After I worked an 11 hour day on Tuesday and hadn't seen my kids in 24 hours, yesterday morning was very sweet. The kids were extra snuggly and affectionate because they had missed me. They were happy to come sit by me and hug & kiss me every few minutes just because they could. But in the afternoon, the euphoria of being back with Mom wore off and with the added joy of avoiding naps, the little demons came out to play again.
I'm not saying they were any more challenging than any other day between the hours of 3 pm and 5 pm, but it was a close call. Those are the witching hours for me. It's the time of day where they start getting antsy and irritable while I am trying to make dinner and get their older brother through homework. My perfectly loving children of all day just scatter to the wind and the cranky monsters come out to play.
I think all families have their tough times of the day, some it's the mornings, some it's bedtime or naptime. For us, though, it's the late afternoon. I've thought a lot about this and (like most things :) ) I have a half baked theory! Once upon a time, I read in a book (ok, I'm always reading a book so I don't remember if this was some actual scientific physiological study or if it was from a historical romance with a time-travel theme thrown in, but it spoke to me so I've always remembered it) that the time of day you were born was your high point of the day. This is the time of day you either feel the most alive or alert or maybe the most peaceful and clear headed. For some reason this makes sense to me. No matter how drained I get during the day or cranky, I get a burst of energy in the late afternoon, early evening (I think I was born between 4-5 in the afternoon) and I can make a push to get more done. I am more organized at that time, more capable of multi-tasking and making quick decisions. My brother was born sometime between 10 pm and midnight and he is forever a night person. It's not an exact science by any means, but like I said it's always made sense to me.
Now, as far as my theory goes, I don't think this is as highly developed with children. I think it grows with age, except maybe for sleeping - it's harder to get babies to GO to sleep at their particular 'birth time'. But I have begun to think that kids as they grow are more restless or irritable during what was their 'labor time'. See, I told you it was a half baked theory, but I'm always looking for an explanation for everything, and this is what I've come up with! But, bear with me - I'll try to make sense of it.
Tyler is, and always has been, the hardest to handle in the morning. When he was a baby he was up extremely early and didn't settle down again for hours. It was very difficult to get him to sleep through the hours of 2 and 6 am as an infant. As he grew, he always woke early and gave me difficulty with getting him dressed and out the door in the morning. It was in the morning that I had to take him to school naked when he was 3. It is in the morning that we have the most fights, even now. He just doesn't move fast and he can be crazy irritable. He'll be upset about breakfast choices in the pantry that he made himself when we were at the store. He'll drag out getting dressed and getting his lunch made. He's just moody and uncooperative. I labored with Tyler from about 3:00 in the morning until just before noon.
Riley was an induced labor in the evening. Labor was pretty fast and once they broke my water and started the pitocin, I think it was around nine pm and he was born just before midnight. I am sure that like my brother, I have a future night owl on my hands, but since he's still little he usually sleeps pretty good at night. That is IF I get him to bed before nine. With Riley, if we get him down and out before nine, he is out for the night. If it gets much past nine p.m., he will be up for hours.
And then there's Scooter. I'll have to write all my birth stories soon and will save most of the details (not gory ones, I promise) for those future posts, but Scooter's birth was the craziest of all. My water broke around 2 p.m. or so, but labor didn't really start until 4:30. He was born just before 6 p.m. It was fast and furious. I know you can already see where I am going with this, because those are my crazy hours of the day, right? And you are probably saying - Heather, that's just one kid and you just said that they are all kind of tough at that time. You really are half-baked and you aren't making any sense! Patience - it's coming.
Here's the secret that I don't like to admit to myself and would NEVER say aloud in front of my kids. Scooter rules the roost around here. Let me be very clear, we don't favor Scooter over the other two. I try to be as fair as possible to all my kids, even though it's extremely difficult. It's just that Scooter has the most volatile personality of the three. He's the most persnikity of my children. When he's in a good mood, things run more smoothly around here and likewise when he's in a bad mood, it affects everyone in the house. You've heard the saying 'When momma ain't happy . . .' In our house it's 'When Scooter ain't happy . . .'
So Scooter's 'labor time' was the late afternoon and that's when things get crazy around here. When he's cranky, he has the ability to make everyone else miserable. He'll push Riley's buttons and pick a fight until Riley fights back or cries or starts running around saying 'I'm mad cuz I'm really upset.' He'll make things so loud and crazy between the two of them that Tyler will get distracted from his homework and start getting frustrated and cranky and whiney as well. If Scooter had a good lunch and isn't bugging me for pre-dinner snacks, the other two will ride through to dinner without complaint as well. If Scooter starts demanding something to eat and arguing with me about a healthy snack versus a non-healthy choice, they are suddenly all dying of hunger and can't wait a half hour for a meal.
These are the hours that Scooter suddenly doesn't want to be outside in the backyard without me or he insists that he absolutely MUST play in the front yard which he knows requires my presence. He will suddenly change his mind on what should be on the tv, and not care at all what Riley was already watching. He'll decide that whatever toy Riley has is the one he absolutely NEEDS to play with. The smallest thing will set him off for a meltdown that could last for hours.
I hate to admit how crucial Scooter's mood is to the mood of our whole house, but it's true. If Scooter is in a good mood, he is unflappable. He will charm everyone and make peace with everybody. Scooter has his dad's ability to charm a duck out of water when he wants to. He can talk you into almost anything when he's ON. He will make jokes and get both Riley and Tyler out of bad moods at any other point in the day. But if someone else happens to be irritable during his 'witching hour' they can put him in a terrible mood with just a look. And once he's on a roll, he can make the rest of us miserable.
Yesterday, Scooter was annoyed with me for sitting with Tyler while he did his homework so he just walked up to Brewer and hit him for no reason. Since it's Tyler's dog, Tyler told him not to do that so Scooter walked up to Tyler and hit him as well. The ensuing punishment set off a meltdown that lasted until about a half hour after dinner was over. Scott and I are getting better at ignoring these, but they wear on you and Tyler just gets more and more frustrated. I decided during the episode that I needed to re-read the 'Love and Logic' book and give it some more attention for how to 'handle my kids without breaking a sweat'. I have to really work at not letting Scooter be in control of how I parent because of his moods. It's tricky since his mood is the barometer around here, but I can't give in to him all the time either.
The good news is that even though those hours from 3-5 can be enough to make me crazy most days, I am lucky enough to have my 'birth time' moment in there too. I am pretty good at staying a little more patient and calm during those times most days. I don't usually have a fit of my own and start yelling down the house at that time. I want to, but I can usually keep it together (unless I am PMS'ing and then I can't promise anything) and stay cool and collected. I can find a solution to get us through. And by the time Scott walks through the door, I am wasted and exhausted and grateful that he's there to help take over. We get through dinner and the witching hour and have cute, sweet kids again. When Scott is home during the week on occasion and all hell breaks loose in the afternoons he always looks a little surprised. After all, the storm has usually passed by the time he walks in the door at just before six. At Scooter's 'birth time', when he's back to awesomeness and ready to play with his daddy.
Maybe all this is crazy mumbojumbo, but I always feel better if I can find a reason for chaos, so I am going with this whole 'witching hour' theory. It might be half baked, but it works for me!
God Bless You and Keep You Today!
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