Figuring out this dentist thing . . .

We lost a dear friend in the middle of the night. It wasn't unexpected. In fact, we took the boys to see him a few days ago so they could have a chance to say goodbye. This man was a giant in their lives though and the boys struggled with the image of Big John sleeping and not talking to them. An uncle or a Papa or a friend, whichever they needed. I am dreading telling the kids this morning. They love him so much and I hate to tell them he is gone. My own grief is an ocean, overwhelming and I am not sure how I take on theirs as well, but I know that's my job and I will do it as best as I can. And as sad as I am, I know that our Big John is whole again this morning and is reunited with his two beloved sons, a fair amount of family and a few dear friends that went before him.

I am very sad today, there is no question. And I have a sad task ahead of me this morning, telling the kids. There will be things to do and people to comfort. There are hugs to give, and I go forth willingly to give them. But here's the thing about kids, their sadness will not permeate their day like it will mine. They will still be kids and do kid stuff, which is fitting and will bring me smiles. So for just a minute, I want to focus on something that wasn't sad, something upbeat. I had really wanted to share this story yesterday, but my schedule didn't permit.

First of all, you need to know that Scooter has an almost irrational fear of the dentist. There is no basis for the fear since he has never actually been through an appointment. He watches everyone else have their cleanings with no problem. He just absolutely refuses to open his mouth for anyone other than Scott and me. I have diligently tried to get him through his first official complete dentist appointment for 2 years. We have scheduled his own time slots. I have taken him with Tyler and myself and we've tried to get him in the chair at every turn. Late last fall, I finally got him in the chair on my lap for about 30 seconds but he clamped his mouth shut as tightly as he could and refused to budge.

My dentist told me to watch out for a few things that would signal a problem and keep trying. I started asking my doctor about the possibility of giving him some 'happy juice' like they gave Riley last spring before his adenoid surgery. Riley was so loopy from a half dose he would have let anybody do anything to him and just smiled right through it. I thought that would be effective to get Scooter in the dentist chair. I was serious too, I was getting really frustrated and this seemed like my only option - drugging my child.

I had so many talks with Scooter about the process. We read books, we watched tv shows - all about the fun of going to the dentist. No matter how determined he was beforehand that he would cooperate, once we were there it didn't happen. I considered taking him to a pediatric dentist, but since Scooter is better behaved in places he is comfortable, I really thought that our dentist was best for him. He knows the staff and has been going with me for appointments since birth.

In late January, I noticed a gray spot on one of Scooter's molars which by March had very obviously developed into a serious cavity that made it painful for him to chew on that side of his mouth. Being a smart little stinker, he just did all of his chewing on the other side. The ice storm delayed our first scheduled appointment to check it out, but I took him twice more in an attempt to let our Dr. get a look at the tooth. Nothing. They told me he would probably have to be completely sedated to do the work and I needed to take him to a pedi-dentist after all. Dr. S. in Garland had worked on Tyler for serious tooth issues several times and I love the staff, but they are 'out of network' for every insurance and therefore it costs me a big chunk of change to visit her. I started looking for other options.

Last Thursday night, Riley took a fall and loosened his two front teeth complete with purple gums and lots of blood. Our dentist and Dr. S were both closed on Fridays. I ended up taking him to another pedi-dentist out in Rockwall. Riley was a champ. He let them do x-rays and look at his teeth. It was so easy. The staff was awesome and they were in network so I didn't get charged extra for the visit. I asked them about Scooter so the dentist, 2 assistants and I wrangled Scooter for a peek. Very obviously a cavity, but he screamed bloody murder and fought us like a madman. They wanted to do complete IV sedation in the office for a full exam, cleaning, x-rays and filling the cavity. If they only had the one cavity to deal with it was going to cost us about $1200 out of pocket. For every extra cavity it would be another $100 or so. Right.

Talk about a quandry! It was a ridiculous amount of money, but I knew I was probably going to have to spend it so my son was calm and wasn't walking around with a rotting tooth that could make him sick and damage the adult tooth underneath. I had my own cleaning on Tuesday and we discussed Scooter yet again. They suggested I call Dr. S. again because she sometimes will do the sedation at Baylor Garland Hospital which would make the process (not the dental work) claimable on my medical insurance and cut down on the out of pocket expense. They also said that if it still came in that high, they would call the Baylor School of Dentistry downtown and get him in so maybe it would be a little less money for us and we could get the work done.

Dr. S. fit him in the next morning and I warned them ahead of time that they might not even get a look at the tooth, but they were prepared. Honestly, I headed out to that appointment prepared for complete and total frustration. It is so nerve-wracking when your child doesn't cooperate - ever! I was surprised to find they were planning on cleaning his teeth, not just an exam and with every new portion of the appointment they would say 'We can get it done, it's up to you if you can put up with the struggling.' Hmmmm. OK. I eventually got Scooter in the chair with me to watch Toy Story 3 on the tv in the room. Scooter struggled and gagged and had to have his mouth pried open, but he let them clean his teeth! Are you kidding me? Yay!

The worst part of the visit was when they did the x-rays and made me leave the room with Riley. They did the holding down themselves and he screamed through the whole thing, crying so hard that he was gasping and gagging when I came back to calm him down. He was then awarded 4 prizes from the treasure box (Riley got 2 for just being there and being supportive) and he settled back into my lap, calm and entertained by the movie. Here's the shocker though - when Dr. S came in to 'count his teeth', he just opened right up and let her do it! No tears, no big deal. Like nothing had ever been a problem, ever! The staff then ruined the good feeling moment by 'painting' Scooter's teeth with flouride which has a texture as well as a taste and my very sensory sensitive child thought he was dying for about an hour from that particular torture. When he ate some goldfish it got better and we were once again in the safe zone.

It was decided we could try to repair the TWO cavities (there was another one starting on the opposite molar from the first) without IV sedation. We are scheduled for early May and when we arrive they are going to give Scooter some Valium to calm him down and help him be compliant before they start. They will have to retake the x-rays of his top teeth because the first ones didn't turn out well thanks to his squirming. However, if there are more cavities they might not be able to fill them the same day. Evidently there are weight limits for novacaine and since everything is in a different quadrant, he can't have that many shots in one visit. Anyway - it will be a whole lot lighter on my pocket book than the original plan and I think Scooter will survive unscathed emotionally.

Scott had told me that morning that he had 'talked to Scooter' about the visit twice and he was sure things were going to be fine. So, when I called him to announce we had finally had a successful dentist appointment he said 'See, I told you it would be fine. I talked to him about it.' Right. Okay sweetie - so you are taking all the credit because of one discussion. The hundreds of talks I had with him coupled with over a dozen attempts at appointments had nothing to do with it whatsoever. LOL! I don't remember seeing him in the chair holding our kid down. Ha!

Anyway, I don't know what the turning point was for Scooter in the end. Maybe it was Scotty's talk with him. Maybe it was that after so many visits he finally got that we were serious about this and he wasn't getting out of it. Maybe it was like my sister said and he just liked the 'energy' of these people more than others. Maybe it was because he had watched his little brother survive an appointment a few days before with no visible damage. And maybe he was just ready, I have no idea.

What I do know is that I was so relieved to have this milestone under our belts. I am very confident that we are actually going to get the teeth filled and he will be able to chew on both sides of his mouth again. I have been informed though that next time Scooter would like to not have strawberry toothpaste because he likes cherry and not strawberry. They didn't have cherry and I thought strawberry would be fine, evidently I was wrong. Next time he can choose between grape, bubble gum and (I am not kidding you) cookie dough flavored toothpaste himself.

I took the boys to Target for a toy as a reward because it was such a big deal. We grabbed lunch and headed home. I was exhausted! That night when I was putting Scooter to bed, he looked at me and whispered 'Mom, today was a really awesome day!' Yes it was! We chatted about how cool it was that he faced something he was afraid of and did it anyway so he doesn't have to be afraid of it anymore. He did tell me that the part that was NOT awesome was all the strawberry taste, and the painting thing. He'll survive though. He's really proud of himself and so am I. And in the mean time, Riley cannot wait to go get his teeth cleaned too!

Such a little thing, but it was such a big deal around here for a while. We've got a lot going on these days and I know the kids are feeling the strain. This was a big week though, figuring out this dentist thing. It was Awesome.

Love, and God Bless!