I am feeling overwhelmed this week. How is it that I have so much to do and so little time? Where's it going? Too little time to sit and reflect on what's going on in life because it's all happening too fast! So here's a brief rundown of what is weighing on my mind today. Maybe sharing the bare bones with you will lift some of the stress and I can move on to deal with the next crisis or question waiting in the wings.
1 - Questions, questions, questions. I need answers to questions that I haven't even figured out how to ask yet. I realize that sounds a little nutty. Here's the thing - there's 'stuff' going on with Scooter. Well, not new stuff - the same stuff I have been dealing with since he was born, just more pronounced stuff. And there may be an answer to WHY out there and there may be a solution to help him. But I am feeling overwhelmed and confused with all the information and how fast things are changing and at the moment I am feeling like everything is just going too quickly. I realize that this is a paragraph about nothing right now, and you likely think I am crazy. I'm not hiding anything from you, I am just not ready to share yet because I still feel so scatterbrained about the whole thing. So I am reading and researching and spending hours on the phone trying to get some help to get us help. And I am feeling really lost. Being an advocate for your child sometimes is extremely challenging, even before you have to start thinking outside of the box. However, I am definitely feeling like things are too fast and need to slow down. Today, I am going to focus on the fact that Scooter is still Scooter. Just because I might have a name for what is going on with him does not mean that I have to throw our entire family and all of our resources into an immediate and overwhelming situation to deal with what we know now, today. Scooter will still be Scooter tomorrow.
2. OK - I realize it's everyone's problem, not just mine, but I don't think everyone realizes that it's their problem. Public School in Texas is in REAL trouble. Serious trouble. The kind of trouble that can set us back almost a century trouble. This budget shortfall you hear about on TV is going to have an effect on every single school district in Texas and if you haven't checked out how it will affect yours, go look at the CBS Dallas website at the cool little map they have going on there. You can click your mouse on your district and find out just how much money they are going to be shorted by the state and what the percentage of their budget that is. Richardson is going to have one of the worst 'percentage of spending' hits in the immediate area. Literally thousands upon thousands of teachers are going to lose their jobs in the coming months because there will be no money to pay for them - as if our economy can take more unemployed people flooding the job search. Class sizes are going to increase by ridiculous numbers and special programs are going away. Even the programs that you don't know are out there, helping your child every day, will be gone. Music, Art, Drama - don't expect those things to be part of your child's curriculum next fall in any significant way. At one point we were being told only 'special' programs will be at risk. That's alarming enough - the only thing that challenges my child this year at school besides trying to stay awake through the boredom of his regular classes is getting to go to the 'special' program he has one day per week that makes him use his higher order thinking skills. If that program goes away and teachers don't have the time to try and challenge him more in his classes because they are too busy with the extra 15 kids in the room, he is going to get lost in the shuffle. That's scary. And now I heard a Fort Worth school offical say last night that it isn't just the 'extra' stuff that will go away, but programs for 'at risk' kids too. Since I just found out that Scooter might be going into Kindergarten in one of these grey areas, I am even more concerned. There is a 'rainy day' fund out there that legislators can use in an emergency and I believe they will be forced to dip into it for at least some of this shortage by outraged voters, but I am not convinced that it will solve the entire problem. I think they will dip just enough to appease the general population a tiny bit, save a couple of programs like special education and probably football (it is Texas, the only sports I heard cut so far were 8th grade soccer and power lifting in one district, ironically 'tutoring' was on the top of that districts cut list as well). But I also think that it won't be enough and it will only be for this year. It's time to rethink the education of our children. We rely far too heavily these days on what we think the state is supposed to provide for our kids and forget that at the end of the day it is actually OUR responsibility to make sure our children are educated. It might not be good enough anymore to put them on a bus and send them off for the day. Homeschooling might deserve a revisit. Or school co-oping of some kind. The one room schoolhouse might have to make a comeback in neighborhoods all over the country. Call me crazy if you want, but I am literally frightened of the situation. And you should be too! It's not just my kids I am worried about either, it's the teachers. I have so many friends and family that are educators and this is scary. Thankfully, most of my loved ones have been in their districts for quite a while which might protect their jobs, but not all of them. My neighbor's daughter is only finishing her 2nd year of full time teaching and a good friend of mine has only a part time contract for the first year in her new district. These are people who might end up on the first lists of cuts. I can't stop thinking about all of this and it might just lead me to my very first letter or email to my congressman or senator ever. Of course, that means I have to figure out who those people are (Isn't that sad? When I lived in Rockwall, I knew, but now that I reside in Dallas County, I don't have a clue who to contact for what!!!)
3. My house is calling my name. Insert smile. I have truly enjoyed the break from construction and remodeling over the last couple of months. It was needed, not just by my body and wallet, but also my brain. I couldn't even think about what was next on the list for a while, but that period of respite is coming to an end. In a way, I've already begun by having new gutters installed in the back and tackling the energy-leaking attirbutes of our home. But the cracks are beckoning to me to be fixed in the main rooms of my house and I have started to crave both the aesthetic fixes that need to be done as well as the physical labor of the job. I am almost there. I have almost completed my beginning of the year bookkeeping obligations. Hmmm, sort of almost. Actually, when I think of it I know I have a couple more weeks of work on that stuff too, but maybe if I can get the more pressing of those out of the way then I can 'double up'. Once I get into March I think I can devote one full day per week to the numbers and another full day of the week to power tools. I hope so anyway, I sure would like to see tile on my kitchen floor before summer rolls around.
You would think that I had plenty of time to do all that I wanted and more without a job to run out of the house for every morning. I know that when I worked all day at a desk, all I wanted to do was come home and lay on the couch and watch tv for a couple hours. And I do get lots more done around here than I used to. The problem is that the list keeps growing instead of getting shorter. For every item I cross off, 5 more get added on. I feel like there are still tons of things I want to get done in a day and there just isn't enough time. And the funny thing is, some days I still just wish I could lay down on the couch and watch tv for a couple hours. So how do I make it work? I already have to put entire sections of my life on hold for a day to make other priorities happen. How can I add in advocating for a child that might need special attention? How can I even consider throwing homeschooling into the mix? Do I have time to attack the insurance companies that I currently think are idiots as well? Do I have time to start a letter writing campaign to the governor? I wanted to join a gym next month. I wanted to finish the cross stitch project I started for Riley last summer. Actually, I was thinking of buying a sewing machine and teaching myself how to make curtains too, but I think that one has to be parked on the back burner until I finish rebuilding my walls. How am I going to do it all? There are not enough minutes in the day.
Crazy. Crazy. Crazy. I know I will figure all this out and I know that some of my 'stuff' will fall away while I reprioritize and hone in on what's most important for this family. It's just that this week I am overwhelmed. This week there are too many thoughts and worries running around my head. This week I can't seem to focus and remember that it will all work itself out. This week, I am just crazy.
Thanks and God Bless!
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