Career: 1950's housewife????

I grew up in a home where my mom was home every day, so did my husband. I don't think either one of us would ever say that our moms didn't work though. Scott's mom is a Real Estate Broker and my mom kept kids in our home every day for extra income, but on top of that - it seems looking back that neither one of these women ever stopped. Yes, I remember down time and fun time and mom taking an hour during babysitting kids nap times to watch As The World Turns. But, really - it seems like there was always something to clean or cook or wash or do - or to prod us to help her to do. I empathize a lot more with what my mom was doing for us and teaching us now that I am trying to do it for my own family. Geesh - it's a job. It's a great job, but it's a job.

I like to think though, that I am an evolved, modern housewife and homemaker and I am sure that there is a part of my over-confident, modern brain that makes me think that this is better in some way to how it was 'in the old days'. You know - before tv and the internet. How my Grandmothers did it. Right? Because I am choosing to do it, I don't HAVE to do it. Which is warped, because even if I was working a full time job I would still be doing 90% of what I do now, just on a tighter schedule and probably fueled by more wine and attitude. In fact, I know that's true because it wasn't long ago that I was in that place for just over a year. The truth is - I am one of those people who loves women's lib because it has given me every opportunity to do whatever I want, but I secretly loathe it because it sometimes makes me feel guilty that what I WANT is to be a homemaker. Just a homemaker. Just - that's the word that women's lib gave us for this job. We didn't have the 'just' part before. Like it's 'less' in some way. Which of course is stupid, because if you are lucky enough to be in shoes even slightly similar to mine, you know that it is so much more than less.

The truth is - my home is a much happier place with me in it all day. Sounds egotistical right? It's not. Everyone is happier, trust me. We are all calmer, more sane, more well-adjusted, more spiritually and emotionally fed. This works for us and I know that the reason it works for us is because I love it so much. Even on the days it feels thankless and boring and tedious, I still love it. So, where am I going with this? Not sure - just rambling. :) Bear with me.

Actually, I feel like I have this huge epiphany coming. I feel on the verge of enormous change. Not lifestyle change or hairstyle change or anything like that. But, emotional and spiritual change and I don't know yet where it's leading. Here's the thing - I've got several different things going on with my lately that are working on me and in me and at the very least contributing to some serious attitude changes. And most of this you probably don't care about and that's fine, but I wanted to share one huge part of all of this with you because it's kind of creeping me out that I am not running screaming from it.

Sometimes when I am annoyed at my husband for not loading his dishes in the dishwasher or something inane like that, I find myself for no apparent reason spouting off a comment similar to: 'this is not 1955 and I am not a 1950's housewife here to do every little thing you command'. Now - Scotty doesn't act like a 1950's husband and I don't really know where this idea or comment really comes from. I don't usually obsess about it or anything, it must have been brainwashed into me at some point by liberal feminists or something. That's all I can come up with. But, it shows up unexpectedly sometimes and then I have to come back and apologize for outburst and thank husband for the help he does give me and be humble, humble, humble for my rudeness. I will say that the longer we are married, the less this comes up. I think I came into my marriage with a subconscious fear that I would be demeaned in some way even though Scott had never demeaned me before and I was not influenced by demeaning marriages in any way. Don't have a clue where this comes from!!! But, obviously I've been working through it.

So, imagine my surprise the other day when one of the blogs I have been reading made a reference to a few older posts that I checked out and then found a clip where this woman had been on Rachael Ray a couple years ago about being a modern day 1950's housewife. What???? Oh yeah - I watched it. Here it is so you can watch it too, but it's almost 10 minutes so make sure you have the time: (I can't make my link thing work today so you'll have to copy and paste in another window to look at it, sorry)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEuaRzCiCh0&feature=related

Now, there are things in this that I just could never do - like not having my husband ever do a diaper or a bath because I believe those are bonding moments so even if I had some warped desire to work myself into a grave, I would think it was important for him to partake. But there are things about this clip that give me pause. Like looking good for my hubby. Since I don't work, I would say that I do the makeup and hair thing maybe once a week. After watching this, I feel like I should rethink that a little. And totally - the not grumbling at him as soon as he walks in the door, looking happy to see him. I am happy he's home, but do I always show it? Maybe not. And maybe I have a few too many days that I spend time being lazy around here when I could probably get more done. Of course, I'm still suffering winter doldrums from our recent ice storm - is that a good excuse?

There are 2 things that stick with me about this clip though. First - the stuff she says about influence. This is so true! We have influence over our entire family. The whole home takes their cues from us as moms and how we are coping with everything. This is true of all moms, whether you work or not, so how happy you are with your life is CRUCIAL to how happy your family is. Work outside the home or not, just do what makes you happy so that your whole family is INFLUENCED by that happiness. Our family is better with me home because I am a happier, calmer, more peaceful person because it is what I want to do more than anything in this world and I GET to do it. Yay! Praise the Lord!

The second is that she says this is her career and she chose it. Whoa. Yeah. I call it a job, but it's not. It's a career and it is more important and more influential than any other career I could have ever chosen. I need to remind myself of that every day when I start groaning and thinking about what I should make for dinner or I am postponing cleaning the toilets.

I have a lot of respect for this woman which is why I read her blog. In addition to all she says here, she sometimes posts about things like increasing intimacy in your marriage or encouraging your child's faith. She home schools her two children and I just found out she uses the curriculum I had been looking into this year that is linked to public schools and virtual classrooms. And it is through her site that I found the 'Good Morning Girls' and began a daily Bible Study in James last month that has me focusing a lot on listening more, favoring less and looking into removing some of the 'moral filth' in our lives. This is one of the other key things that is really working on me right now.

The third thing is that it seems everywhere I look right now, I see some kind of reference to the Proverbs 31 woman. Honestly, through my entire life of going to church and Bible study I somehow missed all the hub-bub about this woman until a couple of years ago. Then the first time I read it as an adult, I slammed the Bible shut so fast the walls shook. It kind of freaked me out. I was so not ready for that kind of image of what God said a 'Wife of Noble Character' looked like. Have you read it? Some of it seems strange until you study it, but it'll get you thinking. In fact, it can make you think sometimes that feminists from way back might have been working on an image of woman that was a direct antithesis to this very woman. But let me be very clear here - there is nothing in it that suggests woman should be submissive or demeaned by her husband - only that she should lift him up with respect for what he does as husband, just as she is lifted up for what she does as wife.

Anyway, I think God has been working on me slowly in the Proverbs 31 Wife area for a while and I may just be ready to study and learn more since I can't seem to avoid it right now. Is what we think of as a 1950's housewife in keeping with a Proverbs 31 woman? There are probably a lot of similarities. And where do I fit in? Where do I want to fit in? Where is God leading me with all this? I don't know, but I am very excited about the possibilities. It's actually the first time in a long time that I can FEEL God pushing me towards a path he has set out for me. I felt lost and confused about where we were going together for a very long time and trusting that it would be for the best has not always been easy for me. But, it's about to pay off! I can feel it. God has big plans for me, I just don't know what they are yet. I do know that they have something to do with me taking care of my family though, and most especially my husband. I know that they are about glorifying Him in our home and our lives.

Anyway - I know I have readers who don't share my belief system and I would like to say I'm sorry if this one made you uncomfortable, but I am soooo not sorry. I am who I am, and I believe what I believe. And if you don't know that God is ever present in our lives on a daily basis - you should! He loves you and wants to be close to you and have you follow Him! I won't apologize for that. Maybe for the 1950's wife thing though - if it isn't your cup of tea, I am sorry I made you watch it.

Love and God Bless!