Hmmm. Another birthday. Another year in the books so to speak. I usually try to lay low on my birthday and pretend it's not really happening, but facebook doesn't really let you do that. When I shuffled into the kitchen at 6:30 this morning and turned on my computer, I already had six or seven birthday wishes waiting for me, followed up by 2 texts from friends who are early risers.
I used to love my birthday, before I had kids. I looked forward to it and got excited about it, but it's amazing how giving birth yourself changes everything. (Well, the whole getting older thing has it's drawbacks too!) The focus isn't on me much anymore at all, it's on them. My kids look forward to their birthdays all year. Pretty much as soon as they get through one birthday they are looking forward to the next one. We can't talk about one kids birthday without the others chiming in and talking about theirs.
Kids change your birthday. Which makes me think about my dad. I was born on my dad's 26th birthday - his first child. Isn't that cool? Now, there was really no way for my parents to know this was going to happen since my mom thought she was pregnant for 14 months. I've heard my whole life how I was 5 months late. Not possible, I know. Suffice it to say, my mom was pregnant, verified by doctors, but didn't have any signs of a miscarriage. Even the doctors were stumped. I'm sure there are scientific explanations for this, but back a hundred years ago they didn't have an answer. No ultrasounds to help see what was going on. My mom's pregnancy was slow to progress which probably means there was some kind of pregnancy and then an end to a pregnancy and then I was conceived. But mom didn't know that so she went on maternity leave in the spring, had her baby shower in the spring and her sister, my aunt Kaye, came home from Florida in the spring to await my arrival which didn't happen until the fall. Poor Mom.
I can't even imagine what that was like for mom since pregnancy is long enough as it is. The first time you have a baby it feels like the pregnancy is never ending and mom likes to tell me when I complain about a baby taking too long to arrive that her pregnancy with me really WAS never ending. Whenever I would want to cry in a doctor's office at week 39 because my doctor couldn't tell me when things were going to happen, she would remind me of how her doctors dreaded her appointments and didn't want to face her because they really didn't have an answer for her on when her pregnancy might actually reach term. It has given her plenty of fuel for guilt trips over the years! :) I like to think that I was just waiting for dad's birthday.
Here's the thing - there's kind of an unplanned weird tradition in my dad's family. Going a few generations back, there was a baby born when a parent in the family was 26. Grandpa was 26 when Dad was born, his dad was 26 when Grandpa was born, etc. Dad was 26 the day I was born. And guess what? I was 26 when I had Tyler. (I like to say that all a guy had to do was look at me that year and I was going to get pregnant, even though I certainly wasn't planning on continuing the tradition at that point.) So obviously, I couldn't have been born before the 5th of October, because Dad needed to be 26 when I came along!
So Dad's birthday was irrevocably changed when I was born, doubly so since it was actually on his birthday. When I was little, I didn't really get that we shared a birthday because I was as self involved as all children are. It was MY birthday. At some point the awareness that I was sharing my birthday with my daddy did kick in and I don't know how I felt about it at first, but it didn't take long for me to love it. I think he likes it too. He always said I was the best birthday present he ever got. And I am pretty sure over the years, he was happy to let my celebrations take center stage since I was his daughter. I know that's how I would have been as a parent.
As the years have passed (and passed and passed), my appreciation for this happy coincidence has multiplied immeasurably. Once I got through the years that I was obsessed with gaining a particular age of maturity: 16 for a drivers license, 18 for voting and adulthood, 21 for legally entering bars and consuming their wares - I started to appreciate it more. When I stopped caring about the ever increasing numbers associated with my birthday, I began to really appreciate the miracle of sharing the day of my birth with my father.
What's great about having a shared birthday with someone you love is that you don't really get the opportunity to think only about yourself. I can't really forget that the day is happening (or pretend to) because I want to remember dad's day. I don't think about what cards or gifts or wishes I might get, I think about the ones I am going to give my dad. I don't want to have a party or a dinner for just me, I want to share it with him.
Today we are waiting for news that my brother's girlfriend is in labor with the first granddaughter on my side of the family. She was technically due yesterday and my dad has said the whole time that she should be born today, on our birthday. I really tried not to think about it or hope for it the whole time because I knew the odds were against us. I have insisted that my dad choose a place for our birthday dinner on the off chance that we aren't driving to Austin today for a birth. I am progressing through my day as if it's not happening. But the truth is, as I sit here, I keep hoping for a text or phone call that will tell me to hit the road in a hurry and that my niece is arriving today. How awesome would it be for my dad that his first granddaughter was born on his birthday too? I think I want it for him, more than me, but I would love to share my day with my niece the way my dad shared his day with me too.
A friend of mine said 'But then you would have to share your birthday with another person! It wouldn't be just you and your dad's special thing anymore.' This particular friend was born on her parent's anniversary which I think is pretty awesome too. I don't care. I would be happy to let little Jocelyn have the glory for the next 20 years and just sit in the background with my dad, letting her have center stage.
I only asked 2 things of my family for my birthday. One - I wanted the house picked up last night so that when I came out of my room this morning I wouldn't feel like I had a bunch of housework to do. They complied and my husband also vacuumed and swept for me. So I don't have anything I HAVE to do today. I also asked for birthday kisses from all my boys. They are providing them in spades. It's worth turning a year older to have little Riley come up to me and say 'Appy Berday Momma!' or have Tyler remember as soon as he rolls out of bed and run to hug me and give me birthday wishes or have Scooter come up to me and snuggle and kiss me over and over again, but avoid saying the actual words until he's ready. My husband always makes my day special by never letting me forget all day that it's my birthday. He tried to convince me last night to stay up late so that we could start my birthday right at midnight! (Sorry, mom of 3 here, need some sleep!)
I am going to embrace the day today instead of hiding from it! I bought myself a Dove Bar last night so that I could have chocolate for breakfast on my birthday, because if I'm gonna do it - I'm gonna do it right. I also bought myself 2 scratch off lottery tickets because it's a guilty pleasure of mine. I'm going to sit on my butt and watch some recorded TV shows and love on my boys all day. Tonight I am taking my family for dinner with my parents. We are going to Gloria's agian because among other things my dad and I have in common - we both love our beef fajitas! If only Gloria's provided Chocolate Creme Pie, we would both be in heaven. I have already had a number of birthday phone calls, texts and facebook messages which I am reveling in. How fun is it that people are thinking of me today? Nice. Gonna enjoy it. Totally appreciate it! Dad and I already spoke this morning and wished each other happy birthday. I asked him what he was doing and he said he was going to play with his dog Rebel in the yard - just another day. And if my niece isn't born today, that's fine too. I will shift gears and hope that she waits for my little sister's birthday next Monday. I think Asheley should get to share a birthday with someone special too!
Love to All and God Bless!
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