Scooter goes to speech therapy twice a week to work on pragmatic speech. All I ever hear about this time is that he played games and then I get a report once per six weeks that tells me he is making progress, but hasn't mastered anything. It's completely non-helpful as far as parenting goes on all fronts. Mixed in with this hour every week is supposed to be 'socialization' therapy. I was pretty sure they were only covering this by having Scooter sit in the same room with 2 other kids until he told me one day that sometimes they work on 'expected behaviors'.
I'll admit, the term kind of stuck in my noggin. Tyler was shy with hellos, etc. when he was younger, but it was just that - shy. He 'got' it. He didn't question why he needed to say hi in greeting to people, he just was shy about doing it every single time. Scooter, on the other hand, is so unbelievably shy and then on top of it he doesn't 'get' it. But how do you teach a small child the 'why' of this stuff? I would say 'It's rude when you don't answer people' or something similar, but he doesn't really understand what rude is either and honestly, he just doesn't care because he would probably rather be considered rude than have to face someone head on and speak to them in an uncomfortable situation.
So when I heard he was learning 'expected behaviors', I was pretty pumped up and tried to grill my 5 year old on what those behaviors were. Nada. Zilch. Kid would give me nothing. Probably because he knew I would make him put them into practice. Still, I liked having a name for these esoteric things that are standards of behavior in civilized society and that for some kids are just hard. Scooter's by far not the only kid like this - mom and I were just talking about my cousin, B, yesterday and how similar in behavior she and Scooter were. B is now about to be 29 and functions just fine out in normal society, of course. And my aunt didn't have the names and labels to put on this stuff when B was little, she just knew B was picky and shy and drove her crazy when she wouldn't greet people.
Scooter has overcome a lot of his little quirks this year. He's also found coping mechanisms for a whole mess of others so he is functioning quite nicely at school. We really seem to have mastered one of the biggest issues he had left, which was the walking over the threshold thing (it's not even an issue anymore and every day I try to let go of his had about an inch or two closer to the car and further from the door). And then there's the fact that he's still the shyest kid I've ever seen. We were at a party on Saturday night with close friends. He knew about 80% of the guests, but he still spent the first couple hours glued to either my dad or his dad's side or lap. Eventually he got up and played, but I don't think he spoke to anyone except for us and my parents the whole night. This is the kind of thing that can drive you completely bonkers as a parent. Mostly, I don't worry about what other people think anymore and I just tell them 'he's shy' or something similar. That doesn't mean I am not gritting my teeth in frustration though.
When I picked Scooter up one day last week, we walked to the car just ahead of his friend, Noah. Noah is in his class and lives 2 doors down. Scooter has no problem whatsoever talking to Noah at any time, except for just outside the school. Just like with every other kid he knows from class. For some reason he can't make himself respond to them outside the doors of the classroom. Or he doesn't see why he has to. Or maybe, he just doesn't want to. I don't know. It makes me insane. He would not reply to Noah at all that day. I finally said to him 'this is one of those expected behaviors you are supposed to be learning'. I explained AGAIN about greeting people and saying goodbye. I didn't use the word 'rude' and I didn't say 'it's just what you are supposed to do'. I said 'it's an expected behavior to respond to someone when they speak to you, you have to let them know you hear them'.
Somewhere in there, I must have said something that clicked because instead of blowing me off again, Scooter told me that the kids knew he heard them. Well, honey, no they don't. You just keep walking and don't look at them or talk to them or anything so they don't know that you heard them, that's why they keep saying your name over and over and keep getting louder. I used the expected behavior term repeatedly in our conversation and ended up telling him that it was totally okay if he didn't want to say anything back or look them in the eye, but he should at least respond by nodding his head or raising his hand and waving.
Fast forward to Tuesday and the Valentine party. Scooter had a rough one when he discovered that the snack for the party was white ice cream and he only eats mint chocolate chip. I had told him I was coming, but he had forgotten so it overwhelmed him to see me and the ice cream and he just wanted to go home. It was so sweet how all his little friends surrounded him, patted his back and tried to figure out what was wrong while he cried. Riley made up for Scooter and ate two bowls of the ice cream while he sat next to his brother at a table full of girls who literally fawned over my kid the whole time. Those girls really like Scooter. When we were leaving for the day, one of them kept saying 'Bye Scott' to him over and over and over and over again, getting louder with each iteration. He would not respond. I was saying 'Christine is talking to you, let her know you hear her', etc. but to no avail. I sighed in frustration and mentioned the expected behavior thing again, maybe this won't work either. Urgh. We walked outside and across the school yard. Someone else yelled out 'Bye Scott!' and suddenly Scooter stopped, turned around and quickly jerked his hand up in a short wave to the person. Then we continued our walk.
Imagine heavens opening up, the brightest white light focused on our little mini van and Angels singing in loud chorus 'Alleluia, Alleluia!'! That's about how I felt. I know he's got a long way to go, but he's figuring it out. An aide asked me at the party if Scooter was as quiet at home as he is at school and I told her absolutely not, he's a chatterbox. It's hard to get him to stop talking some days. Then again, that's how I was back then too (My mother also). My Grandmother often spoke of how shy my dad was and how he clung to her and wouldn't talk to anyone. Granted, Dad's still pretty quiet, but mom and I can talk to anyone, anywhere. There is hope for this little guy yet.
Working on this stuff with Scooter has made me start thinking about a lot of 'expected behaviors' in our lives as adults. I know quite a few people that think they have the stuff mastered and still screw up constantly which is what tends to annoy the rest of us, and I am sure you do too. But I also have been thinking about how we establish these behaviors within the confines of our relationships. We set boundaries (or we don't) in every single relationship we have and those boundaries or non-boundaries produce an unspoken set of expected behaviors. When the behaviors cross the boundaries or we suddenly realize we didn't set one in the first place, we have to reiterate, reestablish and reenforce some boundaries.
I've gotten a lot better about the boundary thing in recent years in so many places in my life, but I realized recently that I have one very toxic relationship that needs some work. It's one of those that looks extremely functional and good on the surface, but is warped and confused underneath with boundaries that have shifted and become blurred and in some cases are almost nonexistent. I promise it's not my marriage, people, breathe easy. It is a friendship in crisis though, one that is going to require quite a bit of work to salvage. And I know that I will have to be the one to start mending my fences, gently reestablishing boundaries and reiterating what is a good expected behavior and what is not. My laziness has caused most of the problems and so it is my job to correct my own behavior first, before I ask for changes on the other side of this relationship. (If you are reading me today, it isn't you either so relax! That would be a very bad not-expected behavior thing, touting our issues like that don't you think?) Anyway - if Scooter can work so hard on all his challenges and insecurities, I certainly can too, right?
Oh boy - this is going to be a lot of work! Pray for me friend, I am going to need all the help I can get!
Love and God Bless!
Friday, February 17, 2012
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Smiles from the Barrow Boys . . .
Choice happenings and items heard around the Barrow house recently:
TYLER:
Tyler was told at his last dentist appointment that all of his remaining baby teeth were loose and would come out soon. ALL? He knew about one of them and it did fall out later that month. Then there was a lull. Then he lost another or two in December and January was pretty crazy. He actually didn't lose his first tooth until he was almost 8 so he's always kind of been behind in this area, but I keep telling him that's good news as far as our future orthodontia bill is concerned. Anyway, he came home from his weekend away on Sunday night and informed me that he had lost another tooth which he has done about once a week lately. He said:
"Geez, usually I lose one or two teeth a year. I've lost three in the last month! This can't be normal!"
He did announce to me last night that all baby teeth are gone now except for a couple of molars, but he can't tell that they are loose yet. That's what he said before though and he's lost at least one of those. He will be 12 in just 2 short months and I have a feeling that those teeth will go quickly as well. All I can say is that I am grateful he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore or I would be broke!
Tyler's disappointment over his Junior High selection has been slow to dissipate so I did agree to put him on the waiting list for a possible change. It's unlikely anything will come of it, but I did warn Tyler that even if he did get a spot I might not let him take it. If the change in placement happens later than spring registration we won't be changing since the classes he is taking are more important than where he takes them. We won't risk facing filled classes and a less than desirable schedule. He came to me yesterday and said that he thinks this Junior High thing might be like the Violin thing and if he lets it just happen he will probably like it better eventually. Yeah. Okay, he had to think it through for himself and me talking until I'm blue in the face didn't do one bit of good. I'll have to remember that. Anyway, we have his big informational night at his new school tonight and I have a feeling that once we go to that he'll be more excited about next year. We have to figure out the PE vs Athletics thing since he really doesn't want to play football, but he does want to try out for Basketball and play Tennis. We are also encouraging him to consider trying out for Track since he is so fast, but that is still in the works and might require an encouraging, excited call at some point from his Aunt Asheley (hint, hint). Choice cards for registration are due on Friday and then I think I can breathe easier about at least one school placement/issue for a while. Next up - finding a private lesson teacher for Violin over the summer to take some of the pressure off of him in the fall with all the added pressures and changes coming.
One other interesting development: Tyler took a friend with him to church recently and the friend didn't like it at all. In fact on the way home this friend told me he didn't listen to anything that was said the whole time because that's what he always does. Hmmm. The kid had every opportunity to not go with us, but came anyway. Then he told Tyler he 'just wasn't into Church and God'. Tyler has been stressing about this for over a week even though we told him not to worry about it. Today he told me he might have pushed too hard and tried to get the friend to like it while they were there and told him how important it was a little too much. It was an interesting life lesson for my little man. I told him that was something he was always going to have to deal with in life - knowing how much or how little people wanted to be nudged/confronted, etc. in so many areas of his life. I was proud of him though for being BOLD about who he is! Yay!
SCOOTER:
Oh man I love this kid! He's so friggin cute sometimes it almost hurts. He's doing really good at walking into school on his own still. He kinda stalled this morning because he was tired, but recovered quickly and did go in on his own.
I spent 2 hours last night filling out paperwork and questionnaires so that he can have his new evaluation. Some of the questions are still in regards to his birth/babyhood/development, but most of it is about where he is now. And the answers to those questions are so very different than what they were a year ago. Scott wanted me to answer a little more 'light' in a couple areas, but I refused to be less than honest because that wouldn't be helpful to our son. Scott said 'MY Scotty is perfect'. I get what he means and he's perfect to me too so it hurts to have to put Scooter on some rating scale. However, the goal here is to get him officially OFF of the Autism spectrum as far as the school district is concerned if we can since no one is seeing anything even close to those indications at school. He is still shy, he still doesn't look people in the eye or respond to people he knows when he is outside his comfort zone, etc. and those answers were telling, but I do believe that all this shyness is the only indicator and probably not enough to have him on the spectrum. We'll see.
The most telling differences to me though on the forms were that we have no more senseless temper tantrums, no crying for some unknown reason, he plays cooperatively with kids his own age and slightly older and despite his love of play acting and pretending, he isn't solely focused on any one thing, moving easily from topic to topic. (This is more evident all the time as our neighbor with PDD-NOS struggles with moving from one play focus to another and even Riley's play is more sophisticated than his now.) Anyway, I think the main thing is that they have a lot more to work with for his evaluation than just my answers and Scooter clinging to my leg. They will observe him in the school setting without me there and they have been gathering information from all of his teachers for months. I was kinda surprised to see a note that he would also be evaluated for a 'speech impediment', but I think that is because he currently gets pulled out for speech and socialization therapy twice a week. It's for the pragmatics of speech and Scooter tells me they also work on 'expected behaviors' sometimes. So the evaluation would either prove that this should continue or be discontinued. I can't tell. The speech teacher just sends a report home every six weeks that basically says he is making progress but has not mastered anything. Since the goal post is continually moving I don't think they ever get to full mastery so this tells me absolutely nothing.
In the midst of all this Junior High stuff with Tyler, I am finally getting what all the benefits of the Magnet school have been about. I have always known it was beneficial, more challenging and would be helpful to him in the long run. I just didn't get that there was a political angle as well and that it was going to get him on a tract for first dibs on even better programs as he gets older. And thinking Scooter was going to need a lot more help and a more comfortable environment, I pulled him out of that tract. And he's fine and is of course one of the smartest kids in the class. OOOOOOOPPPSSSS! Oh, Sugar Plum with a big fat cherry on top. I knew at the time the decision could go either way on the wise/foolish scale. Urgh. I have reapplied to the Magnet schools under the sibling clause thingy and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I keep telling Scooter we'll find out by letter which of 3 schools he will attend next year and he seems fine with that so far. After all, that's how he finds out which teacher he has too, right?
Anyway - what I really want to share with you is how funny Scooter is. He's always been silly and had a good sense of humor, but it's shining through more every day. We've had a big rash of 'pick a hand' games going around with the younger kids lately and last night Scooter took it to a whole new level. We were all at the kitchen table chatting and Scooter came up to Tyler and played the game. Tyler chose one hand and there was predictably nothing and then he chose the other and Scooter showed him some small lego thing. Then he moved on to his dad, first hand nothing. Second hand nothing. First hand again, nothing. Scooter was giggling so hard while his dad picked hand after hand and there was nothing in any of them that I started chuckling too. Of course he was moving the toy from hand to hand, but he had 'invented' this game on his own so he thought it was the funniest thing ever.
After Scott & Tyler left for Basketball practice, Scooter told me he had a joke for me. Okay.
S-Why did the Chicken cross the road?
M-I don't know, why? (Of course I know why, it's the oldest joke ever, but new to S. right?)
S-To get to the other side!
M-Ooohhh! Insert obligatory laughter
S-Momma - Why did the Chicken cross the playground?
M-I don't know, why? (Thinking-here we go, he'll do the same joke over with slight variations)
S-To get to the other side - you should know that!
M-Oh - the other side, right.
S-No mom - not side - slide! To get to the other slide! That's what I said!
M-Insert GENUINE laughter, That is very clever Scooter!
The sense of humor thing, by the way, is a wonderful indication that we are coming off the spectrum as well since the nuance of it is something that most autistic children don't grasp.
And later, while I checked my Words with Friends page, I heard Scooter go up to Riley who has had 3 whole days of school at a local church preschool program, 'Riley, by the way, so who's your principal?' Riley had no idea! No principal, just a director Scooter. It was so precious!
RILEY:
Riley loves school. He doesn't write his name on his own yet and all the kids who have been there all year (and previous years) can do it. They are working with him and we started working with him at home too. We sing R-I-L-E-Y to the tune of BINGO so that he can learn how to spell his name without dropping the 'I' completely or turning it into an 'A' or an 'L'. He proudly comes home every day and tells me he got a green card. Honestly, I don't even know if they do the color change thing or not, but he's heard so much about Scooter staying on green every day I think he just assumes since he is being good he's on green.
After the first day I asked him if they sleep during quiet time or just rest. He said 'just rest' and then later crawled up into a chair next to me and said "Momma, I heard a rumor . . ." This by itself made me smile because I know he got it from me. I'll throw that out to the kids all the time with a tag like 'there was a little boy who needed a kiss from his mom' or something like that. It has never been thrown back at me before. After a pause, he started again 'I heard a rumor that a kid was still sleeping after quiet time'. It was funny to me because no one was sleeping in his room, but there was a little girl in the other Pre-K class getting carried out still sleeping that day. So maybe he did 'hear a rumor'!
Friday was rough for me because one of the teachers made comments to me about Riley being behind the other kids (something we knew going in, but I guess she was out of the loop) and also about him being 'so small' and that the other kids noticed, mentioned it and 'baby-ed' him. I cried and my sweet friend Mandy immediately ordered me to her house for newborn baby therapy which worked like a charm. (Thank you Mandy and Caitlyn! You are the most awesomest friend ever, ever, ever, like in a million years!) But the cute part of that day was that Riley had said to me on the way there that he had one friend at school that was 4 like him. I told him all the kids were 4, he was definitely the youngest and some were getting ready to turn 5 already, but everyone was 4. "Yeah, but they are bigger than me." "You are just short sweetie, but you'll grow. I am short, Grandma's short, etc." "And Great-Grandma, momma, she's really little. She's Grandma Barrow's mommy." "Yep, she is." Just before we pulled in the parking lot Riley said 'So, momma, I am 4 and I am big, I am just short." "Yes, Riley, you are big and short!" It was good enough for him.
On Mondays, the kids start their 'letter of the week' and 'number of the week'. I knew they were 'Q' and '17'. She sent home a 'counting jar' for Riley to collect 17 of something and bring back on Wednesday with something for show and tell that starts with a 'Q'. (Ok - side note here, please tell me you can think of something other than a quarter because I am pretty sure there are going to be 13 kids doing show and tell with quarters on Wednesday!) I made sure that the teacher knew that Riley could count to 15 without fail and even though he was still struggling with the upper teen numbers like all kids his age I had overheard him counting from 20-80 in the car the other day. All that listening to his older brother learn to count to 100 has paid off and was kind of the point of putting Riley where he is, etc. That was kind of petty on my part, but I was still hurt. I promise I'll get over it and I will forgive the teacher for not being in the loop and saying my kid was little and 'behind'. Eventually. I might sulk a little more this week first. mmmmmkay?
When I picked Riley up the teacher said her camera ran out of batteries before she got all the pictures taken she needed for open house this week and took Riley to their bean bags to take his picture with fresh batteries. She posed him on his knees and asked him to hold up his sign language 'I love you' sign she had taught him that day. Later, on the way to pick the boys up, I asked Riley what his letter of the week was, already knowing it was 'Q'. "ummmmmm, my letter of the week wasssssss . . . 'I love you'" and he held up his hand showing me the sign. Okay - he's still figuring it all out, but it's so cute.
That's what's going on. Just super cute boys being super cute. Most of the time. Everyone is being really good about their chore charts for the most part and we should be ready to start giving them their allowances and introducing their 4-part saving/spending banks soon. We are also starting our own little behavior color chart here today too that is currently centered on 'No Whining!' The boys have to work together to earn family fun time. The first goal is for a family game night and the second level will get them to the theater to see Star Wars Episode I in 3D. They selected these and are currently debating between bowling and putt-putt for their 3rd level of achievement. Once whining is reduced we'll switch it up to 'No Arguing'. That's the plan anyway.
I finally met up with one of my closest friends for our 'Christmas' lunch yesterday. We were cracking up that it is February and we were still hauling around Christmas packages for each other. We exchanged them as we said goodbye and Di told me that mine was for the whole family and I should wait to open it with the boys. I'm so glad I did, but now that it's here we are sure eating a lot of toast. Ha!
Her husband is from Minnesota and a Viking fan so I am sure he was happy to have this out of his house, but my hubby is a die hard Cowboys fan. Scott likes the Packers and roots for them when they aren't playing his Boys. He 'lets' the kids be dual fans, but so do I. He kind of looked at us like we were crazy when he came home and saw the toaster. I think he was afraid I bought it, but since it was a gift it gets to stay. He's probably a little softer about it since I let him give the two younger boys Cowboys gear for Christmas. Now they can 'choose' whether or not to wear Packers stuff or Cowboys shirts instead. Anyway - it's a cute addition to our house and we were pretty excited. I didn't even have any problems getting the kids to write in the thank you note they were so pumped!
God Bless you and Keep You!
TYLER:
Tyler was told at his last dentist appointment that all of his remaining baby teeth were loose and would come out soon. ALL? He knew about one of them and it did fall out later that month. Then there was a lull. Then he lost another or two in December and January was pretty crazy. He actually didn't lose his first tooth until he was almost 8 so he's always kind of been behind in this area, but I keep telling him that's good news as far as our future orthodontia bill is concerned. Anyway, he came home from his weekend away on Sunday night and informed me that he had lost another tooth which he has done about once a week lately. He said:
"Geez, usually I lose one or two teeth a year. I've lost three in the last month! This can't be normal!"
He did announce to me last night that all baby teeth are gone now except for a couple of molars, but he can't tell that they are loose yet. That's what he said before though and he's lost at least one of those. He will be 12 in just 2 short months and I have a feeling that those teeth will go quickly as well. All I can say is that I am grateful he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore or I would be broke!
Tyler's disappointment over his Junior High selection has been slow to dissipate so I did agree to put him on the waiting list for a possible change. It's unlikely anything will come of it, but I did warn Tyler that even if he did get a spot I might not let him take it. If the change in placement happens later than spring registration we won't be changing since the classes he is taking are more important than where he takes them. We won't risk facing filled classes and a less than desirable schedule. He came to me yesterday and said that he thinks this Junior High thing might be like the Violin thing and if he lets it just happen he will probably like it better eventually. Yeah. Okay, he had to think it through for himself and me talking until I'm blue in the face didn't do one bit of good. I'll have to remember that. Anyway, we have his big informational night at his new school tonight and I have a feeling that once we go to that he'll be more excited about next year. We have to figure out the PE vs Athletics thing since he really doesn't want to play football, but he does want to try out for Basketball and play Tennis. We are also encouraging him to consider trying out for Track since he is so fast, but that is still in the works and might require an encouraging, excited call at some point from his Aunt Asheley (hint, hint). Choice cards for registration are due on Friday and then I think I can breathe easier about at least one school placement/issue for a while. Next up - finding a private lesson teacher for Violin over the summer to take some of the pressure off of him in the fall with all the added pressures and changes coming.
One other interesting development: Tyler took a friend with him to church recently and the friend didn't like it at all. In fact on the way home this friend told me he didn't listen to anything that was said the whole time because that's what he always does. Hmmm. The kid had every opportunity to not go with us, but came anyway. Then he told Tyler he 'just wasn't into Church and God'. Tyler has been stressing about this for over a week even though we told him not to worry about it. Today he told me he might have pushed too hard and tried to get the friend to like it while they were there and told him how important it was a little too much. It was an interesting life lesson for my little man. I told him that was something he was always going to have to deal with in life - knowing how much or how little people wanted to be nudged/confronted, etc. in so many areas of his life. I was proud of him though for being BOLD about who he is! Yay!
SCOOTER:
Oh man I love this kid! He's so friggin cute sometimes it almost hurts. He's doing really good at walking into school on his own still. He kinda stalled this morning because he was tired, but recovered quickly and did go in on his own.
I spent 2 hours last night filling out paperwork and questionnaires so that he can have his new evaluation. Some of the questions are still in regards to his birth/babyhood/development, but most of it is about where he is now. And the answers to those questions are so very different than what they were a year ago. Scott wanted me to answer a little more 'light' in a couple areas, but I refused to be less than honest because that wouldn't be helpful to our son. Scott said 'MY Scotty is perfect'. I get what he means and he's perfect to me too so it hurts to have to put Scooter on some rating scale. However, the goal here is to get him officially OFF of the Autism spectrum as far as the school district is concerned if we can since no one is seeing anything even close to those indications at school. He is still shy, he still doesn't look people in the eye or respond to people he knows when he is outside his comfort zone, etc. and those answers were telling, but I do believe that all this shyness is the only indicator and probably not enough to have him on the spectrum. We'll see.
The most telling differences to me though on the forms were that we have no more senseless temper tantrums, no crying for some unknown reason, he plays cooperatively with kids his own age and slightly older and despite his love of play acting and pretending, he isn't solely focused on any one thing, moving easily from topic to topic. (This is more evident all the time as our neighbor with PDD-NOS struggles with moving from one play focus to another and even Riley's play is more sophisticated than his now.) Anyway, I think the main thing is that they have a lot more to work with for his evaluation than just my answers and Scooter clinging to my leg. They will observe him in the school setting without me there and they have been gathering information from all of his teachers for months. I was kinda surprised to see a note that he would also be evaluated for a 'speech impediment', but I think that is because he currently gets pulled out for speech and socialization therapy twice a week. It's for the pragmatics of speech and Scooter tells me they also work on 'expected behaviors' sometimes. So the evaluation would either prove that this should continue or be discontinued. I can't tell. The speech teacher just sends a report home every six weeks that basically says he is making progress but has not mastered anything. Since the goal post is continually moving I don't think they ever get to full mastery so this tells me absolutely nothing.
In the midst of all this Junior High stuff with Tyler, I am finally getting what all the benefits of the Magnet school have been about. I have always known it was beneficial, more challenging and would be helpful to him in the long run. I just didn't get that there was a political angle as well and that it was going to get him on a tract for first dibs on even better programs as he gets older. And thinking Scooter was going to need a lot more help and a more comfortable environment, I pulled him out of that tract. And he's fine and is of course one of the smartest kids in the class. OOOOOOOPPPSSSS! Oh, Sugar Plum with a big fat cherry on top. I knew at the time the decision could go either way on the wise/foolish scale. Urgh. I have reapplied to the Magnet schools under the sibling clause thingy and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I keep telling Scooter we'll find out by letter which of 3 schools he will attend next year and he seems fine with that so far. After all, that's how he finds out which teacher he has too, right?
Anyway - what I really want to share with you is how funny Scooter is. He's always been silly and had a good sense of humor, but it's shining through more every day. We've had a big rash of 'pick a hand' games going around with the younger kids lately and last night Scooter took it to a whole new level. We were all at the kitchen table chatting and Scooter came up to Tyler and played the game. Tyler chose one hand and there was predictably nothing and then he chose the other and Scooter showed him some small lego thing. Then he moved on to his dad, first hand nothing. Second hand nothing. First hand again, nothing. Scooter was giggling so hard while his dad picked hand after hand and there was nothing in any of them that I started chuckling too. Of course he was moving the toy from hand to hand, but he had 'invented' this game on his own so he thought it was the funniest thing ever.
After Scott & Tyler left for Basketball practice, Scooter told me he had a joke for me. Okay.
S-Why did the Chicken cross the road?
M-I don't know, why? (Of course I know why, it's the oldest joke ever, but new to S. right?)
S-To get to the other side!
M-Ooohhh! Insert obligatory laughter
S-Momma - Why did the Chicken cross the playground?
M-I don't know, why? (Thinking-here we go, he'll do the same joke over with slight variations)
S-To get to the other side - you should know that!
M-Oh - the other side, right.
S-No mom - not side - slide! To get to the other slide! That's what I said!
M-Insert GENUINE laughter, That is very clever Scooter!
The sense of humor thing, by the way, is a wonderful indication that we are coming off the spectrum as well since the nuance of it is something that most autistic children don't grasp.
And later, while I checked my Words with Friends page, I heard Scooter go up to Riley who has had 3 whole days of school at a local church preschool program, 'Riley, by the way, so who's your principal?' Riley had no idea! No principal, just a director Scooter. It was so precious!
RILEY:
Riley loves school. He doesn't write his name on his own yet and all the kids who have been there all year (and previous years) can do it. They are working with him and we started working with him at home too. We sing R-I-L-E-Y to the tune of BINGO so that he can learn how to spell his name without dropping the 'I' completely or turning it into an 'A' or an 'L'. He proudly comes home every day and tells me he got a green card. Honestly, I don't even know if they do the color change thing or not, but he's heard so much about Scooter staying on green every day I think he just assumes since he is being good he's on green.
After the first day I asked him if they sleep during quiet time or just rest. He said 'just rest' and then later crawled up into a chair next to me and said "Momma, I heard a rumor . . ." This by itself made me smile because I know he got it from me. I'll throw that out to the kids all the time with a tag like 'there was a little boy who needed a kiss from his mom' or something like that. It has never been thrown back at me before. After a pause, he started again 'I heard a rumor that a kid was still sleeping after quiet time'. It was funny to me because no one was sleeping in his room, but there was a little girl in the other Pre-K class getting carried out still sleeping that day. So maybe he did 'hear a rumor'!
Friday was rough for me because one of the teachers made comments to me about Riley being behind the other kids (something we knew going in, but I guess she was out of the loop) and also about him being 'so small' and that the other kids noticed, mentioned it and 'baby-ed' him. I cried and my sweet friend Mandy immediately ordered me to her house for newborn baby therapy which worked like a charm. (Thank you Mandy and Caitlyn! You are the most awesomest friend ever, ever, ever, like in a million years!) But the cute part of that day was that Riley had said to me on the way there that he had one friend at school that was 4 like him. I told him all the kids were 4, he was definitely the youngest and some were getting ready to turn 5 already, but everyone was 4. "Yeah, but they are bigger than me." "You are just short sweetie, but you'll grow. I am short, Grandma's short, etc." "And Great-Grandma, momma, she's really little. She's Grandma Barrow's mommy." "Yep, she is." Just before we pulled in the parking lot Riley said 'So, momma, I am 4 and I am big, I am just short." "Yes, Riley, you are big and short!" It was good enough for him.
On Mondays, the kids start their 'letter of the week' and 'number of the week'. I knew they were 'Q' and '17'. She sent home a 'counting jar' for Riley to collect 17 of something and bring back on Wednesday with something for show and tell that starts with a 'Q'. (Ok - side note here, please tell me you can think of something other than a quarter because I am pretty sure there are going to be 13 kids doing show and tell with quarters on Wednesday!) I made sure that the teacher knew that Riley could count to 15 without fail and even though he was still struggling with the upper teen numbers like all kids his age I had overheard him counting from 20-80 in the car the other day. All that listening to his older brother learn to count to 100 has paid off and was kind of the point of putting Riley where he is, etc. That was kind of petty on my part, but I was still hurt. I promise I'll get over it and I will forgive the teacher for not being in the loop and saying my kid was little and 'behind'. Eventually. I might sulk a little more this week first. mmmmmkay?
When I picked Riley up the teacher said her camera ran out of batteries before she got all the pictures taken she needed for open house this week and took Riley to their bean bags to take his picture with fresh batteries. She posed him on his knees and asked him to hold up his sign language 'I love you' sign she had taught him that day. Later, on the way to pick the boys up, I asked Riley what his letter of the week was, already knowing it was 'Q'. "ummmmmm, my letter of the week wasssssss . . . 'I love you'" and he held up his hand showing me the sign. Okay - he's still figuring it all out, but it's so cute.
That's what's going on. Just super cute boys being super cute. Most of the time. Everyone is being really good about their chore charts for the most part and we should be ready to start giving them their allowances and introducing their 4-part saving/spending banks soon. We are also starting our own little behavior color chart here today too that is currently centered on 'No Whining!' The boys have to work together to earn family fun time. The first goal is for a family game night and the second level will get them to the theater to see Star Wars Episode I in 3D. They selected these and are currently debating between bowling and putt-putt for their 3rd level of achievement. Once whining is reduced we'll switch it up to 'No Arguing'. That's the plan anyway.
I finally met up with one of my closest friends for our 'Christmas' lunch yesterday. We were cracking up that it is February and we were still hauling around Christmas packages for each other. We exchanged them as we said goodbye and Di told me that mine was for the whole family and I should wait to open it with the boys. I'm so glad I did, but now that it's here we are sure eating a lot of toast. Ha!
Her husband is from Minnesota and a Viking fan so I am sure he was happy to have this out of his house, but my hubby is a die hard Cowboys fan. Scott likes the Packers and roots for them when they aren't playing his Boys. He 'lets' the kids be dual fans, but so do I. He kind of looked at us like we were crazy when he came home and saw the toaster. I think he was afraid I bought it, but since it was a gift it gets to stay. He's probably a little softer about it since I let him give the two younger boys Cowboys gear for Christmas. Now they can 'choose' whether or not to wear Packers stuff or Cowboys shirts instead. Anyway - it's a cute addition to our house and we were pretty excited. I didn't even have any problems getting the kids to write in the thank you note they were so pumped!
God Bless you and Keep You!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes . . .
It's sooooo quiet in here. Silent. Eerie. Except for the soft chuffing of my dog, Bella, as she hefts her weight into a different position behind my chair. And the distant whine of a police siren. Hmmm . . . and the clickety clack of my keys. And of course, there is the racket inside my own head: A million thoughts running a thousand miles an hour and yet drowned out by David Bowie's voice echoing inside my brain, singing 'Turn and Face the Strange - Changes . . . Ch-ch-ch-changes!'.
That's right folks, things they are a-changin around here. A lot. Where to start?
RILEY - In my search for the answer to 'What am I gonna do with Riley next year?', I happily found a solution at a church where both little ones used to attend Mothers Day Out (a hundred years ago before I went back to work and then came back home, etc.) and where Riley and I also attend a Moms group twice a month. This church offers a 3 day program called 'Transitional Kindergarten' which will be perfect next fall for my late-fall-birthday-munchkin-who-will-be-almost-six-when-he-goes-to-big-school-finally. It's more academically intensive than a traditional Pre-K and aligned with our districts curriculum so he should be very well prepared when he does finally get to follow his brothers into the world of academia. Technically I think he's supposed to be 5 by Sept. 1st for this program too, but they seem to be overlooking that detail for us. I guess that is the advantage of a private school, and knowing people. And, well, it doesn't hurt that when Riley was just 6 weeks old he played the starring role of 'Baby Jesus' in the 4 night production of the huge church choir Christmas pageant production at this particular church. Celebrity will really get you somewhere if you let it! LOL!
Anyway, during this process we wanted to make sure that Riley was going to be ready for the 'more' of the T-K program. I am sure it will be fine, but if he went in today, he would be very overwhelmed. We talked alot about the differences between the 4's class which is regular Pre-K and this one. So then I asked the most loaded question ever . . 'What if . . .?' and landed Riley in an open spot for Pre-K for the spring semester so there is no question of his readiness in the fall for T-K. And that sounds really wonderful and like I am a prepared and thoughtful mother with Riley's cognitive preparedness being my biggest concern. But here's the truth of the matter - this kid is BORED! He needs out of the house a little bit. So, today Riley started Pre-K for 2 days a week. He'll be going on Monday and Wednesday each week (Wed/Fri this week because of our start date) with the possible expansion to 3 days a week next month depending on a few different circumstances. Hence - the QUIET! Well, quiet except for the pounding of my Boxer's entire body against the back door to let me know he's ready to come back inside because a simple scratch on the door is just not sufficient and one must surely need to announce their presence by running at full speed across the entire yard and then hurtling into glass to get mom's attention. Other than that - quiet.
When people hear that I am putting Riley into school now, in February, I get asked 2 questions.
First - Why didn't you start him in the fall?
Lot's of reasons. Selfishly, I wanted Riley to myself a little bit because the time we've had alone has been pretty limited over the years. He's probably my last baby and I wanted to enjoy having a little munchkin home with me for as long as I could get away with it. I might have done it for a one-day-a-week program, but those aren't offered at this age. Frugally, this kid is home for another whole year and that's a lot of preschool to pay for (even with Scott's work reimbursement program which ensures that we don't pay for very much of this whole process) when I am home all day anyway. Again, might have done it for the one day thing, but not available. And Peevishly, I was kinda annoyed because Riley was only a few weeks shy of turning four at the beginning of the semester, but no one would consider putting him in anything other than a 3 year old class or starting him there and moving him up at the semester break after he turned 4 or anything. Waiting until now, when he is 4 seems to have turned the tide (at least at some of the schools) and enabled him to go in the 4 year old class. Granted, he'll be the youngest one in there, but he is also the youngest child and 'knows' more at this age than either of the other two did.
I left him happily figuring out the center system and choosing between gluing pretzel sticks down on outlines of big P little p or tracing and coloring the letter P at another table. He did try and hide in my leg for about 20 seconds while we got settled in, but that was entirely for my benefit. This munchkin was super pumped! I kissed him and he turned to the enrichment and challenges immediately. The thing he was most excited about was that I bought him a lunch box and he got to take his lunch to school like his brothers. He also thought it was pretty cool that he was taking a paint shirt to school and that he gets to go to the library every week to borrow a book like Scooter does.
Second Question - Heather, what are you going to do with all that time? Friend - you are looking at it. Haha! Just kidding, although I can see already that this is going faster without having to stop and fill a milk cup, find a toy or change the input mode on a tv. Honestly, I don't know yet! It is going to be nice to get stuff done faster, but it will also be strange and even though I have more time on my hands with no kids, my daily schedule will actually be abbreviated. Riley goes from 9-2 and when he's with me my 'available' time is really 8-2:45. For today, though, it's blogging then running an errand (place doesn't open until 10) and then running off to work for a while. Plus laundry and prepping dinner. Not too different from when Riley is home really. I am looking forward to having time to better prep my grocery coupon shopping without having to ignore my kids for 2 hours to do it. Also, shopping at multiple stores to get better deals will be easier without having to load and unload a kid in the process. And there are also some changes for me in the works for the fall, but we'll get to all that later.
TYLER - Where did the childhood part of this life run off to? Ach! Tyler's Junior High acceptance letter came home with him yesterday. He did not get his first choice of schools, but his second. (Insert a private grumble for me here because it's the furthest from home of the three options, not FAR, but further) Now, let me be clear - it's a Magnet school with an emphasis in Math, Science & Leadership and it's the top rated Junior High in the district. This is the second choice, the runner up, right? But, it wasn't his first choice which is also a Magnet and the one where his Orchestra teacher works and his Art teacher and most of his friends are going there. Although - I don't think Tyler cares that his friends will be there so much as he doesn't get why everyone else he knows got their first choice of school and he didn't. And honestly, the friend of his that I like the most and think is the best influence on him will be at the same school as Tyler. This makes me feel good even though I know that there are any number of new and improved bad influences awaiting him at any Junior High he may attend. Anyway, per Tyler's request I have put a call into the placement office to find out 'why' and if there is a possibility of change. I don't expect to get a call back since he did actually choose this school as a possibility and they have much bigger issues to deal with. I am working with Tyler on the idea of acceptance and thought my parents (who we met for ice cream to soothe feelings last night) and I had made some headway. Right up until Tyler told me this morning that he was going to talk to the Orchestra teacher (who adores him) and see if she could 'pull some strings' for him.
Okay - this would annoy me, but honestly that is really the lesson he learned this week at Enterprise City. EC is this cool thing that all 6th graders in our district get to do each year. They get assigned jobs, salaries, bosses and rules. They have to keep a checkbook, get a paycheck and make deposits and write checks/get cash and complete certain tasks and purchases without getting overdrawn. They have to take out business loans and make enough money to pay them back and hopefully have a profit afterwards. I was a volunteer and I couldn't believe how fast the day went. Teach kids the free enterprise system, supply and demand, etc. is the goal. My son was an attorney who spent his day being hired to argue friends cases in front of a judge to lower fines issued by police officers for walking on a green square in the middle of the room that was the town 'grass'. Here's the lesson these kids learned - it's not what you know, it's who you know. One of Tyler's best friends was a judge and he always did better on his cases with that judge than the other one and he had a better record than the other attorney who didn't know either judge well. Our kids got an extension on their first loan payment due because one of Tyler's buddies was the bank president. When the fines were lowered to a point that hiring a lawyer was a pointless endeavor, the 'Accountant' in his office went to talk to her best friend, the Mayor, to get them raised again and help with their supply/demand problem. So why wouldn't Tyler think that it was a good idea to ask someone to grease a squeaky wheel? He just learned that lesson big time on Monday.
Pause for inundation of photos. Tyler's friends, the judge and bank president, are in here too as well as some good ones of Tyler arguing cases and one of all the kids in our office trying to figure out how to balance their checkbook, fill out deposit slips and endorse their paychecks. The whole thing was just amazing to see come together. I am very glad I got to be there. It also didn't hurt that the Judge's father is a friend and was the official photographer for the day. City Hall was 2 doors down from us with the bank across the hall. Our boys dominated the 1000+ photos he took. Oh - and the tie was Tyler's idea. He made Scotty teach him how to tie it himself and then practiced over and over and over again the night before. He told me his Uncle Matthew had taught him once that if you do something 3 times it becomes part of your short term memory and if you do it 7 times it becomes part of your long term memory and he did not want to forget how to tie a tie. That's good because Scott leaves for work before the rest of us get up and I could not have helped him since I don't have a clue . . .
Tyler's also heard a lot lately about how hard/bad/miserable/tortuous Junior High can be. He's getting it from everywhere, including teachers. I have been guilty of this myself, even indicating to him that the key to surviving the next two years was to keep his head down and get through it. When he told me I made it sound like a war zone I had a parenting reality check. Ooops. Okay, so really it's just there are so many changes going on at this time - physically, emotionally, socially, academically - it's hard for everyone, but you'll be fine sweetie and there are also some really good times to be had and you get to become even more of your own person! Yay! Note to self: Limit the number of middle school horror stories you tell around the house to bare minimum. Do not let your own horrific memories overshadow your child's experiences. Right. Ch-ch-ch-changes.
And SCOOTER - please don't let this be a jinx, but guess what????? Scooter is walking into school on his own! Without being pushed, pulled or cajoled or anything! I kinda used the 'Riley's going to school soon and I don't have time for this kinda stuff' as the first prod. Then I got lucky and while I was trying to put my foot down, Mrs. Crump had door duty last week. When she realized what I was doing on Monday afternoon, she told Scooter that I was no longer allowed to step off of the grass/dirt and onto the concrete anymore. (We were parking alongside the school and walking up the grassy slope from the side to the door.) This really stressed him out, but the next morning I refused to step off of the mud and onto the concrete and I just lifted him over onto the steps and Mrs. Crump grabbed him and took it from there. Wednesday morning it was pouring rain for the second day in a row. I announced that we absolutely could not walk through all that mud to get to the door and pulled into the school drop off circle. This, of course, has been the goal all along. I want to eventually not have to get out of the car myself, but we work in baby steps with Scooter so I parked along the left hand 'parking' side and walked him across past the 'drive-thru' side and up to the steps. Well, really we ran because it was raining still. I stopped at the bottom of the steps and refused to go up. Scooter wouldn't go up, so I lifted him to the top step, Mrs. C grabbed his arm and I turned and left. Thursday morning I told him it was still muddy and we were doing it again. This time, when we got to the base of the stairs, he went up while holding my finger, but I stayed down. When he discovered this, he tried to turn around and come back to me, but Mrs. C. said 'No, Scott, we had a deal remember?' and he turned and walked inside. I never heard what the deal was as my son told me later he only went in because it was rainy.
So Friday morning arrived and it was sunny and dry, but it was also 'Popcorn Friday' - the first of the year for Scooter. He kept asking me to give him his quarter for popcorn, but I put him off until I parked in the circle. Then I told him I would give him his quarter at the door. We walked to the stairs, he held my fingers until he got to the top and I handed him his quarter, told him to not lose it and put it in his pocket and he turned and walked inside. All weekend I told him how excited about that whole experience I was. But there was a weekend in between Friday and Monday and Mrs. C. isn't on door duty this week. But I was a busy mom on Monday, going to EC with Tyler and so in my busyness I convinced him we had to keep this up and he went in like a dream. Yesterday, Riley watched us do it again with absolutely no prodding. When I got back in the car I asked Riley if he saw that (he's always distressed by Scooter's behavior) and he said 'Yessss! He did it!'. This morning Scooter kept telling me I had three drop offs and that was a lot and he did it again. Mrs. Crump happened by just after he walked over the threshold and had a good laugh over my little celebration dance in the middle of the walkway.
Wow - it only took five months and some rain. Isn't it sad that this was the first time all year we had enough rain to make the grass muddy? If it had rained last fall maybe we wouldn't have had this problem for so long. Anyway, I know Scooter will be fine now because he knows he can do it. I will give him a couple weeks of this phase and then start backing off the letting-go-of-my-hand point. The curb is only 25 feet from the door, but I know the hardest thing will be getting out of the car by himself. We'll get there eventually though.
Okay - that's it for now, and let me tell you that's enough! I'm tired, honey, and it's early. Maybe my first day of no-kid-ness should include a nap. Doubtful though.
Enjoy your day and God Bless!
That's right folks, things they are a-changin around here. A lot. Where to start?
RILEY - In my search for the answer to 'What am I gonna do with Riley next year?', I happily found a solution at a church where both little ones used to attend Mothers Day Out (a hundred years ago before I went back to work and then came back home, etc.) and where Riley and I also attend a Moms group twice a month. This church offers a 3 day program called 'Transitional Kindergarten' which will be perfect next fall for my late-fall-birthday-munchkin-who-will-be-almost-six-when-he-goes-to-big-school-finally. It's more academically intensive than a traditional Pre-K and aligned with our districts curriculum so he should be very well prepared when he does finally get to follow his brothers into the world of academia. Technically I think he's supposed to be 5 by Sept. 1st for this program too, but they seem to be overlooking that detail for us. I guess that is the advantage of a private school, and knowing people. And, well, it doesn't hurt that when Riley was just 6 weeks old he played the starring role of 'Baby Jesus' in the 4 night production of the huge church choir Christmas pageant production at this particular church. Celebrity will really get you somewhere if you let it! LOL!
Anyway, during this process we wanted to make sure that Riley was going to be ready for the 'more' of the T-K program. I am sure it will be fine, but if he went in today, he would be very overwhelmed. We talked alot about the differences between the 4's class which is regular Pre-K and this one. So then I asked the most loaded question ever . . 'What if . . .?' and landed Riley in an open spot for Pre-K for the spring semester so there is no question of his readiness in the fall for T-K. And that sounds really wonderful and like I am a prepared and thoughtful mother with Riley's cognitive preparedness being my biggest concern. But here's the truth of the matter - this kid is BORED! He needs out of the house a little bit. So, today Riley started Pre-K for 2 days a week. He'll be going on Monday and Wednesday each week (Wed/Fri this week because of our start date) with the possible expansion to 3 days a week next month depending on a few different circumstances. Hence - the QUIET! Well, quiet except for the pounding of my Boxer's entire body against the back door to let me know he's ready to come back inside because a simple scratch on the door is just not sufficient and one must surely need to announce their presence by running at full speed across the entire yard and then hurtling into glass to get mom's attention. Other than that - quiet.
When people hear that I am putting Riley into school now, in February, I get asked 2 questions.
First - Why didn't you start him in the fall?
Lot's of reasons. Selfishly, I wanted Riley to myself a little bit because the time we've had alone has been pretty limited over the years. He's probably my last baby and I wanted to enjoy having a little munchkin home with me for as long as I could get away with it. I might have done it for a one-day-a-week program, but those aren't offered at this age. Frugally, this kid is home for another whole year and that's a lot of preschool to pay for (even with Scott's work reimbursement program which ensures that we don't pay for very much of this whole process) when I am home all day anyway. Again, might have done it for the one day thing, but not available. And Peevishly, I was kinda annoyed because Riley was only a few weeks shy of turning four at the beginning of the semester, but no one would consider putting him in anything other than a 3 year old class or starting him there and moving him up at the semester break after he turned 4 or anything. Waiting until now, when he is 4 seems to have turned the tide (at least at some of the schools) and enabled him to go in the 4 year old class. Granted, he'll be the youngest one in there, but he is also the youngest child and 'knows' more at this age than either of the other two did.
I left him happily figuring out the center system and choosing between gluing pretzel sticks down on outlines of big P little p or tracing and coloring the letter P at another table. He did try and hide in my leg for about 20 seconds while we got settled in, but that was entirely for my benefit. This munchkin was super pumped! I kissed him and he turned to the enrichment and challenges immediately. The thing he was most excited about was that I bought him a lunch box and he got to take his lunch to school like his brothers. He also thought it was pretty cool that he was taking a paint shirt to school and that he gets to go to the library every week to borrow a book like Scooter does.
Second Question - Heather, what are you going to do with all that time? Friend - you are looking at it. Haha! Just kidding, although I can see already that this is going faster without having to stop and fill a milk cup, find a toy or change the input mode on a tv. Honestly, I don't know yet! It is going to be nice to get stuff done faster, but it will also be strange and even though I have more time on my hands with no kids, my daily schedule will actually be abbreviated. Riley goes from 9-2 and when he's with me my 'available' time is really 8-2:45. For today, though, it's blogging then running an errand (place doesn't open until 10) and then running off to work for a while. Plus laundry and prepping dinner. Not too different from when Riley is home really. I am looking forward to having time to better prep my grocery coupon shopping without having to ignore my kids for 2 hours to do it. Also, shopping at multiple stores to get better deals will be easier without having to load and unload a kid in the process. And there are also some changes for me in the works for the fall, but we'll get to all that later.
TYLER - Where did the childhood part of this life run off to? Ach! Tyler's Junior High acceptance letter came home with him yesterday. He did not get his first choice of schools, but his second. (Insert a private grumble for me here because it's the furthest from home of the three options, not FAR, but further) Now, let me be clear - it's a Magnet school with an emphasis in Math, Science & Leadership and it's the top rated Junior High in the district. This is the second choice, the runner up, right? But, it wasn't his first choice which is also a Magnet and the one where his Orchestra teacher works and his Art teacher and most of his friends are going there. Although - I don't think Tyler cares that his friends will be there so much as he doesn't get why everyone else he knows got their first choice of school and he didn't. And honestly, the friend of his that I like the most and think is the best influence on him will be at the same school as Tyler. This makes me feel good even though I know that there are any number of new and improved bad influences awaiting him at any Junior High he may attend. Anyway, per Tyler's request I have put a call into the placement office to find out 'why' and if there is a possibility of change. I don't expect to get a call back since he did actually choose this school as a possibility and they have much bigger issues to deal with. I am working with Tyler on the idea of acceptance and thought my parents (who we met for ice cream to soothe feelings last night) and I had made some headway. Right up until Tyler told me this morning that he was going to talk to the Orchestra teacher (who adores him) and see if she could 'pull some strings' for him.
Okay - this would annoy me, but honestly that is really the lesson he learned this week at Enterprise City. EC is this cool thing that all 6th graders in our district get to do each year. They get assigned jobs, salaries, bosses and rules. They have to keep a checkbook, get a paycheck and make deposits and write checks/get cash and complete certain tasks and purchases without getting overdrawn. They have to take out business loans and make enough money to pay them back and hopefully have a profit afterwards. I was a volunteer and I couldn't believe how fast the day went. Teach kids the free enterprise system, supply and demand, etc. is the goal. My son was an attorney who spent his day being hired to argue friends cases in front of a judge to lower fines issued by police officers for walking on a green square in the middle of the room that was the town 'grass'. Here's the lesson these kids learned - it's not what you know, it's who you know. One of Tyler's best friends was a judge and he always did better on his cases with that judge than the other one and he had a better record than the other attorney who didn't know either judge well. Our kids got an extension on their first loan payment due because one of Tyler's buddies was the bank president. When the fines were lowered to a point that hiring a lawyer was a pointless endeavor, the 'Accountant' in his office went to talk to her best friend, the Mayor, to get them raised again and help with their supply/demand problem. So why wouldn't Tyler think that it was a good idea to ask someone to grease a squeaky wheel? He just learned that lesson big time on Monday.
Pause for inundation of photos. Tyler's friends, the judge and bank president, are in here too as well as some good ones of Tyler arguing cases and one of all the kids in our office trying to figure out how to balance their checkbook, fill out deposit slips and endorse their paychecks. The whole thing was just amazing to see come together. I am very glad I got to be there. It also didn't hurt that the Judge's father is a friend and was the official photographer for the day. City Hall was 2 doors down from us with the bank across the hall. Our boys dominated the 1000+ photos he took. Oh - and the tie was Tyler's idea. He made Scotty teach him how to tie it himself and then practiced over and over and over again the night before. He told me his Uncle Matthew had taught him once that if you do something 3 times it becomes part of your short term memory and if you do it 7 times it becomes part of your long term memory and he did not want to forget how to tie a tie. That's good because Scott leaves for work before the rest of us get up and I could not have helped him since I don't have a clue . . .
Tyler's also heard a lot lately about how hard/bad/miserable/tortuous Junior High can be. He's getting it from everywhere, including teachers. I have been guilty of this myself, even indicating to him that the key to surviving the next two years was to keep his head down and get through it. When he told me I made it sound like a war zone I had a parenting reality check. Ooops. Okay, so really it's just there are so many changes going on at this time - physically, emotionally, socially, academically - it's hard for everyone, but you'll be fine sweetie and there are also some really good times to be had and you get to become even more of your own person! Yay! Note to self: Limit the number of middle school horror stories you tell around the house to bare minimum. Do not let your own horrific memories overshadow your child's experiences. Right. Ch-ch-ch-changes.
And SCOOTER - please don't let this be a jinx, but guess what????? Scooter is walking into school on his own! Without being pushed, pulled or cajoled or anything! I kinda used the 'Riley's going to school soon and I don't have time for this kinda stuff' as the first prod. Then I got lucky and while I was trying to put my foot down, Mrs. Crump had door duty last week. When she realized what I was doing on Monday afternoon, she told Scooter that I was no longer allowed to step off of the grass/dirt and onto the concrete anymore. (We were parking alongside the school and walking up the grassy slope from the side to the door.) This really stressed him out, but the next morning I refused to step off of the mud and onto the concrete and I just lifted him over onto the steps and Mrs. Crump grabbed him and took it from there. Wednesday morning it was pouring rain for the second day in a row. I announced that we absolutely could not walk through all that mud to get to the door and pulled into the school drop off circle. This, of course, has been the goal all along. I want to eventually not have to get out of the car myself, but we work in baby steps with Scooter so I parked along the left hand 'parking' side and walked him across past the 'drive-thru' side and up to the steps. Well, really we ran because it was raining still. I stopped at the bottom of the steps and refused to go up. Scooter wouldn't go up, so I lifted him to the top step, Mrs. C grabbed his arm and I turned and left. Thursday morning I told him it was still muddy and we were doing it again. This time, when we got to the base of the stairs, he went up while holding my finger, but I stayed down. When he discovered this, he tried to turn around and come back to me, but Mrs. C. said 'No, Scott, we had a deal remember?' and he turned and walked inside. I never heard what the deal was as my son told me later he only went in because it was rainy.
So Friday morning arrived and it was sunny and dry, but it was also 'Popcorn Friday' - the first of the year for Scooter. He kept asking me to give him his quarter for popcorn, but I put him off until I parked in the circle. Then I told him I would give him his quarter at the door. We walked to the stairs, he held my fingers until he got to the top and I handed him his quarter, told him to not lose it and put it in his pocket and he turned and walked inside. All weekend I told him how excited about that whole experience I was. But there was a weekend in between Friday and Monday and Mrs. C. isn't on door duty this week. But I was a busy mom on Monday, going to EC with Tyler and so in my busyness I convinced him we had to keep this up and he went in like a dream. Yesterday, Riley watched us do it again with absolutely no prodding. When I got back in the car I asked Riley if he saw that (he's always distressed by Scooter's behavior) and he said 'Yessss! He did it!'. This morning Scooter kept telling me I had three drop offs and that was a lot and he did it again. Mrs. Crump happened by just after he walked over the threshold and had a good laugh over my little celebration dance in the middle of the walkway.
Wow - it only took five months and some rain. Isn't it sad that this was the first time all year we had enough rain to make the grass muddy? If it had rained last fall maybe we wouldn't have had this problem for so long. Anyway, I know Scooter will be fine now because he knows he can do it. I will give him a couple weeks of this phase and then start backing off the letting-go-of-my-hand point. The curb is only 25 feet from the door, but I know the hardest thing will be getting out of the car by himself. We'll get there eventually though.
Okay - that's it for now, and let me tell you that's enough! I'm tired, honey, and it's early. Maybe my first day of no-kid-ness should include a nap. Doubtful though.
Enjoy your day and God Bless!
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