip with the entire grade and I am not ready for that at all.  Later this year he will get the opportunity to choose an instrument for orchestra next year.  Okay - was I really this YOUNG when I did that?  He will be riding his bike to the local school and taking a bus to his school instead of me picking up and dropping off.  This means he will be getting to and leaving a strange school outside of hours that other kids and teachers are hanging around (I'm a nervous wreck, he's excited).  He walked into school on his own this morning and did not know which of the 5th grade classrooms was his home room.  Lockers have not been pre-assigned.  It might only be marginally different, but it's different.

And next year, we start all over again.  Scooter will be in Kindergarten and Tyler will have his last year of elementary school.  I am amazed at all they learn, good and bad.  I couldn't believe how Tyler's math work last year was really pre-algebraic and it will be interesting to see what he does this year.  I was really ticked off to find out that the state of Texas doesn't care anymore if kids learn to write or read cursive, and I hate that I will have to be the one to teach him and the others since I think it's important that he learns.  I love that Tyler does research on his own and properly accredits his sources.  I hate that he has had to learn that sometimes childhood friendships are fleeting and circumstancial.  I don't like that he's had to learn the hard way that every teacher is not good at what they do and yet, I think it's good he learned that early.  I like that he has to do a science project every year so he learns the process, but I hate the whole process and I am not a fan of science projects.  It hurts that Tyler has learned that kids love gossip and rumors and make a big deal out of stupid inconsequential things, making him cautious to be himself in front of his class at times.  But, I like the opportunity to teach him tolerance and compassion for others.  With luck and confidence, I hope that he is never bullied.  With diligence and love, I hope that he will never be a bully.

There are times that I think my kids would benefit from home schooling so that they can learn what I think is important, but I usually come to my senses about 5 seconds after I have that thought.  I think home schooling is great and if you really love it yourself, you should do it.  But, I would never have pushed or challenged Tyler as much as he has been so far because I wouldn't have thought it was possible for him to do some of the things he has done.  And when I do think something is being missed, I am more than capable of filling in the blanks.  I don't always like the life lessons he is learning either, but I think it's better he learns them.  I have a tendency to be over protective and sheltering of my children as it is.  If I homeschooled, they would never be prepared to face life in all it's reality.  The lessons are hard, but they are important and at the end of the day, I am always here for Tyler to talk it through, cry about it and reason it out.  Home should be a safe haven to come to and recover and heal and be safe.  It's a sanctuary.  Home should not be the ONLY place kids feel safe and comfortable because they all have to grow up and face the world someday and we should be teaching them how to function outside of the home.

Okay - enough ranting, I swear.  I've just been super reflective today as I usually am on the first day of school.  As I caught a glimpse of my son's suddenly hairier legs this morning, I realized how fast time is flying and how it was just yesterday that he was a pretty bald baby in my arms.  Childhood is racing by quickly.  And I only have one more year until Scooter is out of my house and gone all day too.  I better soak up every minute and teach him as much as I can about how to deal with life in general - on a 4 yr old's terms of course.  Which leads me to signing off as I hear the two little ones in the other room, fighting over light sabers and pretending the dog is a bad guy.  Guess it's time for another lesson in SHARING and also for one about GENTLENESS.

Thanks and God Bless!

Bedtime, What's a Bedtime?

During both our vacations this summer, while staying with family and friends, I was asked repeatedly 'What time do the kids go to bed?' and it wasn't a question I could answer.  My kids don't have a set bedtime really and it got me to wondering - Do other families really have set bedtimes and do they work? And if so, HOW?

I mean, it's not like I don't know they need a set bedtime and routine and it isn't as if I haven't TRIED to do this - a lot.  It's just that it seems to be one of those parts of parenting that I am not really the greatest at.

I used to think I was great at it.  When Tyler and I moved in with Scott, Tyler was five and bedtime was cake.  Tyler took a bath, I would read to him, he would snuggle with me on the couch for five to twenty minutes and then he would go to bed and I would tuck him in and he would go to sleep.  No problems whatsoever.  So when I brought Scooter home from the hospital, I was super confident that I could do the same thing with him.  And Scooter was way easier for sleeping as a baby.  He fell asleep faster and easier and stayed asleep longer.  I just knew that as long as I had the same routine for Scooter he would be just as good at bedtime as Tyler.  No matter where Tyler and I moved or traveled to, if we kept the same routine he would go to bed and sleep anywhere.  This was something I could do without any problems.

Problem # 1: Scooter is not Tyler.  I never took into account that Tyler just likes to go to bed.  Even now when he stays up late on a weekend or summer vacation, he will at some point just be ready for bed.  He will ASK if he can go to bed.  When he was 3 and stayed overnight with his dad and stepmom the first time, they couldn't believe how easy he went to bed, even in a situation that was different for him.  He'll ask to watch a movie with us, beg even, and 20 minutes before it's over he'll just be 'done' and ready for bed.  Won't even watch the end of the movie.  He's ready.  Scooter is a night owl.  As a baby he went to bed easy and stayed asleep, but even then it was more like 11:00 before he was really ready to go to bed.  Scooter will stay up most of the night if he can.  If the tv is on, he will just keep watching it.  He can stretch 'snuggle time' into hours.  He will even tell me 'I am just going to stay up all night'.  He just loves having Daddy and I in one place where he can be with us with no major distractions and will milk it as long as he can.

Problem # 2:  Riley was born (that sounds bad, but bear with me). Riley is only 19 months younger than Scooter and bringing him home during those critical toddler months for Scooter really threw a wrench into things.  Scooter just figured that if I was up with the baby, he should be up too.  Transitioning to a toddler bed was tricky, but doable.  Then, every time we would get Scooter settled into some kind of routine, Riley would transition to a new stage and the whole process would start over again.

Problem # 3:  Scooter and Riley share a room and then a bed.  When Riley was only about 20 months old, we noticed that Scooter didn't stay in his bed at night to fall asleep at all.  This was something he had done occasionally since he got out of his crib.  We would head to bed and find him asleep in his floor next to his bed or wake up in the morning and find him crashed out in the hallway, probably having started to head to our room but not making it that far.  But it was only a random thing for a while.  What we found as Riley grew and the two got closer and closer was that Scooter was falling asleep in the floor next to Riley's crib every night so they could be together.  So we searched Craig's List and found a full size bed and moved both boys into it together.  For a while this worked great, until they BOTH started getting out of bed every 2 minutes.  They would egg each other on, rile each other up and basically take hours to go to sleep.

Problem # 4:  I forgot.  I had conveniently forgotten over the years the problems I had with Tyler when he was little and how his bedtime routine actually came about.  I forgot about the countless times I took him back to his bed as a toddler.  I forgot about the times when we were at college and he wouldn't want me to leave him for the final goodnight and want one more song, one more story, one more anything.  How he would follow me out to the living room where I was studying over and over.  How he wouldn't want to settle down and I would have to put on some Otis Redding and dance slowly with him to the same song over and over.  How I would have to get my neighbor and friend to call me 30 minutes after bedtime so that I could say to Tyler 'Oh - I have to get the phone, stay right here and I'll be right back' and then he would go to sleep.  I forgot about the time when he was 3 and I thought he was safely asleep upstairs at my moms only to walk into my room downstairs and find that he was up and patiently decorating my nightstand and everything on it with Vicks VapoRub, saying 'Look momma, it's shiny'.  I forgot about when he was two and had night terrors every few days for a couple of months.  I just forgot about the long road to get Tyler to being so good at bedtime and all the hard work that I put into it.  In my mind, it had always been easy - but the truth is - it wasn't.

Problem # 5:  Schedules and Life Change.  We've had so many upheavals in our life since the little ones came along, it's a wonder we're all sane.  Scotty worked from home and then didn't.  He had 3 lay offs in 15 months and was here a lot with us and then he wasn't.  He had a job where he traveled most of the week for a short time.  He has worked crazy hours and not been here at all for bedtime.  He has taken up soccer and spent one night a week gone for bedtime.  He watches every other Cowboy game at his cousin's house and it seems like the Cowboys have the late game on Sundays a lot these days.  I have worked real estate and been gone showing houses at night.  I have gone back to work for a year and my kids didn't see me at all in the morning so bedtime was not just bedtime, it was a goodbye for them until the next afternoon.  I quit work and stayed home again, throwing things off just one more time.  I've then worked a temp job with late hours for just a week and screwed everything up again.  The kids fight nap times and when they don't have one they are overtired and overwrought and can't be calmed enough to get to sleep.  When I give up on a nap, they sometimes end up crashing out on the floor or couch for a very late nap which throws off bedtime completely because they just aren't tired.  They miss their dad during the day and he misses them.  They need time to play with him, but in order to do bedtime that has to be cut off eventually.  We get visitors from out of town who we either see in Rowlett and come home late or who hang out at our house and the kids don't want to go to bed and miss any fun.  It only takes the smallest change in our schedule to throw off the entire night and our routine, whatever that might be.

Problem # 6:  We try to fix the problems.  Everytime we attempt to make adjustments and make things better, somehow we create a new problem and make things worse.  When Scooter and Riley wouldn't fall asleep for close to 3 hours being in the same bed, we moved the big bed to Tyler's room and put Riley and Tyler together.  Riley didn't like falling asleep in the room alone and soon got in the habit of falling asleep on my bed and being moved.  Scooter liked having a bed to himself again, but missed having Riley in his room and didn't want to be alone, coming out over and over again and falling asleep on the couch eventually.  When we transitioned the kids back to their beds, they decided they needed someone with them to fall asleep and stay in bed, but they both always want MOM and I can't be in two rooms at once.  With Tyler in the same bed as Riley and us laying down with him, Tyler can't go to bed until Riley is asleep.  When we thought they were itching for more time with us to play in the evening we tried doing baths every other night and screwed up any kind of routine they were used to.  When we tried bringing the bath back every night they fought it because they knew bedtime was coming soon when bath time started.  When I tried having Riley in with Scooter for story time and prayer, the kids got all stirred up talking together, but when I try keeping it separate they wander into each other's rooms and mommy time.  I read books for tips and ideas and try to implement them but end up with another thing the kids HAVE to do before bed.  We watch supernanny religiously and try the back to bed technique, but the kids just yell 'GO AWAY' over and over again night after night.  You get the picture.

AND the BIGGEST Problem of All:  My kids are just different than each other and need different things.  One bedtime routine for all just doesn't work.  And neither does one bedtime.  Lately I have just been trying to slow it all down and figure it out a little better.  I have discovered that Scooter is a worry wart and if I take time to have a 'talk' with him at night, giving him precious moments to voice whatever is worrying him that day (this could be as simple as why flies fly or as complex as why Papa is in Heaven but our deceased cat is buried in the yard) and then pray together addressing his concerns, he is much more ready to stay put in bed and go to sleep.  I have also learned that Riley is all about touch, still.  When he was 9 months old, he was so obsessed with touching and pulling my hair to fall asleep I started buying fake hair pieces at the beauty supply store for him to hold as a security item (third kid, you learn that you do whatever it takes).  For the better part of a year, I made sure we had one or two of these on hand at all times.  It was really weird and Scott hated it, but Riley would hold onto those hair pieces and fall asleep all by himself.  He eventually outgrew the hair fetish, but he still needs touch to go to sleep and something related to me works best.  He falls asleep in my bed without my presence all the time, but he strokes my pillow case and snuggles into the smell of where I sleep to do it.  And in his bed, if I am there, he will eventually roll over and go to sleep, but he likes to be able to reach out and touch me, stroking my arm or touching my hair or face.  Sometimes it is enough if I just rub his back for a moment or rest next to him with my hand touching his.  Scooter does better with a decent night light to fall asleep and Riley likes to have soft music playing in the background to calm down.  You get the idea.

I have been diligently working this summer on turning my large front room that had been open to both entryway and kitchen into a big bedroom for all 3 kids.  I have taken out a closet, built walls and installed a pocket door with the assistance of my dear dad.  It's coming together nicely and I am planning on building the kids beds - each their own twin.  I can't wait to paint and see how it all looks in the end.  And I am hoping that bedtime will continue to get easier with this change.  Scooter won't be alone to fall asleep, but they won't be in one bed to kick and bug each other.  I can be with them both at one time and Tyler can go to bed whenever he likes.  I can combine the bedtime routine, letting Scooter talk to me about his worries while Riley touches my arm to settle down.  And I know that although this all sounds good, there are 5 other problems with this scenario lurking, waiting to pounce and mess us all up again.  Scott and I know that the kids probably aren't getting the right amount asleep for their ages and that a set bedtime is the best way to handle this.  We also know that if we can get a good routine down and keep to it, having some flexibility from time to time won't be as big of a deal.  We just don't know what the best way is to get there.  I am encouraged though in remembering the problems I had with Tyler because I can see that eventually things will get better.  I also know that compared to some people, my problems are easy.  At least the kids sleep in their own beds and usually stay there.  At least I don't have a little one wandering the house at night or getting up at 4 and staying up.  We'll get to a good bedtime place eventually.  I just hope it's sooner rather than later, and I hope I have the patience to endure.  And eventually, maybe I'll have a straight answer for someone when they ask what the kids bedtime is.

Thanks and God Bless!

Mac & Cheese, Soccer & Riley

Some things in life are very obviously worth waiting for:  The birth of your child after a long pregnancy, the first bite into a perfect Solly's cheeseburger after two long years, making the last payment on your car so it's finally yours and tv premier week after a long summer of reruns.  Other things worth waiting for are not quite as obvious and sometimes you don't even realize you are actually waiting for them, but that doesn't make them any less significant.  Which brings me to my little Riley who has given me several things lately that I didn't realize I was waiting for, but were most definitely worth the wait.

I realize that might sound a little odd right off the bat, but let me clarify - all of my kids have qualities that are wonderful and they each have things that they are good at and maybe easier on me than the others.  They all also have qualities that are not so wonderful and make things harder on me than the others.  So none of this is a dig at the older two in any way, it's just a celebration of Riley.  For example, I was starting to think that potty-training before a child was 3 1/2 was a myth or the holy grail, but Riley has been in underwear with barely any accidents for almost 2 weeks and wakes up dry from overnight and naps.  Who knew that was possible?  Not me - I had given up, but to suddenly be in a position to stop buying pull ups is awesome!  It's almost a whole year before I expected.  Yay Riley!

Let me start by letting you know - I love macaroni & cheese.  I mean, what's not to love?  It's cheese and pasta.  It's great in any form and I love just about all of it.  From gourmet to simple, generic, out-of-the-box -  it's all good.  My personal favorite is my mother-in-law's homemade mac & cheese.  It's a simple recipe that she can whip up at any time, but it is absolutely fabulous, creamy, rich, perfection.  I keep watching her making it and swear I am going to learn her recipe, but part of the beauty of mac & cheese is that it always tastes that much better when a mom (any mom) makes it for you.  I guess it's part of the comfort food factor.  Anyway - love it, love it, love it.  Therefore, it has always been frustrating to me that my oldest, Tyler, doesn't like it at all.  Really?  I thought all kids liked Mac & Cheese!  Nope.  Not mine.  Actually, he doesn't like pasta at all and never has.  He's by far my best eater and loves every other kind of starchy, carbohydrate food that I do, but no pasta.  Even at 10, he tries different pasta all the time but it's a no-go.  I think it might be a genetic mis-fire, but don't quote me on that.  And of course, Scooter doesn't like it, but we've already discussed Scooter's eating habits and that's not really a big surprise.

Which brings me to Riley, who eats mac & cheese at school.  For a while, the transition between 'what I eat at school' and 'what I eat at home' hasn't really been gelling together for Riley so he won't touch my mother-in-law's mac & cheese yet because it doesn't look like the stuff he gets at school.  He has also recently turned down pretty generic stuff at friends houses, I am assuming just because we were not at school.  And generally, I don't think to make the stuff for lunch anymore because who is going to eat it with me?  But yesterday we made a quick run to CVS for milk and as we were trolling the aisles, my eye lit upon the boxes of Kraft's finest.  Hmmm.  I don't really need a whole box for myself, should I risk it? 'Riley, would you like some macaroni and cheese for lunch?'  He eyed the box and must have decided it looked right because he said 'Yes!'  I bought the box and then repeatedly asked him through the drive home and the creation process if he was still going to eat it with me.  Guess what?  He did!  This might not seem momentous to you, but to me it was awesome!  It is rare that my two little ones actually eat something for lunch that I have made for myself.  Scooter had already chowed down on grapes and peanut butter crackers by the time Riley and I sat down at the table with a big bowl of mac & cheese in front of us.  The two of us each had several helpings and we finished almost the whole bowl.  Maybe I'm just being silly, but having lunch with my two year old made my day.  We talked, smiled and ate our way through something that is one of my favorite things - I was so happy!  Can't wait to do it again soon!

In addition to Scooter being a picky eater, he is also, what I call, 'my warm-up kid'.  He takes his own time to warm up to every single idea, situation and person.  When he is finally ready to take something on, he does it with gusto.  For example, his birth.  I was scheduled for an induction a day after my due date and kept getting rescheduled all day.  I was so annoyed since there had been lots of activity on the pre-labor scale and I really wanted this baby to get on with things, but he wasn't.  Just when I was sure that I was going to be pregnant at least another 3 days because of the hospital schedule, my water broke.  Between that moment and Scooter's birth was a time frame of less than 4 hours.  He waited until he was darn good and ready and then GUSTO.  Another example - Scooter has spent the entire summer having to be coaxed into big pools with Scott or I, clinging to our necks the whole time and getting out as soon as possible.  Then a week ago, he decided he wanted to jump in the pool to mommy catching him, without even testing the water first and I can't get him to stop doing it over and over again.  Tyler will try a lot of things at least once, if you talk to him about it first and let him get over being nervous and adjust to the idea. Like the big roller coasters at six flags this year which he will do, but he takes his time getting ready first.  Riley, however, is another story.  I don't know if it's just his personality, the fact that he's only 19 months younger than Scooter, or the fact that he's the youngest of 3 boys, but he is ready for every thing at any moment - whether we are ready as well or not.

It seems like playing Soccer as a preschooler is almost a rite of passage these days.  It's a fairly easy sport for little kids to learn how to play on a team, etc.  Tyler started at 3 1/2 and I spent the first half of his first practice with him clinging to my leg, screaming as I ran drills with the team and helped him get adjusted.  Then, he was fine with practice but the first few games were painful as he either cried and wouldn't go on the field in front of everyone or went onto the field and just stood there pouting.  He was eventually fine and loves playing sports, but since Scooter is twice as shy as Tyler ever was, I wasn't really anxious to repeat the process even though he absolutely loves every sport we introduce him to at home.  After all, he has to adjust to being around his much loved relatives almost every time we see them and this is a strange location, strange kids, strange parents.  Scott, however, has been ready for this since Scooter was born, well probably before.  So now at 4, we have started practice for an Upwards Soccer program.  Luckily, they are way understanding about shy kids and actually are encouraging me to stay with Scooter for the entire practice. I am not actually thrilled about the fact that I have to stand near him the whole time and constantly encourage him to participate while running around like an idiot, but I am hoping it will eventually pay off.

I look around at these other kids though and these parents and I wonder - what am I doing wrong?  These other kids take a second to adjust to a new situation and pow - they are off and running.  Obviously at different rates, but the other parents aren't in the middle of the soccer field running around with their kids.  And it's not like I could just leave Tyler or Scooter out there to fend for themselves, because they wouldn't stay put.  And really - do you want to force your kid to play?  No - the whole point is that you want them to have fun.  I just seem to have to 'encourage' my kids to have fun in these situations.  It's gotta be me, right?  Two kids in a row like this - I have to be too clingy or overprotective or something.

Except, there is Riley.  Riley wants to play and he wants to play on a team.  He won't be 3 until November 1st, so he can't play on a team until the spring.  But he tells me every night 'I wanna talk about soccer,' 'What about soccer honey?' 'When I'm 3, I play on a team.'  Every single night as I am putting him to bed.  The Y has these soccer-tot programs 2 yr olds can do with their parents and I will enroll Riley next week, but if you try to explain that to him, it's not good enough.  He wants what Scooter has, but doesn't want. At practice, the coaches are very understanding about Riley too.  They don't really care if he runs around and practices with Scooter - especially if it will help Scooter adjust.  They know Riley isn't really on the team, but Riley doesn't know that.  He just wants it.

Last night the problem wasn't that Riley wanted to play too, it was that we were short a ball.  Riley would hand over the ball to let Scooter have a turn for drills, but when Scooter would hesitate, Riley just took the ball back and stood in front of him to take over!  It was kind of funny.  After all, Scooter has been talking for Riley and doing for Riley his whole life.  Whenever Riley takes too long to make a decision or Scooter doesn't like the choice, he's pretty quick to take over for his little brother.  Even trying to get Riley to answer questions about colors or shapes with Scooter around is difficult because he doesn't really give Riley time to answer before he jumps in and does it for him.  Lately, though, Riley has been putting his foot down (or yelling a protest, or hitting his brother when he takes the 'good' toy away, etc.) and staking his own claim.  I guess he figures that if Scooter isn't going to play soccer when he can, Riley will just do it for him.

Eventually, I had to have Scott come take Riley off the court so that I could just focus on Scooter and work on getting him through this challenge.  Scooter did great and actually started listening to the coaches and participating in drills without too much flack (there was still an occasional obstinant expression and a backwards kick into the goal, just to show that he could), so I know that although this season might be a bit stressful, it will be worth it in the end.  Still, I felt so bad for Riley. 

Riley wants to be a 'big' boy so bad and he always seems to be waiting.  I know a lot of these particular age barriers will be cured once he's 3, but there will always be another one.  Scooter is already stressing about starting kindergarten next year and Riley will have to wait 2 years after that because of when his birthday falls.  I can already hear the complaints.  And eventually it will be that Scooter is tall enough for big rides, but won't want to try them.  Riley won't be tall enough but will be chomping at the bit to get on one. Ugh - and what about when it comes to driving?  Please God, don't let Scooter just hand over the keys to Riley before he has a license just because he wants to drive!

Overall, the two of them are a good team.  They usually compensate for each other pretty well and they are almost inseparable.  I am glad they have such good friends in each other.  The age struggle is tough sometimes though and I know it will always be that way.  But, how cool is it that I have a kid who is just ready to jump in and try stuff?  It's kind of scary that he doesn't really think things through, but he is only 2 so we can work on that.  But I am pretty sure that I am not going to have to worry about walking Riley through his first practice at any sport, or talk him into trying a new adventure, or explain over and over again how we all get nervous the first day of school, etc.

Maybe I am just a different mom to Riley than the other two.  Maybe it's just that he has a lot of his Papa Barrow running in his veins.  Maybe it's because he has to fight so hard to get what he wants with two older brothers in his way.  Maybe it's because he's not that much younger than Scooter.  Or maybe, it's just that Riley is Riley.  And how awesome is that?  So 3 cheers for my little Riley Bear!  Riley who is just not afraid to be himself and show it to everyone.  Riley, who showed his mom this week that even if I didn't know I was waiting for some little stuff to happen along the road of parenthood - it was worth every second!

Thanks and God Bless!

Summer Vacation with a 'Big' Kid

Today marks the beginning of the last week of summer vacation around here.  Really, summer vacation doesn't actually apply to anyone but Tyler in this house, but I guess we all kind of inherit the attitude and the laziness factor even though we aren't in school.  It amazes me how fast his summer vacation flies by when I remember my summer vacations as a child being long.  Or seeming long anyway.  The truth is though, he only gets 10 weeks off and since some of that time is spent in Denton with his Dad, it goes by in fast forward.  So I find myself this morning wondering if we hit all of our 'fun goals' for the summer and if Tyler enjoyed his time off.  Also - what should we do this week to finish it off?

Growing up, I spent the bulk of my summer vacation time in Wisconsin visiting family and friends and I can't remember being bored very much.  Mom kept kids in our home so when we were at home, we were AT home.  We would do swimming lessons in the mornings for a couple of weeks and if the moms in the neighborhood could organize a car pool, we spent a lot of afternoons at the local pool.  But most of the time we were playing with our friends or lounging around the house watching tv.  Then through various means and circumstances, we usually found ourselves in Wisconsin for several weeks, shuffling between my dad's parents and my mom's sister, Kaye, seeing all of our cousins and friends.  And the best part of those trips was that the three of us kids weren't always together.  Matthew spent extra time with Aunt Valerie and cousin David, Asheley enjoyed some time alone with my Grandma and Grandpa Brawand, and I got to go stay with my Emmrich buddies or Jennifer Clemens ALL BY MYSELF!  Woohoo!  We had lots of time together too, but I really loved being on my own and doing things that didn't involve being a big sister all of the time.

Because I am the oldest, and understand how that can sometimes be seriously challenging, I empathize with Tyler a lot.  And as our family has grown with brothers for Tyler that are quite a bit younger than he is, I have tried to find things for him to do during the summer that are just for him.  We have done a lot of day camps over the summers and this year, we've had two days a week that the little ones were in day care and it was just the two of us - even if that meant he had to hang out while I worked.  I had really hoped that at least one of those days could just be big kid time with mom each week, but it hasn't really worked out that way.  We did get to hit one movie on our own though and we had a great day at six flags with some cousins and no little brothers.

We also had 2 great vacations.  The first was to Wisconsin.  Even though Tyler was born here, he has always wanted to be from Wisconsin too.  He loves it up there and it's always his favorite vacation.  This year, I got to share a Wisconsin 4th of July with my kids, something I've always wanted.  And, I got to take Tyler to Summerfest (for those of you not in the know, this is the largest music festival in the world held on shores of Lake Michigan in Milwaukee every summer). For my music loving 10 year old - this was great.  He even wore his favorite Beatles t-shirt because he thought it was appropriate.  And while we visited with family and friends, there were always enough big kids around for Tyler to play with so he was never bored. 

The second trip was to Clovis, NM to see Scott's sister and family and our newest nephew.  The cousins loved playing together and Aunt Doo and Uncle Aric made sure all of the kids had plenty of fun stuff to do including a bounce house in the backyard, a trip to the Air Force Base for Scott, Tyler & I including a tour of a very large plane and a basketful of water guns which were endlessly entertaining.  The best part for all of us 'big kids' though was getting to peer through Aric's night vision goggles for a minute!  Wow!  You wouldn't believe everything you can see through those things!

Tyler has definitely had plenty of down time this summer, watching tv and playing video games.  He has also had plenty of time to play with his best friend and next door neighbor, Jerry.  Plus, his Grandpa and I have been tearing down closets and building walls which he has got to help with.  That can't be all bad.  He's also done Vacation Bible School and a weekend at the family lake house at Lake Texhoma where he loves to fish and swim at the beach.  Also, his dad took a whole week off when he was there for one of his visits.  They have done a couple of nature hikes together, he got his first pocket knife, he has gotten to boat with Jenifer's parents and they have done quite a bit of swimming at both beach and pool.  He's also gotten quite a bit of time alone with both Brian's parents and mine which I know he really loves.

I know he really wanted to do a water park this summer and swimming is just something we haven't done a lot of.  I feel bad about it, but really it's a serious challenge for me.  Getting 3 kids to a park or pool is difficult, but not impossible.  Watching 3 kids around water by myself, now that's tricky.  Plus, it's just too darn hot.  I know at 10, Tyler doesn't really notice it, but 105 + Heat index for me is way too much.  It's too hot to really enjoy being outside, even if you are in the water.

The back to school preparation has begun around here and I have just realized it's my last summer to do this for just one kid - Scooter will start kindergarten in a year.  School supplies were pre-ordered last spring, but the new backpack and lunch box are purchased, as well as a new bike lock.  Tyler's room is reorganized and cleaned up, ready for a new year.  Bed time is slowly being reinforced so we aren't zombies the first week of school.  Schedules are starting to come together.  And Tyler has begun to have that gloomy 'it's almost over' look about him.  Sometime this week we'll get info about his teachers for the year and on Thursday night we'll venture to the school to meet them and let him reconnect with his school friends.

Maybe this week we'll cram in another movie or make our way to the small water park in Rowlett (enlisting Grandma for extra help, of course), or maybe we'll just take it easy and enjoy the last week of freedom mixed with a fair amount of preparation for school.  Either way, I hope Tyler isn't disappointed.  I hope he had a good summer off.  I'm always glad when school lets out each year, and equally glad when it starts up again.  But I've really enjoyed this summer and for the first time in a long time (maybe because the babies aren't babies anymore or maybe because we haven't been driving to day camp after day camp) I am not quite as anxious to see it end.  I love the schedule of the year, but I could do with a couple more weeks of just chillin out with my big kid.  After all, he's ten and going into 5th grade.  His childhood is racing by - just like his summer vacations do.  I don't want to waste it.

God Bless!