No sick days for super mom! But, maybe an hour?

Every mother knows that there is no such thing as a sick day for mommys.  I mean, if you are down and out - who's going to do everything that needs to be done?  And sometimes the everything is as simple as giving a baby a bottle, but that can seem like a huge ordeal if you have to run to the bathroom to throw up every 5 minutes.  Luckily, the longer we mother and the more sicknesses that we nurture our kids through, the less times we get sick.  And most of us seem to have some kind of super-mommy immunity gene that kicks in and keeps us from catching every single bug that passes through our homes.  Or maybe it's just that we have to be so much to so many little people that the little virus bugs take one look at our obviously incredibly super-armor and just run away crying, thinking we aren't worth the bother.

Even though we generally don't get sick as often or as seriously as we did pre-children, at some point every mom is going to get sick.  It's just the way of the world.  Natural Selection making it's yearly, monthly or daily run is eventually going to get a small hit on your immune system or a sucker punch to your gut.  The fact is we are not truly invincible and we will have some down days.  The problem is, our kids don't stop needing us and we can't phone in and spend the day curled into a ball on the couch watching old movies while we wait to feel better.  We are the nurturers now, and we have to keep nurturing.

When I was in my early twenties, I got sick a lot.  I mean a lot.  I'm surprised I didn't get fired from jobs for the amount of sick days I took.  And I never got to be one of those people that could call in sick just to goof off (No one really does that, right?) because I really was sick all of the time.  I had hugely terrible sinus infections twice a year, like clockwork.  I caught every stomach bug that flew within 2 miles of my house and I had occasional migraines that would wipe me out for a couple of days.  At 24, I found out that the exceedingly increasing amount of digestive problems I was having had to do with the fact that my gall bladder was functioning at less than 20% and I had my first surgery.  Although it was a day procedure, I missed almost 2 weeks of work from a job I had only had for 2 months.  And through it all, I still needed my mother.  I was an adult, working for a living and alternating between living out of state and on my own or crashing at my parents again.  But I still wanted my mom every time I didn't feel good.  Usually just calling and complaining to her was enough, but if I was anywhere near her I was happy to have her pamper me and take care of me again.  Who wouldn't?

Having kids changed everything.  Especially for me, being an unwed mother.  There were many times that Tyler and I lived with my parents and that definitely helped when I wasn't feeling good.  But, we were also on our own a lot, including living an hour from mom at school.  And being sick with a 2 year old to take care of with no one around to help out pretty much sucks.  We aren't alone now, with Scotty & two more little ones, and having a husband to take up some slack is great - when he's home.  When Scooter was just a few months old, Scott went away for a weekend to Houston and I stayed home alone with the baby.  And then suffered all weekend with either a really bad stomach virus or food poisoning - I never figured out which.  I was trying to nurse Scooter, quickly dehydrating which was making it harder and harder, and having to put him down every couple of minutes to lose some more fluids.  I went through every spare milk bag in my freezer that weekend and eventually had to supplement with formula - which made me cry.  On Sunday morning, my dad came and picked us up.  I tried to be tough about it, but my mom put her foot down and sent him and honestly at that point, I needed a break.  I needed someone to hold the baby and let me sleep and feed me dry toast and gatorade.  This was, of course, a more extreme situation, but even Scott being at work while I am home sick with the kids can be torture.

Kids, at least my kids, just don't understand when you are sick.  They still need everything that they need and as a mom, it's my job to provide those things.  They still need to eat and they need attention.  They need you to kiss their boo-boos and sing with them and listen to their stories and watch them do exciting things like run real fast on their tippy-toes, because they just figured out that they could.  And it breaks my heart to say things like 'Honey, momma can't do that puzzle with you right now, I just don't feel good.  Can you do it with your brother?'.  Their little faces fall and it's so sad.  You are supposed to be their rock and if you've done your job right, they don't really get that you aren't super-woman and capable of just about anything.

This week I have just felt crappy.  Not super bad sick, just not good.  One of those nameless bugs that don't have any definite symptoms and don't really knock you out, but make it hard to do just about anything.  I've done my best to keep on moving all week, but by yesterday afternoon, I was just done.  Exhausted.  I was ready to curl up in a little ball and not move for about a week.  I've only done what I had to do to get by and let things like the laundry sit by the way side.  I just wanted Scott to come home from work and take over.  I was just itching for this morning to get here so that all 3 kids would be in school and I could sleep all day and then catch up later.  I didn't want to make dinner, but stuck it in the oven anyway.  I didn't want to check Tyler's homework, but smiled and did it anyway.  I didn't want to watch The Empire Strikes Back for the 5th time this week (HGTV sounded much more appealing), but I put in the tape and read the opener to Scooter one more time.  I was doing my best to get the job done even though I felt like creating a cocoon and sleeping away the rest of the week.  And I felt like a loser, because I know I wasn't giving my kids everything they really needed from me.

When my kids are sick, I think I am pretty awesome at taking care of them.  After all, I learned how from the best mom on the planet.  When they are sick they just want their mom, like I always have and like I am sure that deep down - you always do too.  When I'm sick, sometimes I feel like no one even notices.  Part of that comes from just doing my job and not complaining so they don't have to notice.  The other part just comes from the fact that kids are by nature just self-involved and it takes more than a sneeze to get their attention.  But by late yesterday, I didn't care anymore if they didn't get it.  I was taking a break.  I sat down on the couch and refused to move for a while.  I changed the tv station to one I wanted to watch, made myself some tea and asked the kids to find something quiet to play in another room.  A part of me hated to be that selfish, but the bigger part was screaming 'You need to sit and recover.  You can't be everything, every minute.  They are fine!!!!'

And the most amazing thing happened - My kids realized something wasn't right with me.  But instead of whining about it or freaking out that things were not going according to a normal pattern or schedule, they actually tried to help.  Tyler was the first to catch on, being older and more intuitive and also the most sensitive of the three.  He brought me my favorite pillow and a glass of water and went to his room to do his homework without whining about it.  Riley crawled up and laid down next to me and said 'Momma you don't feel good?  Your tummy hurt?' and proceeded to inch my tshirt up from my belly button so he could rub my tummy and make it feel better because that's what he likes when he doesn't feel good.  Scooter instinctively lowered his noise level by several notches and then came over to me and said 'I'm sorry you don't feel good momma.  I love you.' and kissed my forehead.  And then they all went off to play in other rooms and left me to rest for an hour.  Wow!  How wonderful was that?  A whole hour to just rest with no one harping at me and asking me for a million different little things.

I was so proud of my little guys.  And really, so grateful too.  Not just for their compassion and tolerance, but for their patience.  I must be doing something right some of the time if they can understand that everyone needs a break once in a while, even their mom.  Of course, it didn't last long.  At right about an hour, Scooter wandered over to me and said 'Do you feel better yet mom?' and the next thing I knew I was negotiating a truce for a fight over a toy that everyone wanted while helping Riley get a banana for a snack and explaining to Tyler why it didn't matter if he and his friend Jerry were riding their bikes to the same school in the mornings, I was absolutely never, ever, ever going to say yes to a sleepover at a friend's house on a school night.  And it did make me feel better, to have that break.  I was able to get up and get dinner on the table, organize bath and bed time and actually have a conversation with my husband before I crashed into bed.

So today they are all at school and my house is quiet.  There are a million things I need to do around here and I have a friend who wants to come by and have lunch.  I feel a little better this morning, but overall I still want to lay down and rest.  And I think that's what I am going to do.  I don't think I am going to do anything all day, but recuperate and enjoy the quiet.  So that when they all come home this afternoon, I will be ready to be super-mom again.

Thanks and God Bless!