One more Christmas in the books! . . .

Good Morning! For some reason my husband left, came back and left again 4 different times this morning before he actually got in his truck and went to work and the repeated opening and closing and locking of my front door that likes to stick woke me fully for the first time all week before 8 a.m. I considered rolling over and becoming comatose again, but decided instead that my week of leisure was probably at an end, so I climbed out of bed, grabbed my favorite coffee cup and plopped myself down at the computer while my kids are still snoozing.

I cannot tell you when the last time was that I got to sleep in as late and as consistently as I have this week. It has most definitely been years, but it really feels like decades. Even during summer vacations with no alarm buzzing in my ear every morning, my Riley bear usually has me up before 7, except for a rare day he might sleep until 8:30, but then Scooter will be up at the crack of dawn instead. Well before Scooter came along, Tyler was always an early riser until he turned 7 or 8. I have been so immersed in school schedules, babies and preschoolers the last few years that I literally forgot what it could be like to get more than 6 hours of sleep at a time more than once in a great long while. This week has been incredible. For six whole mornings, right in a row, no one has woken me before 9 a.m. except once and that was at 8:45. I feel like a new woman! When I spoke with my dear friend Mandy yesterday and mentioned this, she said she hated me. She has a 3 year old who likes to be up and have attention, plus she's had to work this week. Sorry, Mandy, I have paid my dues for the last 10+ years. I was due!

Sleep is healing. Sleep is amazing. Sleep might be the greatest thing ever invented! I forgot how wonderful sleep could actually be! And sleep has given me new perspective on the crazy Christmas we experienced now that I have had time to get over it and recover from it. When December 26th dawned, I first slept until a whopping 10 a.m. (literally a Christmas miracle), and then I plopped myself on the couch and refused to move for most of the day. I then took a 2 hour nap in the late afternoon (also a near-miracle that my kids left me alone and also that I was able to fall asleep) before finally deciding that my family should have a decent dinner. So I took 10 minutes out of my non-busy non-schedule to throw together one of those ridiculously unhealthy complete-meal-in-a-box things to scarf down before collapsing into bed again.

The best part of the after-Christmas haze is that when my kids got out of bed in the morning, they didn't come straight to get me. They were sidetracked on the route from their bedroom to mine by the still present tree with all their new goodies tucked underneath for storage during the night. When they did get out of bed, they played quietly for an hour or so with their new stash before finally coming to get me for a cup of milk and some breakfast. Santa really did bring me something for Christmas after all - some much needed rest.

Christmas was a flurry of activity for at least 20 days of the month. There really wasn't a down day between baking, decorating, putting on our annual Christmas cookie decorating party, get-togethers, shopping, wrapping and DRIVING. I think I drove over 3000 miles this month. Okay, maybe that's a slight exaggeration, but it sure felt like I drove that much. Getting it all done took more out of me than ever before and all I wanted to do was reach the finish line, December 26th. Truthfully, I knew that if I just got to my mother-in-law's on Christmas day for late brunch of traditional family favorite, eggs benedict, then I could chill out. The crazy would be over and I could finally relax. Except I still had to drive home - longest 30 minutes of the year, I swear, when all I wanted to do was crawl into my bed and pass out.

I felt old. Really old. I looked at my face in the mirror and wondered what happened to it - to me. I've spent the week considering botox alternatives and boarding schools. All this major effort crammed into a few short weeks is enough to make you consider atheism or maybe just bah-humbugism. Not that I ever would. Because it was all worth it - worth every lost moment of sleep, backache, headache, stomach ache and every mile on my odometer. It was worth every penney and more. It always is.

I love Christmas. I love the truth of Christmas, which is that God gave us the greatest gift of all, his son. And I love sharing that with my kids. In the days leading up to the BIG DAY, instead of snoozing on the couch in the afternoons, my sons and I did an advent activity my mom got for us a few years ago 'What God Wants for Christmas' 15 or so times. They were surprised every single time that what God wanted was them (It's a gift box they open with a mirror inside). Scooter's complete and utter astonishment that the best thing about Christmas was that it was Jesus' birthday (like I haven't told him this 500 times) was truly priceless. Telling them over and over again that we give gifts (and therefore Santa gives gifts) because God gave us this most precious gift ever, is what the holiday is all about. Cookies and presents and parties are just the icing on the cake. Christ's birth is the most amazing thing ever and even though my kids get super excited about what they find under the tree on Christmas morning, I spent weeks leading up to the event whispering into their ears the real reason we get to have that joy. I know that at 4 and 3, they aren't REALLY getting it, but I am laying the groundwork every year and eventually it will sink in, it certainly has for Tyler. And when I get their undivided attention for 30 seconds and can get some of the most important information they will every hear into their heads, I know all the other stuff doesn't matter.

And ooohhhh - the presents. I actually spent less this year than I usually do thanks to my black Friday adventure, but you wouldn't know it from my kids faces. Scooter and Riley were completely blown away that they found both a toy Zurg (from Toy Story 2) and a Trunk-Fresh Race Car (a character from the Cars movie with no lines - we had his trailer, but no car) were under the tree since they both know that you absolutely CANNOT find either one in the stores. Believe me - they've looked. Santa is absolutely and completely amazing! He must have made them special, just for us! (Thank You Amazon!) Tyler was overwhelmed with his new Nintendo DSiXL which I thought was crazy (almost got him another regular one), but he has made enough use of the extra features like the camera and the flip notes already to make it worth the extra money. The kids have been bugging me all week about when the brand new trampoline (complete with safety net and bullseye led lights that will flash when they jump) will be put up in the back yard, but I let their dad have a day off after Christmas too and it's been wet and dark every day when he got home from work this week. We are negotiating skipping the bowl game fest tomorrow in order to see this task completed. One guess who will win this particular discussion! :)

The biggest hits came not from Santa, but from relatives. My sister sent the little boys Jedi capes (so that I can stop the endless safety pin/blanket cycle - thank you Asheley) and a Star Wars Lego Encyclopedia. The robes are really nice and the kids have worn them every day. When they opened the book, they were so excited they wanted to read the whole thing before they opened another gift. She also sent Tyler a book he had been asking for (and has already finished) and some iTunes (which he has already redeemed and spent on some new music). Asheley certainly knows her nephews well and they were pretty darn excited about their gifts from far off places. They were also pretty pumped about their pillow-pets from Aunt Du and fishing rods from Uncle Billy (Scott and I were gifted with rods too, mine is pink which is cool, but I don't know if that will make it more likely to get used any time soon :)!)

And then there were the jet packs from Grandma and Grandpa. This was the one item that I had wanted on Black Friday that I failed to get. They were sold out by 6 a.m. since the stores had been open at midnight or whatever. Dad found them online though and they are definitely the most popular thing my kids got this week. Buzz Lightyear jetpacks that Scooter and Riley wear over their shoulders. Complete with a big red button they press which makes the wings pop out, light up, and produce flying sounds along with the traditional 'Buzz Lightyear to the Rescue!' in Tim Allen's voice before you push the button again and the wings go back down. Loud, but fun. The kids have been wearing them every day, even Tyler has tried them out more times than I care to remember. Uncle Matthew and Aunt Tara made a splash also with a huge Evil Dr. Pork Chop flying ship (from Toy Story 3) that came with a million pieces. Matthew also completed Tyler's essential Beatles collection with 4 more CDs. He was very excited and I know that any road trips this year will be accompanied with the White Album and Abbey Road now in addition to the Sgt. Peppers and Yellow Submarine we were priveleged to hear on the way to Wisconsin this summer.

Scott made use of his brand new mini-cordless drill I got him immediately by opening and closing battery compartments on toys (I joked that I did most of the work leading up to Christmas, but then he goes to work once the presents are opened, getting things out of boxes and working and put together!) and he was very excited about the red sweater that Scooter insisted he have since red is his favorite color. I was thrilled with the personalized ornament the boys got me - 5 Santa bears with all of our names on it and the year memoralized on it - and a huge bottle of my favorite perfume (Chanel No. 5 - I know it makes me old fashioned, but it's still my favorite). I hadn't had a bottle of this stuff in 3 years. You don't buy good perfume when you have 3 lay-offs in just over a year. I had used my last bottle so sparingly to make it last, but it's been a long time since I had that good smelling stuff and it's something I don't think to buy for myself very often since the kids always come first. Oh - and Scooter picked out some Christmas socks for me that are very, well, green. They are actually really nice, but will probably find their way to the bottom of my sock drawer until the next Christmas season arrives. He had insisted I have something pretty though, and Scott listened to him just like I had when I took him shopping.

I was very excited to give some special gifts this year, like the personalized tu-tu totes for my neices and the picture collage coffee mugs for my dad and mom-in-law. I also found a cool hymn book for my mom with stories about their origins and authors. I always get the kids books for Christmas and this year Tyler found 3 drawing books, one with assorted drawing pencils and tools included, under the tree to hopefully assuage his need to doodle on absolutely everything.

Even though my house looked like a toy store had exploded in here all week and I was suffering from sheer exhaustion, Christmas was still wonderful. My brother-in-law's father died suddenly a week before Christmas which was heart-wrenching, but it also brought him home from Iraq for his son's first Christmas which is what we all chose to focus on. I attended another funeral yesterday for a friend whose mother had passed just 2 days after Christmas and my great-aunt Grace passed on Christmas morning. Amid the loss, I realize how precious these times are. These moments with my children and my husband. It's chaotic and hectic and crazy pulling it all together every year, but it's so worth it to make the memories that will last for my children's lifetimes. They won't remember every toy they opened, but they will remember the family being together and the joy we made happen. And now that I've had some sleep, that's what I am focusing on too.

Scooter convinced me to take down our tree last night. I usually tackle this feat on New Year's day or on the 2nd, but my four year old was ready for some more floor space to spread out his new treasure trove of toys so I complied. There is still quite a lot of un-decorating to do, but I am kind of pleased my new year isn't going to start with a huge task that makes me more crazy than putting everything up does. As happy as I am to get all my Christmas stuff out after Thanksgiving, I am always more than ready to put it all away again when Christmas is over. Time to get back to normal, right? There is a science project looming and a spelling bee scheduled next week. There is a ridiculous amount of organizing to do that I have been putting off. I have a list of projects a mile long to tackle soon and a barrage of doctor's appointments and parent-teacher conferences and school projects and tests that are barreling towards me in the next few months.

I think I put a lot of life on hold to make Christmas happen and now I have to get back to it all. Sigh. The kids will never be just this age again, have just this particular level of excitement and joy. It's different every year, even in it's sameness. I'm so glad we got to spend it together and now I'm so glad it's over. As Scotty says 'One more Christmas in the books!'. I hate it when he says that as soon as the gifts are opened, but about a week later I am right there with him.

I hope you all had an excellent holiday and got to be with those you love. And I hope you all have a wonderful, safe, New Year!

God Bless!

Doing Christmas requires a LOT of Coffee . . .

Have I ever told you how much I love coffee? I LOOOOOVE coffee. Coffee is my lifeblood and if I ever have to give it up completely I am not sure that I will survive. I like it simple: hot, black, not too strong, not too weak. I drink it all day long. If there is coffee around, I'll pour myself a cup - even if it's 10 p.m. When I went to Vegas, I didn't request many alcoholic beverages from the cocktail waitresses, but if they came by my slot machine I always asked for another cup of coffee. Occasionally, I will dabble in a slightly flavored cup, but the flavor must be in the beans, not a cream because I don't add anything to a perfect cup of joe.

Starbucks has ruined good old, regular American coffee. Okay, I know a lot of you probably love Starbucks and please don't hold any of this against me, but I just don't and for good reason. By creating elaborate latte, mocha, mochaccino, frappaccino and whatever-else-they-can-come-up-with drinks, they have resorted to making a coffee so strong that it's gross. They had to. Otherwise you would just be drinking syrup and sugar and cream. So they brewed the strongest beans they could as strongly as they could so that people would feel like they were still drinking some sort of coffee when really they were just having dessert for breakfast. By the way have you tried some of their desserts? Not good. Dry & tasteless, most of them - guess you don't need flavor in your pastry if you are drinking a half a cup of flavored syrup with your breakfast.

So if you are like me and you just want a cup of black coffee, Starbucks is not the place to go. Don't get me wrong, I love a good cup of coffee. I like to try dark roasts and columbian blends and strong espresso shots as much as the next coffee lover. But there is a way to brew this stuff for the average coffee drinker and Starbucks goes way overboard. I think they just double the amount of beans per cup to make it strong enough to withstand the sugary crud they pour in there. I avoid Starbucks as much as possible, but when I have no choice, I will partake. Since they brew their coffee so strong that it is a bitter mess, I usually ask for the barista to give me about an inch of hot water at the top of my cup. That way I can get a pretty decent cup of nice strong joe without having to add salt.

Oh - the salt thing! This is my only occasional add-in for coffee. Whenever you are given a cup of coffee that is bitter because it's been sitting in the same pot all day or it's the end of the pot or some teenager that thinks they are a barista at your local coffee shop doesn't know whay they are doing - sprinkle in some salt and stir! It sounds crazy, I know, but it cuts the bitterness and doesn't affect the flavor of your drink. You won't taste it and it really works! You can also put a little salt in your coffee grounds if your own machine is producing swill. I found when I was working that a lot of companies don't buy a type of coffee for the office based on flavor, just price, and salt in the grounds will remove the bitterness from the tar they are serving you. My helpful tip for the day!

Anyway, my problems with Starbucks are not just about Starbucks. I can avoid that particular establishment most of the time. The real problem is how their brand has effected coffee everywhere else in America. Now everyone thinks they have to do coffee the same way. Even Burger King just changed their coffee to Seattle's Best or something like that and then altered their brewing style. BK was my favorite drive-thru stop for coffee - it was strong, but not bitter and they always have a hot pot on hand. Now it's more bitter and not really more flavorful. So sad. I also stop at 7-11 a lot because they usually make a great cup of coffee and there are tons of choices. Even during a slow part of the day, 7-11 will have at least 2 or 3 fresh pots of coffee to choose from of which at least one will not be a Seattle type version of overbrewed ickiness.

Starbucks has also caused the price of coffee to skyrocket! Seriously, even the cheapest place to get a cup-to-go will now cost you two dollars or more. I know these businesses aren't paying that much for the beans or grounds, but I suspect that they believe if they charge more for the coffee then we will believe we are getting a better cup. Don't they realize that at Starbucks you aren't paying $8 for the coffee, but for the syrup and sugar and milk and cream - and probably the electric bill for all those gadgets?

As much as I love a cup of coffee that I didn't have to brew, most of the time I settle for the pot of java that my hubby starts for me every morning (isn't he sweet?) and I try not to drink more than the 3/4 of a pot per day that's left after he takes his to-go cup with him to work. I know that's a lot for a normal person and I suppose I'll have to cut back eventually, but it's kind of genetic (my dad and brother can drink even more than I can most days). All bets are off if I leave the house though because if someone has coffee in their home while I'm there, I'll drink it and sometimes I just cruise through a drive-thru for an extra cup while I'm on the run. I always show up with cup in hand wherever I happen to find myself.

All this to say - yesterday I drank double my normal coffee quotient. Two major reasons: First, I failed in a major way attempting to make elaborate floral Christmas bows with wired ribbon at MOPS (one should not attempt this when hormones are high). When nervous, go for the coffee - like my nerves aren't jangled enough - right? And Second - I came home and attempted to put our annual picture Christmas card together. Hours of cropping and blending backgrounds and attempting to remove the huge zit on my forehead that even though concealer hid it in my mirror, Dougie's high resolution camera brought out every single flaw I have. He shot over 200 pics of my family in our home and yet it was incredibly difficult to find shots to work with. Not because he isn't great - he is fabulous! No, the problem was just my family!

Last year's Christmas pictures were disastrous because Scooter was 3 and also doesn't like the pressure so he was either screaming or refusing to look at the camera. This year, Scooter was still stubborn because he's Scooter, but I also had another 3 year old in the house. Even Tyler had his moments of uncooperative behavior because he had already been through picture madness with his other 2 younger siblings in Denton that day. He was tired. Adding to the chaos was my hubby's insistence that he and I actually appear on the card this year, which we haven't done since the year we got married. Oy! Getting a shot with five people looking at the camera at one time, all eyes open and not crying or grimacing at 7 pm on a school night is NOT easy.

We did get some good shots though and I was able to put together a decent card with a collage of photos including all 5 of us and a marginal shot of the kittens back. Turns out that if you ask your preschoolers to bring the cat in for a picture they are much more cooperative than posing on their own. I drank a whole extra pot of coffee yesterday afternoon putting the thing together and looking at all those pictures in serious detail. What I wanted to share with you was a couple of the pictures that did NOT make it into the card. Just a couple of samples of what I was dealing with.

Like this one, where Scooter and Tyler had almost identical grimaces on their faces:

Or samples like this where no one was happy, but Scotty and I kept smiles glued to our faces on the off chance that a picture would turn out decent:

Or I guess I could have used the pics of the back of kids heads:

But, I also had some great moments that Doug captured that won't go in a card either, like these:

All the coffee I consumed helped me plow through, make the cards, pick them up, get them stuffed, labeled and sealed. I can cross one more thing off of my list, I guess. I'd like to say that I'll drink less coffee today, but I'm headed to both my mothers and my mother-in-laws to pick up Christmas yummies that will help fill a care package for my brother-in-law overseas (Airforce) and I know I'll be drinking coffee there too.

It would be so nice if people would stop trying to be Starbucks and just offer regular old coffee. I NEED the coffee. This time of year, getting ready for Christmas, I need gallons of coffee to keep me moving. It's the only way Christmas is getting done.

Hmmmm, look at that - my cup is empty again.

God Bless!

The Power of '3' . . .

Oh, how I've been craving the keyboard this week. All week long I have wanted to write and had so many things to write about and yet I just couldn't get here. I couldn't find five minutes to sit, much less an hour to compose thoughts and words and coherent sentences. I had so many things I wanted to share and expound on:

- The sweet old woman who spoke briefly at MOPS on Monday and who told us to remember in our craziest moments that our children were precious. That sounded good at 10 am while the kids were away from me in classrooms, but at 6 pm when I was exhausted by the endless 'Momma I need this, want that, Can you, Can I, and please do's' of a very long day it sounded like a fairy tale I might never believe in. I told Scott that I'm sure when I'm 80 I'll think all children are precious too, but I'm also pretty sure that when that woman was in my place with her 6 (not joking) children she wasn't really thinking how precious they were during temper tantrums either.

- St. Nick visited our house on Monday morning and filled the kids stockings (this is because I am a yankee and German and it has always confused my Texan friends, but it's just what we do). Tyler was up and ready for school and either wanted to wake his brothers early (soooo not an option) or wait for the end of the day so that he could open his stocking with his brothers. I thought it would be impossible to make the kids wait all day so I convinced him to go ahead without them. He did, but then put everything back so he could do it again with them after school. When Scooter got up later and saw the stockings he started to go get Riley to come open the goodies and then stopped and turned to me and said 'Shouldn't we wait for Tyler?'. Tyler said later, 'Mom, it's not about what's in the presents, it's about doing it together as a family'. Well, bust my buttons, something I said a million times actually sunk in with my kids. How awesome are they?

- Tyler won a big math contest at school this week. It was an online quiz he does every year and it's pretty difficult. We found out that he was the only 5th grader out of over 100 that entered from his school to answer all the questions correctly. I went to the assembly yesterday to see his reaction when he found out and receive the coolest Globe I've ever seen. It's a time zone globe with a light inside that shows where the Sun is lighting the world at all times. It's set for date and time so all the rotations and angles, etc. are replicas of what the real world is doing at this moment. Pretty darn awesome if you ask me. So proud of Tyler and thrilled that he got this confidence boost at the end of a long first semester. All day people kept saying 'so-and-so didn't get those right and you did? I guess maybe he ISN'T the smartest kid in the grade after all'. Finally getting through to my kid that there isn't ONE smartest kid, etc.

- I am not getting along with my 15 month old Boxer puppy. He has reached a point of maturity that evidently has resulted in him thinking that he should be dominant over me, a mere female, instead of the other way around. He listens to Scott and even to Tyler, but he is blatantly ignoring me, and is exhibiting behaviors that may very well find him in a grave before next week if he doesn't shape up. I even resorted to wrestling the 80 pound monster to the ground and pinning him with his neck, then putting my neck over his and growling at him the other night to show him who really is boss. I am sure it was very entertaining to watch, but it did work a little bit. Watch for more posts on this beast because I am absolutely certain that we are going to have a serious battle of wills over the next weeks. And if he doesn't give way, he's going to find himself 'snipped' before he has a chance to be bred. I WILL prevail.

I couldn't find the time to sit down and tell you all of these things because life is crazy and this week was super crazy. Yes, my schedule was hectic. Yes, I got a lot of stuff taken care of that needed to be done. Yes, I baked for Christmas. All of those things certainly contributed. But, the real reason I couldn't take time for myself and write this week was the 3 year old who is at this moment sleeping soundly in his bed (hopefully for at least another hour).

Three year olds are cute. Adorable. At three, they really blossom. They do cute stuff, say cute stuff, and ask cute stuff. The little personalities that have been playing peek-a-boo with you for the first couple of years begin to show themselves more every day and you get some serious glimpses into the person that they are going to be. They are inquisitive and experimental. If you haven't got potty training done before now, you are finally going to see a future without diapers in it. They try so hard all day to be 'big', but at the end of the day they are still sweet and cuddly and adorable and they still have enough 'baby' to still be your baby. It's hard to stay mad at a 3 year old for long, because they can turn back into super sweet, charming and just downright (okay, I'll say it) precious in a heartbeat. It's hard to be in a room with a 3 year old and not smile because they are trying so hard to figure out their world and their place in it that their antics are often hysterical.

I am fairly certain that this is God's plan. He made 3 year olds adorable and funny and sweet for a reason. He had to. If God hadn't made 3 year olds so darn cute, very few children would survive until their 4th birthday.

Because 3 year olds are tough! They can be friggin nasty. While they are doing all this stretching and growing and figuring things out, they are pushing every single boundary around them. They are striving for independence and while they do it they can be super awful. Say what you will about the terrible two's, but I've always thought 3 was worse. Two year olds have melt downs and temper tantrums (okay, I have a 10 yr old in the house and I still haven't found an age that DOESN'T include these occasionally), but they are also still easily redirected and soothed and they move on and forget fairly quickly. As kids reach 3, their language skills are developing at an alarmingly fast rate. Complete sentences that are funny and cute one minute, turn into aggressive attacks and not-so-nice attitudes the next. Their long term memories start to develop more fully and you won't get away with redirects as often. And lo and behold - logic rears it's ugly head. Not that it's a rational logic, but it makes sense to the 3 yr old in your home. They want a reason for everything and they HAVE a reason for everything, even if it doesn't make sense to you. Temper tantrums are slowly turning into arguments, but they aren't logical arguments you can actually win.

It's a power struggle, and it's a tough one. You've spent the last couple of years teaching your child how to pick up their toys, how to share, how to take turns, how to speak, eat, walk, talk, everything. And you've tried to teach them to obey. And even though it's been somewhat challenging to teach these little toddlers to listen to you, for the most part they do listen to you because they don't know differently. Then they hit 3 and it's like this giant lightbulb goes on in their head and they think 'But WHY do I have to listen and obey? Can they really make me do that? Let's just find out, shall we?' And the battle begins. The battle of your will vs. their will. You know, like getting the laundry done and food on the table wasn't hard enough, now you have a daily power struggle with an irrational tyrant that wants to be heard and adhered to. And the truth of the matter is, you really can't force them to do what you want, but you don't want them to know that you can't force them, you just want them to do it and do it now.

I mentioned to you briefly once before that when Tyler was 3 I once took him to school naked. This is true. I'm not a tyrant, but Tyler had never really been a problem before. We had issues, of course, but for the most part he was about as easy as you could hope for as a toddler. At 3 he had moments that he pushed me to the limits of sanity, just like every other 3 year old. Then when he was about 3 1/2, he was pushing so hard at his boundaries that he had resorted to occasionally hitting me and biting me when he was frustrated. After a few weeks of this, he decided that if he didn't let me get him dressed, we wouldn't have to leave the house and go to school, work, etc. We were living with my parents, but they were out of town just before Thanksgiving when one morning after literally trying to wrestle Tyler into his clothes and after finally getting them on, he ran from me and tore them all off again. I was going to be late for work, so without thinking I just scooped him up naked and put him in the car. In November. In the cold. In a car seat with a 5 point harness and a cold belt buckle between his legs.

Tyler screamed and cried and spent the entire ride telling me how mean I was, how unfair I was and how much he didn't like me anymore. When we were about 3 blocks from the school he suddenly got quiet and told me he was ready to get dressed now. I said 'Good. We're almost there and we'll get dressed.' He started howling all over again because he wanted to go all the way back home to get dressed, which I did not have time to do and also didn't want to do. When I parked at school I tried to put his clothes on him in the car, but he started wriggling around again and screaming so I picked him up naked and started to carry him in the door. He finally, finally, finally got that I was serious and decided he could be dressed in the car. I dropped him off and was reassured by the front desk staff that they had seen any number of kids be brought to day care in various states of undress because of temper tantrums. When I couldn't reach my mom or Aunt Kaye on the way to work, I called my Grandma in her nursing home crying, hoping I had done the right thing and worried I would be the cause of Tyler's future nightmares about going to school without clothes on. After Grandma finished laughing, she told me she was proud of me, that I had done the right thing and Tyler wouldn't be hurt by the experience, only helped. Man, I miss my Grandma's.

At the time, I didn't realize what a big deal this was. I was just tired and frustrated and done with the struggle. I just wanted to get to work on time and drop my kid off at day care so that someone else could deal with him (of course they loved him and he never gave them a bit of trouble). But, it was huge. I had won a MAJOR power struggle with Tyler that day without knowing it. I never once had a problem getting him dressed after that day. But, more than this small victory, dealing with a 3 year old was downhill after that episode. Yes, he still pushed his limits and yes, we still had struggles, but it was never that bad again. The hitting and biting stopped. Tyler recognized that I was his authority and I had some super strong confidence in my own parenting abilities and in my own strength as the Mom.

When Scooter was 3 and pushing every single button I had, I kept waiting for 'that moment'. The moment that he would push so hard I would have to do something drastic to make my point. It never came. He was just annoying enough to make me crazy, but he never pushed me as far as Tyler had that day. Maybe I was just better the second time around at fighting the smaller battles. You know, putting him back in time-out 100 times until he stayed put, putting him back in bed 500 times so that he got it really was bedtime, refusing to cave to whining, crying and yelling when he wanted something. Or maybe Scooter just didn't need what Tyler needed which was a huge wake up call to mom's authority. I do know that I caved more on the little stuff with Scooter than I did with Tyler because I also had a 2 year old in the house who was throwing the irrational temper tantrums so common at that age and you can only fight so many battles in one day. I still wish I had gotten that moment though, especially when Scooter says 'I'm just going to do what I want to do' and I know he doesn't always see me as the Boss.

Which brings me to Riley. Oh my, this is going to be a very long year. I didn't have to wait long for a moment with Riley. In fact, I might be faced with 3 of those moments with Riley per day for the next 11 months. The little battles with Riley aren't little, they are pretty big. And he doesn't really care the same way Tyler did so if I put him in the car naked he would probably decide that's the way he wanted it anyway and it wouldn't make the same point. He is soooo much like my late father-in-law that I have started calling him 'Big Scott in a little package': Super charming and adorable with an enormous stubborn streak; All the best and worst things about our beloved Papa who we miss dearly. I was pregnant with Riley when he died and sometimes wonder if a huge part of him is reincarnated in my small son. Of course, he takes after Scott and I quite a bit too. And I am also convinced that I might not have the energy for this since I literally just finished the 3 yr old thing with Scooter. They are only 19 months apart and Riley kind of started his 3 yr old rant a bit early while Scooter's lasted a bit past turning 4.

Every day is a power struggle with Riley. Yesterday resulted in 4 major battles with him ranging from 'Yes, you ARE going to pick up your toys' to 'No, you ARE NOT going to hit mama just because you are mad' with a few random 'That is NOT acceptable behavior' incidents in between. I have locked my pantry because Riley will not accept that the Christmas cookies I have baked are not a buffet to be eaten at will all day long. When he didn't want to leave his Grandma Barrow's on Thursday morning he went off in a corner to pee his pants on purpose to get back at me for even mentioning that we were going to go in 15 minutes. Speaking of peeing, when I was on the phone with my sister last week and I didn't come running to pour his milk the very second he wanted it, he opened the back door and peed out onto the porch in front of me because he knew that was against the rules. Riley hits, kicks and throws things when he is mad, mostly at me. Time-outs rarely have any kind of effect on him and I have spanked his bare hiney more than once without any visible reaction on his part so I am not sure what I am going to do to discipline this child and get through to him. My mother-in-law cheerfully informed me that I sounded just like Honey (that's my hubby's Grandmother, Big Scott's mother) when she was talking about her Scott as a child. Hmmm. Not very reassuring. However, when we had gotten Riley successfully in the car with his big pouty face despite his protests, she also said 'I'm not sure how you ended up with the kid like Scott, Heather'. Me either. I'm not sure that's fair - it should have been one of my sisters-in-law, but, oh well.

Honestly, I love Riley more than I could ever tell you. He's smart and funny and extremely charming. He is the most snuggly kid I've ever been around and his deep belly laugh is super contagious. Most of the time, he's pretty easy going and if properly channeled his determination and stubborn nature can someday prove effective tools in success at whatever he tries. I watched him riding his bike the other day, trying to go up an incline of a driveway across the cul de sac without a running start. He kept getting stuck at an odd angle that would result in him frantically pedaling away and getting nowhere while one wheel spun through the air with no friction to push him up the hill. He kept climbing off the bike, backing up 2 feet and starting the process all over again. The other two would have called for me to help. They would have expected and wanted my aid, but not Riley. After 15 minutes, I called out 'Do you need some help Riley?' to which he answered 'No' and kept plugging away. He eventually got his problem figured out, backed up an extra couple feet and made it up the driveway and on to the sidewalk. He never cried about it or got frustrated or gave up, he just worked at what he wanted to do until he got the result he wanted to see. And that's my Riley. He might make me completely insane for the next year (or the next 20), but it's going to be so much fun to watch. I just have to survive the power of '3' first!

Thanks and God Bless!

Mommy vs The Mean Kid . . .

Oh, the many questions of parenthood! Should I breastfeed or use formula? Should I do timeouts or spankings? Public School or Private School? Day Care or Stay at Home Mommy? Vaccinations or No? Which Doctor? Which Dentist? Which Sports? Teenage Babysitters or just Grandmas and Aunts? The questions are endless, but I've found a new one. A burning question that if uttered aloud might just find me on the CPS alert list if I ever spoke it in the wrong company . . . Can I beat up my kids 10 year old bully friend for being a super big jerk and hurting my kids feelings?

Okay, I know that sounds bad, but really the kid in question is almost 6 feet tall and built like a linebacker already and he hasn't even hit 11 years old yet. I couldn't hurt him if I tried and really - I would never try. But, oh how I want to some days, the days my son comes home with hurt feelings and a bruised ego. The days he realizes that the world is really and truly not a fair place and can be downright mean. The days that he's crying and I don't know what to say to him to make it better. On those days the thought crosses my mind.

There are actually two friends in this scenario. The one that I'm constantly annoyed with, let's call him Bobby, and the sweet kid that is being currently sucked into Bobby's little madness, we'll call him Tommy. Tyler was friends with both of them and they were friends from different circles because Tyler didn't run with just one group or clique and never has. This year the two circles collided and Bobby and Tommy became friends too. Tyler gets more and more frustrated with Bobby all the time because he's bossy and manipulative. Tommy is super smart and Tyler always enjoyed his seriousness and his intelligence, his ability to quote facts about just about everything and his gentle nature. However, Tommy didn't have a lot of friends at school because many considered him a know-it-all. The more Tyler bucked at Bobby bossing him around, the less Bobby wanted to play with Tyler. And now Tommy, happy to have another friend, is doing every single thing that Bobby says. A 'yes man' to Bobby's whims - which is resulting in Tommy making a joke of everything Tyler says, avoiding 'serious' discussions in Tyler's mind and now telling Tyler that he just isn't 'cool'.

Oh my, it's starting already. The 'cool' thing. I was never cool, always wanted to be, strove to be, and constantly struggled with the idea of what really was 'cool'. I mean really, by the time I finally got that something 'was' cool and maybe did it, bought it or said it, it wasn't cool anymore. Of course, now as an adult I understand that it really wasn't about any one thing, it was about the people who 'made' it cool. So you could never really keep up unless you were in with the right people in the first place who were making the decisions on what was cool and what wasn't.

By the end of high school, I had finally figured out that I didn't really care if I was ever cool or not. I had found new definitions of cool and they were really about what I thought was cool. I credit my Junior and Senior English teacher for a lot of my changes in attitude, Mrs. Shannon. She changed the way I thought about a lot of things in my life and I am so grateful for her influence and inspiration. It was through her that I learned it was okay to disagree with a teacher's opinion, it could be cool to be smart and creative, I didn't have to hide the fact that I loved to read, I could write poetry and read it to others without fearing rejection, I could write the way I wanted to finally without being told it was too wordy and use vocabulary that I wanted to without fear of being told I was plagiarising. She gave me an environment that let me be me and think for myself that was safe, without judgment.

And it was also in that senior AP class of maybe 10 students that I learned another lesson - no one is who you really thought they were. We were an odd assortment of kids from different cliques. By 12th grade we all knew who eachother were, but we didn't know eachother. And because the class was so small, there wasn't room for hiding who we were from eachother anymore at all. I loved it. I saw different sides of people and the coolness factor of everything really changed for me that year. I think I finally got that my mom was right, everyone was struggling with the same things I was and everyone was going to start over after highschool - none of this crap was going to matter.

The other thing that changed for me those last 2 years was my youth group. After befriending a new student who became one of my best high school friends, I started visiting a different church all on my own. I had grown up in a church that started small, literally a year before I joined, but has become so large that I can't even fathom it's size nationwide anymore. It grew so much by the time I was a sophomore that I was lost there. And I mean lost. It was so popular that people I never expected to go to church at all were joining, which was the point - I know. But for a kid that was lost at school so much, I didn't need to be lost at church too. I needed a safe place and my home church wasn't that safe place anymore.

It was nice enough, no one was mean to me or anything like that. It just wasn't comfortable for me and teenagers should have at least one place to go other than home that they feel like they belong and I wasn't feeling it at all. The first year I went to youth camp, and I think that was after 8th grade, I didn't have a buddy. You know, that one person that you just do everything with - I was buddy-less. Talk about feeling lost, I wandered that camp by myself during just about every free-time. Sometimes I tagged along with small groups, but even then I wasn't really part of the gang and got lost in the shuffle.

And that was most of my life for a long time, lost. I came home and spent countless nights sobbing in my mother's arms because no one liked me. Or at least I thought they didn't. She would tell me to just smile and say hi to everyone and eventually they would smile back and say hi back. It wasn't bad advice, it works for adults, but really all it got me was an occasional smile and hi - not a friend. I wasn't friend-less of course, and I had some friendships that are still enduring today. And as bad as these boys are right now to Tyler, girls are way worse. They turn on each other faster than you can blink some days and I had my fair share of 'friends' that turned on me too. One of those frenemies that tormented me way back when has become one of my lifelong friends that I can't imagine living without now, but there were moments in middle school and high school that I thought she was pure evil.

So my Junior year I started visiting another Baptist Church in town and made some new friends. It was much smaller and cozier. There really wasn't any 'one' clique so no one was really left out, and most importantly to me, I wasn't left out. I even met my very first 'love' there although we didn't officially start dating until he had gone off to college and I was a senior. I didn't really continue to attend there after my first year of college, but the whole experience did wonders for my self esteem. It was also the first time that I really ventured away from my parents spiritual influence - very big deal, but they let me make my own decision which made me feel very, very grown up.

Anyway, not to sit here and moan about my childhood like it was the worst thing ever, because it really wasn't. I wouldn't go back though, never ever. I remember telling Senora Walker, the only teacher I ever knew who openly said 'these really are NOT the best years of your life', that if all the other adults who said they were the best years were right, I might as well end things right then and there because it sucked! Why would you want to continue life if high school was the highlight? Ick! It should be against the law to tell kids that, it probably is one of those trigger phrases for some people to consider the unthinkable. One of the lowest points of my life, for sure, and don't start on the whole 'well, no responsibility, no bills, yada yada' stuff because that wasn't true either. I worked for my own money and paid for my own gas and part of my insurance, there were responsibilities. Over all it was just horrific and I wouldn't do it again for all the tea in China.

However, if I could spare my kids all the pain and grief, I would. Especially these days, because as hard as it was for me, things are so much harder now. Bullying in schools is downright scary. Social networking can turn normal rumor-mills, gossip and teasing into something so giant and public it's no wonder kids are killing themselves all over the place for what used to be normal teenage behavior. It makes me want to call Bobby and Tommy's parents and tell them what-for about their kids. It makes me want to pull Tyler out of school and protect him from everything and everybody for as long as I can. And of course, that would be more harmful to him than helpful.

Tyler left this morning for Sky Ranch and a 3 day field trip with the entire 5th grade class. Weeks ago, he had requested Bobby and Tommy as bunk mates before they turned on him. So now he's stuck with them for 2 nights. There will be other kids and hopefully he will find someone to hang out with that appreciates him for who he is. I suspect though that when Bobby gets to camp and has free access to a couple of kids from the old clique (who, Tyler informed me, Bobby said they had called Tyler a dork, but I'm not buying that either), Tommy will also find himself ditched and reattach himself to Tyler. I can hope, anyway, but before Thanksgiving Bobby left school early and while the kids were having free time Tommy spent time with Tyler again sans jokes and teasing so I don't think I'm far off.

I haven't really known what to say to Tyler during all this except the truth which is that this is going to happen over and over again, even into adulthood at times. People can be stupid about how they treat their friends. I told him there was no one cooler in the whole 'real' world than his Uncle Matthew and Aunt Asheley and THEY think he's cool. Cool in school isn't really cool, it's just a fad. Real world cool is more important (okay, probably still not important, but I was grasping). I also told him that even though it's hard sometimes, I hope he'll stay true to himself and not do stuff just to fit in or be 'cool'.

I am truly hoping though that Tommy comes around today at camp. I would hate for Tyler to spend this trip like I spent my 8th grade trip to D.C. I had no 'buddy' there either and spent most of my time hanging out with one of the chaperones and her little boy she had brought along. I actually cared about what I was seeing and couldn't find anyone else who did too (probably were some kids like me, but Lord knows I couldn't find them - too shy, I guess).

I am going to do my best not to dial or email the mean kid's mom through this whole thing. And - I am going to be thankful for technology. I actually created a twitter account today because they are going to be doing 'tweets' from camp with pictures and updates so maybe I'll get a peek at how my little man is doing. And I am going to pray, pray, pray, pray, pray! I am praying for his strength, for my patience and some peace for all of us.

Thanks and God Bless!

Grateful for the madness and the moments . . .

Whew! Thanksgiving is officially over . . . I think. This one was a doozy, spread out over days. A lot of it wasn't actually Thanksgiving, of course, but it was a very long week of family related activities that has left me gasping for air and longing for sleep. I am so tired of running from one end of town to another, but it is sooooo hard for me to pass up a party, even a party of 3, that I kept driving and running and running and driving so that I could spend every spare minute with loved ones from far off places. All I want to do today is sleep, and blog, and grocery shop because there is absolutely no food in my house at all, oh - and make a trip to Garden Ridge to supplement some of my Christmas decorations, urgh and get Tyler ready for his big 3-day field trip tomorrow, and finish the laundry so I have another pair of jeans to wear today, and . . . you get the picture. Basically, I put the rest of my life on hold for an entire week in order to enjoy our families, but it was well worth it.

A few highlights:

1 - I got to hold my nephew. I only have one nephew as of this moment and he is 4 months old. Hadn't seen him since he was 2 weeks old because he lives with his parents in Clovis, NM. That's supposed to be an 8 hour drive, but we discovered this summer that with 2 preschoolers in the car it's really 10. Not just a hop, skip and a jump away. With 3 kids between us that are in school and split families and visits with fathers on both sides it's practically impossible to visit each other often. I was super excited to see the girls too, but holding this precious bundle with his chubby cheeks and thighs and super sweet smile was one of the most cherished moments of thankfulness I had this week. Oh - and by the way, he totally loves his Auntie Heather.

2 - We had 2 Thanksgiving dinners, one with my family on Wednesday and one with Scott's on Thursday. Both days were filled with lots of laughter and tons of love. There were loved ones missing on both sides, but we enjoyed the ones we had with us while we had them. The food was amazing and as usual, I was grateful for pumpkin pie and made-from-scratch whipped cream. I was also super thankful that my cousin, Veronica, made it out of the hospital in time to celebrate the holiday with us. 2 more cycles of chemo and hopefully she will be done - she's such a trooper!

3 - The kids behaved themselves - mostly. It was a lot of holiday and there were multiple meltdowns. Some were small, like when Scooter got upset at Thanksgiving because the grapes he wanted to eat were touching all the other fruit in the fruit salad bowl. Others were bigger and more exhausting, all related to very tired and overstimulated kids. The worst was Friday night at a restaurant where Scooter had just had enough and when his chocolate chip cookie didn't have enough chocolate chips, he just lost it. Crying so hard by the time we called an end to the madness to take him home that he made himself puke. I was horrified by his behavior, but I stayed calm and when we got home I did my best to enact some Love & Logic on his tiny, obnoxious butt. I told him he had made me sad because I had to leave my friends and dinner early by misbehaving and he had to pay for dinner. Since he didn't have any money he paid with his very favorite Buzz Lightyear toy. I also didn't let him come out of his room until he had fully calmed down and then apologized to both me and his father. It was a very long, stressful evening, but then my angel returned and stayed for the rest of the weekend. I am thankful for my angels, all 3 of them, even when they are obnoxious and over-tired.

4 - Riley was a mess. I mean really, this kid will be the death of me. After having a minor pouting session when I wouldn't let him raid Aunt Bonnie's fridge 5 minutes before the big dinner was served, we lost our kid. Couldn't find him anywhere. I told Scott he was mad at me and had probably stomped off to pout somewhere. I finally found him, totally calm and happy, but he had followed our host into his master bath when he went there to use the facilities. He was just talking away in the main part of the bathroom. Thank goodness for little door separators to the toilet! I don't know who was more embarrased, me or our host, certainly not Riley. This whole episode was followed by his biggest meltdown of the week when Scott wouldn't let him climb Bonnie's counters to search for his own drinking cup. Riley at 3 is definitely going to be my biggest challenge yet. But, I was thankful for the laughter because after I got over being embarrassed I laughed my butt off at his antics and knew I would be throwing this story back in his face when he's 15 and making me crazy about something else.

5 - I thoroughly enjoyed all the pop-in visits from friends throughout the week and a much-cherished holiday with a sweet foster-child of our dear friends/cousins who will be leaving to start a life with some distant family next week. Sometimes we only have a moment in time to love the ones we are with. Take it, seize it, make the most of it. And take the picture! I shared a video collage with one of my longtime friends this week who was having a rough holiday without hubby or kids after losing 3 close elderly family members within 2 weeks of eachother. She laughed at lots of goofy photos of me as a child in strange clothing and ridiculous hair. I told her that what I learned in the process of helping on that video 2 years ago was that it didn't matter how bad of a hair day you thought you were having, take the picture! Cuz in 20 years, you are going to look back at pictures from days where you thought you looked good and you are still going to hate your hair or clothes anyway. Take the picture, and be thankful you have them.

6 - Christmas began! I did my very first Black Friday shopping excursion ever and saved enough in the first 20 minutes to make it worth the early morning, freezing cold foray into the madness. I am only half-way finished with gift shopping, but I got most of the big stuff for way over half off the original price. Woohoo! I might be addicted since I absolutely love a bargain. If you aren't one of the crazy people standing in line for 3 hours to buy 5 HD televisions then it can be kind of a fun experience. Sunday afternoon was devoted to putting up Christmas lights outside our house and that night we decorated our tree (the new one that I got for 1/3 of original price!!!! :) ). It was insane to cram it into one day, but we had to do it while Scotty was home during daylight hours and Tyler was home for a weekend day. Things are about to get very busy and crazy in preparation for the big holiday, you gotta take the moments you are given. So thankful that we had the moments and time to do some of 'our' family stuff together as a family. The kids comments and faces when we were finished were well worth the effort!

7 - My brother and his family came in yesterday for a late visit since they couldn't travel during the holiday and I got to hold my newest niece, Jocelyn. At 6 weeks, she is just downright adorable. She smiled for me yesterday and I 'bounced/rocked' her to sleep twice last night at dinner. Worth all the extra driving to spend some time with Matthew, Tara and the baby. It was also my last chance to love on my Aunt Kaye before she heads back to Wisconsin on Wednesday. My favorite part of the day was when Riley decided he wanted to help me with the baby. He stood on a kitchen chair next to me with his arms around the baby, trying to help me 'bounce' the baby to sleep, whispering 'Calm down, calm down' to her over and over again. He wanted to hold her, but I had said he had to wait until she was asleep so as soon as she was out he tried to grab her right out of my arms on his own. Told you, death of me. I set him up on the couch and helped him hold her for a good 2 minutes before my back gave out and he was 'done'. I am so thankful for my brother who spent some serious quality time with Tyler last night while I played with his new daughter. Tyler really needed it since this fall has been so long and tough and he never seems to get enough time with his uncle. They played pool together and not only did Tyler finally get how to hold the cue and start playing pretty decent (long arms will do that for you, even when you are 10), but he attempted his first ever behind-the-back shot and made it! Way to go Tyler! And Way to go Uncle Matthew!

And boy, did Tyler need a night that seemed like it was about him for a change! He is surrounded in both his families by younger siblings and cousins. He missed most of our celebrations this week and has had only precious few moments to spend with Aunt Kaye while she was here. Even though he enjoyed his family time with his Dad, he always knows he is missing something and that's hard for him. But more than any of this, I am worried about my little man's heart right now. Turns out, it's breaking. I think that's a blog for another day, but let's just say he's having trouble with a couple of his friends and thinks he's losing their friendship. It was heartbreaking for me to see him cry, especially since he was leaving the next night again for days away from me. He's so sensitive and sweet. I am so thankful to God for bringing me this child, for making me a mother at a time when I didn't think I would ever make that choice intentionally, for blessing me with a reason to keep on going and moving and celebrating all the little moments He gives me.

I am so thankful for my family, near and far, living and living eternally; relations by blood, by marriage and by friendship; friendships current, past and long forgotten; friendships long cultivated and unexpected and lovingly cherished; new babies and 10 year olds; preschoolers, charming and obnoxious; mothers, mothers-in-law, and mothers that stand in when they need to; fathers and uncles and sisters and brothers; children, all the children, yours and mine.

I hope you all enjoyed your holiday as much as I did and I hope you are resting up for the next one like I am. My friend texted me Sunday night 'Are you ready to do this again in a month?' Heck no! It was exhausting. And of course, Heck yes! Cuz it's my favorite time of year and worth every moment of craziness and hard work.

Thanks and God Bless!

Look What I Made! . . .

When I started MOPS this year and all the steering members were getting up for their 3 minute run-down speeches spelling out plans for this season, the Creative Activities coordinators got up to tell us we were going to do some absolutely fabulous crafts this year. Right. On my first run of MOPS at a different church I remember thinking 'Crafts? You want me to make crafts? Are you crazy? Can't we just talk?' I thought, if I have to volunteer in the kids rooms for a meeting then I want to do it on a craft day, not a speaker day! I am soooo not 'crafty'. It didn't take long for me to realize that I had it all wrong. There are definitely speakers that it is totally okay to miss, but craft days are more fun. It wasn't that I was particularly good at the crafts (some days I barely had a workable end product, barely covering the basics), but you get to visit more with your group on craft days which I loved.

As much as I enjoyed the craft days, I didn't really get the purpose of them. Was there a reason for filling the moments? Mostly my group just wanted the chance to sip coffee and visit so why the attempts to fill our mornings? Did we absolutely need to have a purpose for that hour? So this craft coordinator got up this year and said 'Maybe you are wondering why we do a creative activity . . .' Yes! I am wondering! Tell me, tell me, tell me! She said a few things I don't remember, but the thing that stuck with me was that the main purpose was that we had an act of completion. Say again? As preschool parents, she said, it is so rare that we actually get to see a project through from beginning to end. Such a hard thing to do to actually complete something that is for us, not the kids. That's what the craft is for, being able to sit down and complete a task from start to finish at one sitting and have a fulfilling feeling of accomplishment. If only for a moment, you can look at something and say 'I did that. I made that.' Even if you never look at the silly thing you made ever again. Not too different than our preschoolers coming out of their classrooms and saying 'Mommy look what I made!' and then forgetting the picture they drew by the time you pull into the driveway.

This week I am looking out over the biggest project I ever attempted or completed and sighing with satisfaction. My 2 rooms are done! Woohoo! Four months of sweat and toil have resulted in 2 beautiful rooms that are complete! My kids are moved into their new bedroom, their two old rooms are currently a reorganized play room and office until I am ready to work on some more walls (after Christmas) and I am sitting in a nice cozy room again to blog to you with a scentsy candle burning and my legs curled up in my big soft office chair instead of leaning over the kitchen table at a laptop with a too small keyboard. Life is good today!

When we first started this project it was supposed to be simple: build a wall, put up a door and fix some cracks in the walls so I could paint. But nothing in my house or my life is ever really that simple. There were problems right away like the opening for the door didn't really have a jamb on one side so we were going to have to make one, solution: take out the entryway closet and make a jamb; matching textures on my walls, solution: retexture all the walls; matching up base moulding with new walls and doorway, solution: rip out all mouldings and replace with new. When we started demo it was clear right away that there was little worth saving and way more work to do than we ever thought.

My dad showed up once or twice a week for months to work on this massive undertaking and I am so grateful to him for sticking with me. I said the other day to him 'I think this is the biggest project I've ever done, what about you?' Him too. I think he's pretty proud of the results as well. We ran into problem after problem as we literally took most of 2 rooms down to studs and built them back up again, but we plowed through and got it done. And I learned a lot along the way:

1 - Having the right tool makes the job go a lot smoother! My dad invested some of his discretionary income in a couple of really cool power tools to do this project. Things he wanted anyway, but building walls was a good excuse. The Sawzall is amazing and will cut just about anything you want at almost any angle, metal or wood. The palm nailer for his compresser made nailing studs in tight corners a very doable feat. And I picked up some very cool and necessary things along the way as well. I rented this amazing nail gun that uses .22 shells to shoot nails into concrete one day. It was worth the extra trips to Home Depot and the extra expense to invest in a stud finder, electrical current readers and appropriately sized tape knives. My best investment though was $9.99 at Sherwin Williams for one of those cool color books with their entire color palette in one place. No more running to the store for color cards only to find out when you get home that you need one 2 shades lighter or with more blue in the greys or grey in the blues. Dad already had a compresser with 2 nail guns, a tile saw and a miter saw that he would bring over as needed. His small crowbar inherited from my grandpa's basement was used more than any other tool. We used both Scott's cordless drills, my dad's cordless drill and my grandfather's old electric drill to get the job done. After renting a power texture machine, my dad invested in his own for the next time around because he also wants to do a bunch of work at his house and texture where there is currently wallpaper. Things go smoother and faster when you have the right tool to do the job, even if you are renting it.

2 - Electrical doesn't have to be scary! I am a wimp when it comes to electrical wires and recently spent $200 to have an electrician come out and replace a metal box behind my dryer and tape over an exposed wire because I had no clue how to handle it myself. Never again. I learned how to replace outlets and switches and to feel comfortable stripping, cutting and clamping wires. I have a much better feel of how electric works and what to do when there is a problem. I don't have to live with the dingy off-white outlets in my house anymore - I can change them to whatever I want them to be and I don't have to call someone to help me. I can change out a light fixture without waiting for my hubby to come home and climb on the ladder to do it for me. I am WOMAN, hear me roar!

3 - Sometimes it's about who you know. When we took out the entryway closet we discovered that the air vent for the front room came down and curved through the closet with the vent box just plastered over. It was in the way and unsightly. It was also July in Texas and my air guy (an old family friend) was absolutely NOT going to go into my attic to move the vent until at least October. But I wasn't going to leave my entry way in studs for 3 months either. Scott's cousin's hubby came out one Sunday afternoon and moved the whole thing for us in about an hour without having to climb into the attic at all. I think he just stuck his head up through the hole in the ceiling a few times. He also decided to go ahead and move some of the electrical wiring for us that my dad and I were going to work on that week. I was so grateful since it was only a small delay and we could keep working. It was the only time we brought someone in the whole time, the rest of the work was done by dad and I and occasionally Scott.

4 - Flexibility is key. I can't tell you how many little roadblocks and problems we ran into along the way. Every step we made we ran into some kind of issue. There were so many things to work through and so many times we had to improvise. But we did. It sometimes meant delays or rethinking the project, but in the end it all worked out. We paused many times along the way to wait for deliveries of supplies, or to wait for the next payday because I had already exhausted that month's remodel budget, or wait for my neice to be born (since we were all on call to hit the road). Lots of delays, but we kept coming back and working on the next thing, the next stage. It was also well worth it to take our time. I tend to like to plow through and get things done quickly, but it was really good to take this thing one little step at a time and to sometimes only work once a week or every other week. It kept us from feeling too overwhelmed or overtired. It kept us fresh and clear headed.

5 - Nothing is perfect. I know where all the mistakes are. I know where every imperfection is. Some of them are obvious, like now that the walls and trim in the entryway aren't all dingy white you can actually tell that our house isn't straight. If you look closely it is very clear that the spacing isn't even between the front door and the windows. But that's the house and we did the best we could with it without replacing glass and door completely. It turns out that even if you are very careful to not have any bubbles or raises in your drywall tape, the moisture from texture and paint can seep through dried mud and sometimes put a bubble in after the fact (very frustrated with this, but will prime before texture in the next room to avoid. will also fix my bubbles at some point, but was more concerned with being done than fixing that small problem for the moment). For some reason when you lay wood floors yourself, no matter how tight you make the pieces while you are working, they will sometimes separate from each other after you have done 6 more rows and can't go back to fix them (very small gaps at a couple of points, but it was the first floor - prepared for the next room). I can't tell you how many times Scott came home and said 'Why . . .' and my answer was 'Our house is not level, plumb or square'. Cuz it's just not and a professional finishing carpenter can make it look like it is, but I'm not a professional. We did the actual construction level, but that doesn't mean it would look right with the house as settled as it was. We sometimes did things off-level so they looked better aesthetically, but those times were rare since it was more important for our elements to actually be level - like headers and doors. Sometimes working on a house that is 50 years old is just a problem all on it's own. There are little quirks all the way through, but overall it looks great which is the important part. We did the best we could with what we had and when you look at the rooms you don't see the mistakes. I just know they are there. Oh well.

6 - The toil is worth it. My dad would come over and we would work our tushes off on the big stuff and then he would go home. I was here to work out the details while he played with his dog and rested for the next big challenge. And there was a lot of detail work, especially towards the end. Dad helped me lay the big huge tiles in my entry way, but it was up to me to do the grout and then to clean up the grout. I had some issues with that since my grout spacing was bigger than I was used to and my tiles don't have clean hard edges. I spent almost an entire day scrubbing the lines and cleaning them up so it didn't look like a 7 year old did the grout job. My fingers were red and raw before I finished and that 54 square feet felt like a square mile. My body may slowly recover from installing the bamboo all in one day, but my fingers will never be the same. Fitting all the pieces together was tedious and painful, but going back and cleaning the glue out of cracks that we missed the first time was brutal. I think that I might have actually removed a fingerprint or two in the process and it will take a month for my fingernails to look decent again. I really don't want to look at a paintbrush again for a while. Between touch up paint and the elaborate 3 color design motif I put in the boys room and trim work, I am so tired of touching up paint I want to scream. But it looks gorgeous. Every part of it is beautiful and worth the aches and pains and headaches.

My kids will never really appreciate all the crazy hard work that went into their new bedroom. They won't ever really get how much pain their grandpa and their mom put their bodies through to get the job done. But they do know that we did it for them. They watched us work and asked questions and complained about the noisy tools. They really enjoyed having Grandpa here all the time. And so did I. Can I just tell you how amazing my dad is? He's crazy awesome! And I have so loved doing this project with him. When I was young I always loved working with him on something in the garage and helping him work on house projects. As I've aged I have occasionally helped him with projects at his house or asked him to help us with something here. Little did I know that I was going to get to do something so huge with him as an adult. My sister and dad built a planter stand a few years ago with the (at that time) new miter saw and I remember being jealous of their joint project but so proud of their work. The planter is now in my house, in my new entryway. Not sure how I got lucky enough to inherit it, but I love that it is here until Asheley someday asks for it back. I think Asheley was a little jealous of me this summer too while I got to work with our daddy on a project. It was just my turn, I guess.

So now, the work is done. Well, most of it. Technically, I still need to caulk all the moulding so you can't tell where the old walls bow and I haven't caulked the gap under the front door to match the tile grout. And then there's those stupid bubbles in my drywall to deal with. But, mostly we're done. Scott and I spent Saturday taking beds apart, moving them and putting them back together. We put felt circles under all the furniture so it doesn't scratch my fabulous Bamboo floor. I reorganized the back bedroom and turned it into an office. Yesterday I reorganized all the toys and turned the other bedroom into a temporary play room. We've crammed so much extra furniture into the 2 kids rooms, the kitchen and the living room the past few months that having things sorted out and organized makes my little house feel downright spacious right now. Scott said he was bragging about me at work the other day when we finished the bamboo floors because he couldn't believe we got so much done in one day. I tell him all the time that I am not the kind of woman who is going to sit around and learn to quilt or darn socks (does anyone still do that?) but I am the kind of woman who will rebuild a room in the house on my own without hiring someone. He's kind of getting used to me and my crazy ideas.

And there is still work to do. I have plans to build some furniture for the kids room and I need to decorate with new bedding and curtains. I find myself hesitant to hang pictures and decorations on walls because I really don't want to put holes in those walls that I worked so hard on, but eventually I will. I'm kind of thinking that those removable hanger things sound good for my Christmas decorations in the entryway although now that those particular walls are purple, I'm not sure how everything is going to look in there.

There have been people that thought I was crazy for putting all the boys together in one room, but the room is huge. There are 2 beds, 3 dressers and a tv-game set up in there and still tons of space to play cars on the new wood floor. It's not forever, but it works for now. Scooter is super happy to not be alone in a room anymore and it's working out well so far. There are now 2 extra rooms to cram furniture into when I start on the rest of the house. And the rest of the house won't be so crazy. Most of the rooms just need a face lift - patching drywall cracks, retexturing and painting then new floors and base boards. No major construction, at least until we get to the bathrooms. I am seriously considering replacing all the doors in the house as I go and I know I want to tile over the brick on my fireplace before I finally replace the mantle that fell down 2 years ago. Eventually it won't be just the 2 front rooms that look fabulous, it will be everything.

For now, I am super happy and satisfied with the accomplishment. I wish I could post the pictures here, but I still haven't gone out to purchase my SD/USB converter for my camera. If you found me on Facebook, you can go to my profile and view the mobile upload pictures I posted there the other day. The small imperfections in our work are nothing compared to the mess we started out with - huge gaping cracks in dingy dirty walls, old stinky carpet and vinyl layered over linoleum, a cramped entryway and a room without a purpose. I am so pleased with the completion of a project - a huge one. I get to look at it and say 'Look what I made!'.

Thanks and God Bless!

Thankful for Being Stressed? . . .

Thanksgiving is just a few days away - the Holidays are looming once again. Even though I love Christmas, I am not a huge fan of Thanksgiving. Not only do I just not like Turkey (love all the fixins, but bring on the ham!), it always seems like a super lot of work for such a small blip of time whereas the prep time for Christmas is spread out over weeks and then if you do it right the enjoyment of Christmas gets to be spread out over several days. I love the food, yes, but all the cooking and then the cleaning up for a 20 minute meal is just crazy to me. It also seems weird to me that we focus on being thankful this one day of the year since I try to be thankful for what I have every day. And then, of course, there is the obvious thing for me that Christmas is a spiritual day and Thanksgiving is not.

For a few years stretch, when Tyler was little, my parents were always gone on Thanksgiving. My dad has traditionally went hunting in Wisconsin that week and as we got older my mom traveled with him to visit family. So I would find myself a single mom with Tyler alone for the week and because I wasn't really doing anything I would send Tyler off to his dad's for the holiday every year. Thanksgiving would dawn and while other families were scrambling to get Turkeys in ovens, stuffing made and pies cooling, I slept in. My uncle Greg used to always have to work on Thanksgiving and his family would go to Gainesville for the day to be with Lynda's family. For a couple of years, I would go pick him up from work and we'd go have lunch together at a restaurant - one year we went to a very authentic chinese place for some fabulous food - no turkey. After I took him back to work, I would go to a movie (movie theatres are great on Thanksgiving). Later I would drive myself over to my friend Claudia's house and nibble on leftovers and pie with my second family. Asheley did this with me one year, but mostly I did it on my own. Those were actually some of my favorite Thanksgiving holidays. No muss, no fuss.

But now I am a married woman with 2 more children and even more family members to consider. My parents don't travel for the holiday much anymore and Scott's family usually gathers at his grandmother's house in Cedar Creek. We do our best to fit all family in, but it's extremely difficult to shuffle everyone around and please everyone. And no matter what I do, we are always missing something. If you know me at all, you know that I hate to miss anything, any party, any family gathering. Last year we ended up with almost the perfect holiday - Scott ran the Turkey Trot in the early morning then we gathered at mom's for a Thanksgiving brunch (ham, potato dumplings, stuffing, fabulous!), I took a nap on mom's bed with all 3 of my kiddos then got up to make a dish to take to Scott's Aunt Bonnie's for a full dinner with his family. We didn't miss anything or anybody! Couldn't ask for more! I didn't have to feel guilty that we missed something and the kids got to be with all families. Pretty darn awesome.

I wish more holidays could be that way. I spend an awful lot of time each year trying to figure out how to make everything work and keep everyone happy for the holidays. In addition to negotiating two families events so that my marriage stays happy, I also have to figure in Tyler's schedule with his dad. And that's the rub - because as much as I hate to miss something, I hate it when my kid misses something more. And he's ALWAYS missing something. If he's with his dad he's missing our get togethers and if he's with me he's missing theirs. I can usually find a way at Christmas to get Tyler time with everyone on my side even if it means stepping on some toes or leaving places early for exchanges, but you do what you gotta do! Still, no matter how diplomatic or fair I try to be, someone's feelings always get hurt, someone's always annoyed with me or thinks I should do it differently or better. Easy for them to say - they aren't living my life!

About 2 weeks before Thanksgiving my stomach starts hurting and I start getting headaches. As much as I love having family get togethers, I dread the stress of making it all work. I start asking about family plans way before people are actually ready to make decisions because I know I've got to figure it all out. And even though I love Christmas more than anything in the world, some of the joy has been stripped for me because of trying to make all the logistics work and be an advocate for my kid that isn't here all the time. Holidays shouldn't be this stressful! And I'm not even talking about finding time and money for gift shopping or making cookies, I'm just talking family-time management.

Through the years, I have learned one key lesson in all this - Let go of the Day. The actual day that we celebrate is not as important as getting together and celebrating in some way on a day somewhere close to the actual holiday. It doesn't matter if we have Thanksgiving dinner on the last Thursday of the month, just so we get together and have it. Same goes for Christmas. Santa has come to our house early the last 3 years so that Tyler can open gifts with his brothers before he goes off to his dad's and still have some time to enjoy his gifts before leaving. My parents have also learned this lesson and been extremely gracious about it. Traditionally our family has celebrated Christmas on Christmas Eve, but as soon as I married Scott they gave that up so that we could go to a big extended family get together for his family every year on that night. They are super awesome to just make things work when they can work.

And even though it's been an adjustment for my in-laws, they too have made sacrifices and schedule changes to accomodate our craziness. My sister-in-law is now having to make similar schedule miracles with her split and blended family so we are lucky if we are all together at any one time around a holiday, but we do our best to make it happen as best we can. Brian and I have a really good working relationship as far as Tyler's schedule goes, but there are still occasional hurt feelings or disappointment on both sides because at the end of the day we both want him with us. He has siblings both places he should get to enjoy and be with. He has 4 sets of grandparents to try and make happy. When things don't go the perfect, ideal way, I find myself chanting under my breath 'let go of the day, let go of the day, let go of the day'.

In addition to letting go, I also do my best to focus on the most important parts of a holiday instead of all the commercial craziness that can come with it. This year for Thanksgiving we have the added special company of my Aunt Kaye from Wisconsin. Normally I would be putting my foot down with my husband and insisting we celebrate Thanksgiving with my family so that we could be with her, but my mom is so awesome she is having Thanksgiving a day early so that we can do both. Tyler will be with his dad, so again someone is missing, but the rest of us will get a full day to focus on each family and when Tyler comes home on Friday we will make sure to spend a full day with each family again over the weekend.

After the disastrous end to my Christmas tree last year, I had really wanted to plan a family outing to East Texas to cut down our own real tree this year, but with all the family holiday broo-ha-ha and alternating weekends with Tyler I was forced to make a choice between going to get the tree on the one day we could do it or another event. I have chosen to just buy another pre-lit tree so that we can go as a family to a local church and do and Advent family craft. We will be making 18 ornaments as a family that represent different Bible stories from Creation to the Birth of Christ. Starting our holiday season with the real reason in mind is more important to me than an outing to East Texas, that can wait a year or two.

For once the school calendar is finally cooperating with the legal custody agreements of half the nation and Tyler can actually go to his dad's for the week leading up to Christmas (it's literally been years, I always have to let him go the week after which limits our Christmas celebration time with him and it's supposed to alternate). I will get him back sometime on Christmas Eve which means I will be leaving the big family party at Scott's Aunt Bonnie's early again (already preparing for the guilt, the boos and the disappointment of missing my turn for Dirty Santa game), but for once my kids will get to enjoy a Christmas morning all together on the actual morning. We haven't done that since Scooter was an infant. So happy for Scotty on this one since he's been a real trooper giving up his tradition as well. My parents usually try to show up for the kids big Christmas here and then later we will go to Scott's mom for a whole other Christmas Day throw down and then dinner with all their cousins. Last year we just couldn't make an alternate day work for Tyler so he missed the whole thing and opened his presents there almost 2 weeks after Christmas.

I am hopeful that this year is better than last since I am not working full time and can actually devote myself to some baking and enjoying the kids excitement. I am hoping that I can do Christmas shopping some other time than at midnight without my hubby to help and that this year when I sit down in front of the presents just itching to be opened I will actually get through the story of Christ's birth to my preschoolers who barely acknowledged my presence last year in their excitement. I am remaining hopeful.

And I am also remaining Thankful. Thankful that some of my friends and family who have been battling cancers and illnesses are still with us to celebrate. Thankful that even though I don't always have Tyler with me, he is always with family that loves him. Thankful that Scott and I have found some kind of balance for family holidays that doesn't leave us resentful. Thankful that my entire family is healthy and happy and fairly well adjusted. Thankful that both Scott and I have been blessed with a new niece and a new nephew (and a new cousin) to add to our family celebrations and joys. Thankful that we are employed and fairly stable and that we have completed the 4 month remodel project on 2 rooms (only 7 more to go :) ). Thankful that people are actually fighting over having us with them instead of fighting to have us as far away from them as possible (insert giggle). Thankful that the problem we face is not that there isn't family to celebrate with but too much family to choose from and try to make happy. Thankful that the problem we have is that there is just too much fun to be had, not the other way around. Thankful, just Thankful.

Thanks and God Bless!

The Bliss of a Quiet Morning . . .

It's extremely quiet in my house right now. I am the only one up at the crack of dawn on a Sunday morning and even the dogs aren't stirring yet and bugging me to let them in and out of the back door. It's peaceful and calm and it's just me. I didn't have a reason for getting up, unless you count the 3 year old who crawled in bed with me at 4 am and proceeded to push against my back until I barely had any room, but he's still sleeping and I could have adjusted and rolled over and got in some more snooze time.

I am not a morning person - I generally need about a gallon of coffee to really get moving and I tend to growl at people if I haven't gotten enough zzz's. But after being a mom for over 10 years, I don't sleep late really well anymore. Generally though, I am excited to get to sleep until 8 or 9 on a weekend day if the opportunity presents itself. But sometimes on a weekend, I will have a morniing just like this one. A morning where I wake before seven and don't have the urge to just roll over and wait for the kids to get me up. I am sufficiently slept out and the call of the quiet is enough to make me roll out of bed and enjoy the peace of my house.

Scott doesn't get it of course, his life plan seems to be to sleep as long as he can on any given non-work day and I try not to rob him of that too much. If he wakes up out of habit or because a dog barks or a kid crawls over him, he just rolls over and wills himself back to sleep. And most weekend days it's the kids who force me from the coziness of my bed, but sometimes I just want it to be me.

I really enjoy just sitting here alone, drinking my coffee and doing whatever it is that I am in the mood for that day. Some days I will turn the tv on very low and watch an old movie or a recorded show that no one else is interested in. Sometimes I will take the opportunity to read since running after 2 preschoolers every day makes it hard for me to get through 2 paragraphs at a time between requests for milk and fights over toys. There are mornings I get out my current cross stich project and get some long overdue work done. Maybe I'll get out a paintbrush and work on the touch ups in my project room or maybe I'll just lie on the couch and think about how crazy my week has been. I will play a computer card game or read through my email or search Craigs List for the perfect bunk bed or desk. Or I'll blog my way through the quiet.

The thing is, this is a quiet I rarely get to see once my family is up and moving around. Even when my kids are napping or quietly playing together or watching a movie - it's not the same. Once they are out of bed in the morning my 'mommy' switch flips on and I am acutely aware of what they need and where they are. I will find myself in the zone of what needs to be done and struggle with the idea of it being okay to do nothing or do something for me. When I find time for a 'mommy's night out', I am always aware of the clock and my need to be home at some point because even though I am having a good time, I miss my family and am always ready to go home to them. Finding quiet moments that are just for me are very rare.

I love these kinds of mornings and I do everything I can to stretch them out. I shut doors and keep all sounds low and unobtrusive. I make sure all kids are warm and covered and their rooms are as dark as possible. I try to ensure they sleep as long as possible. And when one of them wanders out, as Riley just did now, they always seem to catch my mood. They stay quieter, ask for something softly and then snuggle into the couch or to me and just enjoy the peace as well. I think that they intuitively know what I know - if I get a morning like this, the whole day just goes better.

Why is that? I think it's because by the time they all get up I am more centered and more myself. I am more prepared to face the day and all the challenges of being a mommy. I got 2 hours or 15 minutes to just be Heather again, to focus on something other than their needs. I got to recharge and refocus. I am more prepared to handle the 'NO, NOW's' and 'BUT I WANT TO's' of my kids and I am more ready to tackle the million things on my ever-lengthening to-do list.

I get more out of a quiet morning like this than a night out or an hour massage. I am more me after a quiet start to the day than I ever am after getting a manicure or having lunch with a friend or getting a MOPS morning twice a month. Not that I don't enjoy those things! And sometimes I definitely need some time away from the house too. I just think that I get more for my money through these kinds of mornings.

I used to think my own mom was a crazy woman. During the week, she would get up super early, a full 2 hours sometimes before she had to get the three of us monsters up for school. She would start laundry and pick up around the house. She would get her shower in and visit with my dad before he left for work which was extremely early in the morning. Now looking back I don't think I know everything she did with that time, but I think I get it. She kept kids in our house and she had 3 of her own. Her day started officially by 6:30 most mornings and didn't end until we all finally finished homework and officially stayed in bed. No wonder she wanted that extra time to herself in the mornings. She was a pro at sleeping in on the weekends though - it was usually our dad who was up first as we grew up, turning on some good music in the living room and making himself breakfast.

The thing about being a stay-at-home mom is that your work place IS your home place and sometimes finding a way to unwind and relax is near to impossible. You are always ON DUTY and you are always ON. There's no end to the work day and no real weekend because one day looks just like the next. And even when I worked full time and I was always grateful for a day to sleep in, I still occasionally searched for a morning like this one. Because when I got off of work and was home with my kids for 2 days, they were so anxious to spend every moment with me that I didn't get any peace that way either and there was always so much to do in my off time that I was still on duty. Being a mom is just hard, I don't care who you are or how you do it!

Anyway, I hope that you as a mom have a method to peace like I do. Maybe you think I am crazy for actually trying to be up before everyone else is or maybe you are nodding your head and thinking 'okay, I get that'. You know what works for you, just like I have found what works for me. I will be a happier mom today, no matter what hits me. I will be more focused and get more accomplished in less time. I will feel better prepared for the week and everything that is headed my way. And all because I got to sit alone in a super quiet house with my coffee for an hour and a half this morning. There is nothing quite as good for me as a quiet morning.

Thanks and God Bless!