It's extremely quiet in my house right now. I am the only one up at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning and even the dogs aren't stirring yet and bugging me to let them in and out of the back door. It's peaceful and calm and it's just me. I didn't have a reason for getting up, unless you count the 3 year old who crawled in bed with me at 4 am and proceeded to push against my back until I barely had any room, but he's still sleeping and I could have adjusted and rolled over and got in some more snooze time.
I am not a morning person - I generally need about a gallon of coffee to really get moving and I tend to growl at people if I haven't gotten enough zzz's. But after being a mom for over 10 years, I don't sleep late really well anymore. Generally though, I am excited to get to sleep until 8 or 9 on a weekend day if the opportunity presents itself. But sometimes on a weekend, I will have a morniing just like this one. A morning where I wake before seven and don't have the urge to just roll over and wait for the kids to get me up. I am sufficiently slept out and the call of the quiet is enough to make me roll out of bed and enjoy the peace of my house.
Scott doesn't get it of course, his life plan seems to be to sleep as long as he can on any given non-work day and I try not to rob him of that too much. If he wakes up out of habit or because a dog barks or a kid crawls over him, he just rolls over and wills himself back to sleep. And most weekend days it's the kids who force me from the coziness of my bed, but sometimes I just want it to be me.
I really enjoy just sitting here alone, drinking my coffee and doing whatever it is that I am in the mood for that day. Some days I will turn the tv on very low and watch an old movie or a recorded show that no one else is interested in. Sometimes I will take the opportunity to read since running after 2 preschoolers every day makes it hard for me to get through 2 paragraphs at a time between requests for milk and fights over toys. There are mornings I get out my current cross stich project and get some long overdue work done. Maybe I'll get out a paintbrush and work on the touch ups in my project room or maybe I'll just lie on the couch and think about how crazy my week has been. I will play a computer card game or read through my email or search Craigs List for the perfect bunk bed or desk. Or I'll blog my way through the quiet.
The thing is, this is a quiet I rarely get to see once my family is up and moving around. Even when my kids are napping or quietly playing together or watching a movie - it's not the same. Once they are out of bed in the morning my 'mommy' switch flips on and I am acutely aware of what they need and where they are. I will find myself in the zone of what needs to be done and struggle with the idea of it being okay to do nothing or do something for me. When I find time for a 'mommy's night out', I am always aware of the clock and my need to be home at some point because even though I am having a good time, I miss my family and am always ready to go home to them. Finding quiet moments that are just for me are very rare.
I love these kinds of mornings and I do everything I can to stretch them out. I shut doors and keep all sounds low and unobtrusive. I make sure all kids are warm and covered and their rooms are as dark as possible. I try to ensure they sleep as long as possible. And when one of them wanders out, as Riley just did now, they always seem to catch my mood. They stay quieter, ask for something softly and then snuggle into the couch or to me and just enjoy the peace as well. I think that they intuitively know what I know - if I get a morning like this, the whole day just goes better.
Why is that? I think it's because by the time they all get up I am more centered and more myself. I am more prepared to face the day and all the challenges of being a mommy. I got 2 hours or 15 minutes to just be Heather again, to focus on something other than their needs. I got to recharge and refocus. I am more prepared to handle the 'NO, NOW's' and 'BUT I WANT TO's' of my kids and I am more ready to tackle the million things on my ever-lengthening to-do list.
I get more out of a quiet morning like this than a night out or an hour massage. I am more me after a quiet start to the day than I ever am after getting a manicure or having lunch with a friend or getting a MOPS morning twice a month. Not that I don't enjoy those things! And sometimes I definitely need some time away from the house too. I just think that I get more for my money through these kinds of mornings.
I used to think my own mom was a crazy woman. During the week, she would get up super early, a full 2 hours sometimes before she had to get the three of us monsters up for school. She would start laundry and pick up around the house. She would get her shower in and visit with my dad before he left for work which was extremely early in the morning. Now looking back I don't think I know everything she did with that time, but I think I get it. She kept kids in our house and she had 3 of her own. Her day started officially by 6:30 most mornings and didn't end until we all finally finished homework and officially stayed in bed. No wonder she wanted that extra time to herself in the mornings. She was a pro at sleeping in on the weekends though - it was usually our dad who was up first as we grew up, turning on some good music in the living room and making himself breakfast.
The thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that your work place IS your home place and sometimes finding a way to unwind and relax is near to impossible. You are always ON DUTY and you are always ON. There's no end to the work day and no real weekend because one day looks just like the next. And even when I worked full time and I was always grateful for a day to sleep in, I still occasionally searched for a morning like this one. Because when I got off of work and was home with my kids for 2 days, they were so anxious to spend every moment with me that I didn't get any peace that way either and there was always so much to do in my off time that I was still on duty. Being a mom is just hard, I don't care who you are or how you do it!
Anyway, I hope that you as a mom have a method to peace like I do. Maybe you think I am crazy for actually trying to be up before everyone else is or maybe you are nodding your head and thinking 'okay, I get that'. You know what works for you, just like I have found what works for me. I will be a happier mom today, no matter what hits me. I will be more focused and get more accomplished in less time. I will feel better prepared for the week and everything that is headed my way. And all because I got to sit alone in a super quiet house with my coffee for an hour and a half this morning. There is nothing quite as good for me as a quiet morning.
Thanks and God Bless!
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