One little grumble before it all goes haywire . . .

I would estimate that 1 of 8 houses in my neighborhood have some kind of Halloween decoration adorning their yard or house. Every time Scooter notices another one, or any house in any neighborhood that we happen to be, he makes a comment like 'See, Mom, everyone is ready for Halloween, we need to decorate our house too.' When we rolled in from Austin on Sunday night after dark and could really tell who had done some prep work his voice turned kind of sad 'Mom, now EVERYONE else has Halloween decorations and we don't.'

The two younger boys are also hounding me daily for their costumes. I haven't bought them yet for several reasons, most of them revolving around the fact that they will change their minds another 10 times about what they want to be between now and the actual day. They also can't wait to wear them around the house to play which is against the rules until they have worn them for trick or treat. Afterwards, I know they will get all my money's worth out of the things until they are shredded and hanging off their little bodies while they play. That's when I sneak the decrepit costumes into the trash when no one is looking. I am trying to limit the number of times I have to say 'No, not until after Halloween' though.

I told Tyler this week that if he wants to trick or treat this year and next it's fine, but I am probably going to make a rule that age 12 is the max. I get annoyed with teenagers who don't even dress up properly coming to the door to beg for candy so I don't want my kids doing it. He knows he probably won't want to participate after that anyway, but speaking from experience, I know that even well behaved, almost prudish, teenagers can sometimes get a wild hair up their butt and think that running through the neighborhood to compete for candy with preschoolers sounds like a good idea. The good news is he seems to have lost the desire to dress up as a character or hero and doesn't need me to order some costume that will hang in his closet all year needling me. Instead, we are coming up with fun, DIY costumes that will be more on the funny or ironic side. Luckily, he isn't choosing anything that I have to sew so the crafts are staying within my completely achievable realm.

The little boys didn't really like my idea of ditching super hero costumes in favor of being a family of m&m's in a rainbow of colors. Well, Scooter said he liked the idea, but only to get to the party and show everyone, then he would still want to change and be a Red Power Ranger Samurai after people saw it. Right, cuz one costume idea per child isn't enough. He kind of wants to trick or treat, because he wants candy, but he wants me to do it for him. You know, hold the bucket, say the words, say the thank you. Shy guy. Riley didn't like my idea at all, even when I offered to switch it up to a family of Angry Birds (his favorite game) because he doesn't actually want to go to a party or trick or treat, he just wants a Batman costume. Because he wants one. His birthday is the next day - I could have gotten him one for a present, but he doesn't want to participate in anything else. Okaaaaaay.

This is probably a little bit my fault. I drag my feet for Halloween, especially since I had Riley. I like the holiday, I like the costumes, I even like to dress up on occasion. But, I put off getting ready for it more every year. Halloween is the kick off of the holiday season for me. As hectic as my life can be any other day of the year, once Halloween comes everything moves into even higher gear. Riley has a birthday the next day and I have to squeeze in a party while I am trying to get ready for Thanksgiving, figure out who is getting what for Christmas and how much I am going to spend, shop for multiple ingredients for various yummies and then fit everyone's everything in before the end of the year. Not to mention the actual baking and figuring out when Tyler will be with what family and the transport for all of that. I literally won't stop until January 1st. And seriously - we already have 4 different Christmas parties/events on our calendar for December. It's still October!

When we traveled to Austin for Jocelyn's first birthday this weekend, I left a fairly clean house with no dirty laundry lingering. There were a few bankers boxes stacked in a corner that held jeans and warm shirts for little boys since there was a cold front brewing. Now, my house looks like a tornado hit it. Those few boxes have multiplied to about 15. Each holds or held warm clothes for 5 family members that have to be washed, folded and put somewhere. I got a good start on it all, but since we still have fairly warm days as well - I don't have anywhere to put the stuff! My coffee table and fireplace are stacked with winter clothes while dressers and closets are still packed full of spring/summer/fall clothes (since it's basically one season here). The daunting task of switching, sorting and organizing is on the top of my to-do list.

I actually sat down last night and wrote out the list. Most of the time I keep an ongoing list in my head, mentally crossing things off, reorganizing and reprioritizing as needed. Sometimes, it's just too much and I need to see it in front of me, even if just for a second so I can get some perspective. The list took an entire page of my notebook and it was just things that needed to be done before Tuesday next week. Topping the list are the Evite for Riley's birthday party (which I am trying to keep small and simple), taking care of all the clothes and filing away the four tall stacks of papers and stuff that were lumped together little by little so I could deal with them later. It's later. The list is rounded out with cleaning the house . . . again.

I am working 3 days next week for another conference. The hours on this job are so long that they have offered me a room at the hotel where the conference is being held. At first I didn't think I would use it, but the alternative is coming home after kids are already in bed and getting up at 4:30 for 2 mornings to be back in time, well before the munchkins will be up for school. I am sure it would be worthwhile to kiss their sleeping heads, at least for me, but they wouldn't know I was there. I will be gone from my house for almost 3 full days. I won't come home to as clean of a house as I will leave, but if it starts cleaner it won't be quite as bad when I get back. I think. That's the plan anyway.

When I was compiling my list of the last wave of numbered boxes for Scott to pull for me last night, I noticed on my spreadsheet that I had 3 boxes listed for Halloween. I was pretty sure that was just the pumpkin buckets (that I didn't even have pulled last year - we used plastic bags for the first and last time), but since there were 3 of them I added them to my honey-do list. When I opened them up I found 5 different pumpkin candy buckets (don't ask) and then, you won't believe it . . DECORATIONS!

I called Scooter over and had him peek inside the boxes, he was so excited. There wasn't much, but I had a few things that I had accumulated back when Tyler was in this same stage, thinking we should decorate for every single holiday. Two fake jack o' lanterns with light bulbs inside now sit on shelves in my living room. There's a fall themed 'Welcome' sign hanging on the outside of my front door and a Halloween type felt banner hanging inside the door. And in the boys room is a plastic pumpkin with lights sitting inside their window. I carried Scooter outside to see how it looked - his smile was sooooo worth all the chaos we are about to find ourselves in.

I can't stop the holidays from descending, and I wouldn't really want to either. They are crazy because I make them that way. I love the season so much and want my kids to experience everything so I welcome the crazy in with open arms every single year. It doesn't matter if we have been watching baseball non-stop for the past few weeks. It doesn't matter that we had a case of Strep Throat invade our home this month. It doesn't even matter that I am taking on more responsibilities right now in some other areas of my life. It's coming again and this year will be just as crazy as it always is, even while I am trying to slow it all down.

So, this was the one time I am going to allow myself to complain to you about how crazy it's going to be. Not saying I won't tell you about the crazy, just that I am going to do my darndest to not complain about it. Because I know I could change it, but I don't want to. I want my kids to have traditions to build on, even if it makes our lives hectic. And on top of it all, I will be striving to bring even more of the real message of the Holidays into their little hearts than they soaked up last year.

I hope you are all enjoying our cooler weather and are getting ready for Halloween in your favorite fashion. I also hope that you have just the amount of crazy for your holidays that you ask for and can handle. I am just hoping I know when to say no this year and that I can keep a handle on everything I have committed to! I am going to try and stay focused on enjoying where each child is right now and how they observe and celebrate in their own ways. And maybe, one year, we'll get to be a family of m&m's for Halloween before they are too old to think it's fun.

The Mom I am Learning to Be . . .

Wow, I am so glad I am not the kind of person who sets New Year Resolutions like 'I will blog at least twice per week'. I know people who have done that and it worked, but if I had made such a bold pronouncement I would be failing miserably in fulfilling the promise to myself. What I am trying to do is put more into the posts I do have time for and I have to say I really liked my last post. It's the kind of thing I envisioned when I started blogging and I rarely deliver. Hah! Anyway, I was very self-satisfied with my last post about the things I learned from my kids. Pretty good stuff, right? Except that I was so PROUD, I didn't follow up which kind of defeats the purpose. Sin of Pride, Pride cometh before the fall . . . yadda, yadda, yadda. Anyway, that post actually materialized out of nowhere, but it got me thinking a lot more about what I learn from my children. And at the end of the day, that's what blogging does for me. It helps me record where my children are and then reflect on how I parent and where I can make improvements. I want it to be a love letter to my children that they can read someday and see where I was coming from as I raised them with all my faults laid bare. Or - it'll be great fodder for their therapy sessions. We'll see.

You have heard, like me, that every child has a different set of parents, even if they are raised in the same house. I find this to be true in my life, no matter how fair or consistent I try to be in my parenting style. It doesn't matter what I do, Scooter gets a more relaxed me than Tyler had at the same age and Riley is allowed to do more at an earlier age because he is following his two older brothers. Also, even though our basic ideals and values never change, our vision and plan changes all the time. We know the kind of men we want to see in front of us in 15 years, but the plan to get there changes as our lives change and also as we see what does and does not work. So, we are individual to each child because of their birth order and our life focus and our circumstances and because we learn from our mistakes along the way and try to improve.

The factor that doesn't get as much play when people talk about this stuff is the kids themselves. Our kids have very different personalities from each other. Even though there are common threads that run through our family and similarities between brother and brother or mother and son, each one is unique. Each child is special in their own way. And what I am starting to realize is that the type of mom I am over all and individually to my children has formed in some ways in response to the personalities in my home. My core values don't change, but the way I implement the teaching of them shifts with the emerging individuals that I live with every day.

It's very easy to fall into the 'I would' or 'I wouldn't' trap when we see how others are parenting their children around us. It's also easy for us to look at other people's kids and wish that ours emulated a certain behavior. For example, I have often thought I was doing something wrong as a mom because I would see other kids greeting adults and talking freely to them and I couldn't get mine to do the same and I would WISH that they would or that I could figure out how to get them to do something like that. It's much more difficult to remember that you are not parenting that child over there. That child might respond differently than your munchkin to the same things you are doing at home. And that mom is looking at you and your kids and wishing that their child would do something you have accomplished without even thinking about it. It turns out Tyler and Scooter are just shy kids. Tyler has worked very hard to overcome his bashfulness and will greet people appropriately now, but he is still quiet about it and embarrasses easily. I have either gotten way better at this or Riley is just the most outgoing of my children - he will hug someone he just met with prompting from me when it's time to leave. I'm going to give the credit to Riley, he's just not shy.

What kind of parent has your child or your children made you? I've been mulling this over for a couple of weeks and I decided to try and think about what the big things are that my kids are teaching me about being a mom.

TYLER - Somehow, I have this kid fooled into thinking I am the bomb. He thinks I am the best at everything. I didn't consciously try and teach him this, it just sorta kinda happened. I don't know if it's a birth order thing or if it's just his personality, but Tyler expects the best of himself and everyone around him, even while being the most forgiving person of falling short of perfection. Forgiving of everyone, but me and himself that is. He's very hard on himself, despairing of his faults and shortcomings and sometimes hard to encourage because of his own high ideals. And the highest ideals he holds are for both who he wants to be and who he thinks I already am. Tyler just assumes that I am good, great or better than the rest. So, when I am not (which is pretty much daily), I disappoint him. Wow, I hate to disappoint him. I don't mean disappoint in the 'No, you can't have that candy before dinner' way, but in the 'Well, I know that I am teaching you to be honest and I try to be as honest as I can, but at the same time I found it necessary to tell this little white lie so I didn't hurt someone's feelings' way. The look on that kids face when he realizes that I am not perfect is just so very, very sad. I hate it! I don't want to see that face because of something I have done or said. I find with Tyler, honesty and respect go a very long way. He might be disappointed in me when I don't live up to his expectations, but when I take the time to admit to him I am wrong he is always ready to listen. I find myself explaining my actions, admitting my faults and talking about ways I am trying to be better way more than I ever thought I would as a parent. I am definitely not able to be a 'Do as I say, not as I do' parent with Tyler. He is watching too closely and he harbors almost impossible ideals for me as a mom. There are still a lot of times that I have to put my foot down and tell him to butt out (so to speak) or that I will explain something better when he's older and wiser. But for the most part . . .

Tyler makes me want to be a better person. He has ideals for me that I could never live up to, but make me raise the expectations I have for myself. He assumes that I will be perfect until I mess up which makes me want to strive for perfection more. He is not afraid to show me when he is disappointed in me which makes me want to both be better and be more willing to admit my failings. Tyler helps me to be a more honest parent, more communicative and more compassionate. He helps me realize how much grace there is in my life and teaches me to extend that grace to my children.

SCOOTER - I often have to remind myself to 'let Scooter be Scooter' and sometimes I have to remind others to do that too. I always found Tyler to be sensitive, shy, and gentle, but Scooter is even more sensitive, painfully shy and the gentlest of souls. He's my 'warm-up' kid and that is true in every, single facet of his life. Once he is finally ready for something, he will usually go all out, but he has to get there first. I kind of like to go full force and full speed on just about everything I tackle, but Scooter doesn't work that way. Everything takes longer with my little scooter-rooter-pooter. Tyler would and does often expect a detailed explanation of things so that he can grasp it logically, but I find myself spending even more time with Scooter helping him to understand things on an emotional level. He needs to take his time, forcing me to slow down. I admit that there are times the painful slowness of it all makes me want to cry in frustration, however . . .

Scooter makes me a more patient and understanding person. It's not a bad thing to slow down and take things one teensy weensy step at a time. It can be helpful to talk through the way things make you feel and why you like or don't like them. Scooter just can't function when things feel too far out of his control or are moving too fast for him to get a handle on. He is going to shut down if I don't take the time to prep him, let him adjust and be ready for what is coming. I cultivate patience every, single day being a mom to Scooter. Patience is something that I have never had in copious supply and will probably never have enough of, but I am working on it. Raising Scooter helps me be more patient with all of my kids and also helps me to develop more empathy. Trying to understand what makes him tick and how he is feeling helps me break things down with the other kids and in my relationships with my husband and family as well. Learning more understanding and patience through Scooter helps me be a better mom, daughter, sister and friend.

RILEY - This kid is going to give me more grey hairs than the other two combined. However, he's probably going to give me more laugh lines too. I've been joking lately that with his 4th birthday only a few weeks away, I won't be able to blame his behavior on being 3 anymore, we'll have to face it all head on. Challenging - that's Riley. He's got a stubborn streak a mile wide, he will hold a grudge for hours, days, weeks or months if it suits him. He doesn't forget a fault. He can be the most helpful, sweet and endearing child one minute and then the next put his foot down and refuse to do the most simple task, like throw a wrapper away. But Riley can put the absolute biggest smile on your face if you let him. He can be compliant and funny and loving. He is the biggest kisser/hugger/cuddler I have and he loves to tell a story. He'll explain everything that happened somewhere in excruciating detail, multiple times and he doesn't care if someone else is trying to talk at the same time or if he told it 50 times before. (Okay, I am dying here and you are laughing too if you knew my late father-in-law! Cut from the same cloth! How many times did YOU hear the 7-11 story?) He is extremely determined, insisting on trying something on his own over and over and over again until he gets it right. I've always been a fairly flexible parent, providing boundaries and letting them move as needed. Maybe you would call me lax or lazy, but it works for my two older kids. When I put my foot down and mean something, they get it - they know I mean business. They also know where the give is and where they have room to negotiate. Riley, not so much. Give Riley an inch and he'll take a mile. It's enough to make me crazy, but . . .

Riley teaches me to be more consistent and firm. Ooohhhh, all that patience I am learning from Scooter is going to come in handy with Riley, that's for sure. I am starting to get that with Riley the boundaries I set have to be a whole lot firmer. He is going to have to know where I stand at all times. And he's also forcing Scott and I to get on the same page a lot more. The flexible thing has worked well for us because we had some pretty hard and fast rules for the basics, but the rest was all movable based on circumstance. Not so much with this munchkin. We find ourselves communicating more about where the line has to be and what the consequences are for crossing it. Consistency is something we will all benefit from, but it sure isn't fun. It's harder for Scott and I to be consistent in everything we say and do, but it will provide a more solid foundation for all of our kids. We know we have to give Riley room to breathe, but we also know if we aren't careful he'll walk all over us when we are too flexible. All this consistency in rules and behavior bleeds over to the rest of our lives and helps us keep a better schedule, be more fair to all the kids and teach them to have higher standards of behavior (even at home when no one is looking). Over all, learning consistency will help me be more patient, understanding, firm and a better person all around.

Isn't the continuity beautiful? God doesn't make mistakes. He gave me my kids for a reason and he gave me as a mother to these souls for a reason too. The lessons are mostly hard for me to learn, but the benefits are amazing. I am a work in progress, which helps me to remember that my kids are too. God grants me grace, which helps me grant it to my children. I learn something new every day, and I get to learn it by spending time with these three amazing boys. How awesome.

Fast forward a couple dozen years and I can almost see my kids reaction to this post. Tyler will remember the teenage years he barreled through (that we haven't touched yet) and won't remember thinking I am this awesome when he was a kid. He'll wonder what crazy pill I took today, but as an adult he'll have figured out I wasn't that bad. Scooter will have worked through all his insecurities and shyness and like his dad won't remember ever having been so cautious or quiet. Riley might laugh and remember all the hell he put me through and then give me yet another hug and kiss and cuddle. At least, that's how I think it might go, or hope it does anyway.

Thanks and God Bless!

Ten Little Lessons . . .

It's amazing some weeks what I learn from my kids. Sometimes it's just things about their personalities or relationships. Sometimes I learn things about boys that are just different than girls, ideas that probably never occurred to me as a child because they are so innately divergent from the way girls tend to think. Other moments I realize that the very basics of what they teach me are applicable to me in very big ways in my own life and I might have needed to be reminded of the simple truths in life, evident in their play. I've had a lot of these moments this week.

So, here are ten things I learned from my kids this week:

1 - Teams are important. It's very important to be on a team, to know who else is on your team and to set the ground rules for who your team is, i.e. good guys or bad guys and what you can and cannot do. Sometimes teams are not quite even in number or size of member, but a good dog with special force field capabilities and energy boosting powers can tip the odds in your teams favor by at least one member, if not two.

2 - It's no fun to be the bad guy. Everyone wants to be the hero, the good guys. When you are playing teams, it's important to identify the bad guys and if no one wants to play the bad guy then two teams can join together to fight an imaginary enemy, even while maintaining your own individual base. Sometimes though, we have to be tough, play the bad guy and 'fall on our sword' so that our little brother gets to be the hero for once.

3 - Weapons are crucial. Knowing what tools, weapons and powers you have and stating them out loud, reminding your teammates and enemies alike, can make the difference in a hard fought battle. It is essential that you have some kind of weapon though, even if it is just an imaginary sword, laser or super-duper-human strength.

4 - Always know where your base is. Home base is inviolate. No one else can hurt you there or invade uninvited. It's safe there and powers are restored there. Know where your own is and know where everyone else has their base as well.

5 - Do-Overs are great for everyone. Whether you are a 3 year old who didn't like how a pirate battle turned out or an 11 year old who discovered that every year at school can be a fresh start, it's always okay to go back to square one. Starting over with a clean slate and erasing all the rules and bad that went before is possible and refreshing for all involved.

6 - Baking is fun, even when you don't like what comes out of the oven. Sometimes, the process is more important than the result. It's okay to like all of the ingredients individually and still not like what they become when they are mixed together. It's okay to know that you love bananas and bread, but you don't like banana bread. It's also okay to have fun mixing up a concoction, even though the end result is not the Christmas cookie you were hoping for.

7 - The person telling you NO makes a difference. The entity that refuses your requests and disciplines you repeatedly sometimes will lose their effectiveness. Hearing NO from a new and different source can make a huge impact. Especially if that person is your Grandpa, who doesn't usually use the word.

8 - Staying on Green is awesome. When you follow the rules and do everything you are supposed to do, you don't get a 'color change'. The authority keeping watch over you notices that you are obeying and keeps track of it by not moving you off 'green' to something like 'orange' or 'red'. Better yet, if you stay on green for a whole week you get to dig in a treasure box and fish out something awesome and rewarding like a plastic spider ring. And even if you mess up, you get to start all over the next week.

9 - Changing your mind sometimes takes courage. It's not always easy to admit to the ones that you love you might have made a mistake. Your decision might not have been a wise one. You thought you had considered all the ramifications and benefits of a choice, only to find out that you were mistaken and now have doubts. Finding the strength to admit it and ask for help to change your mind is extremely challenging and sometimes comes just a tad too late. Luckily, if you have an awesome mom backing you up who is willing to look like a fool for you and jump through a lot of hoops on your behalf and who admires you for your courage, all might not be lost. Yet. We'll see. (Violin? Clarinet? Aaaagh!)

And 10 - Having Brothers is the best thing ever. Brothers (or sisters) are your best friends and your most trustworthy confidants. When no one else cares about the little stuff or wants to play the same game for the zillionth time, at least one of your brothers will. Having your brother next to you can give you confidence and support and love when you need it most. Just knowing you have a brother on your team, backing you up at home, can be enough to get you through the day. Two brothers is even better. Family makes the world go 'round.

So that's it - lessons from my kids for the week. Here's what I know: I am on Team Barrow. We fight together with other teams on Team God. Sometimes I am the Coach, sometimes I am just a player. I have lots of talents and weapons at my disposal and it would help me a lot to remind myself of that out loud once in a while so I don't forget. My home base is the Word of God. I do my best to stay on Green all the time, and even though I am not always successful, when I am my God rewards me with small and special treasures that take the form of encouragement and peace. Sometimes I have to fall on my sword, and remember to kill my pride for the benefit of my kids and husband. I do my best to mix up and build something wonderful with the gifts God gave me, but I don't always like the end result - even if it was what He was planning all along. Sometimes He tells me No, and it means a whole lot more than when the world tells me No over and over again. Sometimes I mess up, sometimes I have to change my mind and I have to confess my mistakes, sometimes it hurts to do all of those things. Jesus gives me a fresh start by His very gift and his grace, every single time I need one which is pretty much every time I take a breath. In the end, I am just trying to be one of the good guys everyday and when it gets tough I am grateful for both my siblings (and parents) by birth and all my brothers and sisters in Christ and in Life that support me along the way. Oh - and it never hurts to have a good dog on your side either.

What did you learn this week?

God Bless You and Keep You.

The In-Between Places . . .

I'm having one of those days. One that requires more patience and understanding than I am ready to dole out fueled by only the first cup of coffee in the morning. A morning filled with what appears to be a typical rough time getting kids up and out the door, but is really masking some shifts in the mother-son paradigm of our little world. Either the road is getting bumpier or we're just heading for a curve and my view of what is to come is hidden from view. More likely it's just another bridge, one covered in clouds and fog and we're lost in the middle, are we going backwards or forward?

On the surface, what it looked like was that no one really wanted to get up this morning and my oldest lost track of time and we walked out the door 8 minutes late. That doesn't sound like much, but making two different school drop-offs on two different ends of town so that I can make it back home in time to relieve Scott of Riley-duty and he can leave for work means a pretty tight schedule in the morning. I wasn't pleasant as I encouraged Tyler to grab everything that was supposed to be in his bag and his shoes to put it all together in the car. Especially when I had told him it was time to go while he was still finishing his cheerios and he made no move to get out of his chair and rush. I didn't yell or anything, but I was definitely insistent.

I dug two dollars of change out of my purse and told Tyler to stick it in his pocket so he could buy his lunch since he hadn't made his yet. He wanted me to check the lunch calendar to see what they were having, a fact I tried to explain was moot since he absolutely had no time to make a lunch now, and then argued with me that the items I listed used to always be Thursday lunches, not Fridays. I think I remember how to read a lunch calendar, but judging by my kids attitude this week you would think I had barely managed to graduate high school. By the time I walked out the door with the last 'COME ON TYLER, I MEAN IT' and got Scooter in the car, we were both completely out of sorts. When he walked up to the car it was with some serious, above age level, sarcasm and a comment like 'You don't think I'm being serious?' or something close to it. Whatever he said, I was ticked.

Generally, I give all the kids a little leeway as far as respect and grumbling and complaining goes the first couple of weeks of school. Even if they aren't one of the kids that has to get used to a full day of work and learning, our schedules change pretty drastically from summer hours to school schedule. I try not to correct too harshly, too quickly when I know that I am still not used to getting up with the alarm clock again and all the running and schedule demands so they must not be either. Maybe I'm a little too lax during these weeks, but usually by the third week of school we are getting back into the groove and moving along pretty well. Everyone had a great holiday weekend and a little too much fun so this week was pretty tough too and even though I got a tad more diligent, I still let some stuff go that I normally would have nipped in the bud pretty quickly.

The clock is running out on back-to-school indulgence though and my kids know it. Each day they are asked to do more, be more and complain less. Bad attitudes and less respect are getting way less tolerance from Mom and for the most part, they are snapping back into normal behaviors. Sort of. I do have a pre-teen in the house. Or a tween. Or whatever they are calling it these days. What I have is a son on the cusp of adolescence who is in many ways wise and mature beyond his years and in others is still the little boy who needs reassurance and cuddling and boundaries. It's uncharted territory for both of us and there are days we struggle. I feel bad for him sometimes because, as all first children are, he is my guinea pig. Tyler is the kid I figure everything out on and then I'm better prepared to handle the next child when they get to this stage.

There are wonderful things about Tyler getting older. Our conversations are amazing, watching him figure out who he actually is as a person is enlightening and seeing him blossom into someone with presence and integrity is overwhelmingly gratifying. Some of this getting older stuff is pretty easy, like buying face soap so I can teach him to add a face wash to both morning and evening routine in order to avoid as many pimples as possible while his body begins to change. Some of it is awkward, like talking about 'bodily' response to girls bodies even when his brain isn't ready to acknowledge anything remotely interesting about the opposite sex and the resulting normal behaviors about those responses for every single boy in the world, things that he WILL do eventually. (I think we might have hit the wall on Mom having those conversations though - Scott and Brian are going to have to take them over soon.) I think it's great that Tyler can be left on his own for an hour or more now while I run to the store or soccer practice. I love that he volunteers to watch the boys ride their bikes out front while I make dinner and that I can trust him to be attentive.

And then there is the trickier stuff. Responsibility, self control, confidence without cockiness, truthfulness without rudeness. There are a lot of intangibles that Tyler is in the midst of learning or beginning to discover and teaching those things to him is completely new ground for me too. There are moments that I feel bad about asking him to be so much more than he has been in the past and then there are times that I am not giving him enough chance to show me how much more he can be. With two younger brothers in the house, Tyler often feels I am not being fair when I ask him to do something that I don't ask them for. Like all children, he has forgotten what went before.

The first day of school brought indignation and disbelief that I was making Scooter's lunch for him since Tyler has to make his own. He doesn't remember that he didn't make his own until 2nd grade. Just like Tyler was, Scooter is capable of packing about 80% of his own lunch and sometimes he helps me, but I have to monitor what goes in there or he won't have enough of the protein and carbs that he needs to get through the day with his head on straight. If I don't watch it or make it, Scooter will have a lunch filled with extra juice boxes and dessert and nothing tangible or healthy. He's learning what goes into a proper school lunch and eventually he will handle it himself, just like his big brother. There's a lot of that, complaining about what's fair and unfair, going on and I am constantly reminding Tyler that things were once the same for him but he is older now and can do more, handle more.

Tyler's had a lot on his plate this year, emotionally. There have been so many changes in his world and he has been faced with realities and situations that I would have been content to not have intrude on him until he was much, much older. Isn't that what we all want? To protect our children as long as we can from the harshness of life while we prepare them to handle it all? Sometimes life doesn't work that way though and Tyler has definitely had to start handling things this year that I would have hoped he never would or at least not until he was an adult. We've asked him to accept a lot and deal with it on terms like a much older person than his short 11 years. He can come home and fall apart and cry if he needs to and he sometimes does, but he often chooses to muscle through and find the best in every situation.

One minute I am asking Tyler to be more adult and the next I expect him to just be a child, a little boy. One minute Tyler expects to be treated as someone already half grown and others he still wants me to take care of everything like he was only 5 years old. This morning, after his sarcastic outburst, I told him my patience was running out and the attitude needed to improve - quickly. Being disappointed that we are out of waffles is one thing, being mad and complaining about it like the whole world let him down is another, for example. And then I found myself having a conversation with him that I was sure was at least 4 years away. Or at least, I was having a version of the conversation.

It went something like this: "Tyler, you are in kind of one of those in-between places of life right now. In some ways you are ready to be more grown-up and in others you still want to be a little boy and have things taken care of for you. You don't want me to remind you to do everything and keep you on schedule, but you also don't want to take full responsibility for your own schedule and commitments either. If I don't ask you to make sure your backpack is ready to go and then you forget, you get mad at me because it's not done, I didn't tell you and you forgot and it's not your fault. If I do remind you and try to keep you on task, you act like I am nagging you and not taking you seriously or respecting that you know what needs to be done. You are going to have to decide which way it's going to be. You know what time we leave every day and you know what needs to be done before we walk out the door. Most days you have all of that down and are ready to go. Today, you were sitting right in front of a clock while you dawdled over your breakfast. You knew that you hadn't packed your lunch yet, didn't have shoes & socks on, and hadn't packed your backpack last night like I asked you to - you knew all that and could easily look at the clock and see that you were out of time. Instead, when I told you for the fourth time that we needed to be in the car and on the way, you complained about a solution I gave you to the lunch issue, grumbled while you scrambled to pick up backpack items that were laying all around your floor and then told me you hadn't heard me the first time that it was time to go so you stayed at the table to finish your breakfast. Which way do you want it? Do you want to be fully responsible for all of it and I won't say a word to you and then you take all the consequences for what is or is not done? Or do you want me to remind you of the time and keep you on schedule and then you WILL lose ALL the attitude and sarcasm while I am doing it? You are going to have to make the decision."

It was vaguely reminiscent of the 'If you want to be treated like an adult, you need to act like an adult' conversations I had with my parents during my teenage years. I felt kind of bad about it when he wouldn't speak to me and got out of the car pouting. I am a firm believer in natural consequences and letting my kids figure stuff out on their own, even if I don't always know how to implement that kind of discipline. I mean, should the natural consequence of the lunch thing have been no lunch at all instead of a bought lunch? Probably, but I also know that Tyler would have tried to 'rush' a lunch packing and made us more late and it's also important to me that they eat a decent lunch during the day, regardless. He wasn't happy about buying today though, so I think he got the point.

I've heard and read that the way this is supposed to work is that when kids are small, parents make all the rules and kids get almost no freedom or choices. As they get older, the responsibility increases and the rules decrease. That's very generalized and actually not really the truth. The rules just change. We don't have rules anymore like 'You can't go out in the front yard without a parent', but in it's place we add three new, less definable rules like "Yes, you need to be honest at all times, but that doesn't mean we say everything we think when we think it. You don't come right out and tell someone that they are stupid or fat or clueless, even if they are." (Okay, the crossing guard told me off on Wednesday, I am still kind of mad and I think my attitude might be bleeding through.)

Tyler is a super responsible kid and really, the times that he forgets something are a lot less than with other kids. So, am I pushing him too hard? I sometimes think we ask a lot of our children too early. For example, I am trying to teach Scooter and Riley proper guest/host/friend etiquette (and by example a couple of his friends). "No, honey, you can't go knock on his door and tell him you want to play IN his house. You can invite him to play and then y'all can figure it out together where you are going to do that. If he invites you in, then let me know you will be there and that is fine." But why are we in a hurry to teach our kids those lessons? Isn't the brutal honesty of 'I'm done playing, you can go home now' a tad more healthy for all of us than teaching our kids to be so polite that they are hiding what they truly are?

The flip side, of course, is that we don't ask as much of our children as in generations past. We coddle our kids and become helicopter moms (because we 'hover', love that term) and work very hard at building their self-esteem and self-confidence and self-awareness in ways that were never even considered 2 generations ago. It could be said that we don't do enough to let our kids fall, fail and flounder in a safe place so that they are better prepared to handle real life. I know I am guilty of this in a lot of ways, especially with Scooter. I tend to ask more of Tyler, but give Scooter more space because of his personality. And honestly, I think I am the hardest on Riley, but he also tests and pushes me more than the other two combined.

Wow. It's a conundrum. It's a big question. How much do I push and when? How much can they handle and when should I give? Tyler is definitely in an in-between place, figuring out if he's ready to grow up or he still wants to be a kid. But, I am in an in-between place too. I'm trying to figure out what he's ready for and what he needs as well and it isn't always clear cut or easy going. It's one of those cloudy places and I can't see the other side of the bridge we're crossing until I get through. Are we already half way across and risking turning around and going backwards? Are we almost to the end of it and we'll see clearly again with just one or two more steps? Or have we just barely started, taking only one uncertain step towards more confusion?

Hmmm. I have no answers. If you have some, send them my way - I am always listening!

Thanks and God Bless

Ummmmm, yeah . . . . Sure

You know, when you decide to have a baby, or two, or three, there are a lot of things about the job that you probably don't think through. You think about cute onesies and baby blankets, cribs and then toddler beds, possible play dates and eventual backpacks. You might consider things like team sports, preschools and Sunday school classes, and probably a car pool here and there. Most of us, though, don't really sit down and consider the logistics of all this stuff and what makes it happen. Most of us don't actually plan out every possibility for things we might be asked to help with or administer ourselves. We're just thinking about the wonderful smell of baby shampoo and maybe even whether or not we have time to save for the Ivy League college our little geniuses will probably attend, but of course they will also be primo atheletes and be granted full rides to wherever they want to go.

It's a very long road between the bassinet and a high school diploma, one that I often realize I am navigating blindly. Along this road are so many obstacles and milestones, it's hard to keep track of it all. A common theme though is that there are helpers along the way. There are people who teach our kids and coach our kids and make school events happen. They serve our kids and us as parents from almost the beginning. Did someone bring a dinner to your home after you came home with your newborn? Did you have a friend or relative come over and rock the baby for a while in just the position they liked so that you could take a shower? Probably, or something close to it. Service - these wonderful people who help us with our kids just because they love kids and they love us. As parents we spend an awful lot of time on the receiving end of service, especially in the beginning whether or not we realize it and without having to ask for it. We show up at church and drop our kids in a nursery without questioning if there will be someone there to lovingly care for our babies, unless we were once nursery workers ourselves and know how important it is to have volunteers. We sign up for soccer and assume blithely that there will be a coach for our kids team, unless we have a penchant for athletics or our hubbies do and we're just dying for the job ourselves. We send random food and candy items to school with our kiddos on party days and are grateful that some other mom organized it and it wasn't us this time.

Eventually, even if you don't volunteer willingly and wholeheartedly, you are going to be asked to be one of these helpers. And then it's time to pay up!!! Just kidding - you are probably already serving other moms and kids in some way without realizing it and in ways that come naturally to you. I spent years rocking babies in nursery, keeping preschoolers for Sunday School and even teaching and helping coordinate VBS a couple of years, way before I had kids. I worked MDO programs and I started babysitting the very minute I turned 12. When I had Tyler, on my own, I spent more than my fair share accepting help from wherever I could get it and then when he went to day care and preschool and eventually school, I helped where I could when I could. I couldn't be at every event or field trip because I was working and then had an infant at home, but I sent cookies and cupcakes and money and help wherever I could.

I am great at the food thing - if someone is in need I am most likely going to fill the need with a meal or a dish or snacks or something like it. I am great at being the errand runner. I am good at organizing and planning. I am excellent at research. These are my natural abilities and I don't have to think very hard about how to help and when to do it. They are my comfort zone and they are talents that come in pretty handy in a crunch. Most of these keep me on the move too, which works well for my mentality.

However, I am not too good at being the person who sits still and waits, patting hands and being a shoulder. I want to be, it's just harder for me. I am also not always the best at collaborating on teams for big things because, let's face it - I just want to do it my way and your way be . . .well, you know. I am not good at evangelism and the thought of teaching a room full of 9 year olds who can question everything I say gives me nightmares, but I can handle eight 2 yr olds for an hour before I go home and drink a glass of wine. I am terrible at the neighborhood friend thing, but I am working on it and getting better at tolerating 6 kids in my house at one time in short bursts.

Anyway, you get the drift. This journey of parenthood will bring out the best in you, but also the worst. It highlights our gifts and also our shortcomings. And it often gives us a chance to grow. So where am I going with this? What has me expounding on service and talents and willingness this morning? Well, I've been asked to do several things lately that are new to me or slightly out of my comfort zone, but I'm trying really hard to stretch and contribute.

First, you should know that I am not the best school volunteer. I am definitely one of those parents that if given the choice would let all the other parents who want to help with every little thing do so and then I could keep my head buried in the sand. I've done it, I've helped, some. After I quit work at the end of my pregnancy with Scooter, I helped in the classroom for the 100th day celebration at Tyler's school. When he was in 1st grade and then in 3rd grade I went as a chaperone on some field trips. I was room mom for his 3rd grade class. And here is what I have learned through those adventures - not all moms/helpers are created equal. There are a lot of people who when they go to do this stuff really only care about their kid and aren't generally helpful to the entirety of the outing or situation. After the room mom experience, I decided that this was a job I could do with only a minor headache all year and so I will commit to doing it one time for each kid and that is all. Oh - and the older kids get, the less respectful they are of their parent/chaperone person. They don't always listen even when they are a friend of your child and that's how they got to be in your group.

I didn't even join the PTA the first couple of years Tyler was in school. Then I sent my money but only showed up to the one meeting a year that he was doing something like singing or showing off his gym skills. Let's be honest - the meetings themselves are pretty boring if there isn't some kind of show going on. And, okay, I had this irrational fear going on. I don't actually remember my mom going to too many PTA meetings over the years and then suddenly when Asheley was in elementary school she was the PTA president. I don't think she had ever served on the board before and there she was, the president. Someone bought her a gavel as a thank-you that year. I remember the gavel and the immense amount of work that she did that year. I still don't know how that happened and I strongly suspected that she had just attended a few meetings because it was a new school and then she got roped into the job. My theory was that if I avoided going to more than one meeting a year I could avoid serving on the board. I was on the PTA volunteer list and aided with little stuff when I could, but I didn't want an actual JOB.

Ha! That sounds horrible, but here's the truth of the matter - when Tyler started school I was pregnant and then I had Riley a minute later. I just couldn't do more for a long time and always knew I would get more involved as they got older. It turns out that it doesn't matter if you have ever been to a meeting or not either. It's about who you know, whether you know that you know or not!!!! LOL! Sorry, I'm giddy this morning. The PTA president this year is a woman whose daughter has been in Tyler's class almost every year. She has also been in his REACH groups and countless other things. I have been at almost every parent meeting that wasn't PTA related with this mom for 5 years. She knows ME, I guess. Last spring when I expressed concern to her at instrument night about the number of fundraisers (there were 4 last year) and could she cull that list as President, she started sounding me out about my talents and willingness to help. And then sure enough, at the first gathering before school started she cornered me 2 minutes after I walked in the door and asked me to serve.

So you are now reading the blog of the newest PTA board member with the official job of writing the PTA Newsletter. It's a quarterly gig, doesn't require a lot of heavy work - or so I was told. Turns out though, I don't just have to go to the PTA meetings every month, I also have to go to PTA board meetings each month. And volunteer. A lot. There are a bunch of jobs only board members can do and I get to do them - yay! (Insert sarcasm) Looks like I won't be attending the homecoming game for my 20th (gasp) reunion this fall after all because I will be selling tickets at the school fall carnival instead. Grandparent alert: Will need help with 2 little munchkins! I have to say, I was a little thrown by the informality of being voted in also. It was done over email and kind of non-climactic. Shouldn't there be some kind of initiation meeting and secret handshake?

Since the boys are at two different schools and I am doing the board at Tyler's this year, I opted for minimal involvement at Scooter's school. Two years from now I will have two little ones at one school and I imagine that I will be super involved, but I can only do so much right now. I told Mrs. Crump on the 2nd day of school that although I had put myself on the general volunteers list, I wouldn't be room mom or jumping in too much. I also told her that if she, personally, needed me for anything that she shouldn't hesitate to ask. She knows I have Riley and if he can come with me on the zoo field trip or to sit and help at a table on 100th day of class, I will be there. If she needs someone to cut out stuff or organize stuff at home, I will do that too. She asked if I could type since she hunts and pecks and told me she would definitely ask. I have made similar offers to Tyler's teachers over the years, let them know I was at home and would help where I could, but no one has ever taken me up on it.

Yesterday, when I picked Scooter up from school, Mrs. Crump was waving a big colorful banner type thing at me. It took me a minute to realize she was trying to get me to come and take it from her. Turned out it was pretty easy work - cutting name tags out of laminate. Don't you just love cutting laminate? It's so smooth and easy. Anyway - 23 kids, two different sets of name tags. Pretty simple. But it was day 7 of school so I imagine that I will be doing a lot more stuff for Kindergarten. I'm happy to do it though because Mrs. Crump is helping Scooter every single day in a firm, but gentle and loving way and I am grateful to her.

And then there was soccer. Those of you who know me or have been reading a while know that last year I spent the entire season coaxing, threatening and begging Scooter to do practice without crying, pouting and insisting I stand there for every single drill. The last game and a half were the only ones that I wasn't out on the field, running with my 4 year old. He wanted to play, he just wanted me to do it with him. I just wanted to be one of the moms on the sideline like everyone else. And Riley wanted to play. The director made me an example last week as far as letting moms be on the field as long as needed, especially with 3 year olds. "One game, Two games, Seven games. Mrs. Barrow got more exercise than she ever wanted to last year, but we were happy to help her son get used to playing on a team. Whatever your child needs, that's why we are here." Right. But not me, not this year! Riley might be shy for the first 5 minutes and then he is going to run around and follow that ball and I will have to physically remove him from the field when the game is over and barricade him against jumping in with Scooter's team. Scooter might require some help getting adjusted, but he'll be better this year. I am going to sit on the side lines darnit!

I was thrilled Scott was off of work yesterday and got to help with practice. He ran around with the kids playing soccer in the yard before we left and then we took 2 cars so that I had an exit strategy with Riley after his practice and also so I could go pick up a microwave stand I found on Craig's List afterwards. Immediately, this week was better than last week. Riley went right out with 'Coach Michelle' who doesn't have any kids playing, but used to play and got roped into helping since there weren't any 3 year old coaches. I spent time with Scooter, visiting with other moms and with the director. Scott and I found seats on the bleachers and settled into what is supposed to be normal. Then the director came over to us and asked a very loaded question "Would either of you be able to coach the second 3 year old team? We just can't find anyone to help and we are desperate."

"Ummmmm, yeah . . . sure" that was my response. Actually, we talked about it for a minute and decided we could do it together, sort of. Scott gave me a hard time later when I was groaning about it because I was the one who said yes, but someone has to do the job. He actually played soccer as a kid (not me) and had wanted to coach eventually, but his work schedule is awful right now and he doesn't get home until almost 7 p.m. He also works every 3rd Saturday which often gets shuffled and he can sometimes work on Saturday twice in one month. He didn't see how he could do it on his own. Most of these kids parents are first time soccer moms and dads. They don't want to jump in because they are just as nervous as their kids are. I know - I once was one of them. We have been the ones 'served' many, many times in this capacity. It is our turn to be the ones that do the serving.

Okay, here's what I was thinking - probably because my husband was actually there with me last night - Scott can handle the bulk of the coaching, I know how to handle the games when he isn't there because I was practically an assistant coach last year with Scooter, I can do the devotional part and hand out the stars (Upwards program, they are awesome, check them out) and do the email updates and reminders and I can even handle the rotation schedule. Yeah - and he can do the practice drills and stuff. I thought all of that in about a millisecond and we said yes. Scotty took over practice for half of the kids and was doing a great job while I got more information from Trish and fetched a soda for Scooter and picked up Riley's uniform.

The 3 year olds only practice for 30 minutes because they are 3. But really, their attention span maxes out at about 20 minutes. So Scott was good for a while and then he kinda lost all four kids to four different corners of the gym and wandered over to ask me for help. At that point I was trying to wrangle our very own 3 year old back to practice because all he really wanted to do was look at his new uniform and try it on. By the time we got them all rounded up we had inherited some of the other team members for our huddle and lost one of our own to her mom. I kind of gave a pep talk about what colors we would wear and kicking to the goal of that color and see you Saturday, Yay! It was pathetic.

Riley and I left and on our way to pick up the table, it occurred to me how flawed my original plan actually was. After all, it's the practices that Scott is actually going to miss every week. He'll be there for most of the games with me. But practice is at 5:30 and even if he can swing a shift switch with someone the earliest he will be there is 5:45 on some of the weeks. He is working Saturday for the first, chaotic, crazy game. I am going to be doing this job. I am going to be a 3 year old soccer coach.

I'm laughing as I write, so if you know me well you are probably rolling on the floor in hysterics at this point. Me, a coach? I am sooooo not an athlete. I didn't do much in the way of sports as a kid. One season of softball and a basketball clinic for a week one summer (laughable because at the time I was about a foot shorter than everyone else, but I still remember my 3 different types of passes and how to shoot a lay-up properly) was about the limit. I played the flute and I marched in the band and I was on the flag corps. I read and read and read some more. I was a nerd, not an athlete. And I HATE running. That was my biggest complaint last year. I like being with Scooter, but I hate to run. When I quit band in high school I still had to take one half credit of P.E. so I chose beginners tennis. I figured that was a basic skill I could use as an adult. Turned out we only worked on tennis strokes 2 days per week and spent the other 3 RUNNING. We worked on an eight minute mile and I sprained my knee running bleacher drills. The first homecoming game of my teenage life that I wasn't wearing a band uniform and I was on crutches. It totally sucked and was the longest semester of my life. Mostly because I hate running. Put some weights in my hand and I will train for hours, but please don't ask me to run.

Well, it's done now I suppose. The good news is that they are 3 year olds so they probably won't notice how little I know about coaching or drills or soccer in general. The bad news is that they are 3 year olds and getting them all to listen to me at one time is going to be a serious challenge. Oh - and Scotty and I were given matching coaches shirts as a thank-you. Yep, we'll be twinkies. It's so cute, it's sick. I got a coaches book for ideas for drills and offensive tactics, but they're 3 so if I can just come up with some basic things to work on next week for 25 minutes and then a very short devotional and pep talk I'll be doing good. I told Scotty I might have to do some research on coaching 3 year olds in soccer, after all that's the part I'm good at - right?

Oh geez - I am not going to sit down all season! I am preparing myself for Scooter's complaints already since I will be on the field with Riley, he will want me on the field with him too. I did ask him if he would be my 'helper' for coaching Riley's team. He said 'Yeah, since I already played before I can do that.' Scott is trying to switch Saturdays with someone at work, but it's Labor Day weekend so the pickings are slim. Lord, I know you put me here for a reason, but I am going to need all the help You can give me!

It's all about service, and sometimes it's our turn. Sometimes we are going to have to leave our comfort zone and jump in. I would have felt terrible turning Trish down after all we put them through with Scooter last year. They just loved us through it though and I know that they will love me through making a muck of being a coach too. I may not be doing all this stuff this year willingly and wholeheartedly. I am definitely on the 'Ummmmm, yeah . . . sure' kind of commitment level, but I will do my very, very best at the jobs I am given. I'll take any help I can get though so beware when you see me - I might put you to work cutting out name tags or something!

God Bless!

This, That and The Other . . .

Some days, it isn't so much about what happens as what doesn't happen. We have hit a little bit of a snag in our kindergarten adventure. It's not about making friends or writing his name or learning his numbers. It's not about participating in Gym and Music (he kinda loves Music and is singing along even, or at least he says he is). The problem isn't even about getting up in the mornings and out the door or suffering through the various smells that encompass lunch time. Every day when I pick Scooter up he has a smile on his face and stories to tell me about his day. Every day he has some new discovery and has made some small accomplishment.

So what's the deal? It's simple - he has to go back every day. He's fine in the car, doesn't fight me to leave the house. He chats with his brother while we drive to the first morning drop off. He talks with me pleasantly on the way to his school. And then just about the time I make the final turn to get us to school, Scooter gets very quiet and whispers/whines something like 'I don't want to go in without you.' You see, the first day you can walk your kid all the way in the room. On the second you can guide them through their morning process and walk just inside the doorway of the classroom to say goodbye. For the rest of the first week you are allowed to walk those kids down the hall to their lockers and say goodbye. But then the niceties are over.

They call it the 'hug zone', the door that leads into the school on the kindergarten hallway. Scooter's locker is a whopping 20 feet from the door. He knew that I couldn't walk him in this week, we had prepared him. And he was fine about it, right up until the moment he was supposed to walk over the threshold yesterday. Tears, whining, more tears and clinging to my legs and body ensued. Eventually someone just had to take him from me and I saw the principal take him from her, calm him and start walking toward his teacher. And yet, when I picked him up he was happy and confident.

This morning we actually got to school a tad early and sat in the car talking about it. I asked him if he wanted to pray about walking into school on his own. This is pretty standard for us. I can give the boys all the normal platitudes about everyone being nervous or scared and first days being hard for everyone, but eventually even I will run out of words. So, we pray. We put our trust in Jesus. I thank Jesus for all the special things about that child out loud and in their hearing and then we ask Him for his help. So Scooter nodded solemnly when I asked him if he wanted to pray, but before we did so I also gave him an extra little boost. I reminded him that Jesus was with him all day, every day, even when I am not with him. I told him that Jesus knew him inside and out and even knew how many hairs were on his head, which I, as his mother, did not know. I told him Jesus had known him even longer than I had, before he was born. I told him that he could talk to Jesus quietly in his head during the day, anytime, when he was scared or lonely and Jesus would hear him and be with him. He could ask Jesus to help him be brave and He will answer. Then we prayed, got out of the car and walked to the hug zone.

It wasn't perfect, he didn't confidently walk through the door and smile and wave me off. Like I said, some days it's not about what happens. But, what did NOT happen was that tears did not fall. They were close, there was a little voice cracking and almost losing it, but he didn't cry and he didn't cling to my leg. Scooter just couldn't make himself cross the threshold. Eventually the principal called discreetly to his teacher who came and took his hand, commanded Scooter to give his mom one more goodbye hug and then took him down the hall with her. No tears. Really. It's going to be slow going with Scooter on this stuff, but I really can foresee the day that I will drive through the drop off line and he will hop out and run to the door and his class on his own. We have agreed to help the neighbors out and take Scooters buddy, Noah, to school one day this week when their schedules are a little hectic. I have my fingers crossed that this will be the day (tomorrow or Thursday??) that he will walk in without any issues since he'll be going through the door with his friend. Okay, maybe not without ANY issues, but let's say LESS issues.

Poor little guy, it just takes Scooter so long to get used to everything. I am hoping that he will adjust to soccer practice and his team more quickly than last year so I don't have to deal with any major drama this weekend at both his and Riley's first games. Of course, Scott has to work that day and my dad will be in the process of helping my sister drive her car and her stuff back from Las Vegas. I'm sorry - hadn't I mentioned that? MY SISTER IS MOVING BACK TO TEXAS!!!!! YAY! Technically, she and her husband will be living in Austin again, but it's a whole heck of a lot closer and I am absolutely thrilled that I will get to see her more than once or twice a year again. The kids are pretty pumped too and we all can't wait to spend Labor Day with her before she heads from Dallas to Austin. Anyway - my mother and I will be left to deal with both kids adjustments and games for the first round of soccer. There will be a whole lot of praying going on between now and then, let me tell you!

In other news - the weather is finally going to break a little! For all my Wisconsin readers, what that means is that our highs this weekend are ONLY going to be in the mid 90's. Really. I am pretty darned thrilled about that. Tomorrow will be day 63 this summer of over 100 degree days. That's a lot. Most of them have been in the last 2 months so it has felt like we were never going to get any relief. Yesterday and this morning we even had some overcast clouds (what's a cloud???) and a few sprinkles. Not enough to make a dent in our severe drought, but I was so thrilled I went out and just stood in the rain to remember what it feels like.

I have spent the last week preparing and then beginning my cooking/freezing process. I really hadn't planned on doing all of this at once, just cooking one-freezing one for a while so that we would have some extra meals on hand for busy week nights. However, last week I found so many great (ridiculous almost) deals on meat and dairy products which is the bulk of the ingredients for my freezable dishes that I bought enough to make my normal run. For those of you that are not familiar, my normal run is somewhere between 25 and 30 recipes which will make our family between 50 and 60 meals. I usually cook all the meals over 2 days, but generally not in the summer. This time I decided to spread the cooking out over a week so that I am only doing the cooking in the morning and by the afternoon high temperatures (and energy conservation so we don't overload our overtaxed grid) I can keep me and the house cooler and not break my back. So far I've managed 10 recipes and have 17 meals in the freezer. We've eaten 3 as I've been working. I have 18 more recipes to go, but 2 of them are actually side dishes that I will split up for a few meals and this is something new for me. I won't be able to get the exact figure until I am finished and know what I end up with in the freezer, but it's looking like about $2.75 per meal and most of those are casserole type dishes or have pasta or rice in them so sides aren't necessary. Plus my family will have healthy, home cooked meals on our busiest nights instead of frozen pizza or fast food. We'll also have some of our normal fare during the next two months to break up the monotony and also because we generally enjoy just a normal pork chop or chicken breast or roast, especially during the fall months when it starts to get cooler outside.

Riley has been a huge help to me while I have been working. Well, as much as he can be. Since I won't let him cut vegetables or raw meat with a sharp knife he has taken to using his kiddy knife to cut up strange combinations of crackers, cookies and fruit bars; he mixes them in a bowl, pops them in a pretend oven and tells me it's for Scooter or Daddy or better yet - our customers. Didn't you know I had customers? Some days that little guy follows me around helping make beds, switch out laundry (he even started trying to fold some small towels), unloading and loading the dishwasher and picking up toys around the house. He can be such a hard worker. And then he will decide that when I asked him to not walk across my freshly grouted tile it wasn't really a rule, but more like a guideline (they have been watching Pirates of the Caribbean a lot lately, they love Captain Jack Sparrow - sorry) and he just does what he wants anyway. We've had a lot of talks lately about listening to momma and doing what I say.

Speaking of tile - I guess I should show you what we've been up to around here. We spent some time fixing and patching walls and I figured out how to match my existing texture and completed that process. So, I finally got to paint. It was a big job - our kitchen, living room and hallway - ceiling and everything. I let the kids help since there weren't any concerns about drips on floors or trim or anything. They actually covered a lot more ground than I expected which put me on double time going back over their work to make sure we didn't have big paint blobs or missed spots. They wore a couple of my painting t-shirts and got a lot of paint in hair and on feet. It was a blast.

I can't tell you how much better it feels to walk out of my room each morning and into rooms that don't have cracks and are painted a new, pretty color. I liked the colors I had, don't get me wrong. But they were very brown and I had had them for over 6 years, I was ready for a change. I also was way past ready to cover up the orange brick of my fireplace. The mantle fell down when Riley was a baby so I have suffered without for a long time. I hate it most when it's time to decorate for Christmas. The plan was to tile over the thing, but then it occurred to me that if I painted it and loved it I could save some money. If I painted it and hated it, I hadn't lost anything and could still tile over it. I took that dark grey paint I used for the stripe in the boys room and painted the brick. I know you can't tell in the pictures, but our walls are now actually a light grey, they look pretty white in certain light or in the pictures, but they are grey. What do you think? I am loving it and have decided to hold off on the tile. It needs a mantle, I know, but that's coming eventually. Oh, and yes I realize I dripped primer onto my painted doors and will have to touch those up as well.

What do you think? We are kinda diggin it! So it was finally time to tile the kitchen. F-I-N-A-L-L-Y! Ok, if you didn't already know, I have lived with concrete floors in my kitchen for about 2 years. Before that there was some pretty nasty vinyl down there that had gashes and tears in it and peeled away from the base boards. The reason for that, it turns out, was that the previous owners had just laid the stuff down over the original Mustard Yellow and Olive Green Linoleum (with a seriously intricate mosaic pattern) and only laid it to the base boards without removing them. The original stuff must have went really well with the mustard yellow and doo-doo brown mini-tiles that had been the back splash in our kitchen once upon a time. Anyway - the floor that was here didn't look clean no matter what I did to it. There hasn't been a decent floor in the kitchen since I've lived here, but I have been very, very patient. And it was so worth the wait. I think I appreciate it more for the wait. Riley jumped in to help tiling too.

Don't you just love the dark stained concrete in the background? Not pretty, done on purpose and sealed stained concrete. Nasty, dark thanks to the black glue used for the ancient linoleum and dust producing unsealed concrete that I couldn't walk on barefoot 5 minutes after I mopped it because it was so nasty. Gone now! Yay! And here are the results:

Bella loves the new tile, she's always happiest when she can lay that big bulk of hers on a nice cool floor. I guess I can't get these pictures any bigger so you can't really tell it's tile in all of them, but I swear it is. There's still a ton to do: painting the window sills, re-caulking the windows on the inside, replacing the trim on my pantry and water heater doors, painting the cabinet doors above my laundry and painting the inside of the pantry, finishing the grout sealing (I ran out of my first bottle a third of the way through my dinette), and of course base moulding. I have no idea when I will be able to replace the carpet in our living room and do the moulding all the way through, but I think I'll be working on at least the kitchen walls that are not common to the main room soon. It's still a work in progress and won't be done immediately because we do this stuff slowly, when we have cash on hand to pay for it and we do it ourselves (with a lot of help from my sweet daddy). It'll get done eventually anyway.

I am absolutely thrilled with how much we have gotten done in the past month and a half. I love walking on my new tile floor, it's so pretty. Actually, it's kind of dirty in these pictures because the dogs tracked mud in yesterday (there was mud!!! from some rain!!!!) and I absolutely refuse to use the nasty old mop that's been cleaning that concrete on the new pretty floors. I'll buy a new mop this week and get cracking - right after I finish sealing the grout.

I'm off to do some more cooking and then take my hubby to pick up his truck. Can you believe it? One year after we replaced the engine AND the radiator, the radiator went out - again. At least it's under warranty and wasn't a major expense. Soccer practice again tonight - please pray that the boys handle it better with Scotty there with us. Busy weekend ahead with parties and visits with friends and family. And oh yeah - Tyler officially moved into the YOUTH GROUP (yikes!) at church this past Sunday. He will be going to his first Wednesday night worship and bible study tomorrow night, we're so excited.

Love to all - Have a great week!

And it Begins . . .

I was worried. And excited. And very, very worried. For 3 days before school started I had been chanting to myself 'Did I do enough?' and Praying 'Please God, let it be enough, let the transition go okay for him, let him adjust fairly well. Please Jesus, don't let him cling to my leg and cry for six months.' I was begging, pleading and asking for extra prayers for Scooter starting Kindergarten from everywhere and anywhere I could get them.

Sunday was promotion day at church and although Scooter had been very excited that he was finally old enough to go to Kids Town and that his cousin Veronica would be there as a helper - the transition did not go well. He cried. He clung to my leg. He struggled as I handed him over to a very sweet teacher that he had never seen before. When Veronica got there he pretty much planted himself in her lap and refused to acknowledge anything or anyone except for the 2 times she swears he did actually laugh at what was happening on stage. He survived and sat quietly through the second hour with the Children's Ministry director after Veronica left, refusing to color his page. We picked him up and headed home, hoping that next week would be smoother.

Needless to say, this other new experience did not ease my anxiety over the looming first day of school. It made things worse. I was in a panic. I wasn't sure that Mrs. Crump was going to lovingly take my screaming child from my arms and shoo me away with a 'he'll be fine' when she had 18 other scared 5 year olds in her room. She's a great teacher (Tyler's Kindergarten teacher as well) and we love her, but if Scooter was in 'Scooter mode' it was not going to be pretty. Sunday passed in a rushed blur with my occasional 'It's already 4:30?' comments peppered through the chaos of preparation.

The good news was that Scooter was exhausted from his Sunday School experience. Around 5:30 in the afternoon, while I was making dinner, he was trying to fall asleep on the couch. He actually WANTED to nap, but we wouldn't let him. We kept him awake and tried to get him moving, making him a little grumpy until his friends came over to play, but he was playing right into my plans for an early bed time and a good solid (with any luck) 11 hours of sleep before school the next morning. He got riled up again, but I knew he was tired.

And something else helped me with bedtime that night which was coincidental, but I kind of welcomed it with open arms. Scooter had a bunch of bug bites on his legs. Poor little guy, they eat him up like sugar and he itches like crazy for days at a time. We put cortisone cream on them, but that only lasts for a couple of hours and if I don't give him Benadryl before bed he'll get up with itchy skin several times during the night. I could double the dose of Benadryl for Riley and it wouldn't make him drowsy, but Scooter gets sleepy within 15 minutes of a half dose which is what I usually administer for the bites. So even though I felt bad for my munchkin, itching away like that, and I wouldn't have deliberately doped him - I was kind of relieved I was going to have to give him a tad of the 'pink stuff' just before bed.

So my little Scooter-pie was asleep by 8:15 which is still 15 minutes later than my ideal school bedtime for him, but since he was out like a light in time for 10.5 hours of sleep, I was pretty happy. Tyler and Riley followed soon after and I looked at my husband in awe that we actually had more than 30 minutes of time together before we crashed out ourselves. It's been a while since bedtime was that easy or early.

Tyler was grumbly and unhappy when I woke him on Monday, but by the time he got out of the shower he was smiling and ready to get moving on his first day. Scooter woke on his own 5 minutes before I was going to go into his room which I think aided in his excellent mood as well. We had breakfast and packed lunches. We rigorously brushed teeth and then shuffled the still very sleepy Riley into some clothes and then all five of us headed out the door for first day pictures underneath the Pecan tree and school drop off chaos.

Already, I was surprised by Scooter. If he decides that I should take his picture, he is all smiles. However, whenever I try to get him to smile because I am marking an occasion or we are getting portraits made he is traditionally stubborn, sullen and won't even look at the camera half the time. Not Monday. He stood under the tree with his brother and without, smiling and posing. It was a picture I really didn't think I would get - first day of Kindergarten and ready to go! Riley didn't want to leave the house and was pouty so he got his picture taken too.

We drove to Tyler's school, avoided all the parked cars and mile long walks for those parents escorting their kids to their class, got in the very short drop off line and let Tyler go off on his own. With smiles and wishes for luck, he jumped out of the van with his violin in tow (that I was positive he didn't need the first day and is now firmly parked at home until the director informs him it's time to bring it back to school) and brand new, ridiculously expensive backpack. We all watched him walk in, a big 6th grader, to begin his very last year as an elementary school student. Then we drove back towards home and to Scooter's school.

Riley had come alive in the backseat and started telling us we had messed up because Scooter was still in the car. Then when we turned into our neighborhood he informed us that we weren't supposed to go home yet, we needed to take Scooter to school. We parked on a side street and crossed to the school and in front of buses to make our way inside. That's when Riley's pants fell down around his ankles, stalling him right in front of a parked bus. Evidently he was wearing a pair of Scooter's shorts thanks to all the confusion. I quickly yanked them up and turned the waist down a couple times to hold them in place and we made our way inside the school.

Scooter had already met his teacher and his speech therapist and seen the room and some of the school at Meet The Teacher night, thankfully. Scooter's biggest challenge is his need to take so long to warm up to everything and everyone. I took my time with his tour on Friday night and wished we could have spent more time with Mrs. Crump, but we got what we got. Turned out it was enough. Scooter found his name tag and we put his backpack with the others on a table in preparation for his first K-5 lesson 'what to do with backpacks and lunch boxes'. We picked a book to sit by on the color-coded mat and said our goodbyes. Smiles, kisses and see ya later's. I walked out of that room like it was nothing.

And then I burst into tears. Ironically, there was only a little bit of 'Oh my baby is growing up and going to school and everything changes now' in my tears. Most of it was relief and awe at how smoothly it all went. It couldn't have been more perfect or normal and that made me so weepy with gratitude I almost couldn't breathe. Of course, I knew, that was only half the battle. The other half was on the flip side of the day - how would he come home? Would he want to go back?

Riley and I survived our first day on our own without a hitch. Grandpa came over to help me finish laying tile in my kitchen. I always knew Riley was a talker, evidenced most starkly at bedtime when he really doesn't get that he is supposed to be quiet while others are trying to sleep or rather thinks he IS being quiet while he recounts his day, tells us stories and goes over details he wants us to remember over and over again. It was obvious though, almost immediately, that without Scooter to play with and interact with all day, I am going to be the recipient of all Riley's verbosity. Non-stop. Talking. All. Day. Long.

My mom is laughing now, as she reads this. After all, she always said I was born talking. Everyone else who knows me well is probably laughing too. I know I'm a talker, love it more than anything. I guess Riley is just going to take after his momma that way. What is it they say? Paybacks are a . . . cute 3 year old!

Three o'clock came fairly quickly so Riley and I made our way back to school and stood with the other anxious parents in the shade on the lawn outside the K-5 and PreK door. The PreK kids came out first and then there was Mrs. Crump, eying the crowd for parents she recognized first. Scooter was the 5th or 6th kid out the door. I stood beside my neighbor whose son, Noah-Scooter's friend, is in the same class. Noah is on the low end of the Autism spectrum and did 2 years of PPCD and PPCDK at this school. He's a practiced hand and came to his mother with smiles. On the other side of me stood an old friend, Deana, whom I met when her son and Tyler were in Mrs. Crump's Kindergarten class together and we were both pregnant with another boy. Her son Adrian is also in Scooter's class and he came out next. Behind me was another neighbor, the one neighbor with GIRLS. Her daughter Sofia is also in Scooter's class (their birthdays are only 1 day apart, they don't play much together but Scooter said maybe he'll be more used to her now and he will do so more often - she's adorable by the way) and she also came out. And then there was my munchkin. (He's there, getting a word of encouragement from his teacher on the top step.)

He wasn't smiling right away, was kind of quiet, came to me and hid his face in my leg for a moment and then when prompted game me a half smile for the picture. Mrs. Crump mouthed to me over his head 'He had a really good day' and gave me a thumbs up. I was so glad at that moment I had pushed for mainstream for Scooter and that second ARD meeting. She had been there as the General Education rep, just for the second one, so I knew she remembered all I had said about taking the reports with a grain of salt and how yes, he has some social problems, but he is more than ready for the academics, etc. As we made our way to the van and our wait in the heat for Tyler's shuttle bus to arrive, Scooter didn't answer my typical mom questions. 'How was it?' 'Did you have fun?'

He was pretty quiet. For about 45 seconds. Then he started talking and was telling me every single detail of his day. He was a chatterbox! When my friend checked in later to see how the second half of our battle had gone, I told her it was so completely and totally normal that it was downright miraculous. We collected Tyler who had a broken zipper on that stupid backpack already. You know, the one with the outrageous price tag and the lifetime guarantee? Yep, that's the one. Luckily it was something his Grandpa could fix in about 5 seconds so I didn't have to have a heart attack.

Speaking of Grandpa - he was still at my house. We had 2 more rows of tile to lay before we were done so he had taken a break while I did the pick ups. He had also brought a box of cookies from Grandma who thought that's what the boys needed after their first day at school. They were pretty excited. But the best part of the day, or one of the best since there were so many, was that when Scooter came in the door - he whipped around the corner and yelled 'Hi Grandpa!' Seriously. My kid, my Scooter. The one who doesn't greet anyone. Dad said to me - I don't think he's ever done that before. I know he hasn't.

So, it's still an uphill battle. Every morning it's harder to get Scooter out of bed since he isn't used to this schedule. Today he didn't want to go at all, but by the time we got there he was ready to walk in, pick a book and go to his mat with no fuss. Last night's initiation into fall Soccer was not pretty, but it was better than last year. However, he absorbs everything and was the only child yesterday who remembered exactly what to do with his backpack and parent folder, etc. when he came in. I got another thumbs up from the teacher yesterday and Scooter was pretty excited he had a stamp on one hand and a sticker on the other. The sticker was for winning every foot race they had in Gym (since he's one of the shorter kids I thought that was pretty cool) and the stamp was for being the best in class at sitting on the color mat quietly and still, keeping his hands to himself.

I am not breathing a sigh of relief just yet, but some of the tension is easing from my shoulders. He really is going to be okay. He told me yesterday that he now knows all his letters, big and small, because he goes to school and they don't talk about letters, they talk about words. The know-it-all-ness of Kindergarten has begun. I am also more and more encouraged that although we know we have some serious issues to deal with, I think some of the observations made during his Autism evaluation were masked by the Sensory issues we are dealing with day to day. I will most definitely ask for a reevaluation this spring that will involve classroom monitoring instead of parental input and a mom in the room to cling to. In the meantime - he has a 'smell stick' in his pocket and is already finding people to sit next to at lunch who don't bring sandwiches so he doesn't have to use the stick for the bread. Smarty!

Tyler's a bit nervous about the heavy academics he is facing this year, but after last year I am grateful that he will be challenged more. Today is his first full day of rotations and academics and I have a feeling we are going to see some serious homework within a couple days. By next week he will be practicing his violin for real instead of just playing around on it. His biggest observation on the first day was 'There's no recess.' Adding orchestra and band as electives took the place of play time. 'No honey, there's no recess. I hate to tell you this, but I think your days of recess are over.' Growing up sucks some days. The disbelief on his face was priceless. I, however, was pretty pumped about the fact that his school offered a fundraiser 'buyout' so with a hastily made donation I will avoid even having to look at the paperwork for selling stuff. This is good since I have 2 kids doing this stuff now.

There's still a lot to get used to. Scooter is going by 'Scott' at school. It's how he writes his name and what they prefer for testing, etc., but it's weird to me. My hubby took to calling him Scotty a couple months ago and his definite effort made it almost too common and kind of made me crazy at first. Now it's sinking in - this is his name, this is what we named him. I always knew this day would come and that he probably would use Scott or Scotty at school, but he's still Scooter to me and his brothers. I asked him if it was okay if I still called him Scooter and he graciously gave me permission. At soccer they asked me if it was still Scooter and I said YES!

Riley and I are making our way through the days, but it's different. We both enjoyed our new Moms group at the church I used to attend MOPS yesterday, but he was so wiped out afterwards he ate 2 Gogurts and slept 2 hours before school pick up. I grouted some tile. Afternoon schedules are about to spiral out of control, but this week we only had soccer. Next week feeding therapy is supposed to begin for Scooter. I want him to have this therapy and I think he needs it at some point, but I am wavering on my decision to start it right now. It seems like a lot of added stress for him in an already busy schedule and the financial strain of all this therapy is catching up. Someone told me this spring that they had always had to take breaks when it got to be too much for their now 13 year old autistic son and sometimes their wallets. I think that may just be what we need. Even if I have to pay for another evaluation later and this one won't stick, we might just need a break financially and emotionally. Something more to pray about.

Anyway - the year has begun and with any luck the heat will break sometime before Christmas. Last week every weatherman said 'we won't break the 1980 record of 69 days over 100', but they have now dropped that from their speeches as we are forecast over 100 through early next week which will put us at day 58 or something and we haven't hit September yet. The reality is that we could easily have that many more days of 100 here. It isn't out of the question anyway, God help us all. I dreamed this morning that the guy on the news flashed in and announced that Hurricane Irene had switched course and was headed for the gulf coast and we all cheered because it meant rain. How sad is that? Wishing for a hurricane? I guess that's what finally broke the streak in 1980.

Hope all your back to school moments were happy ones and that this year brings joy to all of you!

Thanks and God Bless!