An Escape from the Madness . . .

Last night I escaped from my mad house for 5 minutes.  I decided that I needed to buy baby wipes at the corner drug store.  Obviously at this point of parenting with my little munchkins who are growing into little men, it wasn't a MUST HAVE AT THIS MOMENT supply.  I could have waited for this morning and the rest of my errands.  But I really needed that 5 minutes to myself, so off I went.

I have been in dire need of a girls night out for quite a while, but my 'girls' are spread out and just as busy as I am.  It's getting pretty hard to get things together so that I can run away from my much loved family for a much needed break.  So while I wait, I have to settle for the occasional night time errand and a nicely chilled glass of wine with my hubby once the monsters are in bed for the night.

Remember, I love my kids and have chosen to be home with them because I love spending time with them.  However, even the most patient of mothers can only handle so many arguments, tantrums, spills and craziness in one day.  And I am NOT the most patient of mothers.  Truth be told, I had actually already had a small break yesterday - it just wasn't enough.

Yesterday morning was my first MOPS meeting for my new MOPS group.  I've done this before at another church and found that I really loved the format.  But in my working-mom absence that particular group has disolved and evolved into another kind of moms group which I am sure is great, but I am really partial to MOPS so I found a new place to go.  For those of you not in the know, MOPS is Mothers of PreSchoolers and they have groups for not only stay at home moms, but working moms, teen moms and even prison moms!  It's basic format will put 50-70 women in one large room with either a speaker or a creative activity twice a month.  Moms are broken into smaller discussion or care groups of 8-10 with a leader/counselor and a mentor mom.  We eat brunch, complain about our hubbies, brag about our kids (or the other way around)and enjoy almost 3 whole hours without our little ones jumping around us and distracting us.  It's pretty darn awesome.

I was so excited about meeting new people and getting to know my new group, but really it wasn't all fun either.  After all, I had to leave Scooter and Riley in child care classes with teachers and kids they didn't know.  They both cried, but I knew Riley would get over it pretty quickly.  Scooter is Scooter, however, and I never really fully relaxed yesterday while I waited for some director to come find me and make me come get my inconsolable child from their classroom.  It didn't happen - thank goodness!  He wouldn't say he had a good time and he had refused to do most of the activities, but he did get to be line leader and he did like one teacher in particular who promised him that she would read him the 'Lightning McQueen' book again next time he came.

After the meeting we rushed home for a quick lunch and then we were out the door again so that I could take my two preschoolers with me to an OBGYN appointment.  Those of you who have ever dared this monstrous feat are probably cringing with me right now.  Luckily my doctor is absolutely fabulous and so is her staff.  They didn't worry too much about my slightly elevated blood pressure yesterday since I had spent the last 20 minutes trying to keep my kids from climbing all the waiting room furniture and jumping off and then from stealing the 'neat' plastic cups and individually wrapped wipes from the bathroom.  My doc, who is a mother of 4 herself, admirably kept her cool and smile while I tried to explain to Scooter why I was wearing a blanket instead of clothes for my appointment.  And the whole time, I was stressing about how long I was there since Tyler was going to beat me home and have to be a latch-key kid for the first time ever.

All in all - we survived.  I made it home just 10 minutes after Tyler so he feels super responsible and I didn't have to call in the reinforcements.  The little ones were rewarded for their 'good' behavior with a lollipop from Dr. P and a chocolate bar from me.  Once we settled in and got all the melted chocolate off kids faces and hands and Tyler was finished with his homework, I checked the mail.  I had received what I thought was my MOPS International magazine that is an automatic inclusion in my dues.  When I opened it I found instead 'welcome' gifts that included among other things a diaper bag id tag and a bright purple 'green' shopping bag.

After dinner, I opened the bag up and saw the big MOPS logo printed on the side with a tag line that read 'Friends don't let friends mother alone!'  Oh my - serious food for thought.  I mean, over the years I've heard a lot of 'Friends don't let friends . . .' lines like 'drink and drive', 'drunk dial an ex boyfriend', 'wear jeans that make your butt look big', 'over-treat your hair' or 'leave the bathroom with toilet paper stuck to your shoe'.  This is a new one for me, but I gotta tell you  - I love it.  Because this mothering stuff will take everything you have some days and then come back for more.

I thought back to my meeting yesterday which was mostly a whirlwind of beginning of the year announcements and explanations mixed in with a basic get-to-know-your-care-group question and answer session.  And in the midst of the essential, minor details of that meeting like how many kids we have and their ages, where we went to school and what we like to collect, were the seeds of what each of those moms needed from this group, if one took time to look closely.

There was a mom whose husband was diagnosed with ulerative colitis this summer whose condition is keeping him from interacting with the family regularly and hindering the support she needs with her mothers cancer diagnosis.  There is a mom with a 2 yr old and a 4 month old who is struggling with the juggling that having kids close together brings.  One young mother has a 20 month old daughter who would not let her own father (much less grandparents or other caregivers and relatives) hold her until she was 14 months old - she broke down in tears five minutes into our meeting, she REALLY needs this group and I started to cry with her.  Another is a mother of 4 which is a challenge all on it's own.  One mom has a first grader and a four year old and has just relocated here from OK where both she and her hubby are from and now has no support system.  There is a mother who is an engineer with 2 post grad degrees who loves being home with her kids, but is also still struggling with the much smaller world that this can force you into.  My group leader has a child in kindergarten and another that will start next year and she is dreading the idea of going back to work next year because she loves where she is right now.

And then there was our mentor mom.  It's her first year in this role.  She is very quiet and shy, but we were still able to gather that her 3 daughters and their children all live away.  Her husband of 48 years died a year ago from cancer.  She was once a dietician and nutritionist (I'm already planning on pumping her for info this year on what to do for Scooter!) and she loves to garden.  She was very sweet and I already love her.  She came up to me after the meeting to give me a hug which surprised me, but was very welcome.  I thought about her a lot last night and the reasons she might have for being a mentor mom in this program.

In my experience, mentor moms have been the givers of the group, most of them wise beyond their years.  They are usually heavily involved in their church and their childrens and grandchildrens lives.  They give advice when asked, but never push it on us. I've always kind of thought in the back of my mind that they were there for us, not the other way around.  M is changing my mind.  I think she needs us as much, if not more, than we need her.  I think she needs the companionship and something to do, although I could be wrong.  But think about how much and how often your kids need you when they are little and as they are growing.  Even now, I call my mom daily for advice and see her often.  What happens when your kids don't need you anymore?  What happens when you don't have a husband and 3 angels to watch over and care for?

Being a mom is so much of my identity these days.  It's most of who I am, although certainly not all.  I don't want to think about a future where my kids don't need me, even though I am doing my best to raise them to be independent, strong men who will hopefully not need me.  Ironic, hey?  What will I do if they move away from me?  What will I do if I someday lose my lover and friend, my husband?  Will someone be crazy enough to let me be a mentor mom one day too?  Will I be worthy of the title?

One of the biggest things I learn from MOPS is how to listen and keep my trap shut.  I feel myself wanting to jump in and offer advice before I can even stop to think whether or not it's good advice, but I get better all the time at staying quiet and just listening.  As a reward, sometimes I do get to offer gems of wisdom or humor.  Most of the time I find myself saying 'My mom says . . .' more than I care to admit.  But overall I'm just grateful to have some other moms to be with and support and have support me too.  I look at my mom who shares the burden of parenting and grandparenting with her closest buds and hope that I still have those kinds of friends 20-30 years from now too.  Being a mom is hard work and confusing most days.  You need all the support you can get and you need to be ready to support all the other moms you know too - no matter what stage of mothering they are in - because friends really don't let friends mother alone.

God Bless!