Good Morning! For some reason my husband left, came back and left again 4 different times this morning before he actually got in his truck and went to work and the repeated opening and closing and locking of my front door that likes to stick woke me fully for the first time all week before 8 a.m. I considered rolling over and becoming comatose again, but decided instead that my week of leisure was probably at an end, so I climbed out of bed, grabbed my favorite coffee cup and plopped myself down at the computer while my kids are still snoozing.
I cannot tell you when the last time was that I got to sleep in as late and as consistently as I have this week. It has most definitely been years, but it really feels like decades. Even during summer vacations with no alarm buzzing in my ear every morning, my Riley bear usually has me up before 7, except for a rare day he might sleep until 8:30, but then Scooter will be up at the crack of dawn instead. Well before Scooter came along, Tyler was always an early riser until he turned 7 or 8. I have been so immersed in school schedules, babies and preschoolers the last few years that I literally forgot what it could be like to get more than 6 hours of sleep at a time more than once in a great long while. This week has been incredible. For six whole mornings, right in a row, no one has woken me before 9 a.m. except once and that was at 8:45. I feel like a new woman! When I spoke with my dear friend Mandy yesterday and mentioned this, she said she hated me. She has a 3 year old who likes to be up and have attention, plus she's had to work this week. Sorry, Mandy, I have paid my dues for the last 10+ years. I was due!
Sleep is healing. Sleep is amazing. Sleep might be the greatest thing ever invented! I forgot how wonderful sleep could actually be! And sleep has given me new perspective on the crazy Christmas we experienced now that I have had time to get over it and recover from it. When December 26th dawned, I first slept until a whopping 10 a.m. (literally a Christmas miracle), and then I plopped myself on the couch and refused to move for most of the day. I then took a 2 hour nap in the late afternoon (also a near-miracle that my kids left me alone and also that I was able to fall asleep) before finally deciding that my family should have a decent dinner. So I took 10 minutes out of my non-busy non-schedule to throw together one of those ridiculously unhealthy complete-meal-in-a-box things to scarf down before collapsing into bed again.
The best part of the after-Christmas haze is that when my kids got out of bed in the morning, they didn't come straight to get me. They were sidetracked on the route from their bedroom to mine by the still present tree with all their new goodies tucked underneath for storage during the night. When they did get out of bed, they played quietly for an hour or so with their new stash before finally coming to get me for a cup of milk and some breakfast. Santa really did bring me something for Christmas after all - some much needed rest.
Christmas was a flurry of activity for at least 20 days of the month. There really wasn't a down day between baking, decorating, putting on our annual Christmas cookie decorating party, get-togethers, shopping, wrapping and DRIVING. I think I drove over 3000 miles this month. Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but it sure felt like I drove that much. Getting it all done took more out of me than ever before and all I wanted to do was reach the finish line, December 26th. Truthfully, I knew that if I just got to my mother-in-law's on Christmas day for late brunch of traditional family favorite, eggs benedict, then I could chill out. The crazy would be over and I could finally relax. Except I still had to drive home - longest 30 minutes of the year, I swear, when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and pass out.
I felt old. Really old. I looked at my face in the mirror and wondered what happened to it - to me. I've spent the week considering botox alternatives and boarding schools. All this major effort crammed into a few short weeks is enough to make you consider atheism or maybe just bah-humbugism. Not that I ever would. Because it was all worth it - worth every lost moment of sleep, backache, headache, stomach ache and every mile on my odometer. It was worth every penney and more. It always is.
I love Christmas. I love the truth of Christmas, which is that God gave us the greatest gift of all, his son. And I love sharing that with my kids. In the days leading up to the BIG DAY, instead of snoozing on the couch in the afternoons, my sons and I did an advent activity my mom got for us a few years ago 'What God Wants for Christmas' 15 or so times. They were surprised every single time that what God wanted was them (It's a gift box they open with a mirror inside). Scooter's complete and utter astonishment that the best thing about Christmas was that it was Jesus' birthday (like I haven't told him this 500 times) was truly priceless. Telling them over and over again that we give gifts (and therefore Santa gives gifts) because God gave us this most precious gift ever, is what the holiday is all about. Cookies and presents and parties are just the icing on the cake. Christ's birth is the most amazing thing ever and even though my kids get super excited about what they find under the tree on Christmas morning, I spent weeks leading up to the event whispering into their ears the real reason we get to have that joy. I know that at 4 and 3, they aren't REALLY getting it, but I am laying the groundwork every year and eventually it will sink in, it certainly has for Tyler. And when I get their undivided attention for 30 seconds and can get some of the most important information they will every hear into their heads, I know all the other stuff doesn't matter.
And ooohhhh - the presents. I actually spent less this year than I usually do thanks to my black Friday adventure, but you wouldn't know it from my kids faces. Scooter and Riley were completely blown away that they found both a toy Zurg (from Toy Story 2) and a Trunk-Fresh Race Car (a character from the Cars movie with no lines - we had his trailer, but no car) were under the tree since they both know that you absolutely CANNOT find either one in the stores. Believe me - they've looked. Santa is absolutely and completely amazing! He must have made them special, just for us! (Thank You Amazon!) Tyler was overwhelmed with his new Nintendo DSiXL which I thought was crazy (almost got him another regular one), but he has made enough use of the extra features like the camera and the flip notes already to make it worth the extra money. The kids have been bugging me all week about when the brand new trampoline (complete with safety net and bullseye led lights that will flash when they jump) will be put up in the back yard, but I let their dad have a day off after Christmas too and it's been wet and dark every day when he got home from work this week. We are negotiating skipping the bowl game fest tomorrow in order to see this task completed. One guess who will win this particular discussion! :)
The biggest hits came not from Santa, but from relatives. My sister sent the little boys Jedi capes (so that I can stop the endless safety pin/blanket cycle - thank you Asheley) and a Star Wars Lego Encyclopedia. The robes are really nice and the kids have worn them every day. When they opened the book, they were so excited they wanted to read the whole thing before they opened another gift. She also sent Tyler a book he had been asking for (and has already finished) and some iTunes (which he has already redeemed and spent on some new music). Asheley certainly knows her nephews well and they were pretty darn excited about their gifts from far off places. They were also pretty pumped about their pillow-pets from Aunt Du and fishing rods from Uncle Billy (Scott and I were gifted with rods too, mine is pink which is cool, but I don't know if that will make it more likely to get used any time soon :)!)
And then there were the jet packs from Grandma and Grandpa. This was the one item that I had wanted on Black Friday that I failed to get. They were sold out by 6 a.m. since the stores had been open at midnight or whatever. Dad found them online though and they are definitely the most popular thing my kids got this week. Buzz Lightyear jetpacks that Scooter and Riley wear over their shoulders. Complete with a big red button they press which makes the wings pop out, light up, and produce flying sounds along with the traditional 'Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue!' in Tim Allen's voice before you push the button again and the wings go back down. Loud, but fun. The kids have been wearing them every day, even Tyler has tried them out more times than I care to remember. Uncle Matthew and Aunt Tara made a splash also with a huge Evil Dr. Pork Chop flying ship (from Toy Story 3) that came with a million pieces. Matthew also completed Tyler's essential Beatles collection with 4 more CDs. He was very excited and I know that any road trips this year will be accompanied with the White Album and Abbey Road now in addition to the Sgt. Peppers and Yellow Submarine we were priveleged to hear on the way to Wisconsin this summer.
Scott made use of his brand new mini-cordless drill I got him immediately by opening and closing battery compartments on toys (I joked that I did most of the work leading up to Christmas, but then he goes to work once the presents are opened, getting things out of boxes and working and put together!) and he was very excited about the red sweater that Scooter insisted he have since red is his favorite color. I was thrilled with the personalized ornament the boys got me - 5 Santa bears with all of our names on it and the year memoralized on it - and a huge bottle of my favorite perfume (Chanel No. 5 - I know it makes me old fashioned, but it's still my favorite). I hadn't had a bottle of this stuff in 3 years. You don't buy good perfume when you have 3 lay-offs in just over a year. I had used my last bottle so sparingly to make it last, but it's been a long time since I had that good smelling stuff and it's something I don't think to buy for myself very often since the kids always come first. Oh - and Scooter picked out some Christmas socks for me that are very, well, green. They are actually really nice, but will probably find their way to the bottom of my sock drawer until the next Christmas season arrives. He had insisted I have something pretty though, and Scott listened to him just like I had when I took him shopping.
I was very excited to give some special gifts this year, like the personalized tu-tu totes for my neices and the picture collage coffee mugs for my dad and mom-in-law. I also found a cool hymn book for my mom with stories about their origins and authors. I always get the kids books for Christmas and this year Tyler found 3 drawing books, one with assorted drawing pencils and tools included, under the tree to hopefully assuage his need to doodle on absolutely everything.
Even though my house looked like a toy store had exploded in here all week and I was suffering from sheer exhaustion, Christmas was still wonderful. My brother-in-law's father died suddenly a week before Christmas which was heart-wrenching, but it also brought him home from Iraq for his son's first Christmas which is what we all chose to focus on. I attended another funeral yesterday for a friend whose mother had passed just 2 days after Christmas and my great-aunt Grace passed on Christmas morning. Amid the loss, I realize how precious these times are. These moments with my children and my husband. It's chaotic and hectic and crazy pulling it all together every year, but it's so worth it to make the memories that will last for my children's lifetimes. They won't remember every toy they opened, but they will remember the family being together and the joy we made happen. And now that I've had some sleep, that's what I am focusing on too.
Scooter convinced me to take down our tree last night. I usually tackle this feat on New Year's day or on the 2nd, but my four year old was ready for some more floor space to spread out his new treasure trove of toys so I complied. There is still quite a lot of un-decorating to do, but I am kind of pleased my new year isn't going to start with a huge task that makes me more crazy than putting everything up does. As happy as I am to get all my Christmas stuff out after Thanksgiving, I am always more than ready to put it all away again when Christmas is over. Time to get back to normal, right? There is a science project looming and a spelling bee scheduled next week. There is a ridiculous amount of organizing to do that I have been putting off. I have a list of projects a mile long to tackle soon and a barrage of doctor's appointments and parent-teacher conferences and school projects and tests that are barreling towards me in the next few months.
I think I put a lot of life on hold to make Christmas happen and now I have to get back to it all. Sigh. The kids will never be just this age again, have just this particular level of excitement and joy. It's different every year, even in it's sameness. I'm so glad we got to spend it together and now I'm so glad it's over. As Scotty says 'One more Christmas in the books!'. I hate it when he says that as soon as the gifts are opened, but about a week later I am right there with him.
I hope you all had an excellent holiday and got to be with those you love. And I hope you all have a wonderful, safe, New Year!
God Bless!
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Doing Christmas requires a LOT of Coffee . . .
Have I ever told you how much I love coffee? I LOOOOOVE coffee. Coffee is my lifeblood and if I ever have to give it up completely I am not sure that I will survive. I like it simple: hot, black, not too strong, not too weak. I drink it all day long. If there is coffee around, I'll pour myself a cup - even if it's 10 p.m. When I went to Vegas, I didn't request many alcoholic beverages from the cocktail waitresses, but if they came by my slot machine I always asked for another cup of coffee. Occasionally, I will dabble in a slightly flavored cup, but the flavor must be in the beans, not a cream because I don't add anything to a perfect cup of joe.
Starbucks has ruined good old, regular American coffee. Okay, I know a lot of you probably love Starbucks and please don't hold any of this against me, but I just don't and for good reason. By creating elaborate latte, mocha, mochaccino, frappaccino and whatever-else-they-can-come-up-with drinks, they have resorted to making a coffee so strong that it's gross. They had to. Otherwise you would just be drinking syrup and sugar and cream. So they brewed the strongest beans they could as strongly as they could so that people would feel like they were still drinking some sort of coffee when really they were just having dessert for breakfast. By the way have you tried some of their desserts? Not good. Dry & tasteless, most of them - guess you don't need flavor in your pastry if you are drinking a half a cup of flavored syrup with your breakfast.
So if you are like me and you just want a cup of black coffee, Starbucks is not the place to go. Don't get me wrong, I love a good cup of coffee. I like to try dark roasts and columbian blends and strong espresso shots as much as the next coffee lover. But there is a way to brew this stuff for the average coffee drinker and Starbucks goes way overboard. I think they just double the amount of beans per cup to make it strong enough to withstand the sugary crud they pour in there. I avoid Starbucks as much as possible, but when I have no choice, I will partake. Since they brew their coffee so strong that it is a bitter mess, I usually ask for the barista to give me about an inch of hot water at the top of my cup. That way I can get a pretty decent cup of nice strong joe without having to add salt.
Oh - the salt thing! This is my only occasional add-in for coffee. Whenever you are given a cup of coffee that is bitter because it's been sitting in the same pot all day or it's the end of the pot or some teenager that thinks they are a barista at your local coffee shop doesn't know whay they are doing - sprinkle in some salt and stir! It sounds crazy, I know, but it cuts the bitterness and doesn't affect the flavor of your drink. You won't taste it and it really works! You can also put a little salt in your coffee grounds if your own machine is producing swill. I found when I was working that a lot of companies don't buy a type of coffee for the office based on flavor, just price, and salt in the grounds will remove the bitterness from the tar they are serving you. My helpful tip for the day!
Anyway, my problems with Starbucks are not just about Starbucks. I can avoid that particular establishment most of the time. The real problem is how their brand has effected coffee everywhere else in America. Now everyone thinks they have to do coffee the same way. Even Burger King just changed their coffee to Seattle's Best or something like that and then altered their brewing style. BK was my favorite drive-thru stop for coffee - it was strong, but not bitter and they always have a hot pot on hand. Now it's more bitter and not really more flavorful. So sad. I also stop at 7-11 a lot because they usually make a great cup of coffee and there are tons of choices. Even during a slow part of the day, 7-11 will have at least 2 or 3 fresh pots of coffee to choose from of which at least one will not be a Seattle type version of overbrewed ickiness.
Starbucks has also caused the price of coffee to skyrocket! Seriously, even the cheapest place to get a cup-to-go will now cost you two dollars or more. I know these businesses aren't paying that much for the beans or grounds, but I suspect that they believe if they charge more for the coffee then we will believe we are getting a better cup. Don't they realize that at Starbucks you aren't paying $8 for the coffee, but for the syrup and sugar and milk and cream - and probably the electric bill for all those gadgets?
As much as I love a cup of coffee that I didn't have to brew, most of the time I settle for the pot of java that my hubby starts for me every morning (isn't he sweet?) and I try not to drink more than the 3/4 of a pot per day that's left after he takes his to-go cup with him to work. I know that's a lot for a normal person and I suppose I'll have to cut back eventually, but it's kind of genetic (my dad and brother can drink even more than I can most days). All bets are off if I leave the house though because if someone has coffee in their home while I'm there, I'll drink it and sometimes I just cruise through a drive-thru for an extra cup while I'm on the run. I always show up with cup in hand wherever I happen to find myself.
All this to say - yesterday I drank double my normal coffee quotient. Two major reasons: First, I failed in a major way attempting to make elaborate floral Christmas bows with wired ribbon at MOPS (one should not attempt this when hormones are high). When nervous, go for the coffee - like my nerves aren't jangled enough - right? And Second - I came home and attempted to put our annual picture Christmas card together. Hours of cropping and blending backgrounds and attempting to remove the huge zit on my forehead that even though concealer hid it in my mirror, Dougie's high resolution camera brought out every single flaw I have. He shot over 200 pics of my family in our home and yet it was incredibly difficult to find shots to work with. Not because he isn't great - he is fabulous! No, the problem was just my family!
Last year's Christmas pictures were disastrous because Scooter was 3 and also doesn't like the pressure so he was either screaming or refusing to look at the camera. This year, Scooter was still stubborn because he's Scooter, but I also had another 3 year old in the house. Even Tyler had his moments of uncooperative behavior because he had already been through picture madness with his other 2 younger siblings in Denton that day. He was tired. Adding to the chaos was my hubby's insistence that he and I actually appear on the card this year, which we haven't done since the year we got married. Oy! Getting a shot with five people looking at the camera at one time, all eyes open and not crying or grimacing at 7 pm on a school night is NOT easy.
We did get some good shots though and I was able to put together a decent card with a collage of photos including all 5 of us and a marginal shot of the kittens back. Turns out that if you ask your preschoolers to bring the cat in for a picture they are much more cooperative than posing on their own. I drank a whole extra pot of coffee yesterday afternoon putting the thing together and looking at all those pictures in serious detail. What I wanted to share with you was a couple of the pictures that did NOT make it into the card. Just a couple of samples of what I was dealing with.
Like this one, where Scooter and Tyler had almost identical grimaces on their faces:
Or samples like this where no one was happy, but Scotty and I kept smiles glued to our faces on the off chance that a picture would turn out decent:
Or I guess I could have used the pics of the back of kids heads:
But, I also had some great moments that Doug captured that won't go in a card either, like these:
All the coffee I consumed helped me plow through, make the cards, pick them up, get them stuffed, labeled and sealed. I can cross one more thing off of my list, I guess. I'd like to say that I'll drink less coffee today, but I'm headed to both my mothers and my mother-in-laws to pick up Christmas yummies that will help fill a care package for my brother-in-law overseas (Airforce) and I know I'll be drinking coffee there too.
It would be so nice if people would stop trying to be Starbucks and just offer regular old coffee. I NEED the coffee. This time of year, getting ready for Christmas, I need gallons of coffee to keep me moving. It's the only way Christmas is getting done.
Hmmmm, look at that - my cup is empty again.
God Bless!
Starbucks has ruined good old, regular American coffee. Okay, I know a lot of you probably love Starbucks and please don't hold any of this against me, but I just don't and for good reason. By creating elaborate latte, mocha, mochaccino, frappaccino and whatever-else-they-can-come-up-with drinks, they have resorted to making a coffee so strong that it's gross. They had to. Otherwise you would just be drinking syrup and sugar and cream. So they brewed the strongest beans they could as strongly as they could so that people would feel like they were still drinking some sort of coffee when really they were just having dessert for breakfast. By the way have you tried some of their desserts? Not good. Dry & tasteless, most of them - guess you don't need flavor in your pastry if you are drinking a half a cup of flavored syrup with your breakfast.
So if you are like me and you just want a cup of black coffee, Starbucks is not the place to go. Don't get me wrong, I love a good cup of coffee. I like to try dark roasts and columbian blends and strong espresso shots as much as the next coffee lover. But there is a way to brew this stuff for the average coffee drinker and Starbucks goes way overboard. I think they just double the amount of beans per cup to make it strong enough to withstand the sugary crud they pour in there. I avoid Starbucks as much as possible, but when I have no choice, I will partake. Since they brew their coffee so strong that it is a bitter mess, I usually ask for the barista to give me about an inch of hot water at the top of my cup. That way I can get a pretty decent cup of nice strong joe without having to add salt.
Oh - the salt thing! This is my only occasional add-in for coffee. Whenever you are given a cup of coffee that is bitter because it's been sitting in the same pot all day or it's the end of the pot or some teenager that thinks they are a barista at your local coffee shop doesn't know whay they are doing - sprinkle in some salt and stir! It sounds crazy, I know, but it cuts the bitterness and doesn't affect the flavor of your drink. You won't taste it and it really works! You can also put a little salt in your coffee grounds if your own machine is producing swill. I found when I was working that a lot of companies don't buy a type of coffee for the office based on flavor, just price, and salt in the grounds will remove the bitterness from the tar they are serving you. My helpful tip for the day!
Anyway, my problems with Starbucks are not just about Starbucks. I can avoid that particular establishment most of the time. The real problem is how their brand has effected coffee everywhere else in America. Now everyone thinks they have to do coffee the same way. Even Burger King just changed their coffee to Seattle's Best or something like that and then altered their brewing style. BK was my favorite drive-thru stop for coffee - it was strong, but not bitter and they always have a hot pot on hand. Now it's more bitter and not really more flavorful. So sad. I also stop at 7-11 a lot because they usually make a great cup of coffee and there are tons of choices. Even during a slow part of the day, 7-11 will have at least 2 or 3 fresh pots of coffee to choose from of which at least one will not be a Seattle type version of overbrewed ickiness.
Starbucks has also caused the price of coffee to skyrocket! Seriously, even the cheapest place to get a cup-to-go will now cost you two dollars or more. I know these businesses aren't paying that much for the beans or grounds, but I suspect that they believe if they charge more for the coffee then we will believe we are getting a better cup. Don't they realize that at Starbucks you aren't paying $8 for the coffee, but for the syrup and sugar and milk and cream - and probably the electric bill for all those gadgets?
As much as I love a cup of coffee that I didn't have to brew, most of the time I settle for the pot of java that my hubby starts for me every morning (isn't he sweet?) and I try not to drink more than the 3/4 of a pot per day that's left after he takes his to-go cup with him to work. I know that's a lot for a normal person and I suppose I'll have to cut back eventually, but it's kind of genetic (my dad and brother can drink even more than I can most days). All bets are off if I leave the house though because if someone has coffee in their home while I'm there, I'll drink it and sometimes I just cruise through a drive-thru for an extra cup while I'm on the run. I always show up with cup in hand wherever I happen to find myself.
All this to say - yesterday I drank double my normal coffee quotient. Two major reasons: First, I failed in a major way attempting to make elaborate floral Christmas bows with wired ribbon at MOPS (one should not attempt this when hormones are high). When nervous, go for the coffee - like my nerves aren't jangled enough - right? And Second - I came home and attempted to put our annual picture Christmas card together. Hours of cropping and blending backgrounds and attempting to remove the huge zit on my forehead that even though concealer hid it in my mirror, Dougie's high resolution camera brought out every single flaw I have. He shot over 200 pics of my family in our home and yet it was incredibly difficult to find shots to work with. Not because he isn't great - he is fabulous! No, the problem was just my family!
Last year's Christmas pictures were disastrous because Scooter was 3 and also doesn't like the pressure so he was either screaming or refusing to look at the camera. This year, Scooter was still stubborn because he's Scooter, but I also had another 3 year old in the house. Even Tyler had his moments of uncooperative behavior because he had already been through picture madness with his other 2 younger siblings in Denton that day. He was tired. Adding to the chaos was my hubby's insistence that he and I actually appear on the card this year, which we haven't done since the year we got married. Oy! Getting a shot with five people looking at the camera at one time, all eyes open and not crying or grimacing at 7 pm on a school night is NOT easy.
We did get some good shots though and I was able to put together a decent card with a collage of photos including all 5 of us and a marginal shot of the kittens back. Turns out that if you ask your preschoolers to bring the cat in for a picture they are much more cooperative than posing on their own. I drank a whole extra pot of coffee yesterday afternoon putting the thing together and looking at all those pictures in serious detail. What I wanted to share with you was a couple of the pictures that did NOT make it into the card. Just a couple of samples of what I was dealing with.
Like this one, where Scooter and Tyler had almost identical grimaces on their faces:
Or samples like this where no one was happy, but Scotty and I kept smiles glued to our faces on the off chance that a picture would turn out decent:
Or I guess I could have used the pics of the back of kids heads:
But, I also had some great moments that Doug captured that won't go in a card either, like these:
All the coffee I consumed helped me plow through, make the cards, pick them up, get them stuffed, labeled and sealed. I can cross one more thing off of my list, I guess. I'd like to say that I'll drink less coffee today, but I'm headed to both my mothers and my mother-in-laws to pick up Christmas yummies that will help fill a care package for my brother-in-law overseas (Airforce) and I know I'll be drinking coffee there too.
It would be so nice if people would stop trying to be Starbucks and just offer regular old coffee. I NEED the coffee. This time of year, getting ready for Christmas, I need gallons of coffee to keep me moving. It's the only way Christmas is getting done.
Hmmmm, look at that - my cup is empty again.
God Bless!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
The Power of '3' . . .
Oh, how I've been craving the keyboard this week. All week long I have wanted to write and had so many things to write about and yet I just couldn't get here. I couldn't find five minutes to sit, much less an hour to compose thoughts and words and coherent sentences. I had so many things I wanted to share and expound on:
- The sweet old woman who spoke briefly at MOPS on Monday and who told us to remember in our craziest moments that our children were precious. That sounded good at 10 am while the kids were away from me in classrooms, but at 6 pm when I was exhausted by the endless 'Momma I need this, want that, Can you, Can I, and please do's' of a very long day it sounded like a fairy tale I might never believe in. I told Scott that I'm sure when I'm 80 I'll think all children are precious too, but I'm also pretty sure that when that woman was in my place with her 6 (not joking) children she wasn't really thinking how precious they were during temper tantrums either.
- St. Nick visited our house on Monday morning and filled the kids stockings (this is because I am a yankee and German and it has always confused my Texan friends, but it's just what we do). Tyler was up and ready for school and either wanted to wake his brothers early (soooo not an option) or wait for the end of the day so that he could open his stocking with his brothers. I thought it would be impossible to make the kids wait all day so I convinced him to go ahead without them. He did, but then put everything back so he could do it again with them after school. When Scooter got up later and saw the stockings he started to go get Riley to come open the goodies and then stopped and turned to me and said 'Shouldn't we wait for Tyler?'. Tyler said later, 'Mom, it's not about what's in the presents, it's about doing it together as a family'. Well, bust my buttons, something I said a million times actually sunk in with my kids. How awesome are they?
- Tyler won a big math contest at school this week. It was an online quiz he does every year and it's pretty difficult. We found out that he was the only 5th grader out of over 100 that entered from his school to answer all the questions correctly. I went to the assembly yesterday to see his reaction when he found out and receive the coolest Globe I've ever seen. It's a time zone globe with a light inside that shows where the Sun is lighting the world at all times. It's set for date and time so all the rotations and angles, etc. are replicas of what the real world is doing at this moment. Pretty darn awesome if you ask me. So proud of Tyler and thrilled that he got this confidence boost at the end of a long first semester. All day people kept saying 'so-and-so didn't get those right and you did? I guess maybe he ISN'T the smartest kid in the grade after all'. Finally getting through to my kid that there isn't ONE smartest kid, etc.
- I am not getting along with my 15 month old Boxer puppy. He has reached a point of maturity that evidently has resulted in him thinking that he should be dominant over me, a mere female, instead of the other way around. He listens to Scott and even to Tyler, but he is blatantly ignoring me, and is exhibiting behaviors that may very well find him in a grave before next week if he doesn't shape up. I even resorted to wrestling the 80 pound monster to the ground and pinning him with his neck, then putting my neck over his and growling at him the other night to show him who really is boss. I am sure it was very entertaining to watch, but it did work a little bit. Watch for more posts on this beast because I am absolutely certain that we are going to have a serious battle of wills over the next weeks. And if he doesn't give way, he's going to find himself 'snipped' before he has a chance to be bred. I WILL prevail.
I couldn't find the time to sit down and tell you all of these things because life is crazy and this week was super crazy. Yes, my schedule was hectic. Yes, I got a lot of stuff taken care of that needed to be done. Yes, I baked for Christmas. All of those things certainly contributed. But, the real reason I couldn't take time for myself and write this week was the 3 year old who is at this moment sleeping soundly in his bed (hopefully for at least another hour).
Three year olds are cute. Adorable. At three, they really blossom. They do cute stuff, say cute stuff, and ask cute stuff. The little personalities that have been playing peek-a-boo with you for the first couple of years begin to show themselves more every day and you get some serious glimpses into the person that they are going to be. They are inquisitive and experimental. If you haven't got potty training done before now, you are finally going to see a future without diapers in it. They try so hard all day to be 'big', but at the end of the day they are still sweet and cuddly and adorable and they still have enough 'baby' to still be your baby. It's hard to stay mad at a 3 year old for long, because they can turn back into super sweet, charming and just downright (okay, I'll say it) precious in a heartbeat. It's hard to be in a room with a 3 year old and not smile because they are trying so hard to figure out their world and their place in it that their antics are often hysterical.
I am fairly certain that this is God's plan. He made 3 year olds adorable and funny and sweet for a reason. He had to. If God hadn't made 3 year olds so darn cute, very few children would survive until their 4th birthday.
Because 3 year olds are tough! They can be friggin nasty. While they are doing all this stretching and growing and figuring things out, they are pushing every single boundary around them. They are striving for independence and while they do it they can be super awful. Say what you will about the terrible two's, but I've always thought 3 was worse. Two year olds have melt downs and temper tantrums (okay, I have a 10 yr old in the house and I still haven't found an age that DOESN'T include these occasionally), but they are also still easily redirected and soothed and they move on and forget fairly quickly. As kids reach 3, their language skills are developing at an alarmingly fast rate. Complete sentences that are funny and cute one minute, turn into aggressive attacks and not-so-nice attitudes the next. Their long term memories start to develop more fully and you won't get away with redirects as often. And lo and behold - logic rears it's ugly head. Not that it's a rational logic, but it makes sense to the 3 yr old in your home. They want a reason for everything and they HAVE a reason for everything, even if it doesn't make sense to you. Temper tantrums are slowly turning into arguments, but they aren't logical arguments you can actually win.
It's a power struggle, and it's a tough one. You've spent the last couple of years teaching your child how to pick up their toys, how to share, how to take turns, how to speak, eat, walk, talk, everything. And you've tried to teach them to obey. And even though it's been somewhat challenging to teach these little toddlers to listen to you, for the most part they do listen to you because they don't know differently. Then they hit 3 and it's like this giant lightbulb goes on in their head and they think 'But WHY do I have to listen and obey? Can they really make me do that? Let's just find out, shall we?' And the battle begins. The battle of your will vs. their will. You know, like getting the laundry done and food on the table wasn't hard enough, now you have a daily power struggle with an irrational tyrant that wants to be heard and adhered to. And the truth of the matter is, you really can't force them to do what you want, but you don't want them to know that you can't force them, you just want them to do it and do it now.
I mentioned to you briefly once before that when Tyler was 3 I once took him to school naked. This is true. I'm not a tyrant, but Tyler had never really been a problem before. We had issues, of course, but for the most part he was about as easy as you could hope for as a toddler. At 3 he had moments that he pushed me to the limits of sanity, just like every other 3 year old. Then when he was about 3 1/2, he was pushing so hard at his boundaries that he had resorted to occasionally hitting me and biting me when he was frustrated. After a few weeks of this, he decided that if he didn't let me get him dressed, we wouldn't have to leave the house and go to school, work, etc. We were living with my parents, but they were out of town just before Thanksgiving when one morning after literally trying to wrestle Tyler into his clothes and after finally getting them on, he ran from me and tore them all off again. I was going to be late for work, so without thinking I just scooped him up naked and put him in the car. In November. In the cold. In a car seat with a 5 point harness and a cold belt buckle between his legs.
Tyler screamed and cried and spent the entire ride telling me how mean I was, how unfair I was and how much he didn't like me anymore. When we were about 3 blocks from the school he suddenly got quiet and told me he was ready to get dressed now. I said 'Good. We're almost there and we'll get dressed.' He started howling all over again because he wanted to go all the way back home to get dressed, which I did not have time to do and also didn't want to do. When I parked at school I tried to put his clothes on him in the car, but he started wriggling around again and screaming so I picked him up naked and started to carry him in the door. He finally, finally, finally got that I was serious and decided he could be dressed in the car. I dropped him off and was reassured by the front desk staff that they had seen any number of kids be brought to day care in various states of undress because of temper tantrums. When I couldn't reach my mom or Aunt Kaye on the way to work, I called my Grandma in her nursing home crying, hoping I had done the right thing and worried I would be the cause of Tyler's future nightmares about going to school without clothes on. After Grandma finished laughing, she told me she was proud of me, that I had done the right thing and Tyler wouldn't be hurt by the experience, only helped. Man, I miss my Grandma's.
At the time, I didn't realize what a big deal this was. I was just tired and frustrated and done with the struggle. I just wanted to get to work on time and drop my kid off at day care so that someone else could deal with him (of course they loved him and he never gave them a bit of trouble). But, it was huge. I had won a MAJOR power struggle with Tyler that day without knowing it. I never once had a problem getting him dressed after that day. But, more than this small victory, dealing with a 3 year old was downhill after that episode. Yes, he still pushed his limits and yes, we still had struggles, but it was never that bad again. The hitting and biting stopped. Tyler recognized that I was his authority and I had some super strong confidence in my own parenting abilities and in my own strength as the Mom.
When Scooter was 3 and pushing every single button I had, I kept waiting for 'that moment'. The moment that he would push so hard I would have to do something drastic to make my point. It never came. He was just annoying enough to make me crazy, but he never pushed me as far as Tyler had that day. Maybe I was just better the second time around at fighting the smaller battles. You know, putting him back in time-out 100 times until he stayed put, putting him back in bed 500 times so that he got it really was bedtime, refusing to cave to whining, crying and yelling when he wanted something. Or maybe Scooter just didn't need what Tyler needed which was a huge wake up call to mom's authority. I do know that I caved more on the little stuff with Scooter than I did with Tyler because I also had a 2 year old in the house who was throwing the irrational temper tantrums so common at that age and you can only fight so many battles in one day. I still wish I had gotten that moment though, especially when Scooter says 'I'm just going to do what I want to do' and I know he doesn't always see me as the Boss.
Which brings me to Riley. Oh my, this is going to be a very long year. I didn't have to wait long for a moment with Riley. In fact, I might be faced with 3 of those moments with Riley per day for the next 11 months. The little battles with Riley aren't little, they are pretty big. And he doesn't really care the same way Tyler did so if I put him in the car naked he would probably decide that's the way he wanted it anyway and it wouldn't make the same point. He is soooo much like my late father-in-law that I have started calling him 'Big Scott in a little package': Super charming and adorable with an enormous stubborn streak; All the best and worst things about our beloved Papa who we miss dearly. I was pregnant with Riley when he died and sometimes wonder if a huge part of him is reincarnated in my small son. Of course, he takes after Scott and I quite a bit too. And I am also convinced that I might not have the energy for this since I literally just finished the 3 yr old thing with Scooter. They are only 19 months apart and Riley kind of started his 3 yr old rant a bit early while Scooter's lasted a bit past turning 4.
Every day is a power struggle with Riley. Yesterday resulted in 4 major battles with him ranging from 'Yes, you ARE going to pick up your toys' to 'No, you ARE NOT going to hit mama just because you are mad' with a few random 'That is NOT acceptable behavior' incidents in between. I have locked my pantry because Riley will not accept that the Christmas cookies I have baked are not a buffet to be eaten at will all day long. When he didn't want to leave his Grandma Barrow's on Thursday morning he went off in a corner to pee his pants on purpose to get back at me for even mentioning that we were going to go in 15 minutes. Speaking of peeing, when I was on the phone with my sister last week and I didn't come running to pour his milk the very second he wanted it, he opened the back door and peed out onto the porch in front of me because he knew that was against the rules. Riley hits, kicks and throws things when he is mad, mostly at me. Time-outs rarely have any kind of effect on him and I have spanked his bare hiney more than once without any visible reaction on his part so I am not sure what I am going to do to discipline this child and get through to him. My mother-in-law cheerfully informed me that I sounded just like Honey (that's my hubby's Grandmother, Big Scott's mother) when she was talking about her Scott as a child. Hmmm. Not very reassuring. However, when we had gotten Riley successfully in the car with his big pouty face despite his protests, she also said 'I'm not sure how you ended up with the kid like Scott, Heather'. Me either. I'm not sure that's fair - it should have been one of my sisters-in-law, but, oh well.
Honestly, I love Riley more than I could ever tell you. He's smart and funny and extremely charming. He is the most snuggly kid I've ever been around and his deep belly laugh is super contagious. Most of the time, he's pretty easy going and if properly channeled his determination and stubborn nature can someday prove effective tools in success at whatever he tries. I watched him riding his bike the other day, trying to go up an incline of a driveway across the cul de sac without a running start. He kept getting stuck at an odd angle that would result in him frantically pedaling away and getting nowhere while one wheel spun through the air with no friction to push him up the hill. He kept climbing off the bike, backing up 2 feet and starting the process all over again. The other two would have called for me to help. They would have expected and wanted my aid, but not Riley. After 15 minutes, I called out 'Do you need some help Riley?' to which he answered 'No' and kept plugging away. He eventually got his problem figured out, backed up an extra couple feet and made it up the driveway and on to the sidewalk. He never cried about it or got frustrated or gave up, he just worked at what he wanted to do until he got the result he wanted to see. And that's my Riley. He might make me completely insane for the next year (or the next 20), but it's going to be so much fun to watch. I just have to survive the power of '3' first!
Thanks and God Bless!
- The sweet old woman who spoke briefly at MOPS on Monday and who told us to remember in our craziest moments that our children were precious. That sounded good at 10 am while the kids were away from me in classrooms, but at 6 pm when I was exhausted by the endless 'Momma I need this, want that, Can you, Can I, and please do's' of a very long day it sounded like a fairy tale I might never believe in. I told Scott that I'm sure when I'm 80 I'll think all children are precious too, but I'm also pretty sure that when that woman was in my place with her 6 (not joking) children she wasn't really thinking how precious they were during temper tantrums either.
- St. Nick visited our house on Monday morning and filled the kids stockings (this is because I am a yankee and German and it has always confused my Texan friends, but it's just what we do). Tyler was up and ready for school and either wanted to wake his brothers early (soooo not an option) or wait for the end of the day so that he could open his stocking with his brothers. I thought it would be impossible to make the kids wait all day so I convinced him to go ahead without them. He did, but then put everything back so he could do it again with them after school. When Scooter got up later and saw the stockings he started to go get Riley to come open the goodies and then stopped and turned to me and said 'Shouldn't we wait for Tyler?'. Tyler said later, 'Mom, it's not about what's in the presents, it's about doing it together as a family'. Well, bust my buttons, something I said a million times actually sunk in with my kids. How awesome are they?
- Tyler won a big math contest at school this week. It was an online quiz he does every year and it's pretty difficult. We found out that he was the only 5th grader out of over 100 that entered from his school to answer all the questions correctly. I went to the assembly yesterday to see his reaction when he found out and receive the coolest Globe I've ever seen. It's a time zone globe with a light inside that shows where the Sun is lighting the world at all times. It's set for date and time so all the rotations and angles, etc. are replicas of what the real world is doing at this moment. Pretty darn awesome if you ask me. So proud of Tyler and thrilled that he got this confidence boost at the end of a long first semester. All day people kept saying 'so-and-so didn't get those right and you did? I guess maybe he ISN'T the smartest kid in the grade after all'. Finally getting through to my kid that there isn't ONE smartest kid, etc.
- I am not getting along with my 15 month old Boxer puppy. He has reached a point of maturity that evidently has resulted in him thinking that he should be dominant over me, a mere female, instead of the other way around. He listens to Scott and even to Tyler, but he is blatantly ignoring me, and is exhibiting behaviors that may very well find him in a grave before next week if he doesn't shape up. I even resorted to wrestling the 80 pound monster to the ground and pinning him with his neck, then putting my neck over his and growling at him the other night to show him who really is boss. I am sure it was very entertaining to watch, but it did work a little bit. Watch for more posts on this beast because I am absolutely certain that we are going to have a serious battle of wills over the next weeks. And if he doesn't give way, he's going to find himself 'snipped' before he has a chance to be bred. I WILL prevail.
I couldn't find the time to sit down and tell you all of these things because life is crazy and this week was super crazy. Yes, my schedule was hectic. Yes, I got a lot of stuff taken care of that needed to be done. Yes, I baked for Christmas. All of those things certainly contributed. But, the real reason I couldn't take time for myself and write this week was the 3 year old who is at this moment sleeping soundly in his bed (hopefully for at least another hour).
Three year olds are cute. Adorable. At three, they really blossom. They do cute stuff, say cute stuff, and ask cute stuff. The little personalities that have been playing peek-a-boo with you for the first couple of years begin to show themselves more every day and you get some serious glimpses into the person that they are going to be. They are inquisitive and experimental. If you haven't got potty training done before now, you are finally going to see a future without diapers in it. They try so hard all day to be 'big', but at the end of the day they are still sweet and cuddly and adorable and they still have enough 'baby' to still be your baby. It's hard to stay mad at a 3 year old for long, because they can turn back into super sweet, charming and just downright (okay, I'll say it) precious in a heartbeat. It's hard to be in a room with a 3 year old and not smile because they are trying so hard to figure out their world and their place in it that their antics are often hysterical.
I am fairly certain that this is God's plan. He made 3 year olds adorable and funny and sweet for a reason. He had to. If God hadn't made 3 year olds so darn cute, very few children would survive until their 4th birthday.
Because 3 year olds are tough! They can be friggin nasty. While they are doing all this stretching and growing and figuring things out, they are pushing every single boundary around them. They are striving for independence and while they do it they can be super awful. Say what you will about the terrible two's, but I've always thought 3 was worse. Two year olds have melt downs and temper tantrums (okay, I have a 10 yr old in the house and I still haven't found an age that DOESN'T include these occasionally), but they are also still easily redirected and soothed and they move on and forget fairly quickly. As kids reach 3, their language skills are developing at an alarmingly fast rate. Complete sentences that are funny and cute one minute, turn into aggressive attacks and not-so-nice attitudes the next. Their long term memories start to develop more fully and you won't get away with redirects as often. And lo and behold - logic rears it's ugly head. Not that it's a rational logic, but it makes sense to the 3 yr old in your home. They want a reason for everything and they HAVE a reason for everything, even if it doesn't make sense to you. Temper tantrums are slowly turning into arguments, but they aren't logical arguments you can actually win.
It's a power struggle, and it's a tough one. You've spent the last couple of years teaching your child how to pick up their toys, how to share, how to take turns, how to speak, eat, walk, talk, everything. And you've tried to teach them to obey. And even though it's been somewhat challenging to teach these little toddlers to listen to you, for the most part they do listen to you because they don't know differently. Then they hit 3 and it's like this giant lightbulb goes on in their head and they think 'But WHY do I have to listen and obey? Can they really make me do that? Let's just find out, shall we?' And the battle begins. The battle of your will vs. their will. You know, like getting the laundry done and food on the table wasn't hard enough, now you have a daily power struggle with an irrational tyrant that wants to be heard and adhered to. And the truth of the matter is, you really can't force them to do what you want, but you don't want them to know that you can't force them, you just want them to do it and do it now.
I mentioned to you briefly once before that when Tyler was 3 I once took him to school naked. This is true. I'm not a tyrant, but Tyler had never really been a problem before. We had issues, of course, but for the most part he was about as easy as you could hope for as a toddler. At 3 he had moments that he pushed me to the limits of sanity, just like every other 3 year old. Then when he was about 3 1/2, he was pushing so hard at his boundaries that he had resorted to occasionally hitting me and biting me when he was frustrated. After a few weeks of this, he decided that if he didn't let me get him dressed, we wouldn't have to leave the house and go to school, work, etc. We were living with my parents, but they were out of town just before Thanksgiving when one morning after literally trying to wrestle Tyler into his clothes and after finally getting them on, he ran from me and tore them all off again. I was going to be late for work, so without thinking I just scooped him up naked and put him in the car. In November. In the cold. In a car seat with a 5 point harness and a cold belt buckle between his legs.
Tyler screamed and cried and spent the entire ride telling me how mean I was, how unfair I was and how much he didn't like me anymore. When we were about 3 blocks from the school he suddenly got quiet and told me he was ready to get dressed now. I said 'Good. We're almost there and we'll get dressed.' He started howling all over again because he wanted to go all the way back home to get dressed, which I did not have time to do and also didn't want to do. When I parked at school I tried to put his clothes on him in the car, but he started wriggling around again and screaming so I picked him up naked and started to carry him in the door. He finally, finally, finally got that I was serious and decided he could be dressed in the car. I dropped him off and was reassured by the front desk staff that they had seen any number of kids be brought to day care in various states of undress because of temper tantrums. When I couldn't reach my mom or Aunt Kaye on the way to work, I called my Grandma in her nursing home crying, hoping I had done the right thing and worried I would be the cause of Tyler's future nightmares about going to school without clothes on. After Grandma finished laughing, she told me she was proud of me, that I had done the right thing and Tyler wouldn't be hurt by the experience, only helped. Man, I miss my Grandma's.
At the time, I didn't realize what a big deal this was. I was just tired and frustrated and done with the struggle. I just wanted to get to work on time and drop my kid off at day care so that someone else could deal with him (of course they loved him and he never gave them a bit of trouble). But, it was huge. I had won a MAJOR power struggle with Tyler that day without knowing it. I never once had a problem getting him dressed after that day. But, more than this small victory, dealing with a 3 year old was downhill after that episode. Yes, he still pushed his limits and yes, we still had struggles, but it was never that bad again. The hitting and biting stopped. Tyler recognized that I was his authority and I had some super strong confidence in my own parenting abilities and in my own strength as the Mom.
When Scooter was 3 and pushing every single button I had, I kept waiting for 'that moment'. The moment that he would push so hard I would have to do something drastic to make my point. It never came. He was just annoying enough to make me crazy, but he never pushed me as far as Tyler had that day. Maybe I was just better the second time around at fighting the smaller battles. You know, putting him back in time-out 100 times until he stayed put, putting him back in bed 500 times so that he got it really was bedtime, refusing to cave to whining, crying and yelling when he wanted something. Or maybe Scooter just didn't need what Tyler needed which was a huge wake up call to mom's authority. I do know that I caved more on the little stuff with Scooter than I did with Tyler because I also had a 2 year old in the house who was throwing the irrational temper tantrums so common at that age and you can only fight so many battles in one day. I still wish I had gotten that moment though, especially when Scooter says 'I'm just going to do what I want to do' and I know he doesn't always see me as the Boss.
Which brings me to Riley. Oh my, this is going to be a very long year. I didn't have to wait long for a moment with Riley. In fact, I might be faced with 3 of those moments with Riley per day for the next 11 months. The little battles with Riley aren't little, they are pretty big. And he doesn't really care the same way Tyler did so if I put him in the car naked he would probably decide that's the way he wanted it anyway and it wouldn't make the same point. He is soooo much like my late father-in-law that I have started calling him 'Big Scott in a little package': Super charming and adorable with an enormous stubborn streak; All the best and worst things about our beloved Papa who we miss dearly. I was pregnant with Riley when he died and sometimes wonder if a huge part of him is reincarnated in my small son. Of course, he takes after Scott and I quite a bit too. And I am also convinced that I might not have the energy for this since I literally just finished the 3 yr old thing with Scooter. They are only 19 months apart and Riley kind of started his 3 yr old rant a bit early while Scooter's lasted a bit past turning 4.
Every day is a power struggle with Riley. Yesterday resulted in 4 major battles with him ranging from 'Yes, you ARE going to pick up your toys' to 'No, you ARE NOT going to hit mama just because you are mad' with a few random 'That is NOT acceptable behavior' incidents in between. I have locked my pantry because Riley will not accept that the Christmas cookies I have baked are not a buffet to be eaten at will all day long. When he didn't want to leave his Grandma Barrow's on Thursday morning he went off in a corner to pee his pants on purpose to get back at me for even mentioning that we were going to go in 15 minutes. Speaking of peeing, when I was on the phone with my sister last week and I didn't come running to pour his milk the very second he wanted it, he opened the back door and peed out onto the porch in front of me because he knew that was against the rules. Riley hits, kicks and throws things when he is mad, mostly at me. Time-outs rarely have any kind of effect on him and I have spanked his bare hiney more than once without any visible reaction on his part so I am not sure what I am going to do to discipline this child and get through to him. My mother-in-law cheerfully informed me that I sounded just like Honey (that's my hubby's Grandmother, Big Scott's mother) when she was talking about her Scott as a child. Hmmm. Not very reassuring. However, when we had gotten Riley successfully in the car with his big pouty face despite his protests, she also said 'I'm not sure how you ended up with the kid like Scott, Heather'. Me either. I'm not sure that's fair - it should have been one of my sisters-in-law, but, oh well.
Honestly, I love Riley more than I could ever tell you. He's smart and funny and extremely charming. He is the most snuggly kid I've ever been around and his deep belly laugh is super contagious. Most of the time, he's pretty easy going and if properly channeled his determination and stubborn nature can someday prove effective tools in success at whatever he tries. I watched him riding his bike the other day, trying to go up an incline of a driveway across the cul de sac without a running start. He kept getting stuck at an odd angle that would result in him frantically pedaling away and getting nowhere while one wheel spun through the air with no friction to push him up the hill. He kept climbing off the bike, backing up 2 feet and starting the process all over again. The other two would have called for me to help. They would have expected and wanted my aid, but not Riley. After 15 minutes, I called out 'Do you need some help Riley?' to which he answered 'No' and kept plugging away. He eventually got his problem figured out, backed up an extra couple feet and made it up the driveway and on to the sidewalk. He never cried about it or got frustrated or gave up, he just worked at what he wanted to do until he got the result he wanted to see. And that's my Riley. He might make me completely insane for the next year (or the next 20), but it's going to be so much fun to watch. I just have to survive the power of '3' first!
Thanks and God Bless!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Mommy vs The Mean Kid . . .
Oh, the many questions of parenthood! Should I breastfeed or use formula? Should I do timeouts or spankings? Public School or Private School? Day Care or Stay at Home Mommy? Vaccinations or No? Which Doctor? Which Dentist? Which Sports? Teenage Babysitters or just Grandmas and Aunts? The questions are endless, but I've found a new one. A burning question that if uttered aloud might just find me on the CPS alert list if I ever spoke it in the wrong company . . . Can I beat up my kids 10 year old bully friend for being a super big jerk and hurting my kids feelings?
Okay, I know that sounds bad, but really the kid in question is almost 6 feet tall and built like a linebacker already and he hasn't even hit 11 years old yet. I couldn't hurt him if I tried and really - I would never try. But, oh how I want to some days, the days my son comes home with hurt feelings and a bruised ego. The days he realizes that the world is really and truly not a fair place and can be downright mean. The days that he's crying and I don't know what to say to him to make it better. On those days the thought crosses my mind.
There are actually two friends in this scenario. The one that I'm constantly annoyed with, let's call him Bobby, and the sweet kid that is being currently sucked into Bobby's little madness, we'll call him Tommy. Tyler was friends with both of them and they were friends from different circles because Tyler didn't run with just one group or clique and never has. This year the two circles collided and Bobby and Tommy became friends too. Tyler gets more and more frustrated with Bobby all the time because he's bossy and manipulative. Tommy is super smart and Tyler always enjoyed his seriousness and his intelligence, his ability to quote facts about just about everything and his gentle nature. However, Tommy didn't have a lot of friends at school because many considered him a know-it-all. The more Tyler bucked at Bobby bossing him around, the less Bobby wanted to play with Tyler. And now Tommy, happy to have another friend, is doing every single thing that Bobby says. A 'yes man' to Bobby's whims - which is resulting in Tommy making a joke of everything Tyler says, avoiding 'serious' discussions in Tyler's mind and now telling Tyler that he just isn't 'cool'.
Oh my, it's starting already. The 'cool' thing. I was never cool, always wanted to be, strove to be, and constantly struggled with the idea of what really was 'cool'. I mean really, by the time I finally got that something 'was' cool and maybe did it, bought it or said it, it wasn't cool anymore. Of course, now as an adult I understand that it really wasn't about any one thing, it was about the people who 'made' it cool. So you could never really keep up unless you were in with the right people in the first place who were making the decisions on what was cool and what wasn't.
By the end of high school, I had finally figured out that I didn't really care if I was ever cool or not. I had found new definitions of cool and they were really about what I thought was cool. I credit my Junior and Senior English teacher for a lot of my changes in attitude, Mrs. Shannon. She changed the way I thought about a lot of things in my life and I am so grateful for her influence and inspiration. It was through her that I learned it was okay to disagree with a teacher's opinion, it could be cool to be smart and creative, I didn't have to hide the fact that I loved to read, I could write poetry and read it to others without fearing rejection, I could write the way I wanted to finally without being told it was too wordy and use vocabulary that I wanted to without fear of being told I was plagiarising. She gave me an environment that let me be me and think for myself that was safe, without judgment.
And it was also in that senior AP class of maybe 10 students that I learned another lesson - no one is who you really thought they were. We were an odd assortment of kids from different cliques. By 12th grade we all knew who eachother were, but we didn't know eachother. And because the class was so small, there wasn't room for hiding who we were from eachother anymore at all. I loved it. I saw different sides of people and the coolness factor of everything really changed for me that year. I think I finally got that my mom was right, everyone was struggling with the same things I was and everyone was going to start over after highschool - none of this crap was going to matter.
The other thing that changed for me those last 2 years was my youth group. After befriending a new student who became one of my best high school friends, I started visiting a different church all on my own. I had grown up in a church that started small, literally a year before I joined, but has become so large that I can't even fathom it's size nationwide anymore. It grew so much by the time I was a sophomore that I was lost there. And I mean lost. It was so popular that people I never expected to go to church at all were joining, which was the point - I know. But for a kid that was lost at school so much, I didn't need to be lost at church too. I needed a safe place and my home church wasn't that safe place anymore.
It was nice enough, no one was mean to me or anything like that. It just wasn't comfortable for me and teenagers should have at least one place to go other than home that they feel like they belong and I wasn't feeling it at all. The first year I went to youth camp, and I think that was after 8th grade, I didn't have a buddy. You know, that one person that you just do everything with - I was buddy-less. Talk about feeling lost, I wandered that camp by myself during just about every free-time. Sometimes I tagged along with small groups, but even then I wasn't really part of the gang and got lost in the shuffle.
And that was most of my life for a long time, lost. I came home and spent countless nights sobbing in my mother's arms because no one liked me. Or at least I thought they didn't. She would tell me to just smile and say hi to everyone and eventually they would smile back and say hi back. It wasn't bad advice, it works for adults, but really all it got me was an occasional smile and hi - not a friend. I wasn't friend-less of course, and I had some friendships that are still enduring today. And as bad as these boys are right now to Tyler, girls are way worse. They turn on each other faster than you can blink some days and I had my fair share of 'friends' that turned on me too. One of those frenemies that tormented me way back when has become one of my lifelong friends that I can't imagine living without now, but there were moments in middle school and high school that I thought she was pure evil.
So my Junior year I started visiting another Baptist Church in town and made some new friends. It was much smaller and cozier. There really wasn't any 'one' clique so no one was really left out, and most importantly to me, I wasn't left out. I even met my very first 'love' there although we didn't officially start dating until he had gone off to college and I was a senior. I didn't really continue to attend there after my first year of college, but the whole experience did wonders for my self esteem. It was also the first time that I really ventured away from my parents spiritual influence - very big deal, but they let me make my own decision which made me feel very, very grown up.
Anyway, not to sit here and moan about my childhood like it was the worst thing ever, because it really wasn't. I wouldn't go back though, never ever. I remember telling Senora Walker, the only teacher I ever knew who openly said 'these really are NOT the best years of your life', that if all the other adults who said they were the best years were right, I might as well end things right then and there because it sucked! Why would you want to continue life if high school was the highlight? Ick! It should be against the law to tell kids that, it probably is one of those trigger phrases for some people to consider the unthinkable. One of the lowest points of my life, for sure, and don't start on the whole 'well, no responsibility, no bills, yada yada' stuff because that wasn't true either. I worked for my own money and paid for my own gas and part of my insurance, there were responsibilities. Over all it was just horrific and I wouldn't do it again for all the tea in China.
However, if I could spare my kids all the pain and grief, I would. Especially these days, because as hard as it was for me, things are so much harder now. Bullying in schools is downright scary. Social networking can turn normal rumor-mills, gossip and teasing into something so giant and public it's no wonder kids are killing themselves all over the place for what used to be normal teenage behavior. It makes me want to call Bobby and Tommy's parents and tell them what-for about their kids. It makes me want to pull Tyler out of school and protect him from everything and everybody for as long as I can. And of course, that would be more harmful to him than helpful.
Tyler left this morning for Sky Ranch and a 3 day field trip with the entire 5th grade class. Weeks ago, he had requested Bobby and Tommy as bunk mates before they turned on him. So now he's stuck with them for 2 nights. There will be other kids and hopefully he will find someone to hang out with that appreciates him for who he is. I suspect though that when Bobby gets to camp and has free access to a couple of kids from the old clique (who, Tyler informed me, Bobby said they had called Tyler a dork, but I'm not buying that either), Tommy will also find himself ditched and reattach himself to Tyler. I can hope, anyway, but before Thanksgiving Bobby left school early and while the kids were having free time Tommy spent time with Tyler again sans jokes and teasing so I don't think I'm far off.
I haven't really known what to say to Tyler during all this except the truth which is that this is going to happen over and over again, even into adulthood at times. People can be stupid about how they treat their friends. I told him there was no one cooler in the whole 'real' world than his Uncle Matthew and Aunt Asheley and THEY think he's cool. Cool in school isn't really cool, it's just a fad. Real world cool is more important (okay, probably still not important, but I was grasping). I also told him that even though it's hard sometimes, I hope he'll stay true to himself and not do stuff just to fit in or be 'cool'.
I am truly hoping though that Tommy comes around today at camp. I would hate for Tyler to spend this trip like I spent my 8th grade trip to D.C. I had no 'buddy' there either and spent most of my time hanging out with one of the chaperones and her little boy she had brought along. I actually cared about what I was seeing and couldn't find anyone else who did too (probably were some kids like me, but Lord knows I couldn't find them - too shy, I guess).
I am going to do my best not to dial or email the mean kid's mom through this whole thing. And - I am going to be thankful for technology. I actually created a twitter account today because they are going to be doing 'tweets' from camp with pictures and updates so maybe I'll get a peek at how my little man is doing. And I am going to pray, pray, pray, pray, pray! I am praying for his strength, for my patience and some peace for all of us.
Thanks and God Bless!
Okay, I know that sounds bad, but really the kid in question is almost 6 feet tall and built like a linebacker already and he hasn't even hit 11 years old yet. I couldn't hurt him if I tried and really - I would never try. But, oh how I want to some days, the days my son comes home with hurt feelings and a bruised ego. The days he realizes that the world is really and truly not a fair place and can be downright mean. The days that he's crying and I don't know what to say to him to make it better. On those days the thought crosses my mind.
There are actually two friends in this scenario. The one that I'm constantly annoyed with, let's call him Bobby, and the sweet kid that is being currently sucked into Bobby's little madness, we'll call him Tommy. Tyler was friends with both of them and they were friends from different circles because Tyler didn't run with just one group or clique and never has. This year the two circles collided and Bobby and Tommy became friends too. Tyler gets more and more frustrated with Bobby all the time because he's bossy and manipulative. Tommy is super smart and Tyler always enjoyed his seriousness and his intelligence, his ability to quote facts about just about everything and his gentle nature. However, Tommy didn't have a lot of friends at school because many considered him a know-it-all. The more Tyler bucked at Bobby bossing him around, the less Bobby wanted to play with Tyler. And now Tommy, happy to have another friend, is doing every single thing that Bobby says. A 'yes man' to Bobby's whims - which is resulting in Tommy making a joke of everything Tyler says, avoiding 'serious' discussions in Tyler's mind and now telling Tyler that he just isn't 'cool'.
Oh my, it's starting already. The 'cool' thing. I was never cool, always wanted to be, strove to be, and constantly struggled with the idea of what really was 'cool'. I mean really, by the time I finally got that something 'was' cool and maybe did it, bought it or said it, it wasn't cool anymore. Of course, now as an adult I understand that it really wasn't about any one thing, it was about the people who 'made' it cool. So you could never really keep up unless you were in with the right people in the first place who were making the decisions on what was cool and what wasn't.
By the end of high school, I had finally figured out that I didn't really care if I was ever cool or not. I had found new definitions of cool and they were really about what I thought was cool. I credit my Junior and Senior English teacher for a lot of my changes in attitude, Mrs. Shannon. She changed the way I thought about a lot of things in my life and I am so grateful for her influence and inspiration. It was through her that I learned it was okay to disagree with a teacher's opinion, it could be cool to be smart and creative, I didn't have to hide the fact that I loved to read, I could write poetry and read it to others without fearing rejection, I could write the way I wanted to finally without being told it was too wordy and use vocabulary that I wanted to without fear of being told I was plagiarising. She gave me an environment that let me be me and think for myself that was safe, without judgment.
And it was also in that senior AP class of maybe 10 students that I learned another lesson - no one is who you really thought they were. We were an odd assortment of kids from different cliques. By 12th grade we all knew who eachother were, but we didn't know eachother. And because the class was so small, there wasn't room for hiding who we were from eachother anymore at all. I loved it. I saw different sides of people and the coolness factor of everything really changed for me that year. I think I finally got that my mom was right, everyone was struggling with the same things I was and everyone was going to start over after highschool - none of this crap was going to matter.
The other thing that changed for me those last 2 years was my youth group. After befriending a new student who became one of my best high school friends, I started visiting a different church all on my own. I had grown up in a church that started small, literally a year before I joined, but has become so large that I can't even fathom it's size nationwide anymore. It grew so much by the time I was a sophomore that I was lost there. And I mean lost. It was so popular that people I never expected to go to church at all were joining, which was the point - I know. But for a kid that was lost at school so much, I didn't need to be lost at church too. I needed a safe place and my home church wasn't that safe place anymore.
It was nice enough, no one was mean to me or anything like that. It just wasn't comfortable for me and teenagers should have at least one place to go other than home that they feel like they belong and I wasn't feeling it at all. The first year I went to youth camp, and I think that was after 8th grade, I didn't have a buddy. You know, that one person that you just do everything with - I was buddy-less. Talk about feeling lost, I wandered that camp by myself during just about every free-time. Sometimes I tagged along with small groups, but even then I wasn't really part of the gang and got lost in the shuffle.
And that was most of my life for a long time, lost. I came home and spent countless nights sobbing in my mother's arms because no one liked me. Or at least I thought they didn't. She would tell me to just smile and say hi to everyone and eventually they would smile back and say hi back. It wasn't bad advice, it works for adults, but really all it got me was an occasional smile and hi - not a friend. I wasn't friend-less of course, and I had some friendships that are still enduring today. And as bad as these boys are right now to Tyler, girls are way worse. They turn on each other faster than you can blink some days and I had my fair share of 'friends' that turned on me too. One of those frenemies that tormented me way back when has become one of my lifelong friends that I can't imagine living without now, but there were moments in middle school and high school that I thought she was pure evil.
So my Junior year I started visiting another Baptist Church in town and made some new friends. It was much smaller and cozier. There really wasn't any 'one' clique so no one was really left out, and most importantly to me, I wasn't left out. I even met my very first 'love' there although we didn't officially start dating until he had gone off to college and I was a senior. I didn't really continue to attend there after my first year of college, but the whole experience did wonders for my self esteem. It was also the first time that I really ventured away from my parents spiritual influence - very big deal, but they let me make my own decision which made me feel very, very grown up.
Anyway, not to sit here and moan about my childhood like it was the worst thing ever, because it really wasn't. I wouldn't go back though, never ever. I remember telling Senora Walker, the only teacher I ever knew who openly said 'these really are NOT the best years of your life', that if all the other adults who said they were the best years were right, I might as well end things right then and there because it sucked! Why would you want to continue life if high school was the highlight? Ick! It should be against the law to tell kids that, it probably is one of those trigger phrases for some people to consider the unthinkable. One of the lowest points of my life, for sure, and don't start on the whole 'well, no responsibility, no bills, yada yada' stuff because that wasn't true either. I worked for my own money and paid for my own gas and part of my insurance, there were responsibilities. Over all it was just horrific and I wouldn't do it again for all the tea in China.
However, if I could spare my kids all the pain and grief, I would. Especially these days, because as hard as it was for me, things are so much harder now. Bullying in schools is downright scary. Social networking can turn normal rumor-mills, gossip and teasing into something so giant and public it's no wonder kids are killing themselves all over the place for what used to be normal teenage behavior. It makes me want to call Bobby and Tommy's parents and tell them what-for about their kids. It makes me want to pull Tyler out of school and protect him from everything and everybody for as long as I can. And of course, that would be more harmful to him than helpful.
Tyler left this morning for Sky Ranch and a 3 day field trip with the entire 5th grade class. Weeks ago, he had requested Bobby and Tommy as bunk mates before they turned on him. So now he's stuck with them for 2 nights. There will be other kids and hopefully he will find someone to hang out with that appreciates him for who he is. I suspect though that when Bobby gets to camp and has free access to a couple of kids from the old clique (who, Tyler informed me, Bobby said they had called Tyler a dork, but I'm not buying that either), Tommy will also find himself ditched and reattach himself to Tyler. I can hope, anyway, but before Thanksgiving Bobby left school early and while the kids were having free time Tommy spent time with Tyler again sans jokes and teasing so I don't think I'm far off.
I haven't really known what to say to Tyler during all this except the truth which is that this is going to happen over and over again, even into adulthood at times. People can be stupid about how they treat their friends. I told him there was no one cooler in the whole 'real' world than his Uncle Matthew and Aunt Asheley and THEY think he's cool. Cool in school isn't really cool, it's just a fad. Real world cool is more important (okay, probably still not important, but I was grasping). I also told him that even though it's hard sometimes, I hope he'll stay true to himself and not do stuff just to fit in or be 'cool'.
I am truly hoping though that Tommy comes around today at camp. I would hate for Tyler to spend this trip like I spent my 8th grade trip to D.C. I had no 'buddy' there either and spent most of my time hanging out with one of the chaperones and her little boy she had brought along. I actually cared about what I was seeing and couldn't find anyone else who did too (probably were some kids like me, but Lord knows I couldn't find them - too shy, I guess).
I am going to do my best not to dial or email the mean kid's mom through this whole thing. And - I am going to be thankful for technology. I actually created a twitter account today because they are going to be doing 'tweets' from camp with pictures and updates so maybe I'll get a peek at how my little man is doing. And I am going to pray, pray, pray, pray, pray! I am praying for his strength, for my patience and some peace for all of us.
Thanks and God Bless!
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