Unforgettable Summer . . .

Hello Friends - I've missed you, but oh my have we been busy this summer!  I definitely had a few moments where it occurred to me that I should be blogging, but most of the time I admittedly was just too busy doing SUMMERTIME to sit down and blog about summertime.

I just looked back at my last post of the school year and my lofty plans to make sure kids were on a schedule, practicing handwriting and violin and reading all summer . . . wow was I optimistic!  None of that happened.  Zero.  Zilch.  Nada.

I could give you lots of excuses, but I won't.  Instead I'll just fill you in on what DID happen:

Before school was actually out, we enjoyed a weekend at the family lake house, relaxing with family.  My sister came up for a day, which made the boys super happy.  They love fishing, swimming, playing and just being there.

Scooter and Riley jumped right back into weekly swim lessons the first week of our summer break.  They had only had one week off between sessions and it fell during Memorial Day week.  This marked a full year of lessons with Miss Paige.  The consistency of weekly semi-private lessons throughout the year was undertaken for Scooter's benefit and he has certainly blossomed.  He's still not a big fan of swimming by himself through the water from point A to point B, but he loves going under and diving to the bottom to retrieve toys while lightly holding onto an adult's finger for a sense of security.  It's slow going, but a year ago Miss Paige spent weeks getting Scooter to put his face in the water willingly and this summer she was working with him on jumping off a platform three feet above the water into 18 foot depths with her assistance.  Both boys now warm up each lesson by swimming with a floating barbell across the length of the pool (with Ms. P. of course).  We are getting there.

Riley, being the youngest doesn't have Tyler's "first born" sense of cautiousness nor does he have Scooter's natural anxiety.  He is usually ready to try anything and he's also very much a Barrow, which in my house reads as 'natural born swimmer'.  Once the idea of holding breath plus kicking and moving arms at the same time clicked for Riley, there has been no turning back.  He is now progressing into a pretty decent swimmer, far ahead of where I would have thought a 4 year old without a pool in his yard could get to.

Here's a video of Riley swimming across our friends pool in early July and one of Scooter jumping with Ms. Paige at his lessons.  They have just gotten more brave and ambitious as the summer has progressed.

(I hope these loaded correctly.  I've had issues with this in the past, I am trying y'all!)



The second week of summer found me and all three boys trekking to church each morning for VBS.  It was Scooter's first year to participate and I volunteered so that Riley could go along as well.  Tyler is, of course, past the age for VBS, but he is old enough to be a helper.  Tyler assisted in recreation and games and after helping with registration and gift shop the first day, I became a floater and got to help in some different areas, including preschool as Riley's teacher a couple of days.  It was a lot of fun for all of us and I was so proud of how brave Scooter was for the experience.

 After VBS was over with, we had a whirlwind weekend getting Tyler ready for both camp and vacation since they would occur back to back by minutes.  So we bundled Tyler off to camp on a Monday and I watched Twitter feeds and Facebook posts for pictures of him and his friends and literally yearned to be at camp.  The yearning had little to do with Tyler and more to do with always knowing that since Junior High was so hard for me, I was going to be really good at helping others through it.  I guess God has decided the time has come because I know that if it is at all possible, I am going next year to middle school camp as a counselor, whether or not Tyler goes back.  Tyler had a pretty good time too despite preferring to sleep in pitch dark and ultra quiet rather than in a big room filled with bunk beds occupied by 12 year old boys.  I don't blame him for that.

While Tyler was gone I took Riley for a dental check up and cleaning and discovered that all those close together teeth with areas we were supposed to 'watch' developed into cavities.  Eight. Cavities.  Seriously.  They are recommending silver caps to protect the teeth from further problems and they want to put him completely under at Children's Hospital for the whole thing.  I cringe just thinking about the bill, but I haven't heard from them since they started working on coordinating dental and medical insurance issues so who knows when we'll get around to getting the work done.

Somehow I got everything ready for the five us to travel cross country by Friday.  My parents picked up our rental car, we had some drama involved in less trunk space than expected, Dad and Scott got the travel igloo propped on top of our Expedition (which wasn't the EL that was ordered, hence the drama), I picked up Tyler from the camp bus and we hit the road.  We arrived in Appleton, Wisconsin about 21 very looooong hours later.  Thank goodness the hotel had a pool, and thanks to the social story I made for Scooter before we left he did a pretty good job of making some new friends.

After one night in Appleton with some much loved family and friends, we headed to Waupaca for a memorial service for my sweet Uncle Wayne and a family get together.  I was too busy talking all day (hold all laughter please, lol) to take many pictures, but I did get one of Tyler with his Grandpa and our cousin Tyler, his two namesakes.  I try to grab one of these each time the three of them are together so someday I can put them all together in a frame:

From there we headed down to Milwaukee and almost immediately had lunch at Solly's, our favorite burger joint followed by checking out the brand new Beer Garden at a park on the Milwaukee River.  And yes, that is a jacket Riley was wearing.  In late June.  Oh it was gorgeous.

Scott and I also took the boys to the zoo I had grown up visiting.  For some reason I had become obsessed with my kids being able to see a real live Polar Bear, which they cannot do in a Texas zoo, among other things.  It was a really fun day though and it turns out they sell beer there too, something that would be shocking down here.  Scott and I did have one and also enjoyed a good laugh when Tyler said 'You can't buy beer at a ZOO!' and I told him 'You can in Milwaukee!'  A favorite moment was watching the Tigers in the new Cat House where one kept coming face to face with Scooter through the glass.  It was impressive.

We did go to Summerfest too, where I forgot to take my camera.  It was so hot, but it was so much fun and the boys really enjoyed the live music and the opening night fireworks over Lake Michigan, for which we had a front row picnic table.  The best part of the week though was seeing my kids get reacquainted with all their cousins and my yankee (and some of my best) friend's kids.  We hosted a picnic one day (yeah, either no camera or too much talking, but no pics of that either!) where the kids played together and adults got to visit.  We also went out for a fish fry on our last night in town with my cousin and her boys who had become fast friends with our kids.  My favorite picture of the week was this one of Scooter and cousin Brady who is also 6.  Those smiles are priceless.

The next day we had one more lunch at Solly's and then got on the road to go home.  Who do you think was the most worn out from our trip?

Once we were back home, I barely had time to unpack and do laundry before I was working on getting our house in order to host my mother-in-law's 60th birthday party with Scott's sisters.  The party was that next Saturday night.  The girls did most of the shopping for food and decorations and we held the party at my house, so Scott and I were busy cleaning and prepping.  Overall, we did a good job of dividing the work and pulling off a fun party.  I think the birthday girl was pleased.  Even Bella ended up with a party decorated collar and painted toenails, but that was not on the original agenda.

Tyler left the day of the party for his month with his dad and the little ones and I began July with some weekly visits to see their brother in Denton.  The second of those visits included an extra passenger in my van, my niece who was up from Austin for the week.  It was a lot of fun having the kids together, but little Jocelyn sure likes to try and keep the boys running.

After being gone two weeks, Tyler was returned to me because he was suffering from a severe ear infection and as big as he is, when he's sick he still wants good old mom.  It was so bad, I am glad his dad and I opted for this choice so we could see his normal doctor and I (his worry wart mom) could keep an eye on him.  It was so swollen the doctor couldn't even tell what kind of infection it was or where in the ear, so we attacked on several fronts and covered all bases.  Just as Tyler started feeling better, Brian got switched to all overnight shifts for three weeks so it worked out better to keep him here at home and see his dad on weekends.  This is our first week of back to normal on that front and I know everyone is relieved, especially Brian. 

The rest of the summer has been spent in renovation mode.  I had got trim in my main rooms at the end of the spring semester and had emptied the front bedroom that had been serving as play room for the last year and a half since the big 'boys' room had been finished.  The plan, though, has always been to redo that room for Tyler as a 'teen' room sometime before he went to Junior High.  Well folks, school starts next week and Tyler finally moved in last week.  I did his room first, but then Scott and I moved in there so I could do our room and then the office moved in there so it could get done and now, finally, all is done.  Well, almost done.  When I say done, I mean walls patched & painted, electrical outlets, fixtures and switches replaced and floors in.  No trim or curtains or anything yet.

So here's the before and after of Tyler's room.  Trim is done in his room, but the closet is gutted in anticipation of new closet rods, shelves and doors.  His bedding, which is solid red, will be here next week and eventually the dresser will be gone because the bed will be built as a captain's bed and take it's place.

Our room had not been touched since Scott bought the house.  The owners had slapped flat paint on all the walls.  You should not use flat paint in a light color if you have either dogs or children.  Here's why:

Urgh.  I can still feel the grunge.  Also, please note that washable crayola marker is not washable on a flat paint surface.  It will require two coats of primer and 3 coats of latex paint to cover it up.  That's green up there if you can't tell through the five hundred layers of dirt.  Anyway - our new bedding is on it's way as well and trim is coming, but we are already enjoying having clean, painted walls in a soothing color.  What an improvement!

It's hard to tell, but it's a slightly purplish grey color and it might not seem like much to you, but you are seeing two new rods and an added shelf in that closet which more than doubled our closet's functionality.  I am one happy momma!


The office was once the baby room.  It was yellow, with blue diamonds that I painstakingly measured, taped and painted when I was waiting for Scooter to be born.  That was the hardest thing to paint over.  I am finding my way to being okay at not having more babies.  I really am enjoying my nieces and nephews and then I'm enjoying sending them home.  But it was still sad to let this thing go, especially because Scooter was sad and wanted them to stay.

I am hoping to add some kind of sleeper sofa or futon for the occasional guest in here and a new desk is in my very immediate future, but I'm very pleased with how it's turning out so far.  I don't miss the diamonds either.  Well, mostly.

So for the last week I've been moving furniture and stuff to spread us back out into all of our space again.  I've purged and cleaned and organized, all in an effort to be somewhat ready to go back to school.


Changes are coming.  Tyler will be in Junior High, which I've come to terms with, I thought.  Then I drove by the high school yesterday and started hyperventilating because I realized he would be a freshman in two short years.  Scooter is worried about first grade, but not for his normal reasons, only because the neighbor kid told him he wouldn't get clues from the teacher on his math tests.  Whatever that means.  Riley will be in Pre-K 3 days per week with an optional 4th day at my discretion.  I'll probably opt in for a lot of those extra Fridays because I will actually be taking some classes myself.  That's right, come Monday I am a student again.  I'll be in class 2 mornings a week and for one lab and the rest is on line.  I'm sure it'll be an interesting change around here and quite an adjustment, but we're ready.


School supplies are bought.  Bedtimes are slowly backing up.  Everyone's had a back to school hair cut (and color for mommy!).  Next week it's time to bring back alarm clocks and navigate school zones again. 

This summer was so busy, but it was also very nice.  I'm sure if I gave it 30 seconds I could remember all the drama and issues and problems we had over the summer, the anxiety, the worries the crazy.  Certainly I could tell you all the things I wish I would have gotten done or that I'd done better.  But I don't want to remember our summer that way.  I want to remember the fact that I actually made cookies 3 times this summer just for the heck of it and so I could have a cookie with my kids.  Who cares if we didn't practice handwriting and violin?  We did have moments like these:

Those are all priceless moments and they made Summer 2012 one I wouldn't change and hope to never forget!  I hope you had an unforgettable summer too.

Thanks and God Bless!

Unexpected Tears . . .

I wasn't shocked to find myself crying on the first day of school this year and I am fairly certain I foreshadowed that tears might accompany the first day for the next several years based on my kids upcoming milestones.  I was a little surprised, however, to find myself tearing up at the end of school this year.  Especially since I am so thrilled to throw out my alarm clock for the summer and see the end to school zone crazy drivers for a while!

Last night was Tyler's 6th grade graduation ceremony.  Although he had insisted he was supposed to dress up for the occasion, I had kind of envisioned a short event with a 'yay you're done' kind of a feel.  It wasn't quite as formal as a high school graduation (they are 12, after all), but it was definitely more solemn than a K-5 ceremony.  Right before it began I read through the notes from teachers and principal in the program and then they showed a slide show for the year and I found myself getting unexpectedly emotional.  He is half-way done with his academic career after all.  I think the program said it best when it told the students that their days of walking in line silently down the halls, sharing restrooms with kindergarteners, having lockers without locks and calling art class and p.e. 'specials' said it all.  Things are about to get very different.

It was impressive to see the orchestra and band take the stage together for a short performance that included separate moving parts, resting measures and loud cymbal clashes when their first concert last November had been completely filled by five 6 measure tunes they struggled to play in unison.  It was startling to see that the girls are already out-growing the boys and  in more ways than one.  Some of the dresses (and emerging figures within) took me by surprise as well as a few pairs of heels that crossed the stage on young ladies that have not even reached official adolescence (I would have fallen flat on my face in those heels).  The outrageously loud and shrill shrieking of the girls for their friends that walked the stage made me once again grateful that I am a mother to three young men, who may be quite loud but rarely shriek.  The cheering for Tyler was nothing to sneeze at - certainly not shrill and overpowering in quality, but pretty strong and excited.  I breathed a sigh of relief that although he might not be the most popular boy in class, he is well liked and known.  Just where he should be - right in the middle.  This was also evidenced in the slide show where he popped up 7 or 8 times in photos while some kids only had one or no pictures.  (I also made an appearance up on the screen, but I am hopeful that the only ones who noticed were my own family.  Riley saw right away though and made sure we all knew!)

This event had loomed on my calendar as one of the last things I had to do for the school year before we officially moved into summer-mode.  And really I think I was kind of giving it an 'oh well' shrug within my mind and wondering what the big deal was.  I had only one graduation ceremony in my pre-college career and it occurred when I was done with everything at the end of high school.  I've never really gotten what the deal was with all the others, like 8th grade graduation or whatever.  But coming from a parenting point of view - this was pretty cool.  It gave Tyler a big pat on the back to say 'Wow - you're doing great!  You're half way there!  Keep up the good work!' It also gave me, as his mother, a moment of encouragement too.  I am half way there with at least one of these munchkins!  And watching him walk the stage in his dress pants, tie and swanky vest made me feel very proud indeed. (Yeah, I don't want to talk about the pictures that were taken and aren't up here. Urgh.)

This process also gave Tyler a transition, a goodbye to a school where he spent the last 6 years (K-5 was at the same school Scooter is at now).  That's literally pushing almost 1000 morning drop-offs at the same building and he won't be going back there again.  He also is not likely (I hope, lol) to spend that many years at any other school in his lifetime.  When each child crossed the stage they announced their junior high 'commitment' since these kids are now splitting up.  The majority will actually be where Tyler is next year, but there are a fair chunk that are going to the other magnet school or their local neighborhood schools.  He might not see them again.  I know Tyler went to the right school for Tyler and he is very well launched for Junior High.

This morning was the last day of school, but for Tyler - they only wanted the kids for 2 hours.  I thought this was to be counted present and be given their report cards.  Then there's a skating party today that he won't be attending (his choice - he's done, he says).  But the report cards were handed out on stage last night and Tyler informed me that really they were just going to be let loose to have run of the school and get signatures in yearbooks from anyone they wanted, like old teachers.  He didn't get a yearbook (I did offer again) and I thought he might like to go say goodbye to his favorite teacher (3rd grade), Mrs. Patterson, but he wasn't interested.  So he's still sleeping and while he slept he was in charge of Riley, who was also still sleeping, while I drove Scooter around the corner for his very last day as a Kindergartener.  (For those of you worried, Tyler knew I was doing this and had his phone by the bed, but they were both still sleeping when I got back 8 minutes later!)

Richardson doesn't do K-5 graduation and it doesn't bother me one bit.  My opinion has always been that it was kind of silly, except for maybe the ultra-cuteness of seeing little people in caps and gowns.  Granted, K-5 is a much bigger deal now and is encompassing more and more 1st grade curriculum every year, but still.  Celebrating the completion of one year seems a little weird to me.  Or are we celebrating their readiness for 'real' school?  In which case, pre-K graduation makes more sense these days.  Please don't think I am putting down K-5 graduations - I just don't get them, but we've never been through one!  I think there is already a pre-K grad ceremony on the calendar next year for Riley and I am sure that will be awesome and I'll think it's super cute and everything.  All I am saying is I never saw the point of celebrating the completion of Kindergarten . . . until now.

I had Scooter all to myself this morning to get ready for his last day and then to drop him off and that was kind of fitting.  Getting him to this point has certainly 'taken a village', but I also know that as his mom I have carried 96% of the stress involved on my shoulders (probably my own doing to be fair).  Anyway, it was quiet and it was just us and I was very reflective.  We had a lot of mornings this year that didn't go well.  They included days he didn't want to get up at all, wouldn't move off of the couch to eat breakfast or get dressed, sneaked back to bed, chanting/whining 'I don't want to go to school' for the entire 2-school-drop-off-journey, dragging and pushing through doors, pushing and dragging and carrying to the car, holding down squirming/crying while fastening seat belts, complaining about breakfast choices, complaining about what I put in his lunches and knock down drag out fights about what he could and could not wear to school.  It has been a very long year - and he actually LIKES school, once he's in the door!

Anyway, we have worked through a fair amount of that stuff and this morning Scooter got right up and let me carry him down his ladder, choosing his breakfast on the way to the table.  He ate quickly and quietly with absolutely no fight about what lights were or were not on (you have no idea how many lunches I packed in pitch black darkness this year!) and in his eyes.  I brought out clothes and while he started to change he informed me calmly that he wanted to pick a different shirt and then went and did so.  Then he decided he wanted different shorts and when we had a difference of opinion about the level of 'softness' in shorts that was acceptable for school (read casual soccer shorts do NOT go with a button down shirt), he worked with me to find the right pair for both of us without complaining.  He asked me nicely if I would cut up an apple for his lunch today, removing the peel and putting it in a baggie?  Absolutely!  He carried his own backpack to the car and got in himself and we drove to school, talking about how nice it will be to leave this 30 minutes later all year next year.

When we got out of the car and walked only halfway up the walk together before parting (Halleluiah!) I crouched down and told him 'You know what Scooter - I am sooo proud of you!  You have worked really hard this year to get used to everything at school and to get brave about going in and trying new stuff.  I am so, so, so proud of all your hard work!'  I told him to have a great last day, accepted my hug with his head bent down and eyes averted and let him walk in the door.  Then I turned away and found myself crying for his last day of Kindergarten almost as much as I did on the first day.

Scooter's evaluation came back much more clear and precise this year as 'Very high functioning Aspergers' which basically means he is on the mild end of the Autism spectrum with very clear and definitive markers that classify his way of learning and seeing the world as a child with Aspergers.  We were surprised to find out that he is actually not reading (or rather misinterpreting)  facial expressions and gestures, almost at all.  We didn't really notice that because we're such a vocal family and he is using verbal cues and situational history (with his impeccable memory) to figure out what reactions should be in family situations.  Basically - if he's comfortable in a situation it's probably because he is very familiar with what the social rules and expected behaviors are - so familiar family situations and a classroom he's spent an entire year in are easy!  A party with people he knows, but in a location he doesn't - not so much.  And even though he knows what a smile is, smiles, can tell you that you are smiling if asked and knows that a smile means happy, he could not tell you that you are happy just by seeing you smile at something that happened in a spontaneous situation.  It's weird to you and me, but that's just how my baby sees the world.  His in-school therapies next year will concentrate heavily on this skill and there are about a thousand resources I can use to help him too, as well as just pointing stuff out with his own family so he can learn this behavior that you don't even think about how to do every day.

Scooter ended Kindergarten at the top of his class in math and reading.  He still needs to build up some of his fine motor skill muscles in his hands (also a marker for ASD) as he gets tired when he writes for a long time and he needs to work on his word spacing.  However, he totally loves addition and subtraction and according to his teacher absolutely 'flew' ahead of the other kids once they finally hit that piece of Math at the end of the year.  He also really likes to make lists so I am thinking we can incorporate that with the writing/spacing issues and work on improvement that way over the summer.  I am also trying to find a way to have a basic, but flexible, schedule this summer to ease his transition since he flourishes with structure and rules (his evaluator could not stress enough how much he loves these things).  Since I am normally a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants kind of summer-mom, this will be tough, but I am working on it and the kids know we are going to try some stuff and it will probably change as we go along.

I did think of letting Scooter skip his last day as well, but he's got a special appointment today with his speech teacher, Ms. Stella.  She's the one who works with him on his pragmatics and social behaviors.  She said the other day that he could have easily went from twice a week to once at semester, but she really enjoys having him and he wasn't missing enough in K-5 to make a difference so she kept him.  LOL!  Anyway, Ms. Stella was preparing a 'social story' which is basically like a picture book to help kids like Scooter prepare for transitions or more difficult situations.  This one is a goodbye/hello book for saying goodbye to his K-5 teacher and hello to his 1st grade teacher.  We won't have to wait all summer to find out who he gets next year, he'll meet her today and see her room, etc.  There will also be pictures, possibly with him (I can't remember) and those teachers which is why the soccer shorts/button down was not happening.  So, Scooter couldn't miss all that and really - we didn't want him to miss his last day with Mrs. Crump since she's starting to feel like part of the family.

Mrs. Crump has made very clear indications that she might be sticking around for the 2 more years required to see Riley through Kindergarten as well.  She has several, well loved, 'groups of three', kids she's done this for over the years and it looks like we are one of them.  She said the other day she had to check on one more group to see when the youngest one starts.  The problem is she's a retire/rehire (has to do with retirement benefits as a widow and a teacher) and so she can technically be done whenever she wants to be done and there is always another group, she'll have to cut it off somewhere.  She will be there next year though and she keeps hinting to us and to Riley that she'll be seeing him in another year or so.  I sure hope so - she has been a tremendous blessing to us for both Tyler and Scooter.  I know most K-5 teachers are pretty awesome, but I have a hard time picturing Kindergarten with one of my boys without this amazing teacher!

SUMMMER!  It's already blistering hot with hints of horrific and blazing on the horizon.  Gotta love Texas.  We have a lot planned in June and then things will slow down a little for a while.  I am thinking of doing a Social Story for Scooter myself to prepare for our Wisconsin trip at the end of June.  He might warm up a little easier if he sees pictures of most of the places and people he will see before hand.  I have links to free printable travel games and worksheets to keep them busy on the road trip as well.  Tyler will be trying to learn cursive while practicing his violin this summer and Riley could use a little more work on developing his hand-grip on a pencil as well.  This will be my first summer as a semi-home-schooling-let's keep it together-kind of mom.  (Insert grumble)  I also have a bunch of free or almost free stuff to do that will involve air conditioning!

Give it a month and I am sure I'll be crying again - for school to start!  Well, maybe not a month, maybe 6 weeks.  For now though, I am just going to sit back and be grateful for how far we've come.  One child is done with elementary school and on to a new chapter.  Another is done with the most difficult transition of his life so far.  And the third, well, he's pretty excited his big brothers will be home with him for a while.  Of course, his daily control over tv and toys is about to be abruptly aborted, but we'll let him figure that out on his own.

Thanks and God Bless!

Let the Wookie Win . . .

Where did April go?  Seriously? Our month began with Riley undergoing a minor surgery to correct an umbilical hernia and now it's the second week of May.  I kinda can't remember April . . . have to look back at my calendar to see what we actually did.  Wow.  April held a couple birthdays and Easter, multiple doctor appointments, standardized testing and my mother spent 2 1/2 weeks in Florida so I worked more for our friend than usual to cover some of what she does in addition to what I do.  Oh - and I saw a chiropractor 3 times a week to help with pain and correct damage to my neck that I don't even like to think about.  April 2012 = Blur.

Actually life in general is starting to feel like a blur so I have started to make some strategical cuts to my commitments.  I am saying goodbye to MOPS because even though I technically have one more year of being a Mother to a Preschooler, he'll be in pre-K 3-5 days per week and let's face it - I don't really live in baby/toddler/preschool world anymore.  My experiment on the PTA board hasn't quite been a disaster, but it also wasn't a picnic either.  My job wasn't that demanding per se, but the time commitment was too much for me and at the end of the day I admit to just not caring that much.  Now - if I had a chance to vote on decisions made by the actual board of education - well, I might make it to every meeting instead of only two.  Anyway - lesson learned - I better have lots of things that I am really concerned about in an area before I commit myself to being involved in the organization or coordinating aspects of it or the ball is gonna drop.  I have a couple more things that can go by the way side as well, but they are wrapping up for the year and I don't have to make any commitments (read as Heather gets to postpone making a decision) until the fall.  The summer is going to be busy, but hopefully not quite as crazy as the last few months.

Alright - on to the important stuff - what's going on with the kiddos?

As I mentioned, Riley had surgery and then there was an infection.  However, the infection was internal and nothing we could have prevented and it led to his belly button being HUGE and red and he had to take almost 2 weeks of the nastiest kid medicine I have ever seen.  We worked out a system involving pep talk, gulping, breathing (huffing similar to lamaze breathing to prevent gagging and puking), sip of milk, bite of chocolate and repeat.  He was a trooper through everything and now just has a cute button 'outie' belly button which I have been assured will go back in eventually, to Tyler's relief, but not until he grows a bit since he's so tiny.  The silly juice before surgery was fun, his recovery was fairly easy despite having to stay fairly inactive for two weeks and we are glad the episode is over.

In the midst of Riley's recovery, Scooter had a nasty bout of Strep Throat.  I have never had a little kid complain of a headache before, which is how he woke up that day, so I kinda blew it off and sent him to school anyway - cuz he wouldn't take anything for it.  I felt bad when it turned out the headache had lasted all day long and then just as I picked him up he started running a fever and I saw some serious red back there.  Serious mommy guilt ensued, but I have never had strep myself and didn't know it could start that way.  Since Scooter was not interested in the gulp/breathe/milk/chocolate method of getting medicine down he chose to get a shot of penicillin and knock the infection out.  Despite his choice he was really stressed out when he couldn't see what the nurse was doing and kept telling us 'I have to see!'  So the nurse talked him through each little step and he watched it and there were barely any tears.  Oh and since I can't get him to take any medicine other than Benadryl, I finally found a solution for fever reducers - a suppository.  Scott thought I was awful for even thinking it, but at first I did it while he slept and he never knew the difference.  Eventually, I had to do some while he was awake, but he actually didn't mind since the alternative was taking a medicine by mouth that he didn't like.  I'm thinking of trying to teach him to swallow pills via tic tacs and mini m&ms this summer so we can avoid dosing fights in the future.

Thankfully, Tyler wasn't sick in April, but as I mentioned I started having to deal with some body issues I have as well.  I am really grateful to my new chiropractor since I am sleeping much more comfortably than I have in a long time.  I still have a ways to go, but in general I feel better.  Or I did - until I went to Six Flags with the Sixth Graders last Friday and undid a bunch of the work.  My neck is still recovering!  The Doc adjusted Scooter one afternoon when he was feeling bad as well (allergy/fever stuff) and I was surprised he let it happen.  Tyler is asking for an adjustment since he's had one before and I know that Riley could use a couple thanks to all those falls of his as a toddler.  Even Scott is asking about finding someone closer to home for himself since he has a pinched nerve or something after helping some friends move furniture.  The kids like being there when they go, or maybe it's just that they like to laugh at me while I do my exercises.

Tyler is wrapping up 6th grade - evidently there isn't a whole lot of actual work for the kids to do after their STAARS (previously TEKS) tests are over with.  Field Trips and altered schedules seem to be the norm right now.  He was pretty excited to find out that each subject is feeding into a robotics unit right now.  They are designing and programming robotic lego units with wheels.  Ummmmm - do any of you know Tyler?  Yeah - he's LOVING it!  He said his friend J had known all the answers during their genetics unit in science, but 'Now it's MY turn!'  He said the hardest part is letting other people on his team do some of the building.  Right - future engineer.  He's really ready to be done with the year and he said 'done with elementary school and on to the next thing, even though I know I'll be ready to be done with that pretty fast too'.  Yesterday the orchestra went to Sandy Lake for concert competition and got 1st Division ratings.  He got to go to the opera last week as well and loved it, even to the point of telling a friend how disappointed he was that this guy purposely disregarded the request to wear nice clothes and wore shorts because it was disrespectful.  Tyler was also baptized a couple weeks ago, witnessed by a whole lotta family who loves him.  I was very proud of him, but was also so happy to see how filled with Joy he was while he was fulfilling this first commandment of Christ to his followers!  He asked me just beforehand - 'What's the next commandment?'  Man I love this kid!  He's growing up to be such a sweet young man.

Scooter is getting tired.  Poor guy - every day I have to tell him how many days are left in the school year so I can get him out the door.  They are doing a lot of end of year assessments as well, even though they aren't the state standardized tests.  I think he's just getting worn out.  He doesn't react to the stress too badly, but he decompresses at home, resulting in a little backtrack on the sensory issues.  He is still going into school on his own every day, but now he has added a little extra hug before he leaves me.  When I got news of his recent evaluation, they mentioned that his teacher had told him to know that 'Mom' would be fine when he was gone so evidently there was some worry about what I would do without him during the days.  So I think the hug is more for my benefit than his, at least in his mind.  I will write more later on the evaluation, but the short of it is that Scooter functions really well in a structured environment and absolutely loves rules.  Ha!  That's why he is the only Kindergartener in the school left that still hasn't moved off of green this year with only 16 days to go.  Frankly, sometimes I think he could do with a Yellow day, but oh well.  They are leaving him in mainstream as he is excelling academically, but they are also leaving the Autistic tag on as well with the understanding that it's a very minor, but definite indication.  The label enables Scooter to get help where he needs it though, which is socially of course.  It also gives us the ability to give him special accommodations when he needs them, like where he struggles with transitions.  Again, more later on that as my ARD meeting with the school is next week.  I will be chaperoning the trip to the zoo with Scooter next week as well and after the rigors of Six Flags (my husband told me I'm NOT 18 anymore and I probably can't do everything I want to), I am looking forward to the relative ease of walking the zoo with 3 or 4 six year olds.

Riley was assessed recently as well to make sure he's put in the right place next year.  He's a little smarty pants with definite strengths in math and logic.  Very definite strengths.  I had suspected this, but upon confirmation by an impartial source my first thought was 'Lord help me, Another one!'  He's different than Tyler and doesn't necessarily want to sit still for as long as Tyler did at that age, but a lot of their gifts are in the same place (Mom mentioned that Tyler was an only child then and got lots more one on one time from multiple adults who sat with him patiently and that might be the difference!  LOL).  Scooter is so much more visual and creative in a completely different way - it's kind of funny how their personalities work out.  Anyway, Riley couldn't write any letters or spell his name when he started at the school, but I have been told he's very clever and a problem solver.  Now he's writing about half his letters decently, if not perfectly, and on almost everything else he caught up with the kids that are all starting K-5 next year and in only 20 class days versus a year.  Not bad Riley Bear!  Speaking of problem solving . . . a discussion overheard in our house this week:

Me - Riley, why do you keep putting your foot in your mouth?  That's icky - and really how are you doing that?  Babies do that, but they don't walk on their feet?  (Thought crosses my mind that he's really flexible and I should look into gymnastics again)
R - Weeeellll, my foot itches.
Me - Then scratch it - but why are you putting your foot in your mouth?  Stop it!
R - It's Becuuuuuzzz my foot is itchy and I have to scratch it.
Me - Well use your hand, your fingernails are really good scratchers.
R - They aren't as good as my tooth is.

Picture him with foot in front of face, scratching the bottom of his foot against his bottom teeth.  It gives new meaning to the phrase 'Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?'  Don't worry - excessive cleansing happens between the two since this momma has a history of 'issues' with things like slobber, backwash and feet.  He's so silly.  He didn't like the assessments and had a strong stubborn streak along the lines of 'I know this, you know I know this, I know YOU know this so why the heck are we doing this?' which is quite reminiscent of his Uncle Matthew (for whom he is aptly named).  He also recently told me 'Momma, when God made me, God made me REALLY bouncy!' said while bouncing down the hallway from one room to another which he does frequently for the fun of it.

I have a LOT of Star Wars going on in this house so forgive this reference if you don't get it.  In the original movie - Episode IV A New Hope (By far the best of the best of these flix, always my favorite even before I had children) - there is a scene where R2D2 (small, cute droid) is playing a virtual chess type game against Chewbacca (large, furry wookie).  C3P0 (another droid, this one very verbose) warns R2 to be careful with a move and then Chewie's buddy Han Solo (humanoid) warns the droids that they might not want to actually beat the wookie in the game.  When C3P0 wonders why no one worries about beating droids at games Han replies that it's because droids won't tear out your arms, etc. when they lose and wookies will.  So C3P0 turns to his little droid buddy and says 'I suggest a new strategy R2:  Let the Wookie Win.' in this very droll voice.

I can't get this out of my head lately.  I see a Wookie as something large and untame, your enemy if you work against it and your loyal companion if it's on your side.  It can be lovable and sweet in a big furry, smelly, slightly dangerous kind of way.  My Wookie is time.  I know that I can manage it, organize it, outwit it and certainly beat it into submission for a little bit when I have to, but it also has the power to yank out my arms and beat me over the head with them if it doesn't like what I've done with it.  So I've decided to adopt a new strategy for the time being (at least until school is out in 15 1/2 days), let the Wookie win.  I can't fit it all in, I can't even come close and in the meantime if I try I am going to miss priceless gems like kids eating feet and the joy of watching them finally 'get' how to swim across a 4 foot hot tub by themselves.  I'm trying to let a bunch of stuff go and just enjoy the minutes I've got.

Speaking of which - I'm out of them.  I've been squeezing this post into 5 minute segments in between breakfasts and lunches and back packs and school drop offs and now I am running late for my adjustment and I need gas and I am meeting dad at home depot to buy lumber and build new shelves for a closet (details and pics coming soon)!  I'm off to let my Wookie win.  What's your Wookie?

Love, H

5 Minute Mothering . . .

One of my favorite things to do when I have five minutes to myself to sit still is to read other people's blogs. I've always been a voracious reader, but let's face it - this season of motherhood does not lend itself to luxurious Saturday afternoons spent lounging around the house with my thoughts lost between the pages of a delicious 750 page novel. Well, most of the time it doesn't, but I still find moments here and there to fit a page or two into my days when the book is worth the effort. Blogs give my addiction to reading it's fix for the day, or the hour or the moment - whatever is needed. Coupons, Deal Shopping, DIY projects and updates from Scotty's college buddies that are sailing around the world . . . it's all candy to me. My favorite blogs are about mothering, whether it's funny stories by people that I have never met, updates and cute tidbits about friends and their children or inspirational how-to's by mothers more in tune with God's word than I am. Yesterday I caught up on some of my reading and was filled with information from entries on everything from fairies fastening seat belts to being a prayer warrior for boys specifically and how the home front is essentially my mission field for God. There was information on getting more veggies in my kids diets and more scripture in their memories. And for some reason there was a running theme on how short a time these children will be in our care and under our influence, or maybe that was just my perception.

Scooter turned six yesterday. I was already so aware of how fast time flies with these babies on their way to becoming men. I was so sensitive to the fleeting moments that I must have read this briefness into every word I saw on my screen. I was thinking of the afternoon he was born and how happy I was to hold my smiley little one. I thought of how there have only been a handful of days since that one that he hasn't been in my arms at least once in his entire little life. When he came out of school yesterday wearing his '6' birthday crown that his teacher made him for the occasion, I remembered that I had waddled that very hall just after my water broke to pick Tyler up on the way to the hospital. And that not quite 2 weeks after that March afternoon, Tyler had walked out the very same door wearing a crown made by the very same teacher with the very same '6' on the front. Six years is nothing. Six years is a heartbeat. Six years is so very, very fast.

I remember seeing moms like me back then. I was pregnant with a second child, one that I never thought would happen since I was sure that Tyler and I would be the full contingent of our family team until I fell in love with Scott. I saw mothers with more than one and smilingly envisioned how it would be to have a car full of munchkins. When I was pregnant with Riley I would do the math in my head . . . when Tyler is 10, Scooter will be 4 and this little one will be 2. The reality of it all still escaped me though. I thought I knew how fast time flew since I had one that was growing quickly beside me already. I just didn't understand that with each child you have the speed with which your children grow and mature hastens exponentially.

There literally are not enough minutes in the day. Laundry grows, the grocery list lengthens, the calendar fills up. And your awareness as a mother of everything you should be doing for your children, the things you need to pour into their spirits, that portion of a mothers heart grows and expands. Everything you manage to do for them and teach them only plants another seed within you so that there is always more to do for them and teach them. Reading is helpful, it aids in the 'how to', but sometimes it also adds to the list of 'to-do'. Five minutes of reading about mothering can easily lead to discouragement if you let it.

I know that switching out the laundry, changing the sheets, shopping for food and getting dinner on the table is important. I know that with each little act I am serving my family and therefore serving the Lord. But I also know that for every moment I spend doing the necessary, there is a moment lost in doing the joyful and esoteric and definitively spiritual. I wonder often if it will ever be enough. I mean, it would be so awesome if I could carve out thirty more minutes in the afternoon or evening to spend time on a family devotional and family scripture memorization and surely I can find a way to sneak 3 more veggies a day down their little throats and somewhere in all this chaos I can find a way to inspire them to be strong, loyal, Christian men who are leaders and self-confident and kind and patient and . . .

And it occurred to me today after I dropped the third one off at school that I might doing a lot of that important stuff without even realizing it, just in teeny tiny doses. No matter how chaotic our mornings can be, no matter how many arguments or reminders of the time, no matter how many of us are pouting when we walk out the door - somehow we all find peace in the morning car ride. I don't know quite what happens on the sidewalk between our front door and our minivan, but nine times out of ten everyone gets over everything before they get to school. And conversations happen, often the big ones. Sometimes we're quiet, sometimes all we talk about is the meaningless every day stuff, but more often than not this is when I get their attention and they get mine. You could not say the same for the afternoon ride which has more energy and plan-making or complaining of homework or weather. You could never compare it to a family filled Sunday where in reality everyone has all the attention they could ask for. This drive to school morning time is somehow different.

We have, without realizing it, developed a pattern. Tyler gets dropped off first and as he sits beside me in the front seat we will talk on the drive to school. If I blew up at him for losing track of time, he will hear my heartfelt apology and I will often hear his. He learns respect, he is listened to and he listens. Today we discussed church camp and a kid that came last summer and drove him crazy. We talked about patience, reaching the lost, finding common ground with fellow Christians and remembering to always have open arms for those that need it, even when all they want to do is act out because they get to be away from home. This is often when he hears a story from my own youth as an example and today was no different. He learns more of who I am in the morning and I see more of where he is. And then he was out of the car with a 'Have a Good Day!' and an 'I love you'.

Within moments of pulling away, it is Scooter's turn and he knows it, starts talking without prompting even as he has stayed quiet while Tyler had his time with me. He starts by telling me that if there is birthday cake left he would like a piece this afternoon and then talks to me about which of his new toys Riley can play with while he's at school and which ones he cannot. We negotiate the appropriate amount of sharing for brand new toys while he peppers me with comments about Transformers and we talk about adding milk to my next smoothie experiment for him in our effort to increase his diet. Then just before it's time to hop out of the car, he lets me know he thinks he would like Bumblebee (a Transformer) on his cake to share with his friends this weekend. He's only six today and so he still lets me kiss him goodbye before he walks into the school.

By the time I buckle back up, Riley has woken up enough to join the conversation. Sometimes he talks about Scooter going into school, sometimes he wonders if he can play with his brothers toys and if I will not tell them that he did so while they were at school. Other times he talks about his own class and his friends. Today he wondered if our trip to Lego Land was on our schedule since it was supposed to happen after Scooter's birthday and that was yesterday. So, we counted out the days until Saturday when we will have that special experience. Then we discussed the 'Circus' that is happening at his school today, but he got shy when he told me he didn't know what a circus was anyway. We talked about it right up until we walked in the door and then I lost him to the fulfillment of an empty tummy and the effort of getting a toy sword to stay in a toy Jack Sparrow pirate hand.

It's five minutes. Five minutes for me of reading of how I can do better or of how whatever effort I make, when I do it with Joy, Patience, Faith and Love - it's enough. Five minutes for each child - even if that's all we get in the craziness of our day. Five minutes of quiet and peaceful that is never quite repeated until the following morning. Five minutes of Joy, Patience, Faith and Love - maybe not all at once, but each in it's turn. Five minutes. That seems like so little in the grand scheme of things, but at least I know that they each get those minutes of undivided attention. But maybe in the long run, five minutes a day is a lot since it's five minutes every day. If six years is a heartbeat and goes too fast, maybe five minutes of mothering is a lifetime and an investment that will never be depleted or spent. At least that's how I choose to see it today.

I hope you can find five minutes today too, to either fill up your soul or to pour your spirit into the little ones that love you.

Thanks and God Bless!

Their Mighty Hearts . . .

They are small, my boys, in different ways. Some of them are little in body, a couple are little in self confidence, one is tiny in his new faith. Little, small, timid and tiny, my boys. But in other ways they are mighty - in words, in actions and in love.

Mighty Words - While Riley and I waited in the school pick up line yesterday, we were thumbing through a stack of photo prints I had just picked up. There were several that will hopefully fill out a collage frame I got for Christmas and grace our living room wall, but there were also a stack of random shots that I thought might be nice to look at when they weren't on a computer screen. Riley enjoyed finding photos of each of us, most especially himself. I had selected the pictures in large clumps since I was short on time so there were some photos that would be seeing the inside of a trash can in the very near future. A lot of these were not-so-attractive shots of me that Riley had taken himself during his recent fascination with my camera. Riley centered on one of me that was completely unflattering (no shower or makeup, hair pulled into some kind of wad on the back of my head, mouth gaping open in mid-comment to another child, ratty clothes covered in ingredients that would hopefully become dinner) and he told me I was 'so beautiful momma'. Really? Not this one over here that the pro took on photo day with daddy (and makeup)? 'No, this one momma, you are soooo beautiful'. This from the same child who asked me on Sunday why I wanted lipstick to try and look pretty. A reminder to me that what my children see of me is certainly not the image I try and portray to the world at large. So sweet. And yet, that picture is still going to find it's way into both the real trash can in my kitchen and the cyber receptacle on my computer.

The kids don't come and drag me out of bed as soon as they wake up on the weekend anymore (THANK GOODNESS!!!) and will play on their own for quite a while before I have to get up. I hear them though and on Saturday morning I was woken to the sounds of two little boys playing together. I would hear their voices, turn over and try to eke out 5 more minutes of shut eye. One of the wakeful times brought me voices that weren't happy. They weren't yelling, but I heard Riley say 'Please forgive me' to his brother in a very sad voice. Scooter didn't answer right away and then Riley said 'Scooter, I'm sorry. Will you forgive me?' Scooter replied 'All right, but please don't do that again' which was answered with an 'Otay!' and then the boys moved on. I don't know what the disagreement was about, but I was so proud that they resolved it all by themselves. A few moments later I heard Riley educating his older brother on the finer points of 'Stop, Drop & Roll' which led to some actual dropping and rolling . . . right into the coffee table which was my cue that it was time to get up and start the coffee.

Mighty Love - It was only a year ago that I answered question after question about Scooter relating to empathy and his lack thereof. This was something I really worried about because it's one of the more frustrating aspects of autism, at least for me. I stressed about the possibility that my child really was on this spectrum and wasn't ever going to develop empathy which was going to make his relationships with his brothers increasingly difficult. How could such a sensitive child be so lacking in empathy? It didn't make sense to me and I worried about how it would affect our family. It turns out though, that Scooter was just slow to develop and/or demonstrate this emotion. I see more and more examples of his growth all the time. Sometimes it's just the fact that if his brother falls right next to him he actually stops to ask if he's okay now, but other times it's even more evident.

This morning Scooter asked me why good guys sometimes had to go to jail. Since I wasn't sure what the heck he was talking about I asked him what made him think of that question. He said he thought he remembered me saying 'one time' that sometimes good guys went to jail. Ummmm, okay. I didn't remember that so I tried to come up with reasons that this situation might occur and settled on 'sometimes the police think they did something wrong, but then they figure it out and let them go'. About a minute later I heard crying in the back seat and turned to find Scooter upset. It took some urging to get out what was wrong, but it was finally revealed that 'I just don't like it when good guys go to jail'. I asked him if he was scared that was going to happen to someone he knew, but he wasn't. We whittled down what he was feeling to just not liking that this could happen to people. Hello empathy.

Mighty Faith - My son Tyler is a brand new Christian. The joy I feel when I think of this is so immeasurable and indescribable. My baby is about to be 12 and at the same time he is a brand spanking new creation in the the eyes of the Lord. How amazing is that!!!!!! With this 'newness' has come a new awareness that has taken me by surprise. I've seen adults do this, but my general idea of a child that is a new Christian is that there isn't too drastic of a difference - or so I thought. Within days of Tyler's decision I noticed differences in his attitudes toward his friends and his brothers. A boy on his basketball team had annoyed him until he noticed the boys parents fighting in front of him after a game and realized that his friend was hurting and could very well be facing a split family situation soon. We have had several discussions about the friend he took to church and whether that friend was going to 'forgive' him for expressing his beliefs and taking him with us (he didn't have to go - he chose to go, why is he holding it against my son????) which led to me teaching him what it means to look at something 'in light of eternity'.

My little budding engineer is also very stressed out about how his science teacher has been talking in class lately. There have been a lot of comments recently that fall under the 'some religious people believe' heading with a fair amount of negative connotation backing them up evidently. Tyler wants to fight back, but I advised him against open defiance. I appreciate how he feels and I told him several stories about studying Anthropology and History and finding a way to reconcile what I believe with what is 'known' and 'taught'. Fighting when you don't have enough knowledge on either side of the topic is a sure fire way to get squashed, but someday he'll have the knowledge to back up an argument with an authority figure like that. We talked a lot about God inspiring us to seek answers, whether we are believers or not, and that it is people's interpretation of the things they learn that gets muddled. It's the people that determine you absolutely cannot believe in both religion and science that don't respect the power and majesty of either one. To think we could ever understand it all is naive in the extreme, no matter how educated a person may be. He told me he didn't want to study science and be an engineer if it was going to get in the way of what he believed, but I told him that there were believers in every field and every job - he has to use the gifts God gave him and make a difference that way. We also talked about how our God is bigger than the misunderstandings of human intelligence. We're having lunch with a friend who is an engineer and a believer this weekend and I am hoping that he can encourage Tyler in this area. (Insert a side grumble here - why are teachers allowed to undermine religion, but not allowed to say what they believe when they are believers? If you don't think Christianity is persecuted in today's enlightened society you are mistaken. Just sayin . . .) In the mean time - it's just like any other year when you don't like a teacher or you disagree with them, he just has to get through a couple more months and then he'll be on to the next challenge.


Yep, my kids are tiny in some ways. Riley is working hard at being the shortest 4 year old we meet, but he does pack a whollop with the things he says and the way he says them with that little voice of his. Scooter's social skills and confidence are something he will always have to work on and even though he sometimes doesn't understand why he needs to respond to the person in front of him, his love for other people can sometimes be overwhelming to his sweet little soul. Tyler's faith is new and fragile and needs careful and diligent tending but the evidence of it's existence and the changes that God can make are staggering in just one little life. They are so Mighty, my boys. Yeah, we fight the normal battles of selfishness, disobedience and attitudes. I try so hard to teach them what is right and true and just and then I wake up and realize once again that it's the children teaching me again and they teach it to me with their great big, huge, humble, sensitive and MIGHTY hearts.

Thanks and God Bless!

Expected Behaviors . . .

Scooter goes to speech therapy twice a week to work on pragmatic speech. All I ever hear about this time is that he played games and then I get a report once per six weeks that tells me he is making progress, but hasn't mastered anything. It's completely non-helpful as far as parenting goes on all fronts. Mixed in with this hour every week is supposed to be 'socialization' therapy. I was pretty sure they were only covering this by having Scooter sit in the same room with 2 other kids until he told me one day that sometimes they work on 'expected behaviors'.

I'll admit, the term kind of stuck in my noggin. Tyler was shy with hellos, etc. when he was younger, but it was just that - shy. He 'got' it. He didn't question why he needed to say hi in greeting to people, he just was shy about doing it every single time. Scooter, on the other hand, is so unbelievably shy and then on top of it he doesn't 'get' it. But how do you teach a small child the 'why' of this stuff? I would say 'It's rude when you don't answer people' or something similar, but he doesn't really understand what rude is either and honestly, he just doesn't care because he would probably rather be considered rude than have to face someone head on and speak to them in an uncomfortable situation.

So when I heard he was learning 'expected behaviors', I was pretty pumped up and tried to grill my 5 year old on what those behaviors were. Nada. Zilch. Kid would give me nothing. Probably because he knew I would make him put them into practice. Still, I liked having a name for these esoteric things that are standards of behavior in civilized society and that for some kids are just hard. Scooter's by far not the only kid like this - mom and I were just talking about my cousin, B, yesterday and how similar in behavior she and Scooter were. B is now about to be 29 and functions just fine out in normal society, of course. And my aunt didn't have the names and labels to put on this stuff when B was little, she just knew B was picky and shy and drove her crazy when she wouldn't greet people.

Scooter has overcome a lot of his little quirks this year. He's also found coping mechanisms for a whole mess of others so he is functioning quite nicely at school. We really seem to have mastered one of the biggest issues he had left, which was the walking over the threshold thing (it's not even an issue anymore and every day I try to let go of his had about an inch or two closer to the car and further from the door). And then there's the fact that he's still the shyest kid I've ever seen. We were at a party on Saturday night with close friends. He knew about 80% of the guests, but he still spent the first couple hours glued to either my dad or his dad's side or lap. Eventually he got up and played, but I don't think he spoke to anyone except for us and my parents the whole night. This is the kind of thing that can drive you completely bonkers as a parent. Mostly, I don't worry about what other people think anymore and I just tell them 'he's shy' or something similar. That doesn't mean I am not gritting my teeth in frustration though.

When I picked Scooter up one day last week, we walked to the car just ahead of his friend, Noah. Noah is in his class and lives 2 doors down. Scooter has no problem whatsoever talking to Noah at any time, except for just outside the school. Just like with every other kid he knows from class. For some reason he can't make himself respond to them outside the doors of the classroom. Or he doesn't see why he has to. Or maybe, he just doesn't want to. I don't know. It makes me insane. He would not reply to Noah at all that day. I finally said to him 'this is one of those expected behaviors you are supposed to be learning'. I explained AGAIN about greeting people and saying goodbye. I didn't use the word 'rude' and I didn't say 'it's just what you are supposed to do'. I said 'it's an expected behavior to respond to someone when they speak to you, you have to let them know you hear them'.

Somewhere in there, I must have said something that clicked because instead of blowing me off again, Scooter told me that the kids knew he heard them. Well, honey, no they don't. You just keep walking and don't look at them or talk to them or anything so they don't know that you heard them, that's why they keep saying your name over and over and keep getting louder. I used the expected behavior term repeatedly in our conversation and ended up telling him that it was totally okay if he didn't want to say anything back or look them in the eye, but he should at least respond by nodding his head or raising his hand and waving.

Fast forward to Tuesday and the Valentine party. Scooter had a rough one when he discovered that the snack for the party was white ice cream and he only eats mint chocolate chip. I had told him I was coming, but he had forgotten so it overwhelmed him to see me and the ice cream and he just wanted to go home. It was so sweet how all his little friends surrounded him, patted his back and tried to figure out what was wrong while he cried. Riley made up for Scooter and ate two bowls of the ice cream while he sat next to his brother at a table full of girls who literally fawned over my kid the whole time. Those girls really like Scooter. When we were leaving for the day, one of them kept saying 'Bye Scott' to him over and over and over and over again, getting louder with each iteration. He would not respond. I was saying 'Christine is talking to you, let her know you hear her', etc. but to no avail. I sighed in frustration and mentioned the expected behavior thing again, maybe this won't work either. Urgh. We walked outside and across the school yard. Someone else yelled out 'Bye Scott!' and suddenly Scooter stopped, turned around and quickly jerked his hand up in a short wave to the person. Then we continued our walk.

Imagine heavens opening up, the brightest white light focused on our little mini van and Angels singing in loud chorus 'Alleluia, Alleluia!'! That's about how I felt. I know he's got a long way to go, but he's figuring it out. An aide asked me at the party if Scooter was as quiet at home as he is at school and I told her absolutely not, he's a chatterbox. It's hard to get him to stop talking some days. Then again, that's how I was back then too (My mother also). My Grandmother often spoke of how shy my dad was and how he clung to her and wouldn't talk to anyone. Granted, Dad's still pretty quiet, but mom and I can talk to anyone, anywhere. There is hope for this little guy yet.

Working on this stuff with Scooter has made me start thinking about a lot of 'expected behaviors' in our lives as adults. I know quite a few people that think they have the stuff mastered and still screw up constantly which is what tends to annoy the rest of us, and I am sure you do too. But I also have been thinking about how we establish these behaviors within the confines of our relationships. We set boundaries (or we don't) in every single relationship we have and those boundaries or non-boundaries produce an unspoken set of expected behaviors. When the behaviors cross the boundaries or we suddenly realize we didn't set one in the first place, we have to reiterate, reestablish and reenforce some boundaries.

I've gotten a lot better about the boundary thing in recent years in so many places in my life, but I realized recently that I have one very toxic relationship that needs some work. It's one of those that looks extremely functional and good on the surface, but is warped and confused underneath with boundaries that have shifted and become blurred and in some cases are almost nonexistent. I promise it's not my marriage, people, breathe easy. It is a friendship in crisis though, one that is going to require quite a bit of work to salvage. And I know that I will have to be the one to start mending my fences, gently reestablishing boundaries and reiterating what is a good expected behavior and what is not. My laziness has caused most of the problems and so it is my job to correct my own behavior first, before I ask for changes on the other side of this relationship. (If you are reading me today, it isn't you either so relax! That would be a very bad not-expected behavior thing, touting our issues like that don't you think?) Anyway - if Scooter can work so hard on all his challenges and insecurities, I certainly can too, right?

Oh boy - this is going to be a lot of work! Pray for me friend, I am going to need all the help I can get!

Love and God Bless!

Smiles from the Barrow Boys . . .

Choice happenings and items heard around the Barrow house recently:

TYLER:

Tyler was told at his last dentist appointment that all of his remaining baby teeth were loose and would come out soon. ALL? He knew about one of them and it did fall out later that month. Then there was a lull. Then he lost another or two in December and January was pretty crazy. He actually didn't lose his first tooth until he was almost 8 so he's always kind of been behind in this area, but I keep telling him that's good news as far as our future orthodontia bill is concerned. Anyway, he came home from his weekend away on Sunday night and informed me that he had lost another tooth which he has done about once a week lately. He said:

"Geez, usually I lose one or two teeth a year. I've lost three in the last month! This can't be normal!"

He did announce to me last night that all baby teeth are gone now except for a couple of molars, but he can't tell that they are loose yet. That's what he said before though and he's lost at least one of those. He will be 12 in just 2 short months and I have a feeling that those teeth will go quickly as well. All I can say is that I am grateful he doesn't believe in the tooth fairy anymore or I would be broke!

Tyler's disappointment over his Junior High selection has been slow to dissipate so I did agree to put him on the waiting list for a possible change. It's unlikely anything will come of it, but I did warn Tyler that even if he did get a spot I might not let him take it. If the change in placement happens later than spring registration we won't be changing since the classes he is taking are more important than where he takes them. We won't risk facing filled classes and a less than desirable schedule. He came to me yesterday and said that he thinks this Junior High thing might be like the Violin thing and if he lets it just happen he will probably like it better eventually. Yeah. Okay, he had to think it through for himself and me talking until I'm blue in the face didn't do one bit of good. I'll have to remember that. Anyway, we have his big informational night at his new school tonight and I have a feeling that once we go to that he'll be more excited about next year. We have to figure out the PE vs Athletics thing since he really doesn't want to play football, but he does want to try out for Basketball and play Tennis. We are also encouraging him to consider trying out for Track since he is so fast, but that is still in the works and might require an encouraging, excited call at some point from his Aunt Asheley (hint, hint). Choice cards for registration are due on Friday and then I think I can breathe easier about at least one school placement/issue for a while. Next up - finding a private lesson teacher for Violin over the summer to take some of the pressure off of him in the fall with all the added pressures and changes coming.

One other interesting development: Tyler took a friend with him to church recently and the friend didn't like it at all. In fact on the way home this friend told me he didn't listen to anything that was said the whole time because that's what he always does. Hmmm. The kid had every opportunity to not go with us, but came anyway. Then he told Tyler he 'just wasn't into Church and God'. Tyler has been stressing about this for over a week even though we told him not to worry about it. Today he told me he might have pushed too hard and tried to get the friend to like it while they were there and told him how important it was a little too much. It was an interesting life lesson for my little man. I told him that was something he was always going to have to deal with in life - knowing how much or how little people wanted to be nudged/confronted, etc. in so many areas of his life. I was proud of him though for being BOLD about who he is! Yay!

SCOOTER:

Oh man I love this kid! He's so friggin cute sometimes it almost hurts. He's doing really good at walking into school on his own still. He kinda stalled this morning because he was tired, but recovered quickly and did go in on his own.

I spent 2 hours last night filling out paperwork and questionnaires so that he can have his new evaluation. Some of the questions are still in regards to his birth/babyhood/development, but most of it is about where he is now. And the answers to those questions are so very different than what they were a year ago. Scott wanted me to answer a little more 'light' in a couple areas, but I refused to be less than honest because that wouldn't be helpful to our son. Scott said 'MY Scotty is perfect'. I get what he means and he's perfect to me too so it hurts to have to put Scooter on some rating scale. However, the goal here is to get him officially OFF of the Autism spectrum as far as the school district is concerned if we can since no one is seeing anything even close to those indications at school. He is still shy, he still doesn't look people in the eye or respond to people he knows when he is outside his comfort zone, etc. and those answers were telling, but I do believe that all this shyness is the only indicator and probably not enough to have him on the spectrum. We'll see.

The most telling differences to me though on the forms were that we have no more senseless temper tantrums, no crying for some unknown reason, he plays cooperatively with kids his own age and slightly older and despite his love of play acting and pretending, he isn't solely focused on any one thing, moving easily from topic to topic. (This is more evident all the time as our neighbor with PDD-NOS struggles with moving from one play focus to another and even Riley's play is more sophisticated than his now.) Anyway, I think the main thing is that they have a lot more to work with for his evaluation than just my answers and Scooter clinging to my leg. They will observe him in the school setting without me there and they have been gathering information from all of his teachers for months. I was kinda surprised to see a note that he would also be evaluated for a 'speech impediment', but I think that is because he currently gets pulled out for speech and socialization therapy twice a week. It's for the pragmatics of speech and Scooter tells me they also work on 'expected behaviors' sometimes. So the evaluation would either prove that this should continue or be discontinued. I can't tell. The speech teacher just sends a report home every six weeks that basically says he is making progress but has not mastered anything. Since the goal post is continually moving I don't think they ever get to full mastery so this tells me absolutely nothing.

In the midst of all this Junior High stuff with Tyler, I am finally getting what all the benefits of the Magnet school have been about. I have always known it was beneficial, more challenging and would be helpful to him in the long run. I just didn't get that there was a political angle as well and that it was going to get him on a tract for first dibs on even better programs as he gets older. And thinking Scooter was going to need a lot more help and a more comfortable environment, I pulled him out of that tract. And he's fine and is of course one of the smartest kids in the class. OOOOOOOPPPSSSS! Oh, Sugar Plum with a big fat cherry on top. I knew at the time the decision could go either way on the wise/foolish scale. Urgh. I have reapplied to the Magnet schools under the sibling clause thingy and I am keeping my fingers crossed. I keep telling Scooter we'll find out by letter which of 3 schools he will attend next year and he seems fine with that so far. After all, that's how he finds out which teacher he has too, right?

Anyway - what I really want to share with you is how funny Scooter is. He's always been silly and had a good sense of humor, but it's shining through more every day. We've had a big rash of 'pick a hand' games going around with the younger kids lately and last night Scooter took it to a whole new level. We were all at the kitchen table chatting and Scooter came up to Tyler and played the game. Tyler chose one hand and there was predictably nothing and then he chose the other and Scooter showed him some small lego thing. Then he moved on to his dad, first hand nothing. Second hand nothing. First hand again, nothing. Scooter was giggling so hard while his dad picked hand after hand and there was nothing in any of them that I started chuckling too. Of course he was moving the toy from hand to hand, but he had 'invented' this game on his own so he thought it was the funniest thing ever.

After Scott & Tyler left for Basketball practice, Scooter told me he had a joke for me. Okay.
S-Why did the Chicken cross the road?
M-I don't know, why? (Of course I know why, it's the oldest joke ever, but new to S. right?)
S-To get to the other side!
M-Ooohhh! Insert obligatory laughter
S-Momma - Why did the Chicken cross the playground?
M-I don't know, why? (Thinking-here we go, he'll do the same joke over with slight variations)
S-To get to the other side - you should know that!
M-Oh - the other side, right.
S-No mom - not side - slide! To get to the other slide! That's what I said!
M-Insert GENUINE laughter, That is very clever Scooter!

The sense of humor thing, by the way, is a wonderful indication that we are coming off the spectrum as well since the nuance of it is something that most autistic children don't grasp.

And later, while I checked my Words with Friends page, I heard Scooter go up to Riley who has had 3 whole days of school at a local church preschool program, 'Riley, by the way, so who's your principal?' Riley had no idea! No principal, just a director Scooter. It was so precious!

RILEY:

Riley loves school. He doesn't write his name on his own yet and all the kids who have been there all year (and previous years) can do it. They are working with him and we started working with him at home too. We sing R-I-L-E-Y to the tune of BINGO so that he can learn how to spell his name without dropping the 'I' completely or turning it into an 'A' or an 'L'. He proudly comes home every day and tells me he got a green card. Honestly, I don't even know if they do the color change thing or not, but he's heard so much about Scooter staying on green every day I think he just assumes since he is being good he's on green.

After the first day I asked him if they sleep during quiet time or just rest. He said 'just rest' and then later crawled up into a chair next to me and said "Momma, I heard a rumor . . ." This by itself made me smile because I know he got it from me. I'll throw that out to the kids all the time with a tag like 'there was a little boy who needed a kiss from his mom' or something like that. It has never been thrown back at me before. After a pause, he started again 'I heard a rumor that a kid was still sleeping after quiet time'. It was funny to me because no one was sleeping in his room, but there was a little girl in the other Pre-K class getting carried out still sleeping that day. So maybe he did 'hear a rumor'!

Friday was rough for me because one of the teachers made comments to me about Riley being behind the other kids (something we knew going in, but I guess she was out of the loop) and also about him being 'so small' and that the other kids noticed, mentioned it and 'baby-ed' him. I cried and my sweet friend Mandy immediately ordered me to her house for newborn baby therapy which worked like a charm. (Thank you Mandy and Caitlyn! You are the most awesomest friend ever, ever, ever, like in a million years!) But the cute part of that day was that Riley had said to me on the way there that he had one friend at school that was 4 like him. I told him all the kids were 4, he was definitely the youngest and some were getting ready to turn 5 already, but everyone was 4. "Yeah, but they are bigger than me." "You are just short sweetie, but you'll grow. I am short, Grandma's short, etc." "And Great-Grandma, momma, she's really little. She's Grandma Barrow's mommy." "Yep, she is." Just before we pulled in the parking lot Riley said 'So, momma, I am 4 and I am big, I am just short." "Yes, Riley, you are big and short!" It was good enough for him.

On Mondays, the kids start their 'letter of the week' and 'number of the week'. I knew they were 'Q' and '17'. She sent home a 'counting jar' for Riley to collect 17 of something and bring back on Wednesday with something for show and tell that starts with a 'Q'. (Ok - side note here, please tell me you can think of something other than a quarter because I am pretty sure there are going to be 13 kids doing show and tell with quarters on Wednesday!) I made sure that the teacher knew that Riley could count to 15 without fail and even though he was still struggling with the upper teen numbers like all kids his age I had overheard him counting from 20-80 in the car the other day. All that listening to his older brother learn to count to 100 has paid off and was kind of the point of putting Riley where he is, etc. That was kind of petty on my part, but I was still hurt. I promise I'll get over it and I will forgive the teacher for not being in the loop and saying my kid was little and 'behind'. Eventually. I might sulk a little more this week first. mmmmmkay?

When I picked Riley up the teacher said her camera ran out of batteries before she got all the pictures taken she needed for open house this week and took Riley to their bean bags to take his picture with fresh batteries. She posed him on his knees and asked him to hold up his sign language 'I love you' sign she had taught him that day. Later, on the way to pick the boys up, I asked Riley what his letter of the week was, already knowing it was 'Q'. "ummmmmm, my letter of the week wasssssss . . . 'I love you'" and he held up his hand showing me the sign. Okay - he's still figuring it all out, but it's so cute.


That's what's going on. Just super cute boys being super cute. Most of the time. Everyone is being really good about their chore charts for the most part and we should be ready to start giving them their allowances and introducing their 4-part saving/spending banks soon. We are also starting our own little behavior color chart here today too that is currently centered on 'No Whining!' The boys have to work together to earn family fun time. The first goal is for a family game night and the second level will get them to the theater to see Star Wars Episode I in 3D. They selected these and are currently debating between bowling and putt-putt for their 3rd level of achievement. Once whining is reduced we'll switch it up to 'No Arguing'. That's the plan anyway.

I finally met up with one of my closest friends for our 'Christmas' lunch yesterday. We were cracking up that it is February and we were still hauling around Christmas packages for each other. We exchanged them as we said goodbye and Di told me that mine was for the whole family and I should wait to open it with the boys. I'm so glad I did, but now that it's here we are sure eating a lot of toast. Ha!



Her husband is from Minnesota and a Viking fan so I am sure he was happy to have this out of his house, but my hubby is a die hard Cowboys fan. Scott likes the Packers and roots for them when they aren't playing his Boys. He 'lets' the kids be dual fans, but so do I. He kind of looked at us like we were crazy when he came home and saw the toaster. I think he was afraid I bought it, but since it was a gift it gets to stay. He's probably a little softer about it since I let him give the two younger boys Cowboys gear for Christmas. Now they can 'choose' whether or not to wear Packers stuff or Cowboys shirts instead. Anyway - it's a cute addition to our house and we were pretty excited. I didn't even have any problems getting the kids to write in the thank you note they were so pumped!

God Bless you and Keep You!