I wasn't shocked to find myself crying on the first day of school this year and I am fairly certain I foreshadowed that tears might accompany the first day for the next several years based on my kids upcoming milestones. I was a little surprised, however, to find myself tearing up at the end of school this year. Especially since I am so thrilled to throw out my alarm clock for the summer and see the end to school zone crazy drivers for a while!
Last night was Tyler's 6th grade graduation ceremony. Although he had insisted he was supposed to dress up for the occasion, I had kind of envisioned a short event with a 'yay you're done' kind of a feel. It wasn't quite as formal as a high school graduation (they are 12, after all), but it was definitely more solemn than a K-5 ceremony. Right before it began I read through the notes from teachers and principal in the program and then they showed a slide show for the year and I found myself getting unexpectedly emotional. He is half-way done with his academic career after all. I think the program said it best when it told the students that their days of walking in line silently down the halls, sharing restrooms with kindergarteners, having lockers without locks and calling art class and p.e. 'specials' said it all. Things are about to get very different.
It was impressive to see the orchestra and band take the stage together for a short performance that included separate moving parts, resting measures and loud cymbal clashes when their first concert last November had been completely filled by five 6 measure tunes they struggled to play in unison. It was startling to see that the girls are already out-growing the boys and in more ways than one. Some of the dresses (and emerging figures within) took me by surprise as well as a few pairs of heels that crossed the stage on young ladies that have not even reached official adolescence (I would have fallen flat on my face in those heels). The outrageously loud and shrill shrieking of the girls for their friends that walked the stage made me once again grateful that I am a mother to three young men, who may be quite loud but rarely shriek. The cheering for Tyler was nothing to sneeze at - certainly not shrill and overpowering in quality, but pretty strong and excited. I breathed a sigh of relief that although he might not be the most popular boy in class, he is well liked and known. Just where he should be - right in the middle. This was also evidenced in the slide show where he popped up 7 or 8 times in photos while some kids only had one or no pictures. (I also made an appearance up on the screen, but I am hopeful that the only ones who noticed were my own family. Riley saw right away though and made sure we all knew!)
This event had loomed on my calendar as one of the last things I had to do for the school year before we officially moved into summer-mode. And really I think I was kind of giving it an 'oh well' shrug within my mind and wondering what the big deal was. I had only one graduation ceremony in my pre-college career and it occurred when I was done with everything at the end of high school. I've never really gotten what the deal was with all the others, like 8th grade graduation or whatever. But coming from a parenting point of view - this was pretty cool. It gave Tyler a big pat on the back to say 'Wow - you're doing great! You're half way there! Keep up the good work!' It also gave me, as his mother, a moment of encouragement too. I am half way there with at least one of these munchkins! And watching him walk the stage in his dress pants, tie and swanky vest made me feel very proud indeed. (Yeah, I don't want to talk about the pictures that were taken and aren't up here. Urgh.)
This process also gave Tyler a transition, a goodbye to a school where he spent the last 6 years (K-5 was at the same school Scooter is at now). That's literally pushing almost 1000 morning drop-offs at the same building and he won't be going back there again. He also is not likely (I hope, lol) to spend that many years at any other school in his lifetime. When each child crossed the stage they announced their junior high 'commitment' since these kids are now splitting up. The majority will actually be where Tyler is next year, but there are a fair chunk that are going to the other magnet school or their local neighborhood schools. He might not see them again. I know Tyler went to the right school for Tyler and he is very well launched for Junior High.
This morning was the last day of school, but for Tyler - they only wanted the kids for 2 hours. I thought this was to be counted present and be given their report cards. Then there's a skating party today that he won't be attending (his choice - he's done, he says). But the report cards were handed out on stage last night and Tyler informed me that really they were just going to be let loose to have run of the school and get signatures in yearbooks from anyone they wanted, like old teachers. He didn't get a yearbook (I did offer again) and I thought he might like to go say goodbye to his favorite teacher (3rd grade), Mrs. Patterson, but he wasn't interested. So he's still sleeping and while he slept he was in charge of Riley, who was also still sleeping, while I drove Scooter around the corner for his very last day as a Kindergartener. (For those of you worried, Tyler knew I was doing this and had his phone by the bed, but they were both still sleeping when I got back 8 minutes later!)
Richardson doesn't do K-5 graduation and it doesn't bother me one bit. My opinion has always been that it was kind of silly, except for maybe the ultra-cuteness of seeing little people in caps and gowns. Granted, K-5 is a much bigger deal now and is encompassing more and more 1st grade curriculum every year, but still. Celebrating the completion of one year seems a little weird to me. Or are we celebrating their readiness for 'real' school? In which case, pre-K graduation makes more sense these days. Please don't think I am putting down K-5 graduations - I just don't get them, but we've never been through one! I think there is already a pre-K grad ceremony on the calendar next year for Riley and I am sure that will be awesome and I'll think it's super cute and everything. All I am saying is I never saw the point of celebrating the completion of Kindergarten . . . until now.
I had Scooter all to myself this morning to get ready for his last day and then to drop him off and that was kind of fitting. Getting him to this point has certainly 'taken a village', but I also know that as his mom I have carried 96% of the stress involved on my shoulders (probably my own doing to be fair). Anyway, it was quiet and it was just us and I was very reflective. We had a lot of mornings this year that didn't go well. They included days he didn't want to get up at all, wouldn't move off of the couch to eat breakfast or get dressed, sneaked back to bed, chanting/whining 'I don't want to go to school' for the entire 2-school-drop-off-journey, dragging and pushing through doors, pushing and dragging and carrying to the car, holding down squirming/crying while fastening seat belts, complaining about breakfast choices, complaining about what I put in his lunches and knock down drag out fights about what he could and could not wear to school. It has been a very long year - and he actually LIKES school, once he's in the door!
Anyway, we have worked through a fair amount of that stuff and this morning Scooter got right up and let me carry him down his ladder, choosing his breakfast on the way to the table. He ate quickly and quietly with absolutely no fight about what lights were or were not on (you have no idea how many lunches I packed in pitch black darkness this year!) and in his eyes. I brought out clothes and while he started to change he informed me calmly that he wanted to pick a different shirt and then went and did so. Then he decided he wanted different shorts and when we had a difference of opinion about the level of 'softness' in shorts that was acceptable for school (read casual soccer shorts do NOT go with a button down shirt), he worked with me to find the right pair for both of us without complaining. He asked me nicely if I would cut up an apple for his lunch today, removing the peel and putting it in a baggie? Absolutely! He carried his own backpack to the car and got in himself and we drove to school, talking about how nice it will be to leave this 30 minutes later all year next year.
When we got out of the car and walked only halfway up the walk together before parting (Halleluiah!) I crouched down and told him 'You know what Scooter - I am sooo proud of you! You have worked really hard this year to get used to everything at school and to get brave about going in and trying new stuff. I am so, so, so proud of all your hard work!' I told him to have a great last day, accepted my hug with his head bent down and eyes averted and let him walk in the door. Then I turned away and found myself crying for his last day of Kindergarten almost as much as I did on the first day.
Scooter's evaluation came back much more clear and precise this year as 'Very high functioning Aspergers' which basically means he is on the mild end of the Autism spectrum with very clear and definitive markers that classify his way of learning and seeing the world as a child with Aspergers. We were surprised to find out that he is actually not reading (or rather misinterpreting) facial expressions and gestures, almost at all. We didn't really notice that because we're such a vocal family and he is using verbal cues and situational history (with his impeccable memory) to figure out what reactions should be in family situations. Basically - if he's comfortable in a situation it's probably because he is very familiar with what the social rules and expected behaviors are - so familiar family situations and a classroom he's spent an entire year in are easy! A party with people he knows, but in a location he doesn't - not so much. And even though he knows what a smile is, smiles, can tell you that you are smiling if asked and knows that a smile means happy, he could not tell you that you are happy just by seeing you smile at something that happened in a spontaneous situation. It's weird to you and me, but that's just how my baby sees the world. His in-school therapies next year will concentrate heavily on this skill and there are about a thousand resources I can use to help him too, as well as just pointing stuff out with his own family so he can learn this behavior that you don't even think about how to do every day.
Scooter ended Kindergarten at the top of his class in math and reading. He still needs to build up some of his fine motor skill muscles in his hands (also a marker for ASD) as he gets tired when he writes for a long time and he needs to work on his word spacing. However, he totally loves addition and subtraction and according to his teacher absolutely 'flew' ahead of the other kids once they finally hit that piece of Math at the end of the year. He also really likes to make lists so I am thinking we can incorporate that with the writing/spacing issues and work on improvement that way over the summer. I am also trying to find a way to have a basic, but flexible, schedule this summer to ease his transition since he flourishes with structure and rules (his evaluator could not stress enough how much he loves these things). Since I am normally a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of summer-mom, this will be tough, but I am working on it and the kids know we are going to try some stuff and it will probably change as we go along.
I did think of letting Scooter skip his last day as well, but he's got a special appointment today with his speech teacher, Ms. Stella. She's the one who works with him on his pragmatics and social behaviors. She said the other day that he could have easily went from twice a week to once at semester, but she really enjoys having him and he wasn't missing enough in K-5 to make a difference so she kept him. LOL! Anyway, Ms. Stella was preparing a 'social story' which is basically like a picture book to help kids like Scooter prepare for transitions or more difficult situations. This one is a goodbye/hello book for saying goodbye to his K-5 teacher and hello to his 1st grade teacher. We won't have to wait all summer to find out who he gets next year, he'll meet her today and see her room, etc. There will also be pictures, possibly with him (I can't remember) and those teachers which is why the soccer shorts/button down was not happening. So, Scooter couldn't miss all that and really - we didn't want him to miss his last day with Mrs. Crump since she's starting to feel like part of the family.
Mrs. Crump has made very clear indications that she might be sticking around for the 2 more years required to see Riley through Kindergarten as well. She has several, well loved, 'groups of three', kids she's done this for over the years and it looks like we are one of them. She said the other day she had to check on one more group to see when the youngest one starts. The problem is she's a retire/rehire (has to do with retirement benefits as a widow and a teacher) and so she can technically be done whenever she wants to be done and there is always another group, she'll have to cut it off somewhere. She will be there next year though and she keeps hinting to us and to Riley that she'll be seeing him in another year or so. I sure hope so - she has been a tremendous blessing to us for both Tyler and Scooter. I know most K-5 teachers are pretty awesome, but I have a hard time picturing Kindergarten with one of my boys without this amazing teacher!
SUMMMER! It's already blistering hot with hints of horrific and blazing on the horizon. Gotta love Texas. We have a lot planned in June and then things will slow down a little for a while. I am thinking of doing a Social Story for Scooter myself to prepare for our Wisconsin trip at the end of June. He might warm up a little easier if he sees pictures of most of the places and people he will see before hand. I have links to free printable travel games and worksheets to keep them busy on the road trip as well. Tyler will be trying to learn cursive while practicing his violin this summer and Riley could use a little more work on developing his hand-grip on a pencil as well. This will be my first summer as a semi-home-schooling-let's keep it together-kind of mom. (Insert grumble) I also have a bunch of free or almost free stuff to do that will involve air conditioning!
Give it a month and I am sure I'll be crying again - for school to start! Well, maybe not a month, maybe 6 weeks. For now though, I am just going to sit back and be grateful for how far we've come. One child is done with elementary school and on to a new chapter. Another is done with the most difficult transition of his life so far. And the third, well, he's pretty excited his big brothers will be home with him for a while. Of course, his daily control over tv and toys is about to be abruptly aborted, but we'll let him figure that out on his own.
Thanks and God Bless!
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